Well Enough Alone
by DragonGirl323
Summary: Almost nine years after her parents death, Paine is confronted with the horrors of her past and there's only one man that can save her from a fate worse than death.
1. Memories of the Past

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own nor claim to own any aspect of Final Fantasy X-2, including the story line, characters and music. I am only borrowing them for a short while. This is the only disclaimer I will post. Please refer to this chapter in the future.

* * *

**Well Enough Alone**

By: Jenna Mogavero

* * *

**Chapter I**

**Memories of the Past**

* * *

"Baralai!" I exclaimed, rushing towards the fallen Praetor once Shyuin's spirit had left his body. I kneeled on the ground next to him, watching for any sign of life. "Come on," I muttered, holding his limp form in my arms. "Don't quit on me now!" I lifted a hand and felt for a pulse around his neck and breathed a sigh of relief when I could feel his veins pulsing beneath my fingertips.

I cleared my throat and hesitantly brushed a few strands of his powder white hair away from his dark face. A ghost of a smile appeared on my lips, remembering my silent wonderings while we were in the Crimson Squad together about how he had ended up with such dark skin when his hair was pure white. I never did have the courage to ask him.

My gaze drifted to his closed eyes. _What horrors did you endure while Shyuin was controlling you? Will you ever recover from them? _I wondered as I sat on the most dangerous weapon in all of Spira, holding the last man I thought would ever be held by my arms.

I thought my feelings for the young Yevon enthusiast had disappeared. I didn't even suspect that those traitorous feelings had been sleeping inside me for all these years, waiting for their chance to see the sunshine again. My left hand absently rubbed his back where the bullet shot by Nooj had penetrated his flesh. I thought both him and Gippal had perished that day. Since Nooj shot me last I had no idea what had become of them until seeing them at the beginning of our adventure. I had distanced myself from my memories of them to the point where I didn't even have to pretend that I didn't know them. I thought it would make their passing easier for me to handle; I never once suspected that doing so would make seeing them alive that much worse.

I hated Nooj for so long after what he did to us. I didn't know what to make of it at first until I eventually convinced myself that it was an accident, that he didn't realize what he was doing. Nooj didn't mean to shoot us. I was only imagining the malice I saw in his eyes as he shot me. I was only imagining the cold words he spat at me as he pulled the trigger. It was an accident; nothing more, nothing less.

That is, until I learned that Nooj wasn't the one that shot us. It was Shyuin. Shyuin was the one that pulled the trigger. Shyuin was the one who wanted us dead. Shyuin had been controlling Baralai for an extremely short amount of time compared to the time he spent poisoning Nooj's mind with his presence. Nooj had recovered almost instantly, running after Shyuin after he had invaded Baralai's body with Gippal not far behind. Baralai wasn't Nooj though. Nooj was battle hardened, constantly seeking his death even though he was a few years older than me; still wanting to fight even though two of his limbs were metal. Baralai was younger, more vulnerable, more susceptible, but still he possessed his own iron resiliency under the facade of weakness.

I was jolted out of my revere at Shyuin's scream of rage. I quickly dragged Baralai a safe distance away from the imminent battle and was already transforming into one of my favorite dresspheres, the Berserker, before Rikku and Yuna had the chance to alert me. I let the feral rage of the Berserker take over and watched the battle take place like I was only an observer. Shyuin fell before us, defeated, and Lenne separated herself from Yuna's Songstress dress. If I hadn't witnessed it for myself I probably wouldn't have believed it. Then Lenne shared her true feelings with Shyuin for herself and they faded away together, both of them finally at rest.

Gippal applauded us then picked up the still unconscious Baralai and carried him down past Vegnagun where Nooj, Leblanc, Logos and Ormi were already waiting. We stopped to rest for a short time then made the long trek out of the Farplane and back to the Celsius.

Now, two weeks after the destruction of Vegnagun, we stood around a large bonfire in the village square of Besaid, celebrating our victory. Yuna was glowing like a moon beam the entire night. She had been reunited with her long lost love, Tidus, when we returned to Besaid and the both of them had spent every second together since. Some of Yuna's behavior had rubbed off on Rikku because her and Gippal were acting just about the same way.

I smiled as I watched them, a small part of me wishing that I could have the same thing, but knowing that something that special wasn't meant for me. I lowered my head and gazed at my gloved hands, knowing that if I ever took them off I would see my hands covered in the blood of the countless innocent lives that I had snuffed out of existence. I couldn't, wouldn't, burden anyone else with the horrors of my past. My eyes eventually wandered over to the young Praetor, who had recovered fully from his encounter with Shyuin. His deep brown eyes reflected the fire light and it seemed like they possessed their own inner flame. A ghost of a smile appeared on my lips as I gazed at his smiling face. _Maybe my feelings for Baralai never went away after all._

I snorted as silently as I possibly could, scoffing at such a notion. I would never want to subjugate Baralai to the horrors of my past either. He was too...beautiful, too good for someone like me. He could go after any of the young priestesses in Bevelle Temple and find the girl that was right for him. It was selfish of me to think that he felt the same feelings I felt for him and it was foolish. I would just be setting myself up for failure, a failure that I wasn't prepared for.

Sighing, I rose from my place in front of the fire and started to walk out of the village square, needing some time to myself. I had almost made it out of the village without any interruptions when Rikku skidded to a stop beside me. "Painey, where are you going? You're gonna miss the party."

I flashed her my best half smile. "It's okay, Rikku. I'm just gonna stretch my legs. I won't be gone long."

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "Alright, don't take forever." She waved as she walked back to the bonfire.

I stood, rooted to the spot, watching the young Al Bhed return to the group and Gippal's waiting arms. _Am I only taking a walk to stretch my legs or am I trying to make up an excuse to get away from everyone? _A small laugh escaped my lips as I turned my back on the warm, inviting fire that I could have returned to.

The night sky was clear as I slowly walked to the beach. When I was young I always loved to sit outside on a warm summer night and just gaze at the stars until I became too exhausted to keep my eyes open or until... I stopped as I thought about my parents, namely my father. I hadn't thought about him or my mother for so long their faces had almost been erased from my mind. As I remembered them, my mind dredged up their memory from the farthest reaches of my mind and suddenly their faces appeared in front of my vision as if I had seen them only mere moments ago. Tears sprang to my eyes at the sight of their serene faces, their smiling eyes looking at me as if they could see me even though I knew that what I was seeing couldn't possibly be real. I looked around, wondering if I had somehow been transported to the Farplane without knowing it, but no. I was still on Besaid Island. When I brought my eyes back to the spot where their faces had appeared they had vanished like they weren't even there.

I roughly rubbed my eyes with the back of my gloved hand and continued to the beach, this time with a much quicker pace. Once I reached the white sand beach, I had pretty much settled down and recovered from what I had seen. I took a deep breath and pushed every thought from my mind, just wanting to concentrate on the beauty that was around me and try to relax. The ethereal light of the moon was reflecting off the surface of the water making it look like the ocean was glowing from within. I stared at the reflection of the stars on the waves and intently watched them lap up onto the shore before they were dragged back into the sea.

I could remember the first time my parents took me to the sea.

I was born in Bevelle so it wasn't like I ever saw it but the first time I got to see it up close was on my tenth birthday. My parents woke me up that morning and showered me with presents and a huge cake with ten little candles in it. They took me out to eat at my favorite restaurant and I received more cake because my parents had announced to the staff that it was my tenth birthday. All the waiters and waitresses came out of the kitchen singing and placed the cake in front of me then watched me blow out the candle that one of them had stuck into it. Everyone clapped and cheered when I blew the candle out. After lunch, they brought me down to the beach for the first time and let me see the ocean close up. They stood back and watched as I ran through the surf and splashed around in the salty water until I had exhausted myself. Even though I was getting too big to carry and sopping wet, my father hefted me up into his arms anyway and carried me back home.

That was the happiest day of my life...and also the saddest.

More tears jumped to my eyes but I pushed them away and shook the memories of my tenth birthday out of my head. I slowly walked through the damp sand over to the bluff on the far side of the beach and lifted myself up onto it. I settled down into the cool grass and took a deep breath, once again emptying my mind.

"Hello, Paine. What are you doing up there?"

I jumped at the voice and looked over, relaxing when I saw that it was Baralai. "Oh, it's just you. I'm just star gazing," I replied, returning my gaze to the night sky.

"Mind if I join you?" The young Praetor inquired.

I took a moment to consider if I wanted company or not before shrugging my shoulders, not caring either way. "Sure." I scooted over to give him enough room to sit next to me.

An uncomfortable silence settled over us as we both gazed at the sky. Millions of thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to think of a conversation starter. This was the first time in a long time that I had been alone with Baralai. The only time we had ever been alone together we had almost made a huge mistake and I was at a loss for what to say to him. I know I probably hurt his feelings by turning my back on him and completely ignoring his presence when we visited Bevelle for the first time but, like I said before, seeing him alive was like a brick to the face. I hadn't expected to ever see him again so I turned my back on him like he was some sort of phantasm. I took a deep breath as I finally found a topic to discuss.

"You know," I began, lazily running my hand through my hair. "I thought you and Gippal died the day that Nooj shot you."

Baralai turned to me, a frown darkening his features. "...really?"

I nodded, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "I remember standing there, frozen in place, with the sphere camera in my hands and waiting for you two to get up or do something to reassure me that you were still alive but you and Gippal were just...laying there motionless. That was when Nooj shot me. I woke up later and I had no idea what had happened to any of you. I seriously thought that both of you were dead."

A corner of his mouth perked up as I finished. "So is that why you turned away from me when you saw me in Bevelle for the first time since then?"

I smirked; he had caught me. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

He leaned back and supported himself on his hands. "So why did you?"

I rocked back and forth, searching for the right words that would explain the situation. "I guess I was more...distraught over the whole situation than I thought. Seeing you and Gippal alive was such a shock that I wasn't prepared for it."

Baralai remained silent as he leaned forward, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees. "Can I ask you something personal?"

The word 'personal' was like a red flag in my mind, but my curiosity had been piqued. "Shoot."

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, more than likely gathering up the gumption needed to ask me whatever was on his mind. "Do you remember when we were first alone together back in the Squad?"

I averted my face from his to prevent him from seeing me smirk at the irony and also to prevent him from seeing the red tinge seep onto my cheeks. I cleared my throat, praising Shiva for the fact that it was a relatively dark night. "What about it?" I asked, trying my hardest to keep the traitorous waver out of my voice.

Baralai grinned bashfully, hanging his head and staring at his linked hands. A part of me was willing him to change the subject – I had never, _ever_ talked to anyone about what we had almost done back then; to this day, not even Nooj and Gippal knew about it, which I was grateful for – but the other part of me wanted to talk about it with him. After it all had transpired both of us pretended that it had never happened and we had never spoken of the incident since so, even though I would probably regret talking so openly with the young Praetor later, I was curious about what was going through his head that day.

So I decided to be daring and try to answer all his questions as truthfully as I could and hope he would do the same.

"Do you ever think about that day?" Baralai asked, lowering his voice like someone might be eavesdropping on us.

Honestly? I had probably thought about that day dozens of times since I saw him in Bevelle...but he didn't need to know the specifics.

I scratched the back of my head with a gloved hand before answering his question. "I have," I replied, fiddling with the grass around my feet, feeling another blush rising up my neck at that one simple confession.

A rustling in the grass beside me then the sudden overpowering and simply _intoxicating_ scent of his cologne made me jerk my head back in his direction only to be greeted by his large chocolate eyes mere inches away from my own. I reflexively pulled my head a short distance away from his, a little startled that he had moved so close to me in such a short time.

Holy Shiva, he smelled _glorious_.

His intoxicating smell only made me want to bury my face in his neck for the rest of the night but I valiantly fought that impulse off, inwardly applauding myself for ignoring it. But then Baralai said something _a little _too bold. "...do you ever wish that night could have ended differently?"

I felt a rush of anger well up inside my chest but instead of letting it burst out I bit down on my tongue, temporarily suppressing it for the time being. I cleared my throat and, remembering my daring thought, decided to ask him something first. "Before I answer that...promise me something."

He nodded his head and answered without a second thought. "Anything."

"Answer all the questions I ask you truthfully, and I'll do the same for the questions you ask me. Deal?"

"Deal. Now answer my question."

I chuckled and a bashful smile appeared on my face. I had probably thought out a hundred different scenarios for how that night could have ended and as I sat there trying to answer Baralai's question every single little fantasy popped back into my head, making me blush even more. "If I have to answer it so do you."

"Fine, I will," he replied with a smile.

I closed my eyes and rolled them under my lids. Gods, this was going to be _hard_! _What will he think if I say yes? What will he do? _I dug the heel of my boot into the grass in my frustration and bit the bottom left corner of my lip.

Baralai chuckled as he watched me sit there and squirm. Oh, how I loved his laugh. "Come on, we both made a promise. Take as long as you like but you're gonna have to answer it some time."

I rolled my eyes again, but this time without closing them. "I know," I grunted, earning another heavenly laugh from him. I took a deep breath and let my head fall back, preparing myself to answer. "Alright," I began, exhaling quickly. "I...might have thought about that night ending differently...once or twice." I braced myself and purposefully kept my face averted from his, quite incapable of moving my head to see his reaction even if I wanted to.

"...I have too."

I whipped my head around so quickly I became dizzy and my vision blurred. That had _definitely not _been the answer I had been expecting. "Really?" I asked, thinking he was just pulling my leg.

"I promised to tell the truth, didn't I?"

A nervous laugh escaped my lips before I had the chance to catch it. This was getting more awkward by the second but I couldn't help the next question that flew out of my mouth. "So why'd you stop yourself?"

_We were camping in Macalania Forest for the night before moving onto the Calm Lands for the next day's exercises. Our instructors had gotten all the cook fires going and were in the middle of preparing our evening meal. I was sitting inside my tent cleaning my sphere camera, getting it ready for the next day's activities. I hated the blasted contraption but I actually enjoyed recording everything, if that made any sense at all. I was putting the finishing touches on my cleaning job when I heard the dinner bell ringing. I sighed with relief and placed my camera next to my pack before crawling out of my tent...and crashing into a pair of legs._

"_What the hell?" I exclaimed, rubbing my forehead._

"_Oh, sorry, Paine. I was just getting ready to get you for dinner."_

_I huffed and looked up at Baralai, my cheeks flushing slightly. "Well, you could at least help me up," I said, lifting my left hand. He chuckled and hoisted me to my feet. I brushed my knees off and ran a hand through my hair. "So what are they serving tonight?" I asked as we went to stand in one of the many lines to receive our dinner._

_Baralai shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? As long as it doesn't poison us. I'm starving."_

_Once we had our meals, we met up with Nooj and Gippal who had decided to eat their dinner next to a large tree. The whole time I sat there next to Baralai I could barely keep my eyes off him for more than a few seconds. It was just something about him that made it almost impossible for me to tear my eyes away from him. I guess that I was making it so obvious that Nooj noticed. I think I might have committed suicide right there if Gippal would have been the one to say anything. Nooj, after finishing his dinner, began his slow process of getting up off the ground. Once he was upright again he straightened his glasses, said good bye for the time being to Gippal and Baralai and asked me to take a walk with him._

"_What is it, Nooj?" I asked the young Deathseeker after we had been walking in silence for a few minutes._

"_During dinner I noticed you were staring at Baralai quite a lot," he said simply, waiting for an explanation._

_I felt my face grow warm as I realized I had been caught red handed and groaned inwardly as the thought of Gippal noticing as well popped into my head. "Yeah, so what if I...like looking at him," I ended lamely._

_Nooj chuckled and stopped once we had reached the tent him and Baralai were going to share. Gippal had a tent all to himself and he was quite fond of bragging about it to both of our comrades. I had my own tent but that was because I was the only woman in the Crimson Squad. The blasted thing was too small for me anyways. I couldn't stretch all the way out so I woke up every morning with leg cramps. What I wouldn't give to share a bigger tent with someone else than have to sleep another night in that cramped thing._

"_Are you attracted to him? Don't worry, you can be honest with me," Nooj said, shifting his weight onto his mechanical leg._

_I nodded sheepishly. "Yes, I have been since I met him." I averted my face from his and dug the toe of my boot into the ground._

"_Well, you're not alone then."_

_I frowned and looked back up at Nooj's face. "What do you mean?" I asked, not understanding what he had said._

"_What I'm saying is Baralai has mentioned to me once or twice that he is attracted to you as well," he said matter-of-factly. The surprised look that jumped onto my face made Nooj laugh. "My news is a surprise to you?"_

_I nodded my head curtly. "Yes," I said, biting my bottom lip. "I didn't think he liked me at all."_

"_On the contrary." He paused and looked over in the direction we had come from, making sure the man in question didn't walk up while we were still in the middle of a conversation about him. "Why don't we switch tents for the night?" He suggested nonchalantly._

"_W-What?" I stammered, not quite sure if I had him heard correctly._

"_I'll sleep in your tent and you can sleep here with Baralai. Get to know each other."_

"_But...but," I said, looking over my shoulder like one of our instructors was going to pop out of a bush any second. "Nooj, we can't. If someone finds out we'll both get in trouble. I'm not supposed to be in any of the guy's tents."_

_Nooj's mouth turned up into a devilish smile. "Then I guess we'll have to be extra careful."_

_I shot a cynical look at him and crossed my arms. "And how are we supposed to do that?"_

"_Leave it all up to me," he said, pulling the tent flap back a small amount with his human hand. "You go back to your tent and wait."_

"_Okay," I said, starting to walk away. After I had taken a few steps I stopped and turned around. "Nooj?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this?"_

"_Of course, Paine. The instructors are glaring over our shoulders all day long. It's not like you two could have your own private conversation when we have them to worry about."_

"_Alright," I replied, giving in. "I'll be waiting."_

"_Don't fall asleep."_

_So I went back to my tent and waited patiently. I think I cleaned my sphere camera three or four times while waiting for Nooj. The instructors walked by all the tents shouting that it was lights out and I stuck my head out of my tent searching for Nooj. The cook fires were extinguished and all the lamps in and out of the tents were put out for the night. I sighed heavily then closed and tied my tent flaps, figuring that Nooj wasn't coming. I was starting to bed down when a dark figure appeared outside my tent and began tugging on the tied flaps. I rushed over and untied them, my heart starting to race as Nooj crawled inside._

"_Did you think I wasn't coming?" He asked, snickering._

_I nodded and before I got the chance to answer he held his hand up and cautiously looked out of the tent. "You know where our tent is. Just stick to the shadows and you'll be fine. If I can do it, you can too. Baralai's waiting for you. Go on."_

"_Thanks, Nooj," I whispered before quickly scurrying out of the tent._

_Almost as soon as I had left my tent I had to quickly dive behind another one to hide from a passing instructor. I knew this one but that wouldn't get me out of trouble if I was caught. Instructor Tilmitt was a mean ol' cuss and every recruit walked on egg shells around him in fear of pissing him off. He would skin me alive if he found me outside of my tent._

_I breathed a sigh of relief when he walked by me without noticing a thing. I carefully scanned the lines of tents before continuing to creep forwards, following Nooj's instructions and keeping to the shadows. When I reached Baralai's tent I crouched beside it for a good two or three minutes, breathing heavily, making sure no instructors would come out of nowhere and catch me before I could get inside. That would be the height of all irony if I was caught right at my destination._

_Taking a deep breath I tip-toed around to the front and slipped in between the tent flaps like a gust of wind, securely tying them behind me. The tent was circular and spacious enough for me to almost stand upright in it. Baralai looked up at me from the book he had been reading with the help of a mini flashlight and smiled, beckoning me forward._

"_So I guess Nooj didn't get caught," he whispered._

_I shook my head and laid down on Nooj's bedroll. I had so many questions to ask him but now that I was here with him I couldn't remember a single one. "I just hope we don't get caught in the morning," I said, resting on my elbows._

_Baralai nodded and flicked off the flashlight, tucking his book safely into his pack. "You know," he began, scooting his bedroll closer to mine. "I wish you weren't our recorder." I frowned and felt a little offended by his statement. Maybe Nooj was wrong about what Baralai had said to him after all. I was getting ready to snap a snide comment at him but he spoke before I got the chance to say anything. "I wish you were fighting with us."_

_I blinked in confusion, totally caught off guard by his remark. "Well, that's what I originally signed up for but, since I'm a woman, they handed me that damn sphere camera."_

"_I would trade places with you if I could," he said, lying down next to me._

_I shook my head, smiling at his offer. "Honestly, I wouldn't make my worst enemy do this. If I wasn't your sphere recorder I wouldn't be able to handle the boredom. I'm a warrior, not a picture taker."_

_Baralai chuckled, scooting a little closer to me. "What's your weapon of choice?"_

"_Sword."_

"_I never would have guessed. How long have you fought with a sword?"_

_My throat dried up and I had to swallow a couple of times so I could speak. "Since I was ten," I choked out, feeling my bottom lip start to quiver._

"_Who taught you?"_

"_I taught myself." My heartbeat quickened as I spat that lie out. My father would be ashamed of what I had become today. He never wanted me to pick up a weapon in malice._

"_Did your father or mother help you at all?" He asked, having no idea the dangerous ground upon which he was treading. I shook my head and pushed down on my eyes with my fingers, trying to push the tears back. "Oh," he said when he saw my reaction. "Sin?"_

_I froze and pulled my hand away from my face. "Yeah," I said, continuing to lie to both Baralai and myself. "Sin killed my parents on my tenth birthday."_

_Baralai's dark chocolate eyes grew soft and he laid one of his hands down on top of mine. "I'm sorry."_

"_It's okay," I said, thanking Yevon that it was dark inside the tent so Baralai wouldn't see the blush that was creeping up my neck. "At least I remember them. There's a lot of people that don't remember their parents because of Sin." I paused and took a deep breath. "What about you? Were you lucky enough to be able to keep both your parents?"_

_He nodded. "I was. I've lived in Bevelle all my life and my parents were part of the Yevon priesthood. They barely even left the temple. But my older brother, Artim, went against my parents wishes and became a Crusader. His entire squad was wiped out by Sin two months after he joined."_

_Now it was my turn to offer sympathy. I squeezed his hand and flashed the best smile I could muster at him. "At least you had a sibling. I was left alone when my parents got killed. I didn't have any grandparents or anything. No other living family to take me in."_

"_What did you do?" He asked, leaning closer to me. I felt goose bumps pop all over my left arm at his proximity and hoped he wouldn't notice._

_I remained silent for a few seconds, trying to come up with the most believable lie I could. "I left Bevelle and wandered for months. Some monks from the Djose temple found me when I collapsed on the Mushroom Rock Road. They took me in and cared for me. I would still be there if it wasn't for the Crimson Squad."_

"_You grew up in Bevelle?" He asked, cradling my gloved hand in his own._

_I nodded. "I was born there. My father was a Warrior Monk. My mother didn't work; she stayed home with me. Those days were the happiest of my life. I had two people that loved me with everything and then one day they were taken away from me. In the blink of an eye, they were gone."_

"_I suppose I can relate. My brother and I were always together; even after he had joined the Crusaders he came home every weekend to see me. Our parents were so involved with their work at the temple they barely had any time for us."_

"_If I could I would get rid of Sin myself," I mumbled, picking imaginary lint particles from my gloves. "I can't though. I was tested for the summoner's talent when I was six and I didn't have it."_

_Baralai was silent for many long moments, staring down at our joined hands. "Were you with your parents when they were killed by Sin?" He asked, looking up into my eyes._

_I stammered and stuttered for a few seconds, trying to stick to the lie, until I figured out what to say. "No," I said, staring down at our hands. "No, I was at a friend's house when Sin attacked. I was running home and when I got there they were laying in the rubble of our house, dead."_

"_Be thankful that you survived," he said, wrapping my left hand in both of his. "I am."_

_I smiled and when my eyes met his I felt a strange fluttering in my stomach. His eyes were so beautiful. They were like deep pools of chocolate silk and every time he blinked they rippled like a stone had been thrown into the center of them. I could have easily gotten lost in eyes like that. I felt myself moving towards him before I even knew what I was doing. I felt the faintest touch of his lips against mine and had the mind to kiss him fully but I quickly pulled away from him and racked my mind for a change of subject. Anything at all to keep me from thinking about his lips and how amazing it would be to kiss him._

"_Um...well - " I stuttered, trying in vain to pull something out of the air._

"_Paine," he whispered, placing his hand under my chin and pulling my face back towards his._

_Something about him saying my name like that just felt so _right_. So _wonderful_. "Baralai," I whispered right back._

_He pulled my head toward his until our faces were so close together I could feel his warm breath crawl across my skin. "Let me kiss you." When he spoke his lips brushed against mine and I felt electricity jolt through every nerve of my body, setting every pore on fire._

"_Baralai..." I managed to whisper his name one last time before he had my mouth captured in the most erotic kiss I had ever experienced in my life. His lips were so soft and yet so firm at the same time. I couldn't get enough of him and I was amazed that I could feel something like this after just kissing him once._

_Baralai's hand moved from its position on my chin and grazed across my neck, coming to rest behind my head. His fingers weaved through my hair, twirling the short platinum strands like he had done so before. After that, I lost all track of time but every touch, every kiss was engraved on my memory. Sometime later both of us had managed to undress each other half way but neither of us realized it until he laid down on top of me and we both felt skin to skin contact. I heard him gasp and lift himself off of me like my skin had suddenly become searing hot. In the few extremely short seconds that I had to gaze at Baralai's bare chest I couldn't help but stare._

_Underneath that heavy Yevon priest robe he had the body of a god. His chest and stomach muscles were so perfectly chiseled it looked like they had been carved out of the purest marble. When I dared to look at his face, all I saw was pure shock. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his skull as they roved over the uncovered portion of my body. Then, like a switch had been flipped, he shook his head vigorously like he had just come out of a trance and got off of me, keeping his face averted from mine as he handed me my top. He grabbed his white undershirt and quickly pulled it over his head, hiding his gorgeous chest from me._

"_I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."_

"_Baralai?" I whispered before we fell asleep._

"Yes?" Came his weak answer. He had moved to the opposite side of the tent and was facing away from me.

"_Let's just pretend like this never happened, okay? I don't want this to ruin our friendship."_

"_It won't," he replied._


	2. Confessions

**Chapter II**

**Confessions**

* * *

"Well," Baralai said, scratching the side of his neck. "I stopped because, at the time, I was still following Yevon's teachings like a zombie and I didn't want to take advantage of you. I didn't want to subjugate both of us to something we would just end up regretting later."

I nodded and rocked back and forth a few times. "Okay, I have another one."

"Go for it."

"Do you remember when we came to our senses and for a few seconds we just laid there staring at each other?"

He nodded and smiled shyly. "Yeah, what about it?"

"What was running through your mind when you were looking at me?"

"Well," he began, looking up at the sky. He was silent for many moments while he tried to find the words to say. "To be honest, Paine, I had never seen a body so perfect. You had curves in all the right places, your musculature was amazing. I think that if you had been completely naked I wouldn't have been able to stop." He stopped speaking then looked over at me and smiled like answering that question hadn't affected him in the least. "Your turn."

The way he worded his answer left me blushing, again. _God, how can he do that to me? Get a grip on yourself, Paine._ "I never in a million years had imagined that your body looked like that under your bulky priest robe. The only thought that was running through my mind was to touch you." I paused and took a deep breath. "After you got off me I was practically willing you to come back over to me so I could get my hands on you one more time."

"I was putty in your hands by then. If you would have touched me anymore I would have lost my last thread of control and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to take advantage of you," he whispered gently.

"Thank you, Baralai," I whispered, staring at his face intently.

One corner of his mouth quirked up. "For what?"

"For everything," I replied, feeling another blush creeping up my neck. "You never nagged me to reminisce about my past."

"I knew that you would speak up when you felt like it. Pressuring you wasn't going to get you to open up any faster."

I snickered. "I sure wish Rikku and Yuna were more like that." I paused and stared at him for a few more seconds. "Thanks again."

"You're welcome," he replied, wrapping an arm around me. "You know I'll always be here for you."

I sighed and leaned my head against Baralai's shoulder, breathing in his wonderful smell. I was getting ready to close my eyes and bury my face into his neck when I saw a faint shimmer in the water about a hundred yards away from us. I froze and concentrated on the place where I saw the shimmer and cursed inwardly when I spotted a dark figure moving slowly through the water. I pursed my lips and squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself and my horrible bad luck. I opened my eyes and kept my gaze on the shimmering form in the water and took a deep breath, acting like there was nothing wrong.

"Baralai?" I asked, trying my damnedest to keep the waver out of my voice.

"Hmm?" He mumbled next to me, unaware that anything was wrong.

"Baralai, I need you to listen very carefully to me." The closer the figure got the more nervous I became and the harder it was for me to stay calm.

"What do you mean?" He asked, letting go of me and sitting up straight.

I refused to take my gaze away from the shimmer in the water to meet his eyes, afraid that if I did the figure would disappear. "Just shut up and listen to me, dammit! When I tell you, run back to the village as fast as you possibly can. Get everyone and bring them back here." I briefly broke my gaze away from the water long enough to make sure I had gotten my message across, but Baralai's features were contorted into the biggest expression of confusion I had ever seen. I sighed, extremely aggravated, as I returned to my gaze back to the water. "Baralai, I'll explain everything to you if you just listen to me! Go!" I yelled, getting up and jumping off of the small bluff.

As soon as my feet touched the sand the shimmer I saw in the water only a few seconds ago was now stumbling through the ankle deep water of the surf. _Damn, I forgot how fast they can move._

Baralai followed my gaze and when he saw the outline of a person he finally took my words to heart and dashed off across the beach. The figure rippled as it watched Baralai take off and, recognizing what was happening, I concentrated with all my being and pushed out towards the figure with my mind as hard as I could. I felt my head start to swim but I sighed with relief when I had received the effect I desired as I watched the figure fall back into an oncoming wave. I watched Baralai disappear into the jungle then put my full attention on the figure that was getting up out of the water once again.

"I didn't think you remembered your training, Paine," the figure said, taking a few steps towards me.

"Why don't you show yourself so I can stare you in the face?" I asked, gripping the hilt of my sword. The figure snickered then the air around him began to swirl around like a tornado was brewing. I braced myself and watched as the tall, lean figure of a man with dark brown hair and shining golden eyes appeared in front of me. "Let's just skip the pleasantries. What are you doing here, Roland?"

"Oh, I think you know the answer to that question far better than I," Roland said, a sneer creeping onto his face. "It's almost your nineteenth birthday, Paine. I'm quite sure you know what that means. Did you think we had forgotten?"

"I can dream, can't I?" I retorted.

He laughed maniacally, fingering the hilt of his own sword. "It's been a while since you've used your training, correct? Why don't we see how soft you've become?"

I scowled and pulled my sword out of the sheath. "Why don't you come over here and fight me like a man, Roland? Or are you too scared?"

His top lip pulled up into a sneer, his eyes flashing menacingly. "If I were you I would be careful what I say."

I chuckled, taking a few steps toward him. "You should know better than anyone, Roland, that I never responded well to following orders."

He nodded, advancing on me a small amount as well. "Yes, I do know better than any of the others. You were always a trouble maker, Paine."

I smirked. "I still am."

"Enough of this small talk!" He yelled, cracking his knuckles. "Prepare yourself!"

I cursed and quickly threw my sword back into the sheath. I heard footsteps coming from the jungle but before I could shout a warning to them Roland flung his hands towards me, releasing his power. I threw my hands up as well and a column of fire shot from my fingertips and rushed to meet Roland's thunderbolts. I had to struggle to maintain my power; it had been so long since I had last used it. I heard Baralai shout my name but I couldn't and wouldn't turn my attention away from Roland. If I did, he would overpower me easily. I grit my teeth and concentrated on fighting Roland off, pushing my friends out of my mind. As I was reaching the limit of my power Roland released his element and laughed.

"Not bad, Paine. Not bad. Good bye for now," he said. "Kaiser passes along his regards. We'll be watching." Then he disappeared.

I released the power that I hadn't tapped into for years and took in a deep breath, feeling my strength sap out of me. My heart was racing a million miles a minute and every time I took in a breath it was like my lungs were too small for the amount of air that my body needed. I felt my knees begin to shake and Baralai rushed over to me, catching me in his arms before I crashed to the sand in a heap. I was relieved to find he was okay. I wasn't sure if any others had come with Roland but I had nothing to worry about, for now that is.

"Paine, are you okay?" He asked, brushing a few stray locks of hair away from my face. His large chocolate eyes were filled with concern.

I nodded and flashed him the best smile I could manage, still feeling short of breath. "I'm fine," I replied, taking a few deep breaths to help get rid of the stars that were flying past my eyes. "Help me up."

Baralai supported me as I stumbled on shaky legs to where our friends were waiting. Every single one of them had an astonished look on their face like they couldn't believe what they had just seen me do. I laid a restraining hand on Baralai's shoulder and carefully walked by myself to Yuna and Rikku.

"Painey, what just happened?" Rikku asked, as I grabbed her and Yuna's shoulders for support.

"Yeah, Dr. P, what did you just do?" Gippal asked, stepping forward to stand behind Rikku.

I sighed and lowered my head, pretending I was still winded from my encounter with Roland. I couldn't tell them that it was nothing, I couldn't tell them that it was something I was going to handle myself because they wouldn't believe me, especially Baralai. He would demand to know how I knew there was someone in the water and a million other things. I smiled, knowing that I should be grateful for such wonderful friends, but worried that if I told them _they _would come after them too.

"I...think there's a few things that you all need to know about me," I said, keeping my gaze on the ground. My crimson irises found Baralai's deep brown gaze of their own accord. All I saw there was confusion, shock and...betrayal maybe? My chest constricted as I realized that I had indeed betrayed him in a way. "Everyone sit down. This might take a while."

They didn't need any further prompting from me. Every single one of them sat down on the sand as quickly as they could, thinking that I would change my mind if they were too slow. Rikku and Yuna sat clinging to each other, eager to finally hear me tell them about my past _without _their constant nagging. _Knowing my luck,_ I thought. _Once I'm done they won't believe a word of it._

_That would just be another way for irony to come back and laugh at me,_ I thought sardonically.

Once everyone was seated I stood in front of them not knowing how to start. Hundreds of thoughts flew around in my head but none of them seemed suitable enough. Then my eyes met Baralai's gaze and I remembered all those things I had told him about my past that hadn't been true, all those things I said to protect him from the horrors I had experienced. I sighed and took a deep breath, hoping that he wouldn't be too angry with me for hiding the truth from him and living in a lie for so long.

"Baralai, I just want to start by saying that everything I told you about what happened to me in my past was a lie. Sin didn't kill my parents and I wasn't raised by monks in the Djose Temple. I'm sorry that I lied to you, but I had to." I paused and let those first few sentences sink in. "And my father wasn't a Warrior Monk. My father was a Maester of Yevon." I rolled my eyes inwardly when everyone gasped at that news. "He was a Maester that had different views than the others. My father wanted to fight for a Spira that he could see his daughter grow up happily in; one that didn't involve lying to the people and preaching false teachings. Maester Mika created an organization of elite assassins called The Invisible when he became Head Maester. He created them for one purpose only: to be his own personal hit men. And that's what happened to my parents. Two assassins from The Invisible murdered my parents on my tenth birthday then carried me away to their secret base hidden deep in the ruins of Zanarkand."

"Zanarkand?" Yuna gasped, astonished.

I nodded. "It seems that Yevon was desecrating those holy ruins before Cid even thought about starting his little tourist attraction."

"So that man you were fighting was from The Invisible?" Baralai asked, leaning forward.

I nodded. "His name is Roland. He was brought to The Invisible a short time before I was."

"Who was that Kaiser guy he mentioned?" Gippal said.

"He's their leader," I replied, feeling the cold hand of fear close around my heart as I thought about him.

"Why are their magical powers so strong?" Rikku inquired.

"Those kind of elemental powers come from their intense mental discipline training. When I was brought there I was tested to see if I had the ability to control magic. My mother was an experienced Black Mage so I possess some of her talent. After the magic skills are tested they do something called 'element sorting'. Every person has one element that they can control better than the others. Mine is fire, like you saw; Roland's is thunder. Once the sorting is complete, then the instructors put the students through hundreds of grueling, intense mental exercises. Eventually we are taught how to move things with our mind, but only the students that show the most talent are chosen." I paused and swallowed the lump that had been building in my throat. "I was one of four chosen out of my group."

"So you can move stuff with your mind? Like telekinesis?" Yuna asked in wonderment.

"Well, it's not really telekinesis. It's more like I can manipulate where I want certain things to go. I imagine the object is in my hand and I'm able to move it. The only setback is I can only move something as heavy as my physical abilities will allow. For example, I wouldn't be able to move a boat across the water or the Celsius through the air because I can't physically do those things."

"That's why Painey's Black Mage skills were so much better than ours," Rikku whispered to Yuna.

"Show us something you can move then," Gippal said, ignoring his girlfriend's comment.

I sighed and looked around me for something I could demonstrate with. There weren't any large rocks around so I decided to grab some water out of the ocean for an example. I reached out to the water and extended my mental barriers to the spot where I wanted to grab the liquid from. I molded a perfect sphere out of the water and rose it up into the air, making it sail towards me. I moved the sphere of water around in the air above everyone's heads before returning it to the ocean.

"That's probably one of the most amazing things I've ever seen," Gippal mumbled, staring at me with eyes as big as dinner plates.

"Why are they called The Invisible?" Baralai asked, coming out of shock first.

"That's because the first thing we are taught to do is to bend our magic around us, which renders us almost completely invisible to the untrained eye. Our magic serves as a sort of camouflage that makes us blend in with our surroundings. It would be almost impossible for one of you to see me if I was camouflaged. If you don't know what you're looking for or if you aren't looking close enough, it would seem like I completely disappear. We are taught to move very slowly. The faster we move the more time it takes for our magic to catch up."

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" Rikku chanted, clapping her hands.

"I would love to show all of you sometime but I'm extremely tired," I said, squeezing my temples as I felt an enormous headache start to pound behind my eyes. "I wouldn't be able to do it even if I tried. That's another thing about using magic. You can only keep it up for so long until you need rest. Assassins in The Invisible never take more than an hour to get a job done because of the demand to keep them camouflaged. If you cast a spell that requires more energy than you have, the spell could kill you."

"Wait," Baralai said. "How were you able to join the Crimson Squad? How did you escape The Invisible?"

"I escaped during the night while everyone was asleep. I was almost caught because I hesitated when it came time for me to kill the guards to get past them. I almost couldn't do it, but I knew what would happen if they caught me again. That's the thing about killing," I said, staring at my hands. "The more you do it, the less it bothers you. I think I killed almost thirty of them that night. Even after I had gotten away from them I was being followed constantly by the ones that survived. When I found out about the Crimson Squad I jumped at the chance to sign up so I could get away from them. It worked, but the night I joined I was sleeping in the Bevelle Temple and when I woke up I found a piece of paper that had been pinned on my chest in the middle of the night. That was their way of saying how easy it would have been to kill me. The note read: 'Your rite is in three years. Be prepared'."

"But what does that mean? What 'rite'?" Yuna asked.

"Their rite of passage occurs when a member turns nineteen. I was sixteen when I received that note. Once a member turns nineteen the only thing that can release them from The Invisible's hold is death. They intend to take me back on my birthday, which is in a month."

"So what do they do to make sure someone stays?" Gippal spoke up.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. The Invisible were built on the same kind of lies and deceit that Yevon was built on. I spent five years knowing only what I was taught and what I was supposed to know, nothing of what I needed to know. I would have to go through the rite in order to find out."

Baralai got up and took one of my hands in both of his. "Then we'll just have to make sure you never find out."

I gave him a reassuring smile even though I felt far from comforted.

We left the beach, heading back to the village. I walked as far as I could before my exhaustion caught up with me. Baralai ended up carrying me the rest of the way to the village, even though I refused many times and actually went as far as jumping out of his arms once. That one didn't end too well. I became even more exhausted fighting him off so I just gave in and let him carry me.

"I'm sleeping in the Crusader's Lodge tonight. Why don't you join me?" He asked, as we were entering the village.

"Sure," I mumbled, snuggling up against his chest.

I remember Baralai tucking me into a bed at the Lodge but my heavy eyelids turned traitor and I fell into the deepest and most comforting sleep I had ever experienced.


	3. A Little Change

**Chapter III**

**A Little Change**

* * *

I found myself alone in the Crusader's Lodge when I awoke the next morning. I wasn't surprised that Baralai had already woken up. He had always been an early riser.

I rolled onto my side and snuggled into the warm blankets, grateful that Baralai had taken the time to cover me last night. For a moment, I imagined that everything that had happened the night before had all been a horrible dream, nothing more than a nightmare that my mind had conjured up to fool me. I sighed heavily and rolled once again onto my back.

I scoffed. "Who am I kidding?" I asked the ceiling of the tent.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tenderly rubbed my temples. I had an excruciating splitting headache along with a wonderful little migraine from the night before – proof that it had not been a dream or some strange hallucination – and regretted not asking Baralai to find some pain killers before I had nodded off. I groaned and fell back onto the bed, covering my face with my hands to block out the bright light streaming in through the window. I rubbed furiously at my eyes, trying to get the stars that were bursting in my vision to go away.

I rolled off the bed, determined to find something to kick this headache to the curb, and stumbled over to the counter in the front area of the Lodge. I rummaged around in the shelves and smiled triumphantly when I procured a Remedy from the gaggle of bottles. I quickly uncapped the bottle and chugged the solution down as quickly as I could and sighed as I felt the pressure behind my eyes start to go away. I tossed the empty bottle in the trash and trudged back into the living quarters.

"How did you get here?" I asked my overnight bag that had mysteriously appeared on a chair next to the bed I had slept in. I picked it up and tossed it onto the bed. "Baralai brought you in here, didn't he?"

My leather bag remained silent as I rummaged around inside it for my Garment Grids. I already had the beginning of a plan forming in my mind; a plan that everyone might not agree with. I didn't want any of my friends to be hurt because of my past. I didn't want Roland or any other member of The Invisible to come after my friends just to get at me. I simply wouldn't tolerate that. I searched through all my Grids, smiling when I found the dressphere that I sought. The Black Mage dressphere shone brightly, reflecting the light of the sun. I breathed in deeply and activated the sphere, patiently waiting for my clothes to change before setting the Grid back in my bag. I clenched my hands into fists and reveled in the feeling of the magic that was swirling through my body.

I extended my right hand, palm up, in front of me and called upon my power. Small tendrils of fire sprang from my fingertips and danced through the air like pyreflies, weaving around my body until I let it go and they disappeared. I removed the overly large hat from my head and placed it, along with my staff, on the bed behind my bag. I never needed the staff anyways; I just used it so Yuna and Rikku wouldn't suspect anything.

I took a deep breath and was getting ready to leave the Lodge when heavy footsteps approached from outside. I wasn't surprised when I saw Baralai pull back the flap and walk in. He smiled when he saw me. "Oh, I see you're awake. Good morning."

"Good morning, Baralai," I replied, walking past him out of the Lodge.

"Which dressphere is this?" He asked, gently caressing the material covering my arm. I'm glad it wasn't bare skin that he had touched or I probably would have gotten goose bumps.

"Black Mage," I replied, staring up into the bright morning sky. "I'm going to train." I paused and looked into the young Praetor's dark eyes. "Let everyone know that I have something to say when I get back."

He nodded and when I began to walk away he grabbed my wrist. "Let me tell them right now and I'll join you."

"Go ahead," I replied, setting off towards the village gate.

I had been waiting for about five minutes, standing next to the Traveler's Sphere idly tracing small circles on its shining surface, when I heard Baralai's footsteps coming towards me. He fell in step beside me and for a few moments the air around us was silent, save the sounds of nature that were ever present on the Island of Besaid. The fiends here were extremely shy so I was going to have to lure them out if I wanted to get any better at my magic. Instead of wearing a charm that would bring them to me I called out with my mind, challenging them to show themselves and fight.

I heard a rustling in the bushes to my left and flicked my wrist, igniting the air around the fiend and setting it ablaze. I saw Baralai jump out of the corner of my eye, not expecting to have the bushes next to me erupt in flames. "Relax, Baralai," I said, smirking at him.

"I am relaxed," he replied smoothly, straightening his Praetor robes. "I just wasn't expecting that."

One corner of my mouth curled up. "Yeah, not many people do."

"So, that night when we were alone in my tent," he began, choosing his words carefully. "you had these powers then?"

I nodded. "I did."

"Why did you never use your powers until last night?" He asked.

"I swore to myself the night I escaped The Invisible that I would never use them again until I absolutely needed to. That way I would save myself from suspicious and unneeded questions. I couldn't risk being exposed." I spotted another fiend crawling onto the path in front of me but it was a pile of ashes a second later. "Baralai?" I asked, contemplating telling him about what I was going to do.

"Hmm?" The young Praetor answered, turning his face towards me.

I sighed, wondering if I could confide in Baralai about my plan. I was always able to talk to him in confidence while we were in the Crimson Squad. Would I be able to trust him like I used to even though he's the Praetor of New Yevon? I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, knowing that he was waiting patiently for me to answer. I exhaled the breath I had been holding in.

"I...want to tell you something."

"Is it about your plan?" He inquired, the ghost of a smile lingering on his mouth.

I blinked and looked up at him, shocked that he had become so intuitive. "Wow, you're good."

"Well, it's my job," he replied, chuckling. "And I could tell from the second I looked at you this morning that you were planning something."

"You're right though," I said, setting another fiend ablaze. "It is about my plan."

"Am I going to like this plan?" He inquired, clasping his hands behind his back.

"Maybe, maybe not." I paused and took a deep breath, preparing myself to tell him. "I'm going to be leaving tonight and going into hiding until my nineteenth birthday. When my birthday comes, I'm turning myself over to them."

"What?" Baralai asked, shocked by what I had said.

"I'm turning myself over to them with the hopes that I can wipe them all out before they perform my rite. It's the safest way."

"Paine," he said, laying a restraining hand on my arm. "How is that the safest way?"

I sighed, looking away from his accusing stare. "That way The Invisible will stay away from everyone. They'll be too preoccupied with trying to find me that they'll leave all of you alone."

"Paine, have you ever thought that if you do that they will try to hurt one of us to make you show yourself?" He questioned, letting his hand travel slowly up my arm.

I snorted and shook my head in disbelief. "You know if you keep this up you're gonna make me look bad."

"Like I said, it's my job," he said, taking his hand away from my arm.

"Well, O Wise Praetor, what do you think I should do?" I asked as we continued walking.

"I'm leaving later this afternoon to go back to Bevelle. Come with me. I'll... The temples will keep you safe," he offered.

I raised an eyebrow as I looked at him. "Won't the other priests disagree?"

"I'll tell them I've made you my own personal secretary."

"Will those boneheads agree to that?" I asked, taking out a Lupine that had been following us.

"They definitely won't be happy about it but they'll get used to it."

A calm silence settled between us then as I continued killing the fiends that wandered blindly into my path. I could sense at least ten more that were making their way towards us. Taking the rest of them out would be good enough for today. As I walked I carefully considered Baralai's proposition, but the more I thought about it the more it seemed to make sense, more sense than my previous plan anyways. The Invisible would have their eye on me where ever I went but at least in Bevelle I would be around people and not by myself.

_I have to admit, his plan is pretty smart. Maybe this will give us a chance to spend some time together before I'll never see him again._

"I'll have to think about it," I said, finally breaking the silence. I had pretty much already made up my mind though.

"You have until Brother gets here with the Celsius."

"Then I guess I have a lot of time to make up my mind," I replied, taking two more fiends out.

After I had exterminated the fiends that I had marked for death, Baralai and I headed back to the village. Rikku was running around the square in hysterics and fell all over herself when she saw Baralai and I coming down the jungle path.

"Thank Shiva!" She exclaimed, panting slightly as she skidded to a stop in front of us. "Breakfast has been ready for the last fifteen minutes. If you want any you better get your butt inside."

"Why thank you," I said, rolling my eyes at her dramatic overreaction. Knowing Lulu, she would make sure there was enough left for us so I wasn't worried in the least.

"So where have you two been all morning?" Gippal asked, bouncing his eyebrows at Baralai.

I narrowed my eyes and set a couple of hairs on the top of his head on fire. Gippal cried out and jumped up from his seat on the couch, slapping at his head.

"I was out practicing. Baralai offered to come with me. You obviously weren't awake when he told everyone else," I said, thanking Lulu for the plate of food she handed me.

"Well...so?" Gippal retorted, not being able to think of a witty comeback.

"Exactly," I replied, sitting down at the table next to Yuna and Rikku, making idle chit chat with them while I ate.

Rikku was going to be accompanying Gippal to Djose when Brother arrived to help out with the Machine Faction. Yuna and Tidus were coming along, but would be going straight to Luca once everyone had been dropped off so Tidus could do a little practicing on his Blitzball technique and get ready for an upcoming tournament. He was going to keep on playing for the Aurochs because Yuna said that Wakka would kill him if he didn't help his team out, even though he had retired over two years ago.

"So when are you two gonna get married?" I asked the petite ex-Summoner, popping a piece of fruit into my mouth.

Yuna's face became beat red when I mentioned marriage. "Oh, I don't know. Tidus wants to get married but I'm not sure if we should just yet."

"And why is that?" I asked, not sounding impressed.

"Well, I just don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment yet. Plus it costs a lot of gil to hold a full blown ceremony."

"Yuna, listen to me," I said, turning fully towards her and jabbing a piece of bacon at her like it was a stick. "The three of us made so much gil while we were sphere hunting that I think we're more wealthy than all the noblemen in Bevelle put together. Plus, you won't have to hire anyone to officiate. You have the Praetor of New Yevon sitting right here in Wakka's living room. And every catering company in all of Spira would fall all over themselves and grovel at your feet to have the chance to provide the food for your reception. The only thing you'll have to worry about paying for is your dress, Tidus' tuxedo, dresses for your bridesmaids and tuxedos for Tidus' groomsmen and anything else your heart desires."

Yuna sat there with wide eyes after I had finished pointing out the obvious, which I think weren't so obvious to her. "Wow, Paine, you're right. I didn't even think about all of that." She paused and her bi-colored eyes clouded over in thought. "But what if neither of us are ready? Don't you think we should wait until we're older?"

"Yunie," Rikku interjected, reaching across the table and taking one of her cousin's hands. "You love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do," she said, another blush creeping onto her face as her eyes found Tidus.

"Well then that's all you need. It'll all work out if you love each other enough. You finally found him after searching for him for so long. That's gotta mean something, right?" Rikku encouraged, smiling at her.

Yuna smiled back and patted her cousin's hand. "You're both right." She looked back at where Tidus was sitting and a calm, loving expression graced her features. "I'll talk to him about it later."

"You better," Rikku said, pointing an accusing finger at her cousin. "'Cause if you don't I'm coming all the way from Djose and doing it for you."

Yuna giggled at the funny face that Rikku was making. "You won't have to do that, Rikku. I will."

"Now that that's settled. What are you going to do, Paine? Thought of anything yet," Rikku asked, turning his attention to me.

I groaned inwardly as the conversation turned towards me. "I have thought of something." I got up from the table and cleared my throat loud enough for everyone in the room to turn their attention to me. "I'm sure you're probably all wondering what I'm going to be doing before I turn nineteen." I paused and laid my eyes on Baralai. "I'm going to Bevelle with Baralai."

"What are ya gonna do there?" Wakka asked in his thick Besaid accent.

"Train."

"Keep in touch," Lulu spoke up from the back of the room where she was nursing Vidina. "We're all here to help you, Paine."

I smiled, grateful for their support. "Thank you."

I almost sighed with relief when Brother chose that particular moment to come screeching over Rikku's communicator, alerting her that he was waiting for everyone at the beach and to hurry it up. Rikku said a few choice words to him in Al Bhed before turning her communicator off.

"Oh, he can be _so _annoying! Sometimes he acts so much like Pops that it's scary," she said, getting up from the table. "I guess we shouldn't keep him waiting for too long. Whoever needs a lift on the Celsius better go and get ready."

Fifteen minutes later everyone was packed onto the Celsius. As everyone was bustling about, I heard Brother complain about suddenly becoming a taxi service in Al Bhed.

"_Brother ec cilr y pypo," _Shinra remarked from his station, quietly enough that Brother wouldn't hear it.

I snickered, having overheard Shinra's comment. "Yes, he is." Shinra looked back at me from over his chair and snickered.

Shinra, the pint sized genius, had just recently abandoned his Al Bhed jumpsuit allowing everyone, even Brother and Buddy, to see what he looked like for the first time. Shinra's hair was jet black, which was a shocking surprise since Al Bhed's typically had light colored hair. His eyes were a startling icy blue, accompanied with the traditional swirls for irises. He looked so much different than what I thought that I was stunned into silence when I first laid eyes on him.

Baralai chose that point in time to surprise me even further. "_Cu E dyga ed Brother lusbmyehc y mud?"_ He asked me.

I snapped my head over to look at him, still wondering if it had been him that had spoken Al Bhed or if it had been my imagination playing tricks on me. I cleared my throat. "Well, he did a lot more than complain. He drove us all nuts with his infatuation over Yuna. The fact that they're cousins didn't seem to bother him."

"Oh, so that's why he's glaring at Tidus," Baralai replied, looking in Brother's direction.

I followed his gaze and, sure enough, Brother was giving Tidus' back a glare that could curdle milk. Yuna, who was standing in front of Tidus, glared right back at him in the discreetest way possible so the young, blonde haired blitzer in front of her wouldn't notice. Try as she might though Tidus saw the look on Yuna's face and when he turned around to figure out why she was wearing such a sour expression, Brother flew back around in his pilot's chair like he had been paying attention to where he was going the whole time. Tidus looked back at Yuna with a confused look plastered on his face but she waved her hand in the air, telling him not to worry about it. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to prevent a laugh from escaping. I guess I did feel a little sorry for him but that's what he gets for trying to commit incest.

"When did you learn to speak Al Bhed?" I asked, after Nooj had been dropped off at Youth League HQ.

"Well, being a world leader and all, I decided to learn it for diplomatic reasons," he replied, running a hand through his powder white hair. "I haven't been able to use it as of yet though."

"I'd just love to see the heads roll when all the priests find out you can speak the 'heathen's language'." I chuckled, knowing full well that some of the old Yevon followers still called the Al Bheds that.

Baralai chuckled. "It would be pretty entertaining."

I felt the airship rock beneath my feet as Brother landed it on the shores of Djose. Rikku bounced over to me and flung her arms around my neck.

"Bye, Painey! I'll see you soon. Don't get yourself kidnapped!" She said, squeezing me so tightly that I couldn't breathe until she released me.

"See you later, Rikku," I said, returning the hug, albeit much more gently, and gently patting her on the back a few times.

"Hey, Dr. P," Gippal said, coming up and giving me a high five. "If you get into any trouble don't hesitate to call us."

"Thanks, Gippal." I gave him a brief one armed hug then watched him and Rikku exit the bridge. A few moments later I saw them walking up the shore towards the temple, hand in hand.

"Next stop, Bevelle!" Brother announced, launching the Celsius into the air.

I spent the rest of the voyage in the cabin, sipping at a cup of coffee and chatting with Barkeep and Darling. I had developed a small headache, nothing more than a minor pounding behind the eyes, from my exercises in the jungle and the coffee was doing a miraculous job at making it go away. I had handed my empty cup back to Barkeep when Brother announced over the intercom that we were approaching Bevelle. I met Baralai out in the hallway.

"Enjoy your coffee?" He asked as we stepped onto the lift.

"Yes, I did. That headache I had is nonexistent now." I pressed the button for the bridge and leaned against the railing. "So where am I going to be living?"

"Well, you have two choices," he began. "You can either have a room inside the temple that's all to yourself or...you can live with me."

I quirked an eyebrow at the last choice. "And is living with you a way to keep me safe?" I inquired, taking a few steps towards him. I was suddenly feeling a little bit daring and, even though such an attitude change wasn't normal for me, I didn't care.

"I guess you could say that," he said, closing the gap between us even further.

I smirked and couldn't stop the extremely brave comment that had just popped into my head from escaping my mouth. "Is there more than one bed where you live?" I whispered. A smile began to creep its way onto the young Praetor's face but before our risky little conversation could continue the lift stopped and the doors slid open. I snickered at how tense Baralai looked. "Relax," I said, patting his shoulder before sauntering off the lift. "You're way too tense."

"I wonder why," I heard Baralai mumble as he stepped off the lift to follow me.

I had to bite down on my tongue to keep from laughing.


	4. Room Mates

**Chapter IV**

**Room Mates**

* * *

"Welcome to my humble abode. Sorry if it's a little messy. I was flooded with paperwork before I left for Besaid," Baralai explained, unlocking the door to his home and showing me inside. "You'll be sleeping here." He pushed open the first large oaken door he came to on the left side of the hall and flicked on the light switch.

I stood in the doorway, pretending to examine the layout of the room, but really pondering whether or not I should continue our dangerous little game. I slowly walked into the room and placed my bag on the bed, deciding the lay off the suggestive comments for now. "Thank you. It's a very nice room," I said, turning around and gazing about the room curiously.

Baralai was leaning up against the door jam, watching me for a few silent moments before speaking. "Well, make yourself at home. I'm going to try and finish all my paperwork. If you don't mind, I'd like you to start on your secretarial duties now. All you have to do is answer the door and the phone and take messages."

"Alright, doesn't sound too hard," I said, looking back at my bag and wondering if I should change out of the Black Mage. "If anyone comes calling for you what should I tell them?"

"That I am busy and wish to not be disturbed."

"You got it, boss," I said, saluting and following him out into the hallway, deciding to stay in the Black Mage dress for now.

"My office is across the hallway from my room," he said, pointing at the back of the hallway. "There's plenty of food in the kitchen and the remote for the television is on the coffee table. Oh and if you need anything don't hesitate to come ask. I don't mind being disturbed by you." He smiled at me before going into his office.

"Then I'll make sure to disturb you every chance I get," I replied, walking out into the living room.

I had just settled down to watch a little television when someone knocked on Baralai's front door. Sighing, I put myself in secretary mode and made my way over to the door. I wrapped my hand around the door knob and waited a few extra seconds before opening it. A young priestess of maybe sixteen stood on the front step with a hopeful look in her eyes, however that look quickly disappeared when she saw me open the door instead of the Praetor. She was about two or three inches shorter than me, with long brunette hair and emerald green eyes.

"Can I help you?" I asked, screwing on the best smile I possibly could.

"Uh, yes, is...Praetor Baralai here?" She asked, trying to look around me and into the house. I had a feeling that I had caught her off guard.

"Do you have an appointment with him?"

"No," she said slowly, shaking her head. "I just came to welcome him back home."

I quirked an eyebrow and, crossing my arms, leaned up against the door jam. I guess I should have known that Baralai had admirers. "I'm sorry, Miss...?"

"Oh, my name is Idalia. Praetor Baralai welcomed me into New Yevon himself," she announced proudly, like that one fact alone would make me run back to Baralai's office and grab him.

"Well, I'm sorry, Miss Idalia, but the Praetor is flooded with paperwork at the moment and will see no one. I'll be sure to pass on your message," I said politely, beginning to shut the door.

"If you don't mind my asking," she began, quickly putting her hand on the door to prevent it from closing. "but who are you?"

"I'm the Praetor's personal secretary," I replied, opening the door back up and leaning against it. "What business is it of yours?" I was beginning to get just a little bit irritated with her haughty attitude.

"Well, uh," she stammered, caught off guard by my question, trying to look for a suitable comeback. After a few seconds of gaping like a fish the young priestess' eyes lit up, finally coming up with something to say back. "Then why are you at his house? Last time I checked secretaries didn't follow their bosses home."

I couldn't help but chuckle. She was acting like Baralai was her own personal property. "Let's just say that...the Praetor likes bringing his work home with him," I replied, a sultry smile crawling onto my face. I knew that snide little comment would probably get me in trouble but the opportunity was just too sweet to pass up.

Idalia's face became beat red, either from embarrassment or fury I wasn't sure. "Just pass along my message," she said, turning and stomping off in a huff.

I closed the door and decided to give Baralai his message right away. I couldn't help from chuckling a small amount as I practically skipped down the hall. I rapped lightly on the door to announce my presence before opening it. Baralai was hunched over his desk, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper, the only light in the room being a small desk lamp. When I walked in he dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair, rubbing tenderly at his temples before looking at me.

"Did you need something?" He asked, sounding preoccupied.

"I just came to deliver a message," I said, crossing my arms over my stomach and approaching his desk. "A young priestess from the temple came to welcome you back to Bevelle."

Despite Baralai's hair being stark white, his eyebrows, strangely, were the same color as his skin. He arched one of those dark eyebrows and his lips were set in a thin line, almost like he already knew exactly who had delivered that message. "Her name wasn't Idalia, was it?"

"Yeah, it was," I said, walking around his desk and sitting on the edge of it. When he heard the name of the priestess he groaned and rolled his eyes, his hands going back to his temples. "Oh, so you know her?"

"I do," he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the top of his desk. The amount of paperwork he had gotten done was minimal to the amount he had left to do. "She's totally infatuated with me. It was kind of flattering at first but now it's annoying and bothersome."

"You never led her on, did you?" I asked, crossing my arms.

Baralai looked at me, appalled that I would even suggest such a thing. "Paine, of course not!" He exclaimed. "I would never do that. I'd get thrown out of office and straight into jail."

"Okay, okay," I said, raising my hands in the air defensively. "I was just asking." I chuckled as I remembered the look on the young girl's face as she stormed off. "And I think I made the poor girl angry."

Baralai frowned. "How'd you do that?"

"Well," I began, scratching the back of my neck. "I think she got mad at a few of the things I said to her." I paused. "Things pertaining to you."

He shot a questioning glance at me and a corner of his mouth curled upwards. "Like what?" He asked, not able to keep the smile out of his voice.

"Oh, you know," I said, crossing my legs and examining the gold designs on my sleeves. "I might have said something to make her jealous."

"Like what?" He asked again, leaning towards me.

I smirked, knowing that he wasn't going to let me drop the subject. I met his eyes and leaned towards him as well. "When she asked me why I'm here I told her that you like taking your work home with you."

"Now saying something like that could get you in trouble," Baralai said, closing the distance between us by a few more inches.

"I know," I replied, inching forward a bit myself. "It was all worth it when I saw the look on her face though."

"You're gonna have to behave yourself. I'm telling the council about you tomorrow. There's a chance you could have to walk on thin ice around them until they get used to the idea." As he spoke, our faces were creeping closer and closer together.

"Fine," I said, smiling. "I suppose I'll try for you."

Now there are certain moments in time where you sit on a proverbial fence between two possibilities of things that could happen. The moment will either happen the way you envision it or it will turn out the way you don't envision it.

This moment is one of them and I am sitting on said fence.

Baralai and I were _so_ close, mere millimeters away, from kissing for the first time in two years when someone decided to pound on the door. That would bring the number of untimely interruptions to two. I could have laughed at the irony of the whole thing. I heard Baralai's knuckles crack as he bunched his hand into a fist, obviously frustrated.

"You probably should go get that," he said, having trouble pushing those words out of his mouth. He didn't want me to leave and answer the door just about as I much as I did.

I nodded and left his office, a myriad of mixed feelings passing over me. I was still sitting on that damn fence wondering what would have happened if the person on the other side of that door chose to come by an hour or two later. I dragged my hand down my face before opening the door, preparing myself for anything.

I opened the door and frowned when Baralai's doorstep was empty. I wondered if it was just a couple of kids pulling pranks but a rather peculiar sound caught my attention just then: the sound of paper rustling in the wind. I slowly turned my head towards the door, spotting a folded piece of paper being held in place by a dagger. I stared at the dagger in fear like it was going to detach itself from the door and fly towards me. I gulped, predicting what I would find written on the paper and dreading it.

I placed a hand on the sheet of paper to prevent it from blowing away as I yanked the dagger out of the door. With shaking hands, I opened it and carefully read the writing scrawled upon it.

_Don't forget that we are watching you. There is no place you can go to hide from us. The clock is ticking._

I recognized the handwriting. This note had been written by Kaiser himself. I shut the door as quickly as I could, the resounding slam reverberating through the quiet house, then leaned up against it, trying to stop my heart from pounding. I knew something like this was going to happen. I knew they were going to be watching me. I was immediately grateful to Baralai for stopping me from carrying out my first plan. If he wouldn't have stopped me things probably could have gotten much worse for me and for everyone else.

"Paine?" Came Baralai's voice from his office. "Is everything okay?" He had probably heard me slam the door.

I took a deep breath and found my voice so I could answer him. "Yeah, every thing's fine," I stammered, walking back towards his office on unsteady legs.

When I walked back in his office, Baralai's brows furrowed and concern was filling his eyes when he saw the dagger I was carrying. "Paine, what is that?"

"A calling card," I said, handing him the note.

While he stared down at the note I couldn't take my eyes away from the dagger. There was nothing special about it. The handle was polished wood and the blade was regular steel. There were no inscriptions or markings on it to draw the eye and, even though it was an inanimate object, I was scared to death of it. I heard Baralai start to speak but I didn't hear a word of it. His voice sounded like it was a million miles away.

_I think I know what they're going to make me do when they perform my rite, _I thought, a shiver of fear traveling up my spine at the mere thought of it. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be in their clutches when I turned nineteen. No one, not even Baralai, was going to be able to protect me from them.

A gentle touch on my shoulder made me jump so bad that I almost dropped the accursed weapon. "Paine, are you sure you're alright?" Baralai repeated, laying a reassuring hand on my arm.

I tried to move my head, tried to open my mouth and say something but my eyes were still glued on the dagger. Including this, assassins of The Invisible carry an assortment of weapons with them when they go to take out a mark. Just one assassin is a walking arsenal. They use this dagger to make the killing blow, but when it's left on a house every other member of The Invisible know that the person or people inside are marked for death.

They were basically giving me my rite of passage assignment early.

I swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in my throat. _I'm not telling Baralai_, I thought, tightening my grip on the handle of the dagger. I heard Baralai open his mouth to speak again but I quickly shook myself out of my trance and gave him a half-hearted smile. "Yes, Baralai, every thing's fine. I'm just a little shaken up."

"Okay," he said, knowing that I hadn't told him the whole truth, but knew better than to push me for the answer. "It's still early but if you want to go to bed you can."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I think I will. What time should I be up to go to the office with you?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm probably going to be spending all day tomorrow finishing the paperwork I have. Sleep as long as you want," he said, rubbing my arm gently and smiling at me.

Then, without giving it any second thought, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and crushed my body against his. He was a few inches taller than me so I had to stand on the balls of my feet to reach around him. Baralai froze for a few seconds before hesitantly wrapping his arms around me. We just stood there for what seemed like hours, just holding each other. After what felt like an eternity, Baralai moved his right hand and placed it on the back of my head, idly weaving his fingers through my hair.

_What are you doing? _My mind screamed at me. _Now is not the time to lead him on and get his hopes up!_

I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes. That little inner voice was right though. I cleared my throat and backed away from him, meeting his eyes. "Thank you," I mumbled. I reached my hand up to briefly touch his face but I snatched it away. I let go of him and, feeling his hands fall away from me, left his office and went straight to my room.

I sphere changed back into my Warrior outfit then hastily began to take it off. Every buckle, clip and clasp seemed to take forever to come undone. It was like the leather had become red hot and the longer it stayed on me, the hotter it became. I just couldn't get it off fast enough it seemed. Once it was off of me and I was standing in front of my bed in nothing but my underwear I tore through my bag looking for something to wear to bed. I yanked a black tank top and a baggy pair of gray sweatpants out of the small leather bag and quickly threw them on.

I tossed my bag plus my Warrior outfit into the closet, flicked the light off and jumped under the covers. I was instantly surprised at how soft the bed was. If it was any softer I think I would have sunk inside it with no hope of getting out unless Baralai tugged me out of it. Before seeing his home, I wouldn't think that Baralai was the type of guy that knew how to decorate. He must have recently developed these skills because he sure didn't piss excellence when we were in the Crimson Squad together.

I sighed and hid my face under the thick comforter. Somewhere deep down in my heart I wished that circumstances were different somehow. That talk that Baralai and I had the other night had awoken something inside me, something that I didn't want to lose. I'm still not sure what to call the feelings that I have for Baralai. The last time I acknowledged that those feelings were even there was back in the Crimson Squad, but back then, those feelings were nothing but a girlish crush. Is that what they still are? A crush?

I flipped over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. _Well, there's one thing I do know, _I thought. _I don't want to hurt him. _I was considering getting up that very second and turning myself in to The Invisible early. _I'm gonna end up there soon anyways so why drag it out? _I shook my head, totally dismissing that notion. _No, Baralai doesn't deserve that. All he's been is kind to me._

I groaned in frustration and slammed one of my pillows over my face. _But what am I supposed to do until then? Play secretary and pretend everything is just peachy? _I pressed that pillow down onto my face harder and literally screamed into it as loud as I could. The pillow did a pretty good job of muffling my scream but anyone standing directly outside my door would have been able to hear it just fine.

That's when my night started to take a turn for the worst.

I froze when I heard a chuckle erupt a few feet to my left. For a split second I was wondering if I was hearing things but then, in a flash, I flew out of bed and over to the light switch, flicking it on. There, by my window, stood another member of The Invisible, Gwen. She was four years older than me, with blonde hair and startlingly blue eyes. She told me once that she had been in The Invisible for as long as she could remember. The six years that I spent as a member she was one of my closest friends.

"Gwen," I said, never taking my eyes off of her.

"Hello, Paine," she replied, taking a few steps toward my bed. "It's been so long. How have you been?"

"I really would like to take the time to sit down and reminisce with you Gwen, but let's just cut to the chase. Why are you here?" I asked, repeating to myself over and over that, even though we used to be close friends, I couldn't let my guard down.

Sadness flashed briefly through her cerulean eyes before being replaced with a mask of indifference. "Kaiser sent me to make sure you had gotten his message and that you understood your first assignment."

I tasted bile in the back of my mouth at the mere thought of what they were going to make me do. "Why?" I asked, that being the only word that I could push out of my mouth.

"Simple," Gwen said, crossing her arms over her chest and taking a few more steps towards me. "You escaped from us once before. Kaiser wants to make sure that once your rite is performed your loyalty to him is pure and will never falter."

I literally felt sick to my stomach. "I understand," I said, not being able to come up with anything else to say. I knew what they wanted me to do, yes, but I was far from understanding it. "So is that it?" I asked, my anger beginning to rise to the surface.

"Actually," Gwen began, uncrossing her arms. "Kaiser wanted me to give you this."

Gwen did something then that I had never seen her do. She moved towards me so quickly that I didn't have a chance to defend myself in the least. She was half way across the room one second and right in front of me the next, winding up to hit me. I had only managed to move my hands a couple inches away from my sides before she flung her hand forward, unleashing the most powerful open palm strike to my chest that she could without killing me. I cried out in pain and surprise, instantly feeling my limbs go totally limp before crumpling to the floor in a heap. I squeezed my eyes shut, baring my teeth against the pain that flooded my system. I hoped and prayed that Baralai had heard my shout.

"Until next we meet, Paine," Gwen said, disappearing from my view.

For what seemed like an eternity, I lay there on the floor twitching and whimpering in pain. Her open palm strike had only temporarily paralyzed me but, because of the awkward position that I had landed in, every beat of my heart was agony. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief when I heard Baralai's footfalls outside my door.

He rapped on the door gently with his knuckles. "Paine? Are you alright?"

I took in a few shaky breaths and made myself speak even though it hurt like hell to do so. "...help," I croaked, hoping that he could hear me.

I heard my door open and if I would have been able to move I would have started to dance for joy. "Paine!" Baralai exclaimed, rushing over to me. He kneeled beside me and gently scooped me up in his arms. He looked into my eyes fearfully. "What happened?"

I dragged in a shaky breath and winced, feeling as if my rib cage had collapsed. "The Invisible," I managed to say.

"What did they do to you?" He asked, anger rising up in his voice.

"Relax, Baralai, I'm not gonna die," I said, attempting to clench my hands into fists and only managing to make the pads of my fingers touch my palms. "I was hit with an open palm strike. I'll be fine in a few minutes."

"What did they come here for?" He asked, sweeping a few stray locks of hair out of my face.

My eyes met his for a few seconds as I prepared to tell him yet another lie. Or, rather, a partial truth. "Kaiser wanted to make sure I got his message."

"Was he the one that was here?" He asked, helping me sit on the bed.

"No," I replied, wriggling my toes. "It was Gwen. She and I were really close while I was there."

"And temporarily paralyzing you is her way of saying hello?"

"No, she said it was from Kaiser." I laughed. "I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to get any privacy until my birthday."

"Paine," Baralai said, sitting down and leaning towards me. "I won't let them take you away. I told you that I'm going to keep you safe and that's what I'm going to do. They'll have to go through me to get to you."

I smiled, flattered that he would say such a thing. "Baralai, you don't know what you're saying. If you try to stand in their way they'll kill you without a second thought."

"Then what are we going to do?" He asked, getting frustrated. "You'll be in their clutches forever if they perform your rite."

I sighed and leaned my head back, resting it on the head board. "I know, Baralai," I said, closing my eyes. "I know."

Baralai chuckled and put his hands on the bed beside me. "How can you be so calm about all of this?"

I opened my eyes, looking at him with a solemn expression on my face. "Because I've already accepted my fate."

Baralai looked at me in utter shock, perplexed that I would even think of saying such a thing. "So you're just going to give up? You're going to let them take you without a fight?"

"Baralai, you don't understand," I said, shaking my head and averting my eyes away from his. "No matter where I go they will always follow me; no matter what I plan they will always be one step ahead of me. None of us, not even Yuna, Rikku and I together, would stand the slightest chance against them. Not every member of The Invisible is able to use the same mind powers as me, and it's a good thing. If that was the case then Kaiser would have found ways for them to kill their marks with a mere thought."

Baralai was silent and, when I dared to make my eyes meet his once more, I saw only sadness in those dark brown depths. We stared into each other's eyes for many moments, never saying a word to one another. Baralai didn't need to say anything anyways; I could see every thought that flew through his head written all over his face. He wasn't willing to give up. Back in the Squad days, he was one of those people that believed there was always _something _that could be done to solve a problem. And, on a few occasions, that little intuition of his helped get us through the exercises quicker and easier than the rest, but that wouldn't help me now.

Baralai broke his gaze away from me and gingerly scooped my hand up, cradling it in both of his. I could tell just by the look on his face that he wanted to tell me something, anything to get me from tossing in the chips early. He was probably disappointed with me but I didn't care. I knew what would happen if we resisted. I didn't want to go back either, but there are just some things in this world that don't come with an alternative.

I came out of my revere when Baralai cleared his throat and spoke. "Paine, I lost you once," he said, his voice shaking. "I don't want to lose you again."

My anger over the whole situation chose that moment to get the better of me. I ripped my hand from Baralai's grasp and glared hard at him. "Do you seriously think I actually _want_ to go back? I'd rather jump off a cliff than go back and live like that!" I sighed in frustration, slamming my hands down on the comforter. "Baralai, if I thought there was a way that I could stay away from them I would have told you about it! There's nothing we can do!"

Baralai was so caught off guard – or so I thought – by my sudden outburst that he jumped up from the floor and took a few steps away from the bed. When I smelled smoke I figured out the real reason why he had sprung away. In my anger, I had started to burn the pieces of the comforter that were beneath my hands. I jumped and pulled my hands away like I had been burned as well.

"Shit," I mumbled, rubbing my palms. I looked up at Baralai and for the first time since I met him I couldn't tell what he was thinking. His face was totally unreadable. "I'm sorry," I said, looking down at the comforter. "For this and for yelling at you."

His face softened immediately after hearing my apology. "It's alright," he said, brushing it off his shoulder like it was nothing, even though I knew better. He would still be fuming over this for weeks to come. He began to walk towards the door but, after only taking a few steps, stopped and turned back to me. "I...want you to sleep with me."

I blinked a few times and gave him a wide-eyed stare. _What the hell does he mean by that? _I asked myself, perplexed. "Come again?" I asked, wondering if my ears were somehow deceiving me.

I saw a dark red blush creep up his neck when he realized what he had said. "I mean," he began, scratching the back of his head. "I want you to spend the night with me in my room."

I smirked and swung my legs over the bed, firmly planting my hands on the surface beside me. "And why is that?"

"Just as a safety precaution." He cleared his throat. "That way if one of them shows up again I'll be there."

I bit my tongue to make sure the chuckle that wanted to escape never got the chance to. I pushed myself off the bed and before I walked past him I reached a hand up to the left side of his face and slowly traced his jaw line with my index finger. "Yeah, sure, Baralai," I said, walking out of my room and into his.


	5. Denial

**Chapter V**

**Denial**

* * *

The next morning I woke up in a much better mood than I should have been in considering the circumstances. It might have been because every inch of Baralai's sheets seemed like they had been drenched in his cologne. Or it might have been the fact that the dark skinned Praetor is a cuddler and a sleep talker. A small chuckle escaped my lips as I remembered waking up to find Baralai's arms wrapped around me and his head on my chest like I was his pillow. I wasn't entirely sure what to do at first; to be honest I had an urge to slap him upside the head, but I knew that wouldn't have ended well.

So instead I spent five minutes trying to carefully pry Baralai's arms off of me without waking him up and that's when he started mumbling incoherently, which almost made me jump out of my skin because for a second I thought he was actually awake. After sitting frozen in place for two or three minutes, reassuring myself that he was in fact asleep, I continued trying to scoot him back over to his side of the bed.

_I'll get you back one of these days, _I thought, after Baralai's arms were wrapped around his pillow instead of me.

I thought the whole situation was extremely comical. Now I had an embarrassing story to tell everyone the next time I saw them. _Yeah, not sure when that will happen, _I thought, rolling my eyes.

I squeezed my eyes shut as a yawn snuck up on me. I reluctantly pushed the warm blankets off of me and stood up, lazily stretching my arms above my head. I yawned again as I walked out of Baralai's room and into mine. I needed to shower before I started my training so I grabbed a fresh set of underwear then went to the guest bathroom. While I was soaking in the hot water cascading down on my shoulders, I was over my options of which dressphere I should wear.

Once my shower was over, I took my time drying myself off. I wasn't in a huge rush after all. I went back in my room, fully dressed and ready to take on the day, then tossed my bag back onto my bed and slowly sorted through all my Grids. I was tempted to put on the Black Mage again but I chose the Lady Luck instead, deciding to practice my telepathy with the cards.

I made the cards fly around my body for a few minutes, getting the feel for my telepathic powers again. I immediately felt a small drain as I watched the cards swirl through the air but I shook it off, knowing that I wasn't going to get any better if I didn't push myself.

After ten minutes I was ready for a little break. I let the cards float back into my hand and took a deep breath as I felt a headache rearing its ugly head. _Just what I need. _I left my bedroom and ventured into Baralai's office, not surprised when I didn't find him sitting behind his desk. _He's probably at the temple talking with the council like he said he was going to._

"I wonder how that's going," I said to myself as I walked into his kitchen.

I kept tugging on the sides of my clothing as I searched his cupboards for something to eat. The Lady Luck was a nice dressphere, but I think mine could have been just _a little _more conservative. Whenever I wore the blasted thing it felt like if I moved wrong the whole thing would come undone and fall off me. _At least Baralai's at the temple._ I would probably turn all ungodly shades of red if he _ever _saw me in this.

"Which is why after I find something to eat, I'm going to practice a little more and sphere change back into the Black Mage," I said, talking to myself once again as I sorted through his pantry.

I settled for a can of chicken noodle soup that was looking rather forlorn sitting in the farthest corner of one of the shelves. After searching for a can opener for almost ten minutes I found it pushed all the way in the back of his silverware drawer under a ladle and a couple forgotten butter knives. _Boy, wonder how long this has been back there?_ I turned the utensil over in my hand and decided to wash it off before using it.

I had just finished pouring the soup into a bowl and was getting ready to put it in the microwave when a weird feeling made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I chuckled under my breath and gripped the edge of the counter top so tightly that my knuckles cracked. _Can I not get _any _time to myself anymore? _I let out a frustrated sigh and roughly ran my hand through my hair.

"You can stop creeping around," I snapped. "I know you're here."

"Why the long face, Paine? I thought you would be glad to see me."

My whole body went rigid at the sound of that voice. _It can't be..._ I gulped and turned around slowly, hoping that the owner of that voice wasn't who I thought it was.

Kaiser.

He stood in the kitchen entryway, blocking my only way out. Well, there was the window over the sink but I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to use that as a means of escape. Kaiser's dark eyebrows arched as he looked at my rather risqué outfit.

"Dressing to impress, Paine?" He asked, one corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk.

I scowled, a hate filled glare flashing in my ruby eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd make a house call myself. It has been a while since we've seen each other, hasn't it?" He folded his hands behind his back and took a few steps towards me. In return, I took a few steps away, keeping as much distance between us as I could in the confined space of Baralai's kitchen.

"Why can't you just leave me alone for the next month? You don't have to worry about me trying to hide from you because I know that I can't."

Kaiser chuckled and leaned against the counter. "And how am I supposed to trust you? You've escaped me once before. Who's to say that you won't try it again?"

I hung my head and bit the inside of my lip. _The bastard's right. But there's gotta be some way that I can convince him. _After many minutes of long silence knowing what to say but dreading it I opened my mouth to answer, knowing that nothing else would satisfy him. "I swear by my rite that I will keep my word. I'll be yours on my birthday." What I had said was nothing short of signing my soul away. _I had to do it, Baralai. I'm sorry._

A satisfied smile appeared on Kaiser's lean face. "Good, I'm glad to hear it. See you in a month, Paine." He turned away and slowly began to disappear. "We'll still be watching."

I heard the door open and shut mere moments after Kaiser had disappeared. He wouldn't have any trouble leaving the way he came even though Baralai had just come back, no trouble at all. "Paine?" I heard him call from the living room. "Are you awake? I'm back."

I heard him start to walk towards the hallway and shook myself out of my trance. "I'm in the kitchen, Baralai," I said, turning back around and shoving my bowl into the microwave.

Remember that good mood that I woke up in? Yeah, neither do I. I silently cursed Kaiser for showing up when he did. I didn't want Baralai to see me dressed like this. I looked nothing short of a Lucan whore. I heard Baralai's heavy footfalls stop in the kitchen entryway, almost exactly where Kaiser had been standing a few minutes ago.

"Paine?"

I gasped when he spoke. "I'm fine, Baralai," I said, still not turning to face him. "I've been practicing all morning. I'm a little tired."

He walked up behind me and softly placed his hands on my bare hips. His warm breath on the back of my neck made shivers shoot up my spine. "What have you been practicing?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"My mind powers," I said, squeezing my eyes shut and doing a damn good job of keeping my voice calm. I gripped the counter again, knowing that I should stop him from touching me, knowing that I should stop playing these games with his head.

All these reasons I had to open my mouth and stop him but I didn't act on one of them. It was like I had been paralyzed by his touch and I was helpless to do anything but stand there. Old memories sprang up behind my eyelids, particularly memories of _that _night. I shivered and goose bumps raced over my skin as he brought his hands around my stomach, his fingers slipping beneath the material of my clothing, grazing over the red diamond that was underneath my breasts.

His touch was simply intoxicating and I wanted _more_ of it. Much, much more. I don't think I would have minded one bit if Baralai tore my clothes off right then and there and laid me on his kitchen counter.

_What the hell do you think you're doing? You need to stop him!_ My mind screamed at me.

"B-Baralai..." I stammered, holding onto my last shred of self control pretty damn well. I clenched my teeth and almost lost that last bit as I felt his body press firmly up against mine.

"Hm?" His chest thrummed against my back at that simple reply. The soft kisses he trailed down my neck made my knees want to buckle.

"I...I need you to...to stop...please," I stammered, nervously fidgeting against him.

His movements halted instantly upon my request. I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt his body move away from mine and, without even thinking about it, my magic took over and made me disappear for the first time in five years. As I was disappearing I moved away from him so he wouldn't be able to get a hold of me.

"Paine, no!" Baralai gasped, lunging for the place I was last standing only to meet empty air.

I swiftly but slowly moved around him and went into the living room. I stood there in front of the couch for who knows how long watching him search room after room of his large house for me. I retreated to the far corner of his living room and wedged myself into the corner standing as still as a statue, my eyes the only thing moving. Finally, Baralai gave up his search and collapsed to his knees in the middle of his living room.

"Paine, please, I'm sorry," he whispered, before getting up and walking out the front door.

I stood stock still, staring at the floor for many long moments, torn between staying right where I was or going after him. I knew that I had done the right thing by stopping him but pulling the disappearing act probably wasn't the brightest idea. I sighed and let go of the magic keeping me invisible.

I looked down at my hands and clenched them tightly into fists. I needed to go let off some steam somehow. I rushed into my room and fished a random Garment Grid out of my bag before leaving Baralai's house, not really knowing nor caring where I was going. Finally, after walking for who knows how long, I had ended up near Bevelle Temple or, rather, the Bevelle Temple Training Grounds. A large group of Warrior Monks were sparring a few meters away from where I was standing. _Just what I need. Wonder if they want to play?_

I walked up to the man who looked like their captain and greeted him. He was about a foot taller than me with sandy colored hair and deep blue eyes. "Hello, Sir."

The man turned to look at me, his brows furrowing when he saw my state of dress. "What can I do ya for?" He asked, his voice rough.

"I was wondering if I could spar with your troop," I said, folding my arms over my stomach.

The captain snickered, amused that I, a lowly woman, would even consider sparring with a group of trained men. "You gotta be kiddin' me sweetheart," he said, turning fully towards me.

"No, Sir, I kid you not."

"Prove it," he replied, chuckling even more.

I snickered a small amount to myself. "Oh, I will," I said, a wide smirk appearing on my face.

The captain laughed even more and halted his men. He didn't really have to, almost all of them had stopped as soon as I had walked up to their captain. "This lady wants to test all of your skills. What say you? Want to show this woman what you're all made of?"

All the Warrior Monks cheered in agreement, welcoming my challenge. "Why, thank you," I said, activating my Garment Grid. "You won't be disappointed." Once I had fully sphere changed into the Berserker the monks looked as though they were having second thoughts about sparring with me. _I guess I'll just have to do a little provoking._ I smirked and grazed my tongue seductively over my fangs, a growl rumbling deep in my chest. "Who's first?"

The monks, who had been sparring with wooden staffs before I arrived, threw them to the ground, figuring because I had no weapons that this was going to be a hand to hand match. Two broke away from the rest of the group and charged towards me, fists at the ready. Before I realized what I was doing, I crouched down then sprang up into the air, my right foot connecting with the first Warrior Monk's chin as I did a graceful back flip.

When I landed I was _almost_ taken off guard by the one that was still upright. He tried taking me down with an uppercut but I quickly dove to the side and rolled out of the way. Two more broke away and tried ambushing me while I was still trying to get up._ Oh no you don't._ I planted both my hands and feet on the ground and shot myself towards the two monks that were running towards me, slamming my hands in the middle of their chests and knocking them onto their backs as I flew past them.

Once I was back on my feet the one that I had dodged appeared right in front of me, getting ready to send a punch flying my way. I readied myself and blocked a few of his punches before I grabbed his right fist and flipped him over my back. I had to keep reminding myself to refrain from using my claws. _We're only sparring after all. I don't want to end up killing one of them._ Every few minutes I would feel myself try to strike one of the monks with my claws and I had to quickly ball my hand into a fist to prevent myself from hurting them too badly.

Before I knew it the match was over. All the Warrior Monks had obviously had enough after being spanked twice in a row by a woman. I walked back over to the captain, who was standing there with a satisfied smirk on his face. "From the way you were dressed earlier I thought you had a death wish. You did a pretty damn good job."

"Naturally," I said with a smile, crossing my arms.

The captain chuckled and averted his eyes to a point behind me. "You've had a pretty captive audience almost the whole time."

I frowned and turned my head, already knowing who it was and not surprised when I saw Baralai standing at the edge of the training grounds. _He's been watching me the whole time?_ I looked back at the captain and nodded. "Thank you."

"No thanks needed. We'll be here if you ever decide to come back."

"I just might have to take you up on that offer," I said as I walked away.

The dark skinned Praetor was wearing an expression that could only be described as amazement. "I didn't know you could fight like that," he said, any trace of what happened earlier gone.

"You missed a lot while I was a Gullwing," I replied, walking past him.

"Do you enjoy reminding me?" He asked, falling in step beside me.

I bit down on the tip of my tongue, a little embarrassed about what I was about to say to him. "Believe it or not...but I missed you the most those two years after we were separated."

Baralai was silent for a few moments and I was mentally cursing myself for breaking my vow of not leading him on. You could only imagine how surprised I was when he answered me. "You know...same here," he replied softly, his hand reaching over to wrap around mine.

I stared down at my hand in shock like it had somehow betrayed me. _You're crumbling, Paine. You're crumbling like a rusty machina._ My arm tightened and I was getting ready to pull my hand away when he roughly pushed me against a wall and smashed his mouth into mine. My eyes became as big as Blitzballs, my brain still trying to register that Baralai was kissing me. _Oh, sweet Shiva..._

My body went lax and melted against his, my muscles refusing to obey any of my commands. I felt myself relaxing into his kiss, even starting to return it. Kissing him again just felt _so damn good_. It was like a drug that I had been deprived of for three years and now that I had it again I never wanted to let it go. I didn't even care if anybody saw us. The priests or the council be damned.

I was playing tug of war with myself in my mind and the rational side was quickly losing ground. If I didn't do something fast...well I was pretty sure where we would end up. With the last sliver of my quickly dissolving self control, I let a low growl rise up from the pit of my stomach as I pushed him away.

"Baralai..." I said, the growl still present in my voice. His deep brown eyes widened when he saw my fangs bared at him. "Stop."

"Paine, I - "

"No!" I roared. "No, Baralai, you know what I have to do! You know what's going to happen to me!" I stood there staring at him and breathing heavily until I turned away from and dashed off towards his house, only one thing on my mind the entire way: the fact that I was actually falling in love with him.

I stormed into Baralai's house and locked myself in my room. Maybe coming here to live with him wasn't such a good idea after all. I knew something like this was bound to happen. I angrily rummaged around in my bag, sorting through my Garment Grids and finally settling on the Black Mage. I paced around my room in a huff, trying to figure out what I was going to do with both Baralai and The Invisible.

I strode over to the window seat and let out my anger on a throw pillow, mercilessly burning it into a pile of ashes. I had a mind to pack my things and take my chances with The Invisible but I wasn't strong enough yet. I had no choice but to stay here and train. _I'll just have to talk some sense into that thick headed Praetor._

I sat fuming in the window seat for what seemed like hours, my anger refusing to be burnt out. I turned a deaf ear to Baralai's pleas to come out and talk to him. Eventually he gave up and retreated to his office, presumably to finish that large pile of paperwork. By the time the sun had begun to set all my anger toward the man in the other room had finally burnt itself out. I felt compelled to go apologize but my pride kept getting in the way. By the time I got up enough gumption to go into his office and talk to him it was pitch black outside, except for the meager light the moon gave off.

I sighed and trudged out of my room, staring at the light coming from underneath Baralai's office door. At least I knew that he hadn't gone to bed yet. I think I stood in front of his door for at least ten minutes having a staring contest with the doorknob. It seemed to take all the strength I had in me just to lift my hand and turn the knob. I took a deep breath and stepped inside his office, keeping my eyes downcast until I had shut the door behind me. A quiet smile found its way onto my face when I saw him slumped over his desk, fast asleep.

I quietly tip-toed over to the right side of his desk and gingerly settled myself on top of it. His head was resting on his crossed arms, part of his face hidden by the large sleeves of his Praetor robe. His powder white hair was messy and hanging in his face, his blue bandanna laying forgotten on his desk. It may have been the lighting or the fact that I had never actually seen him sleep before but...he looked so much more captivating when he slept. His long dark eyelashes swept his cheeks and small wisps of his hair fell over his face, making him look almost child-like.

I bit my bottom lip and reached out with a quivering hand, softly sweeping his bangs away from his right eye. I gasped and jerked my hand away when he stirred, groaning sleepily. His eyelids fluttered open and when he saw me he jumped to full attentiveness, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Paine," he said, his voice thick. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said, looking away from him. "Sorry."

"No, it's alright," he replied, leaning back in his chair and yawning lazily.

An awkward silence passed over us then, neither of us able to think of anything to say. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was doing a pretty good job at looking at everything else though. Thankfully, Baralai was the first one to say something.

"Paine, I'm sorry about earlier. I overreacted. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"You're right," I said, finally looking at him. "You shouldn't have done that." I sighed and walked back around to the front of his desk, keeping my back to him. "In fact, I don't think you should have invited me to come live with you."

"Paine, why - "

"Do you know what this is doing to me, Baralai?" I exclaimed, rounding on him. "Do you have any idea how bad this is tearing me up inside?" I slammed my hands down on his desk and glared hard at him, my eyes burning like a pair of red hot coals.

Baralai stared at me in shock before hunching forward on his desk, resting his head in his hands. He sighed in frustration and roughly dragged his hands down his face before folding them under his chin. "I'm sorry, Paine. I just...I can't deny my feelings for you any longer."

"Well, Baralai, you're going to have to keep denying those feelings because in less than a month I'm going to be another puppet on Kaiser's string. I'd say that starting something with you wouldn't be the smartest thing considering what I have to do." My eyes widened as my brain registered what I had just said. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek and quickly spun away from him, cursing myself for opening my big mouth.

"What do you mean, Paine?" He asked, getting up and coming to stand behind me.

"Nothing," I replied, not feeling like telling him that I was charged with killing him for my rite of passage assignment. "Forget I said anything."

I went to walk out of his office and back into my room when Baralai rushed past me and held the door shut with his hand, blocking my only way out. "No, Paine, I can't just forget it. What are they going to make you do?"

I looked away from his penetrating stare and fumed. "You don't want to know that, Baralai. Trust me." I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "Please get out of the way."

"No," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "I can tell that something has been bothering you. Why can't you tell me?"

My bangs fell in my face as I turned my head to look at him and I aggressively pushed them back into place. "Why can't you drop it?" I said, raising my voice. "I don't have to tell you anything! Now get out of my way!"

I reached out towards him with my mind and wrapped my telekinetic energy around him. I held him in place then slithered my way around him and out the door. My emotions were in a whirlwind of confusion. I had no idea what I was feeling at the moment. I didn't know that the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach was guilt and the constricting tightness in my chest was heart break. I had done nothing less than outright reject him. _But denying telling him your rite of passage assignment was the right thing to do. You're only protecting him,_ the logical part of my mind reasoned as I put my pajamas on.

"Yeah," I said aloud, agreeing with my mind. "I'm protecting him."

"Protecting me from what?" Baralai said from my doorway.

I gasped in surprise and whirled around, looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights. _Holy Shiva, how does he do that?_ "Nothing," I said, keeping up the lie.

"Paine, it's not nothing! Why won't you tell me? Don't shut me out! I can help you!" He yelled, gesturing in the air with exasperation.

That's when I lost it. My anger flared so hot right then that I was shocked fire wasn't pouring out of my mouth. "No, you can't!" I screamed back. "There is nothing you can do to help me with this! I've always been alone in everything I ever did and I'm going to be alone in this too!"

I was out of breath after I had finished my tirade. I was shocked that all of that had come flying out of my mouth. Baralai seemed unfazed by all of it, his face was set in stone and unreadable to me. Yelling at him was the last thing I wanted to do but I just wanted him to drop it. I didn't want him to know.

Baralai finally sighed heavily and leaned up against the door jam, clearly at a loss for what to say. A million emotions flew across his face in just a few short seconds but before I could identify any of them they were gone. _He wants you to let him in,_ my mind told me._ He wants to help you._

_I don't need his help,_ I said back. _I can handle this by myself. He doesn't need to be burdened with my problems._

My mind didn't offer a comeback either because I tuned it out completely or because Baralai had started talking. I almost started to tune him out as well but I knew that I needed to listen to him.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this but...I really do care about you. More than you know."

Before I had the chance to say anything back he had already left my room and closed the door behind him. I think I sat staring at that blasted door for at least two hours. I was still planted in the same spot when Baralai went to bed.

About half an hour after I heard him disappear into his room, I finally got up enough courage to slink in and curl up next to him under the covers. I tentatively wrapped my arm across his bare chest and laid my head on his shoulder. I froze when he sighed and his head fell against mine but relaxed a few seconds later. I knew what I was doing just destroyed all the walls I had attempted to erect but, frankly, I didn't care. Kaiser be damned.


	6. Big Mouth

**Chapter VI**

**Big Mouth**

* * *

The next morning when I woke up Baralai was gone yet again. _He's rather good at getting up with__out disturbing me, _I thought as I went into my room and sphere changed into the Berserker. I was hoping the same group of Warrior Monks were at the training grounds. When I got there I discovered that the group training wasn't the one that I had sparred with the previous day. _Ah, well, more fun for me._

I guess that word had gotten out about me though. Before I even had a chance to introduce myself the captain rounded on me and sent me a knowing glance. "Are you here to whip my troop into shape as well?"

I was rather taken aback by his statement. I hadn't been expecting him to say something like that. "Well...I will if you want me to."

"What's your name, girl?" He asked, sticking out one of his large hands.

"Paine," I replied, taking his hand into my Berserker paw and shaking it.

"Oh, no wonder why you're such a good fighter," he said with a smirk. "You're a Gullwing."

I nodded. "I am. So do I have permission to spar with your men?"

"Of course you do! Have at 'em!"

"Why, thank you," I said, turning towards the group of Warrior Monks that were watching me.

The men this time around had been trained a little better in hand to hand combat and, even though it was harder to take them by surprise, they were still no match for me. Since none of the monks wanted to be trounced by a girl the sparring match went on for much longer than the previous day's match. The captain eventually stopped us after almost three hours. He applauded his men on their persistence but also told them that he was disappointed that they hadn't taken me out in the first five minutes. A large chorus of grumblings followed the captain's words. I thanked him then sphere changed into the Black Mage and left the training grounds, venturing over to Baralai's office.

I didn't bother to knock, knowing that Baralai wouldn't mind if I walked in unannounced. As soon as the heavy wooden door of his office clicked shut he looked up at me with a dazed expression, numbers and letters dancing across his eyes. "Oh, Paine," he said, dropping his pen and leaning back in his chair. "How are you?"

"Just finished another training match with a group of Warrior Monks," I said, sitting on a corner of his desk and laying my arms over my legs. I bit my lip, hoping that we wouldn't start screaming at each other again. Just as Baralai was beginning to speak I interrupted him. "I'm...sorry...for my attitude over the past few days. I know what you're trying to do and I really do appreciate it but..." I paused, at a loss for how to continue. I looked away from him and wrapped my fingers around the edge of his desk, racking my brain for something, anything, to say.

"It's alright. I understand," he said, reaching out and taking one of my hands in his.

I jumped at his touch, almost succeeding in ripping my hand out of his grasp. I swallowed the lump that had magically formed in my throat and tried not to think about how soft his hand was. I took a deep, shaky breath, hoping my voice wouldn't betray how nervous I was. "Baralai..." I began, my voice only wavering slightly. "I think it's best that you don't touch me."

He gently squeezed my hand before returning it to the edge of his desk. I then quickly folded both my hands in my lap to prevent him from getting anymore ideas. I heard him sigh and turned my head in enough time to catch him run his fingers through his hair. "I just wish there was something more I could do. You have no idea how helpless I feel."

I nodded and looked away from him when his eyes met mine. "I feel pretty helpless myself."

Another awkward silence passed between us for many more moments before Baralai broke it. "I guess I'll just have to learn not to be so protective of you," he said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his desktop.

I frowned and turned my head back to look at him, confused by his words. "Why would you feel the need to protect me anyways, Baralai?"

He smiled sheepishly and looked away from my stare, chuckling nervously. "I don't know. It's not like you need my protection. It's just...a feeling I have."

I averted my gaze away from his once again when he looked at me. _He's right. I'm a big girl. I can look after myself._ I was about to open my mouth and say something when my old Gullwing communicator sprang to life and started beeping. I jumped, not expecting that thing to go off, and quickly answered it.

"Hello?"

"_Painey!"_

I rolled my eyes at Rikku's nickname for me. "Yes, Rikku?"

"_I was just calling to tell you that Yunie and Tidus are getting married in two weeks!"_

"Really?" I said, figuring that little speech I gave her actually did sink in. _Wow, they moved pretty fast. It's only been two days since we had that conversation._

"_Well duh! We're having Yunie's bachelorette party tomorrow night!" _Rikku paused and I could hear whispering in the background. When she began speaking again her voice sounded annoyed. _"And I guess we're having Tidus' bachelor party tomorrow too. So both you and Baralai need to get your butts to Besaid! Rikku out!_

"I guess we have no choice in the matter," Baralai said, leaning back in his chair once again.

I shook my head and turned my communicator off to prevent anymore surprise conversations with Rikku. "No, looks like we don't."

Baralai laced his fingers behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. "When would you like to leave?"

I shrugged and toyed idly with my sleeves. "Well, whenever you can I guess."

Baralai reached forward and thumbed through a few papers that were scattered about his desk. He pulled a couple out of the conflagration and applied his signature to them before setting them in a tray on the front corner of his desk. He scooted his chair back and stood, examining his desk for a few more seconds before nodding. "I've done everything that needs to be done for now. Go on ahead of me. I have to tell the council that I'm taking another short leave."

I nodded and followed him to the door. Just as he was about to open it, I reached out and stopped him by laying a restraining hand on his forearm. He looked at me expectantly and I quickly moved my hand away from him. "I just remembered...how did your talk with them about me being your secretary go?"

"Surprisingly well, actually," he replied, holding the door open for me. "When they heard that I was appointing a Gullwing to do the job they were rather set against it, but I was able to persuade them otherwise."

I looked out of the corner of my eye at him and smirked. "Oh really? And how were you able to accomplish that?"

"I have my ways," he said, turning his head in my direction and winking at me. I was about to offer a retort when he stopped at the entrance to the court room. "Well, looks like we part ways here. I promise not to take too long."

I nodded. "I'll contact Shinra on my way back and see if Brother is available to fly us to Besaid."

"Sounds like a plan," he said, before disappearing behind the large stone doors.

I flicked my communicator back on and tried to pick up the Celsius' signal. It took a few minutes but Shinra eventually answered. _"This is the Celsius."_

"Hello, Shinra. It's Paine."

The boy genius snickered. _"I take it you got Rikku's message?"_

"I did. When's the earliest time that you and Brother can get to Bevelle?"

"_Well, we just finished dropping off a shipment of machina in Bikanel so we should be there within the hour."_

"See you in an hour then. Thank you, Shinra."

He snickered again then the connection was cut. I was approaching Baralai's home when said Praetor skidded to a halt beside me. I shot him a surprised glance and looked back in the direction of the temple. "That didn't take very long," I said, stopping so Baralai could catch his breath.

Baralai shook his head. "They have granted me leave though," he said, taking a deep breath and leaning up against a tree.

"Shinra and Brother are going to be here in an hour to take us to Besaid." I continued walking once Baralai looked able enough. _He is quite out of shape. All that Praetor work must be making him soft._

Once we were inside I retreated to my room to make sure my bag was organized and to put my old leather outfit back on. Baralai knocked on my door just as I had finished putting my belt in place around my hips. "That outfit always was my favorite," he said from my doorway.

"And why is that?" I asked, adjusting a few of the buckles on my legs. I was instantly sorry that those words had come out of my mouth. I knew that I had only set myself up for another suggestive comment from Baralai. I mentally kicked myself, reminding myself that I wasn't on vacation.

"Because," he said, chuckling nervously. "It makes you look so much more beautiful."

I was glad that I still had my back turned to Baralai so he wouldn't see me roll my eyes. His comment was flattering, to be sure, and it even made me blush a little, but I had already told him that those types of comments were far from welcome. So all I could do was give him a small smirk in return. "Thank you," I said, grabbing my bag and walking past him.

I felt the Celsius' engines long before I heard them. Baralai jokingly told me I was imagining things, but he quickly took his comment back when he saw the Celsius drop out of the sky and land on his front lawn. Once we were on board, I snuck off to the cabin while Baralai was chatting with Shinra in Al Bhed to get a little quiet time to myself before we got to Besaid. Barkeep greeted me and slid a large mug of tea with honey over to me. I thanked him then walked up the stairs and deposited my bag on my old bed.

_Mmm...chamomile..._ A quiet smile spread over my face as the steam from my cup drifted by my nose. I gently blew over the surface and took a small sip, careful not to burn my mouth. I sighed in contentment as I sank into the soft cushions of the couch, extremely enjoying the time to myself while I still had the chance. Once I had polished off my tea and set the empty mug on the table in front of me, I finally took note of all the magazines laying on the surface.

I smirked as I grabbed one and stared at the cover. Rikku was an avid fan of several girl magazines and she had left over a dozen of them on the Celsius. Why, I have no idea.

I idly skimmed through the pages, reading about scandalous love triangles, malicious break ups and article after article of teenage drama. I quickly lost all track of time as I sat there reading and listening to the thrum of the Celsius' engines.

I felt Baralai's presence long before I saw him. I frowned and let my magazine fall against my legs as I examined this new ability. I wasn't exactly sure how I could _feel_ Baralai before I could see him but I figured it had something to do with my mind powers. I even sensed Barkeep and Darling shuffling around behind the counter and Brother, Buddy and Shinra on the bridge. I was extremely puzzled about what I had just discovered about myself. I wasn't exactly sure if I should embrace my new ability or not.

I saw Baralai walk into the cabin but I pretended not to notice. When he ascended the stairs and stopped at the top I had to will myself not to look up at him. I didn't have to use my mind powers to know that he was staring at me. I instantly began to wonder why in the world he would want to stare at me.

_He just told you that you're beautiful a few hours ago. That's why!_

I bit the inside of my bottom lip and calmly turned the page that I had been staring at since Baralai had walked into the room. I sighed and pretended to read an article on Shiva knows what just to keep my mind off the person standing near the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief when he began to walk towards me. I looked up and acknowledged him just as he passed my bed.

"I was wondering where you had run off to," he said softly, stopping a few paces away from the couch.

I nodded and tossed the magazine back onto the table. "I just wanted a little quiet time to myself before we get to Besaid," I said, collecting my mug and standing up. "Once we're there Rikku is gonna make sure I don't have any time to myself." I paused as I took a few steps toward him. "But I don't think I'll mind this time."

Baralai sent me a knowing smile and fell in step next to me. "At least it's better than being holed up with me in Bevelle," he said, folding his hands behind his back.

I was about to open my mouth and tell him that I much rather preferred to be holed up in Bevelle with him. Instead I decided to clear the subject up once and for all. _"Fa haat du cdub bmyoehk draca kysac fedr aylr udran, Baralai,"_ I said as we stopped in the hallway outside the cabin.

Baralai crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow, unsure of what I meant. "What kind of games? What do you mean?"

"_Draca kysac fa bmyo fedr aylr udran'c raytc,"_ I mumbled, having a hard time saying it.

Baralai shook his head and looked into my eyes deeply. "I'm not meaning to play games with your head, Paine. _Everything_ I have ever told you is true."

"_E cruimth'd ryja cyet yhodrehk,"_ I said, walking away from him and onto the lift.

I slammed my hand down on the deck button then spun around and harshly kicked the lift door. I had been prepared to tell Baralai that when I left with The Invisible to forget all about me and that I was going to leave as soon as Yuna and Tidus were married. I stomped out onto the deck and rested my hands on the wings of the seagull, leaning against it.

My hands tightly gripped the metal bird, fuming over what I hadn't been able to tell him. _What the hell is wrong with me? I can take on a machina over a hundred times my size but I can't even say what I want to Baralai's face? What the hell!_

My mental tirade was interrupted and my thoughts snapped back to the present when I felt a small hand come to rest on my arm. I looked over and was surprised to see Shinra standing there, looking up at me expectantly. "What are you doing up here?" I asked a little more harshly than I intended, not meaning to take my anger out on the boy.

Shinra's hand shied away from my arm and he eyed me critically. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine, Shinra." I looked away from him and up to the sky. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

Shinra was silent for a few moments and the next thing he said shocked me beyond belief. "If you love Baralai you should just tell him."

I whipped my head around and stared at him in astonishment. I really didn't know how to react to the boy's words. Was the kid a psychic as well as a mechanical genius? "I...I don't...love him," I stammered, averting my eyes away from his penetrating blue eyed stare.

Shinra was silent for awhile after I had made a complete ass of myself. I bit down on my tongue and swore that I wasn't going to say another word. My mouth just got me into too much trouble nowadays. Just as the young boy was getting ready to open his mouth to say something else I turned and quickly placed my index and middle fingers over his lips to prevent him from speaking. "You know...just forget I said anything, alright?"

Shinra nodded and accompanied me back inside the Celsius. I could see Besaid on the horizon and I was a little worried that The Invisible had, yet again, followed me. I would actually be quite surprised if one of them didn't magically appear out of nowhere during my short stay.


	7. Good News

**Chapter VII**

**Good News**

* * *

"Painey!" Rikku announced happily, bouncing down the beach towards Baralai and me as we walked through the surf after getting off the Celsius. The energetic Al Bhed ran up and threw her arms around my neck, almost squeezing the life out of me. "I'm so glad you could come!"

"Me too," I wheezed. "Now please let go of me. I need to breathe."

"Oh, sorry, Paine," Rikku said, giggling.

"Yeah, we were worried you wouldn't be able to make it," Yuna said, giving me a much gentler hug.

"I don't think I'd miss this for the world," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "It sure did take you two awhile to make up your minds though."

Yuna giggled and a bright red blush crept onto her cheeks. Rikku rolled her eyes as Tidus kissed her forehead. "Well, I'm glad you're here now, Paine," Rikku announced. "These two have been driving me crazy!"

"What?" Yuna said, a shocked look on her face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Rikku began giggling madly as she ran away from her brunette cousin, who had already started chasing her down. Tidus took off after them, all three of them forgetting about me and Baralai.

"Well, shall we?" Baralai asked, chuckling a small amount.

I was surprised when I saw Rikku waiting for us near the waterfalls. "Sorry, bout that, Paine. Here, lemme take your bag for ya."

Before I had the chance to acquiesce to her request and hand my bag to her, she scurried up, ripped it out of my grasp then turned around and happily began to skip away. I rolled my eyes and looked over at Baralai, scowling when I saw him trying not to laugh. I gave him a rough shove in the shoulder before taking off after Rikku.

"Hey!" He protested. "What was that for?"

I laughed as I looked over my shoulder at him, picking up my pace as he took off after me. I stopped and waited for him at the entrance to the village, spying Rikku standing outside Yuna and Tidus' hut.

"What was that about?" I asked, taking my bag back from her.

"Nothin'," she said, shaking her head, making her blonde braids fly wildly about. "I just wanted to carry your bag for you. You and Baralai are gonna be sleeping in the Crusader's Lodge. Come to Wakka and Lulu's hut once you're settled in."

Not once during the entire course of the night did I check my bag nor did the thought that Rikku had tinkered with anything inside it even enter my mind. After having dinner with everyone in Wakka and Lulu's small hut I borrowed a small pair of cotton shorts and a camisole from Yuna to sleep in since I had no desire to go digging around in my bag for my own bed clothes. That wasn't the last bad decision I would make on this trip.

And when I woke up in the morning the last thing I expected was to see my bag empty and my leather outfit gone. I swore up and down as I searched for them, thinking that all my dresspheres and Garment Grids had magically jumped out of my bag and hid themselves while I was sleeping but no. They were gone.

I swore some more when I saw Baralai still fast asleep in his bed. I was hoping that he had risen early like he always did in Bevelle but, then again, he had to get up that early. _At least I didn't wake him up..._ I thought, breathing a sigh of relief. I tip toed to the Lodge's front flap and peeked cautiously outside, hoping to catch a glimpse of Yuna or Rikku so I could ask them what hell was going on.

I almost ran right out of the tent when Baralai laid his hand on my shoulder. I turned around and my eyes immediately went to his chest. I was fighting a losing battle with myself, trying to keep my eyes away from him. A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered how soft his skin felt beneath my hands and how amazingly defined those muscles of his were. I was rather relieved when he spoke up, making me take my attention away from the rest of his body.

"Is something the matter?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I wondered briefly if he did that intentionally so I would keep my eyes from wandering.

"Someone stole my clothes," I said, knowing _exactly_ how stupid I sounded.

Baralai gave me a skeptical look and gazed over his shoulder into the back room before bringing his eyes back to mine. "Are you sure?"

I rolled my eyes and dropped the corner of the flap that I was still holding. "Yes, Baralai, I'm sure," I said, letting the agitation show in my voice. "When I checked my bag this morning all my Garment Grids and dresspheres were gone, including my Warrior outfit. Now I all I have to wear is this," I continued, indicating the clothes I had borrowed from Yuna.

Once corner of his mouth curled up as he closely examined what I was wearing. He slowly stepped towards me and wrapped his hand around my hip, gently pulling me towards him. "It's not so bad," he mumbled, hooking his index finger under my chin and lifting my head up.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit down on the inside of my cheek, knowing that I had to stop him before things got out of hand, but not really caring if they did. My conscience finally kicked in when our lips were a hairsbreadth away from touching. "Don't tempt me, Baralai," I whispered, involuntarily shivering as I felt his lips brush against mine as I spoke. I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed against him to emphasize my point.

"Paine," Baralai said, some of this commanding 'Praetor' tone showing in his voice. He let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his messy hair before continuing. "I don't care about what's going to happen to you and I don't care about what you have to do." He paused and I felt rather insulted by his words...at first. "All I care about is you." It seemed as though he wanted to say more but he was having a hard time putting his thoughts into words. "I know that I can't stop what's going to happen but at least I can make it seem like you're not going to a death sentence."

I smiled then, probably one of my first genuine smiles in months, and felt my face grow hot. Even though he still had a grip on my chin I tried my hardest to avert my face away from his so he wouldn't see me blushing. I desperately wanted to let him in, desperately wanted to open up to him; something I had never done with anyone else, but I couldn't. The thought of my impending rite of passage assignment loomed over my head like a great, black storm cloud. "You flatter me. You really do," I mumbled, hesitantly bringing my eyes back to his.

"Painey! Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" Rikku sang as she approached the Lodge.

I cursed and broke away from Baralai, retreating into the back to find anything I could to conceal myself a little more with. I fished around in my bag and praised Shiva when I found that my sweatpants were still there. I quickly pulled them on over the shorts as Rikku entered and started talking to Baralai.

"Oh, hi Baralai. Is Paine awake?" She asked, walking into the back room before even hearing an answer from the Praetor. "Good morning, Paine!" She announced, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly.

"Good morning, Rikku," I replied, rolling my eyes and pulling her arms away from my neck. "Rikku, where are all my dresspheres?"

She looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights before nervously laughing like she usually did when she knew she was caught. "Well, um," she stammered, looking over her shoulder at Baralai before grabbing my wrist and dragging me out of the Lodge. "We'll be right back, Baralai."

"Okay," he said, slightly confused about what was happening.

"Rikku, what exactly is going on?" I asked once she had pulled me into the temple.

"Well," she began, walking a few paces away from me. "Don't get mad at me, Paine, but I'm the one that took your dresspheres and your Warrior outfit."

I cocked one of my eyebrows at her. "Why?"

"You'll see," she replied, nervously kicking at the stone of the temple floor. I sighed heavily and was about to say something when she pressed one of her hands tightly over my mouth. "And before you start taking respect points away, it's for the party tonight."

"And am I supposed to walk around in sweatpants for the rest of the day?" I asked, starting to get aggravated.

"That's where I come in," she announced with a smile. "I'll come get you when we're ready to start." And with that she left me to walk back to the Lodge by myself.

Baralai was already half way dressed when I walked back in. "What was that about?" He asked as he began the complicated process of putting on his Praetor robe.

"She told me why she took all my stuff. She said something about it being for Yuna and Tidus' parties," I replied, sprawling out on my bed.

"By the sound of it she's got something rather interesting planned," he said, turning around to look at me.

I sighed in frustration and put my hands over my face. "Don't even remind me. I don't want to think about what Rikku has planned."

Baralai was silent for a few moments and I jumped involuntarily when I felt him sit down on the bed next to me. I moved my hands away from my face and frowned at him but instantly closed my eyes and groaned inwardly when I realized he was going to continue the conversation we had started before Rikku had pulled me into the temple.

I wished that he would just drop the entire subject. I wished that we could just have a normal conversation without him bringing up the same thing over and over again. It was beginning to become a little redundant and annoying.

I quickly lifted my right hand and impatiently waved it in his face, already knowing what he was going to say. "Just give it a rest, Baralai. I don't know what to tell you that will make you realize that you can't help me."

"True," he replied smoothly, plucking my hand out of the air and cradling it in his. "I do know one thing that I can help you with though."

"And what would that be?" I asked, one of my eyebrows arching in curiosity.

"I can help you carry the burden you have resting so heavily on your shoulders. You don't have to bear it alone," he said, lightly kissing my knuckles and leaving my skin tingling.

I quickly looked away from his penetrating stare as I felt my face begin to grow hot again. _It's ridiculous how he's able to do that to me so easily,_ I thought, biting down on the inside of my cheek. "I'll have to think about it, Baralai." I blurted that out so quickly it took me a few seconds to figure out exactly what I had said, but by then I couldn't take it back.

Baralai nodded. "Alright, that's good enough for me," he said, with a smile and a small glimmer of hopefulness shining in his dark brown eyes.

I spent the next two hours fuming over what I had told Baralai. Mere seconds after our talk had come to an end Tidus came and grabbed Baralai, saying that it was time for the guys to start getting ready so I happily sat on my bed mentally kicking myself for saying something so stupid. I think I threw myself off a proverbial cliff four or five times, kind of wishing that said cliff was real. I had achieved the total opposite of what I had initially planned. Go me.

I almost didn't hear Rikku come running in and I only realized she was even in the room after she threw a bundle of clothing at my head. "Those are your party clothes," she said. "You are forbidden to wear anything else until the party is over."

I groaned inwardly when I discovered that my "party clothes" were a rather small bikini and a skirt made of nothing but small strips of cloth. "You're serious?" I asked, looking at the outfit in disgust.

"I'm as serious as a heart attack, Paine," she replied, putting her hands on her hips. I groaned audibly this time, making sure she knew exactly how displeased I was with what I was being forced to wear. "Oh, quit being such a baby, Paine," she said, laughing at the scowl on my face. "I'll go get a bottle of sun block and help you put it on." She began to walk out of the Lodge but stopped when she reached the front flap. "And you better have that suit on by the time I get back!"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, knowing that I had no alternative. I reluctantly put on the suit and skirt but, as I looked at myself in the mirror, I actually liked how...sexy I looked in them. The bikini was black with a curvy dark red heart on the right side of the top and the back of the bottoms. The hearts weren't really my style but at least the suit was black and not bright pink. The skirt was just simple black cloth, which I was also happy about.

"Hey, you look really good in that," Rikku said after she returned with the sun block, dressed in her own yellow and orange stripped bikini with matching yellow skirt.

"Is there some special reason why we're wearing swim suits?" I asked as I rubbed some sun block into my arms.

"Well, duh, Paine. What else are we gonna do on a tropical island in bikinis?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Oh, yes, how stupid of me."

Rikku and I were getting ready to leave the Lodge to go get Yuna when said ex-summoner ran inside the cool tent, clad in her own purple and pink stripped bikini with matching purple skirt. "Rikku!" She exclaimed. "I've been looking all over for you! Have you seen my - ?" Before Yuna had the chance to finish her sentence Rikku handed her the bottle of sun block. "Oh, here it is. Thank you, Rikku," she said, beginning to put the lotion on her legs.

She straightened to begin on her arms but stopped when she saw me and smiled. "You look very pretty, Paine."

"Thank you, Yuna," I replied as we left the Lodge, the brunette still rubbing sunscreen into her skin. "You look very nice as well."

Yuna giggled and swept her bangs out of her face. "I'm just glad you could make it with everything that's going on."

"Like I said, I wouldn't miss it." I paused as Yuna let us into her small hut. "So, Rikku, what's the plan?"

"I thought you'd never ask! Sit down and I'll tell ya!" She instructed, waiting until Yuna and I were seated before speaking. "Okay, you both already know that I've pilfered your dresspheres and I know you're not happy about it but it serves a purpose! It really does!"

"Why am I getting the feeling that I'm not going to like this?" I asked, folding my arms over my stomach. Rikku feigned sadness which made Yuna giggle some more.

Rikku began to open her mouth to begin explaining when she immediately clamped it shut, shooting her brunette cousin an odd look. "Ya know, Yunie, you've been acting pretty weird lately."

"Well, I did want to wait until later to tell you two..." She looked at both me and Rikku individually before a large glowing smile sprang onto her face. "I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant!"

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened in shock. _Yuna pregnant?_ I thought incredulously. _Is such a thing even possible?_ My thoughts were interrupted as my eardrums were blown out of my skull and my teeth were set on edge by Rikku's squeal of glee. I had to rub my ears for almost a minute for the ringing to stop.

"Oh my gosh, Yunie!" She exclaimed, running towards her cousin and hugged her furiously. "How do you know?"

"Well," she began, a bright pink blush creeping onto her cheeks. "the first time Tidus and I were...together was the night he came back. That was about three weeks ago. I started feeling a little sick a couple days ago and took a test."

Rikku beamed and hugged her now pregnant cousin again, but this time a little more gently. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, Yunie! Does Tidus know?"

Yuna nodded. "He was there when I took the test. He's about as excited as I am."

I sat and listened to the two of them babble on and on about the baby on the way with an amused expression on my face. I was happy for Yuna but also a little sad that I wouldn't be able to see her baby once he or she was born. _Even I'm not going to be able to have any children,_ I thought with a frown.

I wouldn't even know how to deal with a child let alone raise one. Before my life was flipped ass over tea kettle I had imagined starting a family with children of my own. Not now though. Not with my life in the sorry state that it's in. A child was the very last thing on my mind.

"But anyways," Rikku said after almost half an hour of her and Yuna going on. "we have a bunch of time to talk about this later. Right now we have a party to get on the way!"

"Sorry for not including you, Paine," Yuna whispered, resting her hand on my forearm.

I smiled and shook my head, reassuringly patting her hand to let her know that I didn't mind. "It's alright. It was fun just to listen. Congratulations."

Yuna smiled and gave me a brief hug just as Rikku began to speak. "Alright, we're going to be going on a scavenger hunt for our dresspheres, but we have to get them from Tidus, Gippal and Baralai."

"How are we supposed to do that?" I asked, not liking the sound of Rikku's plan already.

The blonde Al Bhed rolled her eyes and chuckled, pulling three small scrolls out of the waist line of her swim suit. "I have our first clue right here," she said, handing me and Yuna each a scroll.

Unable to wait until Rikku told us what was inside the scroll, I quickly unrolled it and read the four simple words written on it: _Go to the beach._

I cocked an eyebrow and looked up at Rikku with a questionable look in my eyes. "What's at the beach?" I asked, rolling my scroll back up.

"That's where our scavenger hunt starts! So let's get goin'!"


	8. Idiot

**Chapter VIII**

**Idiot**

* * *

When we arrived at the beach Rikku led us out to one of the old, sunken towers and, as we climbed up it to sit on the top, she told us exactly what we had to do to get our dresspheres back.

Apparently we had to do a little diving to find a chest containing one of them and the next clue on where to find the next one. I was about to ask about the roles that Tidus, Gippal and Baralai would play when I heard Tidus' high pitched whistle coming from the entrance to the jungle. When I looked up all three of the guys were waving at us. I waved back and felt my face grow hot as I stared at Baralai. He was dressed in a pair of dark green board shorts that looked amazing with his dark skin. _Thank Shiva we're about fifty feet away from each other,_ I thought, trying to keep my face stoic.

"Alright," Rikku announced, hopping up from where she had been sitting. "let's get this party started! Just swim around until you find your chest. It'll have your name painted on the top so you shouldn't have any trouble finding it."

I sighed heavily as I stood up, watching Yuna and Rikku dive into the water. I scowled at the water churning beneath me, loathing the thought of smelling like sea water for the rest of the day. _I haven't swam in who knows how long. It'll feel nice to actually do it again. And all that nonsense with Yuna and Rikku in the hot springs in Mt. Gagazet _does not_ count._

I took a deep breath and dove into the water after Yuna and Rikku. They had already begun searching for their chests so I came up to the surface for a quick breath of air before beginning my search as well. I could only stay under water for about a minute before I had to come up for air, but I wasn't exactly in a hurry. Rikku said nothing about how speedy we needed to be. I wasn't really looking forward to what I had to do to get my dresspheres back from Baralai. Knowing Rikku she would think of anything she could to make the strained situation between myself and the dark skinned Praetor even worse.

_What am I thinking? This whole damn situation is one screwed up mess,_ I thought as I swam through the brightly colored plants, looking for the damned chest with my name on it. I heard a muffled thud above me but paid it no mind, that is, until something hit me square in the back and knocked all the air out of my lungs.

I sucked in a mouth full of water and scrambled up to the surface, choking and sputtering the entire way, trying not to breathe in any more water than I already had. I broke the surface and coughed all the water out of my lungs, coming dangerously close to throwing up. I furiously wiped my eyes and looked around with anger flashing in my ruby irises, thinking Rikku was the one that had landed on me. My anger only dissipated a small amount when I saw Baralai surface next to me.

"Baralai, what the hell?" I exclaimed, lashing my foot out in an attempt to kick him.

He chuckled and quickly moved out of the way to avoid my foot. "Sorry, Paine. I didn't see you until I had jumped," he said, sheepishly scratching the back of his head. "You okay?"

"Besides swallowing about a gallon of sea water I'm fine," I said, wiping my bangs out of my eyes. "I have to keep looking for that damned box with my dressphere in it. Are you here to help me or what?"

"Of course I came to help you. I'm the one that hid yours," he replied, winking at me before swimming away.

I rolled my eyes and decided to just go along with it. I hadn't been in the water for more than ten minutes but I was already wishing that I could find the chest and get out. Baralai's help was definitely a plus. I wasn't looking forward to getting covered in sand once I was out of the water either so it was basically a double whammy. Stay in the water and smell like a block of salt or get out and get sand everywhere. Yippee.

I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was going and about had a heart attack when I ran into Baralai. I turned all ungodly shakes of red when I realized that I had run right into his butt. I went up to the surface as fast as I could since all the air I had left was gone after our collision.

"Sorry," I mumbled, avoiding his eyes. I looked around, discovering that we were near the place where him and I had talked only a few nights ago. "Is this it?"

He nodded. "It's right below us."

I stuck my face in the water and, lo and behold, there it was, nestled in between two large rocks. I dove down towards it and lifted the lid without much effort, snatching up the contents before pushing off the ocean floor and swimming back up. "Got em," I announced, showing him the glowing sphere and small, rolled up piece of paper inside a bottle with a cork in the top.

"Let's go read what the next clue says," Baralai said, leading the way back to shore.

Once we reached the beach, I took a second to examine the dressphere in my hand and wasn't at all surprised when I saw that it was the Lady Luck. I shot Baralai a sideways glance before uncorking the bottle and grabbing the paper. I unfolded it and read the message aloud. "You will find the next clue where the summoners used to pray for a way to defeat Sin." I paused and read it again, this time silently. "The Chamber of the Fayth. Boy, that sure was hard."

Baralai chuckled at my comment and nodded. "Let's head that way then."

As we made our way back to the village, I found myself wishing that I was wearing something on my feet. I kicked myself mentally for not remembering to at least bring a pair of flip flop sandals. It had gotten much warmer since we started and the sun was doing a fine job of making the ground searing hot. To prevent my feet from getting burnt to a crisp I walked on the shaded side of the path. I looked over at Baralai in enough time to catch his look of confusion.

"What?" I snapped, not really meaning to.

He chuckled, unfazed by my outburst, and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, waving his hand dismissively in the air.

Just as we entered the village and started to make our way towards the temple, a rather peculiar thought occurred to me. "Why are you helping me anyways? Aren't we supposed to be doing this on our own?" I asked, brushing all the dust and sand off my feet after we reached the temple steps.

"Well, that was the plan, but Gippal and Tidus kind of went back on that. So I figured I would help you."

I nodded and looked away from him. "So how exactly am I going to get the rest of my dresspheres back?" I asked as we climbed the steps leading into the Cloister of Trials.

"You'll just have to wait and see," he replied, smirking at me.

_That's exactly what I didn't want to hear,_ I thought, rolling my eyes. "That's not very reassuring."

Sure enough, we found the next clue and my Black Mage dressphere in the Chamber of the Fayth. Baralai handed me a black silk bag to put it and the others in so I could carry them a little easier.

"You know," I began as we made our way into the antechamber. "it's gonna take awhile to find all of them at this rate. What next?"

"Read the clue," he said, indicating the scroll in my hand. "And you'll be doing a few...activities later on to get the rest back."

"And let me guess," I said, a knowing smile on my face. "you're not gonna tell me anything. Am I right?"

A bashful smile appeared on his face as he nodded. "You are."

I rolled my eyes as I unrolled the scroll. I was about to announce that the next clue and dressphere were in the secret cave when a strange feeling that I couldn't quite explain shot like an arrow through my head. My eyebrows twitched as I tried to make sense out of what I just felt ,but the only thing I could get out of it was a horrible feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

"What does it say?" Baralai's voice startled me and I blinked my eyes quickly a few times, shaking what I had just experienced out of my head.

"The secret cave," I said, rolling the scroll back up and handing it to him. "That's where we need to go next."

I continued to walk through the antechamber and was stepping onto the lift before Baralai knew what was going on. He had to scramble to make it to the lift in time. On our way back up to the Cloister of Trials he asked me why I was so quiet all of a sudden.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking off the strange feeling yet again and ignoring it. I glanced over at Baralai and could tell that he didn't believe me. "Really. I'm fine."

The closer I got to the entrance of the temple the harder it was to ignore those strange feelings. They made me feel a little paranoid, like I would find every single member of The Invisible waiting for me in the village square. I let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief as we walked out of the temple to find that the village was in the same state we left it in. My unexplained paranoia went away just a little.

When my feet left the cool stone of the temple stairs and once again met the warm, sun baked earth those feelings of dread came back full force. I shot my left hand out and wrapped it firmly around his wrist, effectively stopping him.

He frowned and gazed at me with a concerned look on his face. "Paine?"

"Shh!" I strained my ears and closed my eyes, trying to find the source of those strange feelings. My mouth twitched involuntarily as I expanded my mental powers around the whole village.

I heard a heavy panting, the snapping of twigs and the rustle of trees and bushes off to my right. Just as I was about to turn my attention to that a deafening roar sounded, making my eyes snap open in alarm. Seconds later a huge Behemoth exploded out of the jungle.

My eyes widened and my blood ran cold in my veins. Behemoths native territories were Mt. Gagazet and the Zanarkand Ruins. The temperatures in those places are much cooler than that of Besaid's tropical climate and the creature was letting its agitation over its discomfort show. The Behemoth looked at us and growled but did nothing else, almost as if someone were commanding it.

"Let's see if your training helped or not," came the unmistakable voice of Roland. "Another message for you!" His magic was cloaking him but I could see him standing next to the Behemoth. His right hand was placed lightly on one of its enormous forelegs. _So he's the one controlling it. I should have known._ "Your days are surely numbered! There are rumors going around saying that Kaiser himself is going to spirit you away before your birthday."

"He said he was going to leave me alone," I spat between clenched teeth.

"Since when does Kaiser ever play by the rules, hm? See you again soon, Paine."

With that he was gone and so was his control over the Behemoth. It looked around in a confused daze for a few seconds before spotting us. It sniffed the air and trumpeted a challenge. My mind was reeling, trying to come up with _something_ as it began to charge at us. Without a second thought I thrust the bag holding my dresspheres into Baralai's chest and pushed him out of the way as I dove in the opposite direction. The huge creature wasn't expecting such a move and sailed right past us. I scrambled to my feet while the beast was still confused, trying to figure out where his prey went.

Baralai was still in the process of getting up as I ran over to him. I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him to his feet. "Go find Yuna and Rikku!" I yelled, pushing him away from me as I attempted to get the beast's attention.

"You can't take this thing on by yourself!" He protested.

"I'll be fine! Just go!" I turned my attention away from Baralai and to the Behemoth that was now looming over me, its hot breath escaping its nostrils in great plumes of steam.

My throat had gone as dry as the Bikanel Desert and I had to swallow my spit three or four times before I wasn't wheezing anymore. I gasped as the Behemoth rose its great paw up into the air and quickly jumped out of the way as it raked the ground where I had just been standing, leaving large gouge marks in the dirt. I squeezed my hands together while successfully jumping out of the way of each and every one of its attempts to slice me into ribbons as I formed a ball of fire in my palms. I made it as big as a blitzball before launching it at the Behemoth's abdomen, hoping to catch it off guard.

The Behemoth yowled in pain and clawed at its stomach when my fireball hit its mark. I took a deep breath as I ran towards it and, pushing my mental strength to its limits, shoved the Behemoth backwards. I sank down onto one knee as my vision swam and I became lightheaded. I heard a crash and the ground shook as the Behemoth made contact with the ground. When my vision cleared I saw that the beast had crashed into a rather large palm tree and succeeded in breaking it in two before falling to the ground.

After almost thirty seconds of lying in the dirt, the Behemoth rose and stumbled around in a daze. I wasted no time in taking advantage of its weakness and ran straight for the broken palm tree, holding back a cry of pain as I jumped onto the broken off stump. I grit my teeth and sprang towards the massive creature, my breath almost getting knocked out of me when I came in contact with its back. I dug my hands in its thick fur and climbed up its back until I was standing on the Behemoth's shoulders. The beast looked back at me and growled, trying to knock me off balance with its enormous paws.

I successfully deflected its attempts to grab me with the help of my mental powers. I took a deep breath and concentrated as hard as I could while standing precariously on the Behemoth's shoulders. I laced my fingers together and put my palms face down in the direction of the top of the giant beast's head, all the while building my power up until I thought I would explode. With a loud cry of anger I released every ounce of my power that I could, a slight euphoric feeling coming over me even though I was exhausting myself.

The Behemoth didn't even know what hit it; it was dead before it even started to fall to the earth. I saw spots and felt myself begin to black out. I stopped the column of fire that was pouring from my hands and jumped off the dead beast's shoulders. I dropped to the ground with a grunt and fell, rolling a few times before collapsing onto my back. I vaguely heard someone call my name before my eyes rolled into the back of my head and blackness overtook me.

I wasn't sure exactly how long I had been unconscious but, to me, it felt like I had been rooted in the spot for years. My mind was mired in fog and when I was finally able to pry my eyes open my vision was so blurry I could barely tell where I was. All I knew is that it was extremely bright outside. I tried to lift my hand in front of my face to shield my eyes from the blinding light but I couldn't even do that much.

Something moved in front of my face and blocked the light, which I was thankful for. I realized that a person, probably one of my friends, was in front of me. They were saying something but I couldn't make it out. My ears felt like they had been stuffed full of cotton. I tried to sit up but that made my head pulse angrily and I didn't protest one bit when I felt soft hands pushing me back onto the ground. I tried to say something but if any words came out of my mouth, I couldn't tell.

_Paine, you idiot._ My mind chastised. _Are you happy now? You could have killed yourself._

I chuckled to myself before once again passing out.


	9. Turning Point

**Chapter IX**

**Turning Point**

* * *

I snapped to attention like a nightmare had awoken me. I looked around, panting, with a dazed look in my eyes. I was in the Crusader's Lodge and it was still daylight, which meant that I hadn't been unconscious for very long.

"Paine!"

I jumped when both Rikku and Yuna rushed to my side, their eyes wide with worry.

"Are you okay?" Rikku asked, staring into my face intently.

I nodded and rubbed my temples, the echo of my headache bouncing off the inside of my skull. "I think I'll live. How long have I been out?"

"Well, after we saw you kill that Behemoth you were out for about five minutes before you started to wake up but then you were out again before we knew it. You've only been in here for an hour."

My eyes widened in shock. _Only one hour? I should have been out for much longer than that._ "Where's the guys?" I asked, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and trying to stand up.

"They're waiting with Wakka and Lulu. I'll go get 'em." Rikku jumped up and ran out of the Lodge before I had a chance to stop her.

Once everyone was gathered around me I resigned myself to telling them why exactly I was fighting a fiend that was indigenous only to Mt. Gagazet and Zanarkand. "Roland showed up out of nowhere and gave me another cryptic message then left a Behemoth for me to play with."

"What was the message?" Rikku asked, resting her right hand on her hip.

My eyes quickly flicked in Baralai's direction, knowing that he knew exactly what the message was. I had no idea what he thought about it but I was pretty sure I would hear about it later. I looked back at Rikku and shook my head. "It was nothing important. Just more bullshit."

Yuna and everyone believed me easily enough but Baralai sent me a look that said differently. I was downplaying exactly how important that message was and he knew it. I looked away from his penetrating stare and was about to bring up the fact that we should continue with our scavenger hunt when Rikku beat me to it.

"Well, we can't let this spoil our fun! Come on, Gippy!" The blonde exclaimed, grabbing Gippal's hand and dragging him out of the Lodge.

Yuna gave me a reassuring smile and patted my shoulder. "I'm glad you're feeling better and that you're not hurt. I'll see you in a little while okay?" She said as her and Tidus began to walk away.

I nodded. "Yeah," I replied, sending a meek wave her way.

Yuan smiled and waved back before turning and grabbing Tidus' hand, lacing her fingers with his. I breathed in deeply and slowly exhaled as I watched Yuna and Tidus disappear behind the Lodge's flaps.

A small part of my lonely heart wished it had something like that, someone to call its own, and there was a small part of my mind that was starting to agree with it. One corner of my mouth twitched up into a small half-smile as an image of Baralai and I walking hand in hand like Yuna and Rikku did with their other halves slid into my head. I shook my head vigorously, trying to shake that traitorous image right out of it. I shouldn't be thinking about things like that right now.

"I guess we should get going too," I said, walking past Baralai and towards our next destination. Baralai nodded and followed me, but kept his distance. _Probably so he doesn't fly off the handle,_ I thought with a chuckle.

After four more hours of following clues, doing challenges with Yuna and Rikku and going through obstacle courses set up in the jungle all of my dresspheres were back with me, including my Warrior outfit.

And I seriously thought that my legs were going to fall off.

All of us girls were freshening up in Yuna's hut while the guys were doing the same in Wakka and Lulu's. After I had taken my shower and fixed my hair I went back to the Lodge so I could put my dresspheres back into their respective Garment Grids. Rikku followed me in a few minutes later, her long blonde hair still soaking wet.

"Dinner is going to start in an hour. Yunie said she wants to eat inside the temple."

I nodded. "Alright, is there anything special I'm supposed to wear?"

A crafty smile crawled onto Rikku's face and I knew I wasn't going to like what she was going to say. "Baralai's going to tell you what to wear."

Before I could offer any kind of retort, Rikku spun on her heels and marched right out of the Lodge. Baralai came in a few seconds after she left and, without saying a word, opened up my duffel bag then tossed me one of my glowing dresspheres. I groaned inwardly when I saw that it was the Lady Luck.

"I want you to wear that," he said, a smirk decorating his face.

"Why did I have a feeling that you were going to pick this one?"

"I know that I said your Warrior outfit is my favorite but this one just makes you look so...so much more captivating." He whispered the last few words and I had to fight back to impulse to pull him to me and kiss him right there. He could definitely make a woman want him in the worst way if he tried hard enough.

So to mask the butterflies that were ricocheting around in my stomach I let a sly smile curl my lips upwards as I readied a comment of my own. I crossed my arms over my chest and took a few steps towards him. "That's why I never wanted to wear this one around you," I said, indicating the glowing orange sphere in my hand.

"And why is that?" He questioned, closing the gap between us.

"Because I knew - "

"Painey! Are you ready yet?" _Damn you, Rikku, and your horrible lack of patience!_

I felt the corners of my eyes and my fingers twitch. All these interruptions were driving me insane! It was like everybody knew when Baralai and I were having a moment so they had to rush in and stop it. _Is there any place in Spira where we can get some privacy?_ My eyes met Baralai's and I could see my exact thoughts mirrored in his chocolate irises. "Almost, Rikku," I answered, hoping my tone would stop any further questioning. I sighed in relief when I heard silence on her end.

"What are you going to wear to dinner?" I asked, walking around him and fishing around in my bag for the Garment Grid that Baralai had pulled the Lady Luck out of, our moment of privacy broken yet again.

"I brought my dress robes," he replied, going to his bag and sifting through the contents. "I've only worn them a few times so I'm glad I have an opportunity to wear them."

I nodded as I set the dressphere into the empty indentation. A soft glow emanated from the spheres, casting my face in a pale orange light as I began sphere changing into Baralai's dressphere of choice. I could feel his eyes on me as my clothes shifted, especially the spot below my breasts where the small red diamond sat.

"You know," I began as I placed my Garment Grid back in my bag amongst all the others. "it's impolite to stare."

Baralai chuckled as he picked up his dress robes and undergarments before walking into the front room to dress in private. I, on the other hand, stood in front of a mirror that was hanging on the wall in between the beds fixing my hair and trying not to think about what the dark skinned Praetor looked like naked. _Stop it, Paine! Remember what you have to do!_

Baralai walked into the room a few minutes later, dressed in loose fitting black slacks and a black and dark green silk robe. A dark green bandanna had replaced his regular blue one.

"Green is definitely your color," I said before going back to fixing my hair.

"Thank you," he replied, sitting down on his bed to put on his shoes.

Rikku took it upon herself to come into the Lodge without announcing her presence, which wasn't a problem to me because I could feel her coming towards us as soon as she stepped out of Yuna's hut. I had to award her silent applause, though, for sneaking into the Lodge so easily; I barely heard her footsteps when she came in. _Probably trying to catch Baralai and me in the act,_ I thought, rolling my eyes.

"We're almost ready, Rikku," I said, not giving the blonde a chance to say anything. A thought occurred to me and I quickly turned my head so I could see which dressphere Gippal had picked out for her to wear. "The Gun Mage, huh?"

She nodded and looked down at her clothes. "Yeah, I have no idea why he likes this one."

I smirked and walked away from the mirror, crossing my arms. "Are we ready?" I asked Baralai, who had just finished putting his shoes on.

He nodded and rose from the bed, straightening his silk robes. "I suppose," he replied, stepping forward and offering me his arm.

I slipped my hand into the crook of his elbow and we followed Rikku over to the temple. Gippal was standing next to the entrance with his hands clasped tightly behind his back. He was wearing a mint green dress shirt and a pair of beige slacks with matching beige shoes. Rikku bounced over to him and threw her arms around his neck.

"You look so handsome, Gippy!" She exclaimed, giving him a peck on the cheek.

Gippal ruffled Rikku's mane of messy blonde hair before smiling at Baralai and I. "Hey, guys. Paine, you're looking lovely this evening," he said, wrapping his arm around Rikku's waist.

"Thank you, Gippal. I don't think I've ever seen you so dressed up before," I replied as we walked into the temple together.

Gippal was about to say something but Rikku quickly slapped her hand over his mouth. "Don't believe a word he says, Paine! I had to force him to wear this! It was like pulling teeth!"

"Not true!" Gippal exclaimed as he reached for Rikku's sides and tickled her.

Rikku squealed and ran off to the small room that was on the left side of the stairs that led to the Cloister of Trials. Baralai and I exchanged knowing glances and followed Gippal, who had decided not to chase after Rikku.

Rikku, Yuna and Tidus were already seated around the table when we entered. The table was low to the ground so we could sit on the many pillows and cushions that surrounded it. Yuna sat cross legged on the side facing the entrance and smiled at us, patting the cushion on her left side. As I was walking around the table to take my seat beside the ex-summoner I noticed that she was wearing the outfit she wore two years ago when she defeated Sin. I sent her a warm smile as I sat down.

Yuna said all the food had been prepared by an elderly couple that knew her since she came to live in Besaid when she was ten. "They even offered to make the food for the reception," she said with a small smile.

"So what kind of ceremony do you want, Yunie? We can't really do one centered around Yevon," Rikku said as she ate.

"Well, I was going to leave that for Baralai to decide," the brunette said, sending the young Praetor a knowing glance.

"You're authorized to be an officiate right, Lai?" Gippal asked, leaning forward to look at his comrade.

He nodded and took a sip of his wine to help wash his food down. "I am."

Yuna giggled. "Then I hope you wouldn't mind marrying us?" She asked as she held Tidus' hand.

"I wouldn't mind at all. I'd be honored, Lady Yuna," he replied professionally.

During the course of the meal I caught myself staring at Baralai like I used to when we were in the Squad. The green bandanna in his hair emphasized his eyes and I couldn't help but stare at them. Once dinner was over Rikku and Yuna held me back, telling the men that we would meet them in Wakka and Lulu's hut for desert.

"So Paine," Rikku began, sitting down on my left side while Yuna sat on my right. "what's going on between you and Baralai?"

I frowned. "What do you mean? Nothing's going on," I replied, already not liking where this conversation was going.

"Don't play dumb with me, Paine! You know exactly what I mean!" She exclaimed, shoving her finger in my face.

I sighed and looked away from her penetrating stare. "We just want to see you happy, Paine. You deserve it," Yuna said, laying her hand on my shoulder and squeezing it softly.

"I appreciate it," I began, expertly shying my shoulder away from Yuna's touch. "but right now isn't the time for me to thinking about my own happiness."

Yuna pursed her lips and her eyes left mine for a short period of time. Rikku breathed in, more than likely to say something, but Yuna quickly rose her hand, inhibiting the blonde's speech. The brunette's face was set in stone when she turned back to look at me, the first time I had ever seen her face so expressionless.

"Paine, everything that's been going on hasn't just been affecting you."

"I know this, Yuna," I replied, irritation seeping into my voice.

"But do you realize exactly what Baralai is going through?" I inadvertently cringed away from Yuna's words like they had physically stung me. I had never heard the ex-summoner's voice sound so calloused, so cold. "I see the way he looks at you, Paine. I see in his eyes what he goes through every time he looks at you and I'm surprised that you can't see it as well."

I involuntarily hung my head, hunkering it down between my shoulders like I had been turned into a small child under their father's punishing glance. A hot flare of anger suddenly flashed down my spine, setting every nerve it touched on fire.

"What do you want me to do then, Yuna?" I hissed, my eyes narrowing into tiny slits. "Do you seriously think that I would start something with him when I know that I won't be around to finish it? I care enough for Baralai that I won't subjugate him to something like that."

I started to get up, tired of being belittled by my two best friends, but before I could get very far Rikku reached up and grabbed my arm, pulling me back down. "Paine, that's not what we're trying to say."

"Then what are you trying to say, Rikku?" I asked, rounding on her.

"Instead of letting this hang over your head like a storm cloud and make both yours and Baralai's lives even harder you should just...live in the moment. Be happy while you can and figure everything else out later."

I shook my head, appalled that Rikku would even think something like that. I held my tongue though. "Why don't we just go eat desert?" I suggested, getting up and leading the way out of the temple.

We met up with Baralai, Gippal and Tidus outside the temple. Baralai sent me a questioning glance when he saw my strained expression but I shook my head and whispered that I would tell him later. He nodded and once again offered his arm to me, leading me towards Wakka and Lulu's hut.

Desert consisted of a large cake that had 'Congratulations Tidus and Yuna' scrawled across the surface with fluffy icing, fruit parfaits and a lot of champagne. As Rikku happily chattered away, telling stories about Yuna's pilgrimage, I found myself pondering what her and Yuna had talked with me about. I glanced at Baralai out of the corner of my eye and bit the inside of my cheek. I did want to make Baralai happy but I was scared about what would happen to him once The Invisible took me. What would he do? How far would he go to protect me? If we became involved with each other he would feel even more obligated to keep me way from them, to keep me protected.

There was also a small part of me, the selfish part, that held onto the image of Baralai and I walking hand in hand. Warmth emanated from my chest at the memory before I even knew what was happening. I was startled and confused by this new feeling; I wasn't sure what to make of it. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, settling more comfortably into the cushions of Wakka and Lulu's couch. Another reason why I didn't want to get involved with Baralai was my rite of passage assignment: the assassination of the New Yevon Praetor. I would rather end my own life than be forced to take his.

"Are you alright?" Baralai asked, leaning over and whispering in my ear. His warm breath made a shiver shoot down my spine.

"I'm fine," I reassured him, patting his hand. "I just...have a lot on my mind."

Before I could place my hand back in my lap he quickly captured it, softly caressing the back with his thumb. My cheeks flushed a small amount and I realized that I _liked _it when he touched me, _enjoyed_ it even.

"I'm hoping we'll get the opportunity to talk more privately later," he whispered again and I was suddenly aware of the intoxicating scent of his cologne.

I smiled and nodded. "So do I." Only after I had said those words did I realize that I actually meant them. I actually _wanted_ to be alone with him and the thought of it made my head spin.

He squeezed my hand and I was slightly surprised – and a little glad – that he didn't let go. His warm hand expertly maneuvered itself so that our fingers were laced together and I felt another blush color my cheeks. I gazed at our linked hands and was shocked that I was actually _enjoying_ the physical contact. I came dangerously close to pulling the glove off of my hand about four times so nothing was in the way, but I went back on it every time, not wanting to spoil the moment.

Just when I thought I would be doomed to sit listening to stories I knew nothing about for the rest of the night Rikku stifled a yawn and brought the party to a close. I caught myself from audibly sighing in relief.

"Before you go back to Bevelle tomorrow," Rikku began, "make sure you come over here so Lulu can get your measurements. Then you'll have to come back here at least a week before the wedding to make sure your dress fits, okay?"

"Sure," I replied. "See you in the morning, Rikku."

Baralai led me back to the Lodge, his hand never leaving the base of my back.

Once we were back inside the Lodge I securely tied the flaps together with three different knots, ensuring that nobody would disturb us. When I met Baralai's gaze I knew he was thinking the exact same thing.

"You said you wanted to talk to me about something?" I questioned, coming to stand in front of him.

"A few things actually," he replied, escorting me into the back room with him. He sat down on his bed and pulled me into his lap before I had the chance to object. Not like I really would anyways. "I don't get very many chances to have a private conversation with you and I'm going to take advantage of it." He paused and cocked his head, staring intently at my face. "Will you promise me something?"

I took a deep breath and tried to relax in his arms. "Depends," I replied, managing to keep my voice calm.

My favorite smile decorated his face and only made him look that much more gorgeous in the dim light of the Lodge. I couldn't help but smile back. His expression softened and he brushed my cheek with his fingertips. "I don't really appreciate it when you force me to go find our friends when there's trouble and leave you to fend for yourself. Next time you're in trouble promise me you'll let me help you. There's a reason why I was in the Crimson Squad you know. Will you promise me?"

I felt a blush creep up my neck and I tried to hide it by turning my head away and clamping my hand over my face. I dragged my hand down my cheeks, hoping to drag all the blood away but knowing that wouldn't happen. "Yes, I promise. And I'm sorry. It's just...I would never be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to you. It would be all my fault." I was rather surprised that I found the gumption to say that. Opening up to him was getting easier and easier, but I didn't consider that a good thing.

"And I would never be able to forgive myself if you got hurt when I could have been there to prevent it. I wish you would let me in here," he said, tapping my forehead with his index finger. "Maybe then I would understand."

"You don't want to get inside my head," I told him, flicking my bangs out of my eyes.

"And why is that?" He questioned, his arms tightening around my waist.

"You wouldn't like it," I replied, shaking my head. "The things I've seen, the things I've done...the things I have yet to do." I whispered the last part so silently that even I barely heard it.

"What are you really scared of? What is it that makes you reluctant to let me in?" He whispered into my ear.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Those were the questions that I was hoping he wouldn't ask because the answers were so painfully true. "Have you ever heard the stories of a tragic hero that falls in love even though he knows he can't? He's scared of his enemies finding the object of his affection and using them to exploit his weakness? I don't want you to be my weakness, Baralai. If Kaiser or any of the others were holding a knife to your throat or a gun to your head I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing whatever they want just to keep you safe."

We were silent for a long time as we stared into each other's eyes. I tried to read the emotions on his face to determine his reaction to my words but I couldn't make out a thing. His face was surprisingly empty. Just when I thought I wouldn't get any kind of reaction out of him his soft lips smashed into mine with such force that I would have fallen right out of his lap if he hadn't been holding onto me so tight.

He had taken me totally off guard and, at first, I didn't know what to do. I sat frozen in his arms for almost a minute before I gave in and melted into his chest. My mind was screaming about ten different profanities at me but I was too far gone to even consider listening. It felt so _remarkable_ to kiss him again that I had to remind myself not to get caught up in the moment and lose my head. His hands felt clammy as they grazed across the base of my back and my hips. _He's probably just as nervous as you are, _my mind whispered.

I was reluctant to move my hands away from where they were gripping his shoulders because I knew that if I did they would start shaking. A few times I caught myself thinking I was in the middle of a very pleasant dream and that I would wake up any second. I kept thinking that what we were doing couldn't possibly be real. I had only dreamed of something like this happening in some of my wildest fantasies. In my mind it was too good to be true.

His skin was just as soft, just as smooth as I remembered it. The scent of it still knocked me off my feet and intoxicated my every sense. It took every thread of my self control to not rip those fancy dress robes of his right off his god like body.

Baralai was the one to break off the kiss first. He moved only far enough away so our lips were still touching, but barely. His deep brown eyes, that were suddenly so breathtakingly beautiful to me, were wide with shock, probably just as unbelieving as I was over what we had just done. The kiss was innocent – at least that's how I see it – but so many different things had been building to the tension between us since him and I talked on Besaid not even a week ago. So many things that I knew I should have prevented, so many things that I should have put a stop to but didn't.

_That's because you _wanted_ this to happen._ That realization alone made my heart start pounding. I bit down on the inside of my bottom lip, thanking Shiva that he couldn't hear my thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, breaking me out of my revere. "I shouldn't have done that."

He tried turning his head away from me but I quickly pressed my hand to his warm cheek and made him look at me. I stared into his eyes for a few seconds before speaking. "Shut up and kiss me, Baralai."

His whole body relaxed as his lips met mine once again. This time he wasn't as hesitant, wasn't as reluctant to keep going. I knew that, as his touches became less innocent and more and more erotic, a part of him really did love me in some way. And I was thinking that maybe I loved him back, but I couldn't admit that to myself just yet. I didn't want to put both of us through that kind of emotional roller coaster unless I absolutely had to.

The dark cloud that had been looming over my head was totally forgotten as Baralai's hands flew across my skin, setting every nerve, every pore on fire. The pleasure I got from him just touching me was enough to make me squirm in his lap. His touch was so gentle, so careful like he thought I was made out of porcelain. His feather like touch made shiver after shiver shoot down my spine. I never wanted him to stop touching me. I wanted his skin against mine for the rest of my life.

His mouth left mine to trail kisses down my neck and across my collar bones. I slowly wove my hands through his downy white hair and slid the bandanna off his head, dropping it on the floor behind me. I gripped his hair as his hungry mouth nipped at the sensitive skin of my neck, his hot tongue dancing across my right shoulder in lazy circles.

Somehow I had managed to maneuver myself so I was straddling him and our hands were acting of their own accord by starting to undress the other. I had managed to get his robe halfway undone and, at the rate that he was stripping me, my Garment Grid would soon deactivate, leaving me totally naked. That one thought should have stopped me in my tracks, but I frankly didn't care at the moment. All my self control and logical thinking had jumped ship long ago.

I took a deep breath and got a small amount of my senses back to try and form coherent words, but just as I was about to speak his lips crashed back into mine, almost completely obliterating the little self control I had gotten back. I softly placed my hand against his cheek and broke off the kiss.

"Baralai, wait," I rasped, taking another deep breath to calm down my erratic breathing and racing heart.

"What?" He replied, just as breathless as I was.

"Is this really what you want, Baralai?" I had to ask. I just had to know.

"What do you mean, Paine? Of course it is!" He said, confusion laced in his voice.

"I mean do you really want to start something when I'm going to be turned into a mindless killer in a few weeks? Do you really want to set yourself up for something like that?"

Baralai was silent for a few seconds, weighing the choices in his head. He sighed and cupped my face with both of his hands, resting his forehead against mine. "Yes, _I_ think so. I've wanted you for years. Having you for a few weeks is much too short but I'll find a way to get you back. I promise."

I averted my eyes away from his and sighed. One half of me was happy that he had accepted me while the other wasn't. That half of me wished that he would stay away from me and totally forget about me when I was taken to become a member of The Invisible and that, when the time came for my rite of passage, his death would be a swift one.

I cleared my throat and shook off all my dark thoughts. "Let's not talk about this anymore," I mumbled as I pushed him back on the bed. "Tonight is ours and I'm not going to spoil it." I captured his mouth in another kiss and we picked up right where we left off.


	10. Unexpected

**Chapter X**

**Unexpected**

* * *

I woke up with a smile on my face the next morning. Baralai's strong arms were still wrapped around me and the sun streaming in through the window was warming the cool room. I grinned stupidly as I burrowed my face into his chest, kissing his skin as lightly as I could. I stiffened when he groaned and stretched his arms over his head, yawning loudly.

He smiled when he saw that I was awake and I relaxed. "Good morning," he murmured, kissing me ever so softly on the lips.

"Did I wake you?"

He shook his head as he yawned again. "No, but I wouldn't mind getting woken up by you every morning."

I chuckled and stuffed my face into the hollow of his neck to hide the blush that was creeping up my cheeks. I felt those damn butterflies in the pit of my stomach start their fidgeting again.

"As much as I hate to say it," he began, weaving his fingers through my hair. "we really should get up."

I sighed as I kissed his neck, smiling when I felt goose bumps pop up all over his shoulder and throat. "I know." I turned my head and reached behind me, trying to find something to cover myself with. My hand found his silk dress robe as I was sitting up so I quickly threw it around my shoulders.

I looked back at Baralai after I had fastened the front closed and frowned at the smile on his face. "What?" I asked, getting up and walking over to my bed.

"Nothing," he replied, sitting up as well and leaning against the wall. "I just never thought you would look so gorgeous in my clothes."

I smiled at him as I pulled my Warrior outfit out of my bag. "Then I guess I'll have to wear your clothes more often," I said as I sashayed into the front room to get dressed. I could feel his eyes on me until I disappeared from view.

Baralai was still in the process of getting dressed when I walked back in. I handed him his dress robe back. "I might as well go get fitted for my dress. I'm hoping it won't take long."

I turned and started to leave but Baralai's hand latched onto my wrist and he pulled me back to him. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Only when his lips met mine did I realize what he meant.

"Oh, how stupid of me," I replied once I had the use of my mouth back.

"Well you're forgiven," he said, kissing me softly once more before letting me leave.

This new feeling of belonging was definitely foreign to me. I never thought I would ever experience the kind of things I felt with Baralai. I knew that I couldn't say that I was in love with him because that was dangerous ground upon which I would not dare tread, but I knew there was something there that might one day turn into love.

I could definitely say that I was happy, happier than I had been in years, but I knew that it wouldn't last for very much longer even though I wished and wished it would last forever. Kind of ironic, huh? I find what I've been looking for but my past comes back to bite me in the ass. Who would've figured.

The inside of Wakka and Lulu's hut was like controlled chaos. A bug-eyed old man, who I assumed must be the tailor, was trying to get Wakka to cooperate with him while Tidus and Gippal stood there laughing; I heard even more commotion coming from the back room. I rolled my eyes and groaned under my breath, knowing that I had to go back there. Gippal waved to me and I waved back before begrudgingly walking into the back room.

I could hear Rikku arguing with somebody in Al Bhed before I even reached the room. She was saying something about how her measurements couldn't possibly be that big and that they were wrong. Yuna, who had gotten much better at understanding Al Bhed, told her blonde cousin many times to calm down. The third voice was arguing right back at Rikku even though I'm pretty sure they couldn't understand a word of what she was saying.

When I entered the room Lulu was standing against the back wall with her arms crossed, glaring disapprovingly at the back of Rikku's head and Yuna was standing next to the black mage with her hand over her mouth and her eyes wide. Rikku was standing on a small stepping stool, glaring daggers down at the old, withered woman below her. The seamstress was holding a measuring tape in one hand and a pin cushion in the other.

Yuna's face, upon seeing me, became tremendously relieved and she shot me a pleading glance; I swear I could almost hear her thoughts because I was thinking the same exact thing.

I ground my teeth as Rikku's voice came dangerously close to breaking the sound barrier. "Alright Rikku!" I exclaimed, making sure my voice went over both of theirs. Both the blonde Al Bhed and the old seamstress stopped mid-scream and turned to stare at me. I crossed my arms as I walked towards them. "Why don't you let the poor lady do her job? I'm pretty sure she's stressed out enough without you making it worse." I saw the seamstress shoot me an apologetic glance out of the corner of my eye.

"But Paine she – "

"Yes, I know. She got your measurements wrong. I'm sure she did that just to spite you, Rikku. Now why don't you get down from there and go get yourself a drink of water." I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down from the stool, quickly escorting her out the door. Once she was all the way in the hallway I swiftly shut the door behind her, sighing in relief.

"Oh, that girl is so lucky!" The old seamstress said. "One more word and I would have stuck her right in the eye!" She pulled a rather long pin out of the cushion and held it in front of her face.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure all of us have imagined that at least once. You're not the only one."

Upon further investigation of Rikku's measurements we discovered that a few of the numerals had been off by just a fraction. So, in the end, Rikku's tantrum was justified because the seamstress' calculations made her dress one size bigger than it should have been. Oh, the nerve of that old bag.

Once my measurements had been taken I quickly left with promises to be back in a week. When I got back to the Lodge I was glad that I wouldn't be here for a while.

"So how did it go?" Baralai asked as soon as I walked back in.

"You don't want to know," I replied as I zipped my bag shut and slung it over my shoulder. "We're leaving."

"What's the rush?" He asked as we left the Lodge and headed towards the village exit.

"I don't want to be in the blast radius when Rikku goes nuclear," I said, activating my communicator. "Shinra?"

"_Shinra here."_

"It's Paine. Can you and Brother come pick Baralai and I up from Besaid?"

"_No problem. We're in Djose right now. We'll be there in half an hour."_

"Thank you, Shinra."

All I heard was his low chuckle before the connection was cut.

The walk to the beach was an awkward one. I stayed silent not because I didn't want to talk to Baralai but because I couldn't think of anything to say. And I definitely wasn't stupid enough to bring up the subject of what we had done the previous night and all the different positions we had done it in. Just the thought of it made a deep red blush creep onto my face. I was pretty surprised that we hadn't woken up the entire village.

_Hmm...he can't hear my thoughts, but I wonder..._ I concentrated as hard as I could and pushed my mental barriers out to surround Baralai, focusing on only his mind. I had to catch myself from audibly gasping when his thoughts flooded my mind like a torrent being unleashed. I quickly pulled back and his thoughts immediately vanished. I continued walking through sheer force of will. What I had just done had shocked me so bad that I was scared to try it again...but it also fascinated me at the same time. I wanted to read his mind again, but I didn't. I knew that I was probably breaking some unspoken rule by invading his mind like that.

I shook it off, pushing the issue to the back of my head, when we arrived at the beach. I would have more time later to think about my newfound ability. _You should tell Baralai about it. Maybe he can help you,_ my mind suggested. I instantly shunned that thought. My abilities, even though they may be extremely powerful and helpful, are something I'm not proud of. I've been using them so often because I have to. I have to be ready to face _them_ and to do that I need to be in total control of it.

"I have an idea, Paine," Baralai said as he sat down in the soft sand. He grabbed my arm and unceremoniously plopped me into his lap.

"And what would that be?"

"Once we get back to Bevelle we need to have a training session of our own." He flicked a few particles of sand off my legs as he spoke.

I smiled as I toyed with a few strands of his downy hair. "Are you so sure you want to get your ass handed to you by a woman?"

"What makes you so sure that you'll beat me?" He inquired, a playful smile appearing on his face.

"Well, we did beat you pretty bad in the Bevelle Underground if I remember correctly."

"And if I remember correctly I was significantly outnumbered," he pointed out.

_Damn, he's got me there._ "You're still not going to beat me. Sitting behind that desk is making you soft."

Baralai started laughing and I couldn't help but join in, the sound of his laughter made my heart flutter. He leaned in and captured my lips in a brief kiss before helping me stand up. I was baffled by how easy kissing him had become. Before I had jumped whenever he touched me and now I was kissing him just as easily as Yuna kisses Tidus. _You like it too much to stop now._ I rolled my eyes, but knew that it was true.

The Celsius arrived a few moments later and we trudged into the cabin, looking to Barkeep and Darling for something to eat. They had never been known to disappoint. Darling set two large, steaming bowls of beef stew down in front of us and a large plate full of rolls fresh from the oven. She smiled at both of us, taking our words of praise in stride before returning to Barkeep's side.

I didn't know that I had been so hungry until I realized that my bowl was empty and, to my surprise, I was still hungry for more. Instead of getting Darling's attention, I gobbled down a few more rolls to wait for Baralai to finish his food.

While we were making our way back to the bridge Brother screeched over the intercom that we were over Bevelle. We wasted no time in grabbing our bags and departing.

"I'm still your secretary, right?" I asked as we made our way to his home.

"Only if you still want to do it," he replied.

"No, I think Idalia would like to do it much more than me." Baralai's eyes grew wide before he realized that I was joking. "Relax, Baralai. I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you."

I groaned inwardly when I saw said annoying priestess standing beside Baralai's front door. I heard him vocalize his dislike of her once again being on his doorstep. I thought the whole situation was really quite comical. I was pretty sure that more than half of the young priestesses had at least a small crush on Baralai. I was never one for jealousy and I definitely wasn't concerned.

"Praetor Baralai, Sir!" Idalia said, bowing respectfully when we stopped in front of her.

"Yes, Idalia, what can I do for you?" He replied as he handed me the key for the front door.

"A certain, um...matter came to the council's attention while you were away and they need you at once," she said, fiddling with the long sleeves of her robe as she spoke.

Baralai handed his bag to me after I had pushed the door open. "Take this in for me, please," he said, handing me his bag. "I promise I'll be back soon."

I nodded and began to turn away when he grabbed my wrist. I wasn't surprised in the least that he wanted a kiss but I didn't think that he would want to do something like that in front of Idalia. _Oh well..._ I placed my hand on his cheek as his lips met mine. The kiss was brief but it lasted long enough to make my heart start pounding. Once he broke away I only got a fleeting glance of Idalia's face but it was long enough that I could see she was extremely shocked by our exchange.

I watched them walk away with a satisfied smirk on my face, Idalia looking back in my direction every few seconds, before I went inside and closed the door. After placing both our bags on Baralai's large bed I grabbed my sweats and tank top and ventured off to take a much needed shower. The shower was warm and relaxing so I took my sweet time getting out. The only shampoo that was in there smelled exactly like Baralai's cologne but I didn't mind one bit. I would take my time buying my own. I didn't mind smelling like him at all.

When I got out I was surprised to find that Baralai was already back from his meeting with the council. He was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands so I guessed that the meeting hadn't gone so well.

"Baralai?" I took a few tentative steps into the room, not wanting to startle him.

"I need a few minutes, Paine," he mumbled, not moving. "Just...give me a few minutes."

I nodded and left the office, closing the door behind me. I stood out in the hallway with my arms crossed over my chest, puzzled by his drastic change in attitude. _What happened at that meeting to make him act like this? What did they tell him?_ One corner of my mouth curled up when I realized how I could find out, but I shook my head. I was still reluctant to try it again.

I sighed and trudged back into Baralai's room, resisting temptation the whole way. Now that I had the resources to find out what was bothering him it was hard to resist holding myself back from using it. I threw myself onto the bed and propped my head in my hands, deciding to just play it safe and wait until he was ready to tell me.

A few minutes later I felt him get up and walk out of his office, stopping briefly in the doorway before coming all the way inside. He walked by the bed and changed out of his Praetor robe, quickly throwing on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He laid down on his back next to me and sighed heavily, dragging his hands down his face in frustration.

"Is it safe to assume that your meeting didn't go very well?" I asked, turning towards him.

He chuckled under his breath. "That would be an understatement," he mumbled. His jaw was tense as he spoke. I remained silent though. I knew he was going to tell me but I didn't want to make him feel pressured. The poor guy's hair was already white enough. He sighed heavily once again and inclined his head towards mine, staring deeply into my eyes. "The council isn't going to allow you to be my secretary after all."

I cocked one eyebrow. "Oh, really? Not very surprising, but why?"

"They think that someone in the priesthood should be the one to be my secretary. They made some rather demeaning comments about your stature as a Gullwing and they weren't too happy when I defended you."

"Huh," I mumbled, absently playing with a strand of his hair. "Who do they want to be your aide?" I already had a pretty good idea about who it was but I still had to ask.

Baralai rolled his eyes and groaned. "Idalia," he grunted, a small pout forming on his bottom lip.

I couldn't hold back my bark of laughter. "I knew I saw that one coming," I remarked, still laughing. I cleared my throat and put on a serious face. "If you want I can always come in when she's with you so I can scare her away." A naughty thought popped into my head just then but I decided to keep it to myself.

Even though I could tell he didn't want to, he smiled at my comment. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad then."

We laid in companionable silence for many long moments, I didn't bring of up the subject of when she was going to take over and he didn't delve into the details of the meeting. Either he would volunteer the information or I would causally bring it up later on. I chuckled to myself. _Boy, am I getting way to comfortable or what?_

I wished that was exactly what I could do, just lay back and relax and let time pass me by like I had an unlimited supply of it. I wish I didn't have The Invisible looming over my shoulder. _Why can't I have a normal life like everybody else? Is it really so much to ask for? Haven't I had my share of hardships?_

Baralai suddenly jumped off the bed and I frowned as I watched him walk into his closet, coming out seconds later wearing a pair of running shoes and carrying his dual edged rod over his shoulder. I smirked as I realized what he was doing. I rolled off the bed, grabbed my sword from where it was lying next to my bag and followed him out into his spacious back yard, not caring that I wasn't wearing anything on my feet. There was nothing in it except a lot of grass and a good amount of trees. It actually looked more like a forest than a backyard.

"I think it would be a good idea if we trained together. You're right, office life is starting to make me soft," he said, expertly twirling his rod about his head like it was an extension of his arm.

"Think you can keep up?" I replied, widening my stance a small amount.

"I might be able to hold my own." A small smile curled up the corners of his lips as he readied himself, his eyes narrowing slightly.

We stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, sizing the other up with only our eyes. I took a deep breath and pushed my mental barriers out as far as they would go, deciding to use my abilities as a small advantage. _Not cheating,_ I reminded myself. _I need to do this to prepare myself for later. All I'll be doing is feeling when and how he's going to attack._

We both lunged forward in the same instant, our weapons clanging together loudly. I jumped back and quickly parried his jab then blocking as he swung the other end around to try and take me off my feet. I fell into a more defensive than offensive position and let him attack me. I closed my eyes, relying only on my feelings and found that I could just as easily block his every blow like I had my eyes open. I fell into a sort of trance and didn't even have to try to block him. Every time he reached forward with his weapon my sword was there to meet his rod. It was almost like I wasn't even moving at all. My muscles weren't crying out in protest and my head wasn't throbbing from the exertion of using my powers.

It felt like we had only been sparring for a short amount of time but I felt his strength begin to wane and his movements become more sluggish. I snapped my eyes back open and twisted his rod out of his hands, slamming my foot down on top of it to prevent him from grabbing it again. I let my eyes come back into focus, taking in Baralai's appearance since the beginning of our match. His shirt was soaked with sweat and his breathing was heavy while mine was still as even as it had been when we were talking inside, which puzzled me. I should have been just as exhausted as him with a lovely little headache to add onto it, but I wasn't. I lifted my foot off of his rod and picked it up off the ground, handing it to him.

"How did you do that?" He asked with wide eyes.

"What do you mean?" I replied, deciding to play dumb.

"Fight with your eyes closed!" He exclaimed, still breathless. "How were you able to do that and still move so fast?"

I chuckled and tapped the side of my head. "I know that it probably counts as cheating but I still had to try it out."

"Were you reading my mind?" He asked, leaning against his rod.

I shook my head. "No, it's more like I could feel what you were going to do." I left out the part about how I really could read his mind if I wanted to.

"Let's see if you can do it again," he said, lifting his weapon off the ground and widening his stance.

"Hit me with your best shot," I said, a smirk playing on my lips.

I closed my eyes again and this time waited for him to make the first move. I gripped the hilt of my sword tightly as I awaited his initial attack and almost yelped in surprise when, after he took a few steps to his right, my body automatically sprang forward. I could tell that he was surprised by my sudden action as well, the resounding clang of our weapons made me breathe a sigh of relief. Since my attack was so sudden I was concerned that he wouldn't be able to block me in time. I had to remind myself to stay in the defensive. With my advantage I didn't want to end up hurting him.

Once I had settled into my trance I found that, if I so chose, I could take advantage of the holes in his defense and throw in a few feints. I decided to stick to the defensive for now. I could practice offense with the Warrior Monks later.

I could tell that we had been going for longer than before when even I started to get tired. _Well you aren't invincible._ Baralai was getting winded as well. His attacks weren't as powerful and his breathing was raspy. I quickly disarmed him the same way I had before then snaked my way behind him and pressed my sword up against his throat. I pressed myself up against his back and wrapped my unoccupied left arm around his stomach. We stood there in silence for a few moments, the only sound to be heard was our heavy breathing.

"You're rather out of practice," I whispered into his ear. "It's surprising that you're body still looks the way it does."

"Well then stress is a very good workout," he replied, reaching his hand up to wrap around mine.

I let my sword fall from where it was pressed against his neck and stuck it into the earth next to us. I wiped my brow with the back of my hand and plopped myself down in the grass. The coolness was a refreshment to my heated skin and it was so comfortable that I was tempted to fall asleep right there. Baralai chuckled at my antic and joined me on the ground. I rolled onto my side to face him, a question that I had been meaning to ask him burning a hole in my mind.

"The other night... Was that your first time?" I asked, butterflies dancing in my stomach as I forced those words out.

"Yes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. What about you?" He questioned, caressing my cheek with his fingertips.

"The same," I replied. "It's funny though. You didn't perform like that was your first time."

"I could say the same thing about you," he said, one corner of his curled upward.

I chuckled and scratched the back of my neck, unsure of how to continue. I'm quite sure that he didn't need a reminder of last night because I know I sure didn't. Everything about it had been permanently burned into my memory; it was one of the few things I never wanted to forget.

"Are you hungry?" He asked suddenly.

"Now that you mention it I could probably eat a whole chocobo right now."

He helped me up and held my hand as he led me through the house towards the kitchen, the feeling of his hand in mine making an odd feeling of déjà vu pass over me. For a man he had quite a wide variety of food, more than I ever would have thought. I hadn't inspected the pantry very closely those few days ago and it was probably a good thing I hadn't. I would have had quite the shock.

I stood back and let him gather everything himself. It was his kitchen after all. If he needed my help I know he would ask for it. He had a miniature wine rack sitting next to the fridge so I took it upon myself to grab a bottle of red wine and pour us each a glass. He smiled when I offered him his glass and gave me a brief but lingering kiss before returning to preparing dinner.

I wandered into the dining room and set my glass down on the large table. A large black book propped up on a decorative end table caught my eye and I couldn't help but go see what it was. I hefted the book up into my arms, surprised by how heavy it was, and sat down at the table with it. A large smile spread across my face when I opened it. It was a picture album.

The first picture that caught my eye was of a small white haired boy, hugging a plush chocobo in his sleep. His unruly mane of powdery hair was sticking up every which way making it look like he had stuck his finger into a light socket. I chuckled at how adorable he looked and was glad that part of him hadn't changed a bit since he was a baby. My mind pricked as I stared at the picture and the same feeling of déjà vu came over me. I frowned, unsure of what to make of it.

The next picture that caught my attention was of Baralai and an older sandy haired boy that I assumed was his brother Artim. They could have passed for identical twins. Baralai may have been born in Bevelle but I knew that his parents must have been from either Kilika or Besaid. My thoughts were confirmed when I flipped the page and spied a family portrait.

When I saw Baralai's father my eyes widened in shock. He was an exact copy of his father. _It's obvious where he got his good looks from._ Baralai's mother had lighter olive colored skin and bright golden hair. She was sitting, holding both small children in her lap while her husband stood with his arm encircling her shoulders. My eyes twitched as I stared at the photo. _They look so familiar. Where do I know them from? How do I know them? This déjà vu feeling is really starting to irk me._

"Alessandra and Damon." I jumped at the sound of Baralai's voice inches away from my ear. I looked at him with a confused expression and he laughed. "My parent's names."

"Oh," I replied, staring back down at the picture. _Even those names sound familiar._ "They're gorgeous. Are they still alive?"

He nodded and pulled a chair closer to me before sitting down. "They are. They retired when Lady Yuna brought The Eternal Calm and have been living on Kilika Island ever since."

"Whenever we get the chance to, I'd like to meet them," I said, smiling at him.

He smiled back and gently kissed my cheek. "Would you like to spend a few days there before Sir Tidus and Lady Yuna's wedding?"

"Hmm," I mumbled, thumbing through a few more pages of pictures as I thought. "Are you sure it would be alright?"

"Of course. I can call them tomorrow to let them know I'm going to visit."

"That's not what I meant. Are you sure you're going to be able to leave Bevelle again? I'm pretty sure the council is getting annoyed with all this time off you're taking."

"Don't worry about them," he said. "I'll take care of it."

He then proceeded to illustrate a number of the pictures. I could tell that both Baralai and Artim had been loved deeply by both of their parents even though their work at the temple had kept them so busy. A small part of me was jealous that Baralai still had both of his parents. I would give anything to have mine back.

My eyes almost popped out of my skull when I saw a picture of an eight or nine year old Baralai hugging a younger girl with long, silky black hair and icy blue eyes. The little girl had a large, glowing smile on her face as she hugged the white haired boy back. The background of the picture was the park located next to the Bevelle Elementary School.

The little black haired girl in the picture was me.


	11. Aria

**Chapter XI**

**Aria**

* * *

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Baralai smile when he saw the picture I was looking at. I absolutely could not believe what my eyes were seeing. I kept telling myself that the picture I was looking at wasn't real, but every time I closed my eyes thinking that it would go away when I opened them, it was still there. Those gorgeous blue eyes bore into my own, haunting me.

"That's Aria," Baralai said, the name rolling off his tongue with adoration. "She was my best friend when we were young." He paused and his eyebrows furrowed together as his finger delicately traced the little girl's face. "She disappeared though and I haven't seen her for a long time." His eyes were sad as he spoke that last sentence.

Tears started to gather in the corners of my eyes when Baralai said my old name. Witnessing the murders of both my parents had changed me and from that point on I had no longer resembled the happy little girl in the picture. I was no longer Aria; I was Paine. That was the name I gave the assassins that took me away and the name I told Kaiser. I still remember the exact words that Kaiser had spoken to me the day that I was brought before him:

"_You are one of us now. From now on your old life means nothing. Forget who you were before you came here, forget all of it."_

I had gladly done so. I didn't want to remember anything about my parents, about my friends, nothing. My parents were dead, killed by the people that I was now a part of. I forgot my old friends, they were nothing to me. I had new friends in The Invisible. They were all I needed.

While they were shearing my hair off the dying faces of my parents flashed relentlessly through my mind, making the tears that I should have cried while they were dying spill from my eyes. I stared in disbelief at my hair as it fell to the ground. No longer was it midnight black, but platinum. I loved my eyes because they were exactly like my mother's, but I was glad that when my element was chosen my eye color changed to reflect the fire that burned within me. Which is why Roland's eyes are yellow, Gwen's are blue and mine are red.

I didn't want to be reminded of my parents anymore than was necessary so I pushed their memory into the farthest corner of my mind along with everything of my old life and locked them away for good.

I had to tightly ball my hands into fists to keep Baralai from seeing that they were shaking. I had totally forgotten, because I had locked away my old memories, that I had known Baralai when I was a child. Like a dam had broken, all the memories that had been stored away for nine long years came rushing back. All the memories of when my life had been much happier. _I wish I could get it back._ I slammed my hand down over the picture and wiped at my eyes furiously, ridding them of the tears that were threatening to fall. I quickly got up and left the room, needing to get away from the little girl in the picture with the happy smile.

"Paine, what's wrong?" Baralai asked, getting up and chasing after me.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and stopped in the middle of the living room. I had to fight to find my voice. "Aria loved hanging upside down on the monkey bars and jumping off the swing in mid-air even though she knew you hated it when she did it. She would hold your hand everywhere you went and she would get in trouble because of it. Your mother used to pack fruit snacks in your lunch and you always saved the cherry flavored ones for her because they were her favorite. And for Christmas one year you brought some mistletoe to school and held it above your head during recess, hoping she would kiss you. Your cheeks flared bright red when she did. Hers did too." I smiled at the long forgotten memory of little Baralai's reddened face.

I took another deep breath and finally got up the courage to turn around and look at him after my monologue. I wasn't surprised to see that there was a very confused and shocked expression on his face. I wasn't surprised at all that he didn't recognize me.

"...how do you know that?" He whispered, a suspicious glint in his eyes.

"Because I'm the little girl in the picture, Baralai. I'm Aria."

All the color drained from his face when I said that, unbelief shining in his eyes. I felt my heart sink down into my stomach, the disappointment I felt over him not believing me making my shoulders sag. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my mouth to speak but never got the chance to because his lips were suddenly on mine. My eyes briefly widened in shock before their lids fluttered shut as his hands clutched at me desperately, roaming all over my body.

He pulled away after many long moments, too short for my tastes, and cupped my face in his hands. "I can't believe I found you... After all these years... Everything makes sense now," he whispered. "I'm sorry I never recognized you. I'm so sorry." He kissed me again but we were interrupted by a loud beep coming from the kitchen.

"Oh, our dinner's ready," he said, breaking away from me and rushing into the kitchen.

I sat down at the table and quickly closed the album, shoving it away from me. Baralai returned moments later with our dinner: his mother's home made pot pies. He kissed my cheek before sitting down beside me. We ate mostly in silence but I knew all the questions he wanted to ask would come after we had both finished. I had only been Paine to him for so long and now that he knew that I was Aria as well... I had no idea what he would think of what I had become.

I almost jumped away from his hand when his fingers swept through my platinum hair. "What did they do to you, Aria?"

I physically winced when he said my old name again. I hadn't been called that in nearly nine years. It was almost painful to hear it again. "Every member's hair is cut short so it doesn't get in the way when they're hunting a mark."

"Why isn't it black anymore?"

"I saw my parents murdered when I was ten, Baralai. Seeing that was enough to turn it silver," I snapped. "Not to mention living under the rule of Kaiser for six years."

He shook off my angered remark; he had done that even when we were kids. "Why did you change your name to Paine? Aria is so much more beautiful."

"Because Aria died with her parents!" I yelled, standing up so swiftly and forcefully my chair skittered across the floor for a few feet before tipping over. "Aria's dead, Baralai! Her pain was the only thing left alive!"

I collapsed to my knees and didn't stop him when he snaked his arms around me in a comforting hug. I dug my face into his chest and let the tears fall freely from my eyes. How would I have turned out if my parents hadn't been murdered and I hadn't been made a member of The Invisible? What would I have been like? What would my life be like now? Those thoughts haunted me until I passed out in Baralai's arms.

"_Aria!"_

_My small heart skipped a beat at the voice I could recognize even in my sleep. I whipped my head around, my long black hair flying about my face, trying to find him in the crowded school yard. I had gotten to school late so I hadn't been able to play with my bestest friend in the world before we had to go to our separate classes. He is in fifth grade while I am only in third._

_I frowned and stood on my tip toes, trying to locate Baralai's head of pure white hair. I know that I had heard him. I couldn't have been hallucinating his voice. I squealed when two strong hands began tickling me from behind. I wasn't scared at all because I knew exactly who it was. I spun around and threw my arms around his neck._

"_Why weren't you here this morning?" He asked, his voice filled with concern._

"_Me and my mom woke up late. We got here just as the bell was ringing."_

"_Oh, okay," he said, a bright smile replacing the concern as he grabbed my hand. "What do you want to do first?"_

"_Swing!" I exclaimed as we raced through the playground towards our destination._

I awoke from my dream with a start, my breathing quick and raspy. I quickly brought my hands up to my face to shield my eyes from the bright sunlight streaming in through the window. I heard murmuring in the front room and groaned inwardly. I was hoping that Baralai would have been at the temple by now.

It felt kind of...awkward to be around him now. Like now that he knew who I used to be he would treat me differently. _I hope not..._ I didn't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable when I was with him. _I just want...to be me._

I sighed heavily and pushed the warm blankets off my legs, reluctantly rising from the bed. I trudged out into the living room, my eyes roaming about slowly. Baralai was sitting on the couch watching the morning news. He had a phone to his ear, talking quietly to the person on the other end. I leaned up against the wall and waited for Baralai to finish his conversation. I happened to walk in at the end of it so I wasn't waiting for very long.

"Alright, Mom, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you too." He hung up the phone and rose from the couch, spotting me almost instantly. "Good morning," he said, smiling at me. "How did you sleep?"

"Alright, I guess," I replied, crossing the room and settling down on the couch.

"I just got off the phone with my mother," he stated, returning the phone to its cradle in the kitchen. "She's looking forward to our visit."

I nodded my head absently, staring down at the leather cushions of Baralai's couch. I was instantly wondering exactly what he had told his mother and whether or not she would remember me. It was his mother, after all, that had taken that picture of us in the park.

I flinched involuntarily when he sat down beside me, his warm hands wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me towards him. I couldn't help but melt into his chest, listening to the slow rhythmic beat of his heart to the point where I almost fell asleep. I snapped my eyes open and blinked them rapidly.

"Baralai?" I whispered, my voice thick with sleep.

"Yes?" He answered, his warm breath blowing through my short hair.

I bit my lip, a little hesitant to continue. I knew that I wouldn't stop feeling awkward around him until I got this off my chest, but... _I don't even know._

"What is it?" He inquired, his voice filling with concern at my silence.

"I know that I've changed since we were kids, but...I don't want you to treat me any differently because of it." I could feel myself starting to ramble so I bit down on my tongue and waited for him to say something.

Baralai was quiet for a few moments as well, probably putting his thoughts into words. "I miss Aria," he began. "but even though I miss her I wouldn't ever want to change you back."

I frowned and turned my head so I could see his face. "And why is that?"

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Because. I fell in love with you before I even knew you were Aria. I love Paine just as much as I love her."

My heartbeat quickened and a warmth settled into the pit of my stomach at his words. I never knew the contents of his feelings for me and I was surprised to hear him say that he loved me. _But do I love him? I want to...but I can't._ The small, minuscule part of me that still resembled Aria rejoiced at hearing those words come out of his mouth. I turned my face away from his as I felt a blush creep up my neck.

Baralai grabbed one of my hands and laced his fingers with mine, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "...and I was hoping you felt the same way about me," he whispered, his mouth next to my ear.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply through my mouth. The temptation to turn around and take him right there was almost too much to bear. "And I was hoping that you wouldn't ask me that," I replied with my eyes still closed.

"Why?" He questioned, a frown in his voice.

"Because I can't give you the answer you want to hear," I replied, biting the inside of my lip.

"It's alright. Just as long as you know how I feel. Take your time." _That's the one thing I don't have a lot of._ "Well I better get over to the office. There's quite a few things I have to get done before we leave tomorrow. I promised Idalia that I would be there by noon," he said, rolling his eyes.

I moved away from him so he could get up and, as I scooted away from him, I could tell that he didn't want to let go of me. He leaned forward and trailed a few kisses down my neck, leaving goose bumps behind, before getting up and walking into his room. He came back into the living room a few minutes later dressed in a white button down, nice black slacks and shiny black dress shoes. My eyes widened with surprise when I saw that he had left his trademark bandanna back in his room.

"Casual Friday?" I inquired, rising from the couch and taking a few steps towards him.

"Not exactly," he replied with a smile. "I just don't feel like wearing that heavy robe." He closed the gap between us and took me into his arms. "I'll try not to be gone for too long but I can't make any promises."

"It's alright. Take as long as you need."

He stared into my eyes adoringly for a few moments before capturing my lips in a kiss that left my knees weak. I gingerly ran my fingers through his hair, leaning my body into his like we could somehow melt into each other. His tongue pushed up against my lips and easily slipped into my mouth. I couldn't hold back the sigh of pleasure as his tongue explored my mouth and expertly wrapped around my own. His hands gripped my hips tightly and pressed me even harder against him, craving the grinding of our bodies. I could tell that I had gotten a considerable rise out of him with that one little sound, but even though I wanted to take this to the bedroom, I knew that we couldn't.

I broke away from his hungry mouth, intent on telling him that he needed to go to the temple, but when his lips started trailing more kisses down my neck and nipping at the sensitive flesh my thoughts became so scrambled I knew it would be hours until I could think straight again.

I found my voice after what felt like an eternity. "Baralai..." I protested, pushing him away from me. "You really need to get going, as much as I hate to admit it."

He took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Oh the things you do to me," he whispered, his breathing heavy. He gave me another quick peck on the lips before backing away and clearing his throat. "I'll be back soon."

"See you later," I replied as he turned around and walked to the door. His body looked extremely tense and I could tell that he wanted nothing more than to turn back around and finish what he started.

My attention was taken away from the now closed door as my stomach rumbled hungrily so I decided to explore Baralai's kitchen for myself. I really wasn't very hungry so I grabbed an almost empty container of strawberry yogurt and a package of graham crackers, assembling them on the kitchen counter.

As I ate my thoughts instantly strayed to The Invisible. I knew that they probably already figured out about Baralai and I. _So when are they going to stroll in and give me an earful about it?_ I asked myself as I munched on a graham cracker. And the funny thing is, ever since I had woken up I had a weird feeling that I was going to run into one of them today.

I quickly finished the rest of the yogurt and tossed the now empty container into the trash, returning the graham crackers to the pantry. I dressed in my Warrior outfit and decided to take a little stroll in Baralai's immense backyard. _Might as well not delay the inevitable,_ I thought as I gazed out of the sliding glass doors that led out of Baralai's room. I could definitely feel a presence prowling around in the trees somewhere and I wasn't surprised about it one bit.

With a resigned sigh, I wandered out into the backyard and calmly walked into the grove of trees. I tried to pinpoint exactly where the presence was but it moved around so quickly that I couldn't keep up with it. I had a pretty good feeling I knew who it was though.

"Alright, Gwen, I know you're out here. You might as well show yourself."

I heard a faint chuckle off to my right but didn't bother to turn my head and acknowledge that I had heard her. "I thought you would never come out of there, Paine," she said, materializing a few feet away from me.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," I replied, sitting at the base of a large oak tree. I figured I was going to be here for a while. I spoke again before Gwen had the chance to. "You don't have to tell me why you're here. I already know."

"Well that makes my job a little easier then," she said, her soft footfalls could barely be heard as she approached. "Kaiser just wants to know why you're romantically involved with your first mark. All of us want to know that actually."

I covered my face with my hands and sighed. "I don't know, Gwen. I really don't know. I know that I shouldn't be doing this but...I just can't help myself."

"The best piece of advice that I can offer you right now is to leave this instant and come back with me to Zanarkand before this gets out of hand," she said, leaning up against a tree and crossing her arms over her stomach.

"I can't do that," I said, shaking my head. "I have too many obligations to fulfill before I can leave and you know that."

"Hmm, you're right. You still have a little time left," she said, absently digging her toe into the ground. "Do you love him, Paine?" She asked suddenly, turning her head to look at me.

I stared into her penetrating blue eyes for a few seconds, trying to figure out if she was really serious. Her expression never wavered. "I don't know that either, Gwen."

"Of course you do, Paine," she said, pushing away from the tree she was leaning against. "You just don't want to admit it to yourself because you think it won't hurt as much when you have to kill him."

A hot flash of anger rose up within me at her words, my eyes smoldering vehemently. I became even angrier when she laughed at my reaction.

"Oh, don't get so angry, Paine. You know what I'm saying is true," she said, the laugh still in her voice.

"Who was your first mark then?" I snapped, my voice filled with venom.

"My first mark is of no concern to you!" She snapped back, her joking demeanor vanishing. "Just know this, everyone must assassinate someone that is important to them for their first mark. That shows Kaiser that you can kill the ones you love to stay loyal to him and The Invisible. That is the way it has always been done and you are certainly no different! Cherish the time you have with the New Yevon Praetor, Paine. It will be short lived." She disappeared and was gone before I could even blink.

I hung my head in my hands and tightly closed my eyes, sighing heavily. _How many times can I break till I shatter?_


	12. Torn

**Chapter XII**

**Torn**

* * *

The words Gwen had said to me echoed through my mind as I sat, still in Baralai's backyard, trying to figure out what to do. One part of me, and a large one at that, wanted nothing more than to follow Gwen's advice and resign myself to my fate early.

"No, I can't do that to Yuna," I whispered to myself, my head in my hands. "...or Baralai." The other part of me felt like I was connected to him with a million different strings, strings made out of iron.

I fisted my hands into my hair, literally tearing myself in two. Gwen was absolutely right; I knew that things would only get worse if I continued to delay. I was living on borrowed time that I was swiftly running out of.

"I don't love him." I chanted those words over and over, thinking they would come true if I said them enough. "I don't."

Why was it so hard, then, for me to get up and leave? If I don't love him why can't I leave him behind? Was seeing Yuna get married the only reason that I was lingering? I sighed in frustration as I leaned my head back against the trunk of the tree. The sky had darkened considerably since I had last looked at it and my thoughts immediately went to Baralai.

I got up off the ground and looked back towards the house, not surprised in the least that none of the lights, inside or out, were on. It was still broad day light out when I left so I hadn't turned anything on. I sighed heavily and leaned my shoulder up against the tree I had been sitting in front of for the past five or six hours, wondering if I should go visit Baralai at his office. The thought of infuriating Idalia even more made me chuckle under my breath, but I didn't hold anything against her. She was sweet, but so damn gullible.

I took my time walking to his office. A few of the priests and acolytes I passed on my way there shot me wary glances and even whispered to each other under their breath when they thought I was out of ear shot. I quickly picked their brains to figure out what they were saying and discovered that Idalia had been spreading not so nice rumors about me. I chuckled, more humored than offended. Actually, I wasn't offended at all.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," I mumbled as I entered Baralai's office.

Baralai smiled at me and, as I was walking past the small desk that had been set up for Idalia, I heard her mumble something unintelligible under her breath. One corner of my mouth curled up as I heard it through her mind loud and clear. Baralai sent me a questioning look as I came around and sat on the edge of his desk.

I put my mouth next to his ear. "I don't think your new secretary likes me very much." His expression became even more confused and I didn't have to read his mind to know what he was thinking. I tapped the side of my head in response and he nodded his head, understanding.

"Idalia, you can go home now. You've done enough for tonight," Baralai said, pulling a few sheets of paper out of a bin on his desk. "Bring these to the council chambers first, please. They should still be there."

She quickly rose from her desk and shuffled forwards, collecting the papers. "Yes, Sir," she said, before turning towards the door. Her long robe made quiet swishing noises on the stone floor as she walked.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I casually sifted through her thoughts, not being able to help the ironic smile that crept onto my face at what I heard. "Oh, now she's going to go tattle on us," I said after she had disappeared behind the door. "I think we might be in trouble later."

"I'm not worried about it," Baralai replied, rubbing his eyes. "As long as I get everything done that I have to the council doesn't mind if I go visit my parents."

"That's not what she's going to tattle on us about."

"What else could there be?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion once more.

"She's going to tell the council about our relationship. She thinks that I'll get in trouble and that I don't deserve to be with you." I paused as I flicked my bangs out of my eyes. "You know, all of this could have been avoided if you wouldn't have kissed me in front of her the other day."

A distracted smile made the corners of his mouth pull up. "It's going to take me a while to get used to the fact that you can hear everyone's thoughts." He paused to scribble a few sentences onto the paperwork in front of him. I sat in companionable silence beside him, watching him write. I felt an impulse to listen to what he was thinking about but I held myself back. Why, I had no idea.

"Can you hear my thoughts?" He asked suddenly.

I stared into his eyes for a few seconds before I registered what he had said. "I'm pretty sure I could if I wanted to," I answered.

"So you've never tried it with me?"

I shook my head and looked away from him. "I've wanted to, but I've always held myself back because I don't want to hear something that I'm not supposed to." Of course that was a lie. I had heard his mind before, even though it hadn't been for very long, but I certainly didn't want him to know that.

He was silent again as he applied his signature to a few of the documents then moved them out of the way so he could access the countless others that were underneath. "I wouldn't mind you know," he said, not looking up.

I frowned and looked at him. I really had no idea what to say to that. It still didn't feel right, even with his consent, to even think about listening to his thoughts. I felt no qualms about invading everybody else's mind so why couldn't I do it to Baralai's as well? I shook my head. I didn't have an answer to that. It went deeper than just invading his privacy or hearing something I wasn't supposed to, much deeper. I just didn't have the answer yet.

_Don't lie to yourself._

I scoffed instantly at that thought. Lying to myself I absolutely was not. I wasn't some kind of love sick teenager that had no inkling of what the word love really meant and I also wasn't some kind of love guru either. The only kind of love I had ever experienced was the love that my parents had for me. Besides that, love is a strange and foreign thing to me. I probably wouldn't recognize it even if it slapped me in the face._ I don't love him._

"I had another visitor today," I said, getting away from the subject of reading his mind.

His expression was guarded when he looked at me, but I could see the tiniest flinching of his eyebrows and tensing of his jaw. "I'm assuming nothing happened?" He asked, his voice strained.

"No, we just talked." I knew that he was going to start questioning me even though I didn't want him to so I decided just to get it over with. "And they wanted to know why I'm getting involved with you." I looked into his eyes so I could gage his reaction, wondering what he would say.

His left eye twitched as he looked away from my gaze and leaned back in his chair. I suddenly felt...anxious? Expectant? I shook my head and tenderly rubbed my temples, having no idea why I was feeling those things. "That's a very good question." He grew silent once more as he hunched over his desk, swiftly clearing the surface.

Only five short minutes had gone by when he stuffed the remaining papers into the bin on the right corner of his desk. "Well that's all for tonight," he said, getting up and stretching his arms over his head.

I nodded and followed him out of his office, glad that he hadn't said anything else.

I woke up extremely early the next morning, before the sun had even come up. Baralai was still sound asleep beside me. I had to hold myself back from kissing him. He just looked so...serene while he slept, so peaceful. A small smile crawled onto my face as I remembered what he used to look like when he was a little boy. I ripped my eyes away from him and threw the blankets off of me, power walking into the bathroom. I swiftly shut the door behind me and locked it then leaned up against it. I flicked the light on and closed my eyes, waiting for them to adjust.

_I have to get out of here. I can't stay here anymore. I'll disappear until Yuna's wedding. I won't put Baralai through this anymore._

I sighed deeply, my mind made up. I would take a quick shower, pack all my things and be gone before Baralai even woke up. "It'll be better this way," I whispered to my reflection.

I took a quick ten minute shower then redressed in my pajamas. I carefully slinked out of the bathroom, relieved that he was still asleep, and entered my room, quickly starting to dress myself in my Warrior outfit. I groaned in frustration when I felt him wake up. I was only half way dressed but I wasn't worried about him seeing me; my back was facing the door.

So when he walked in thirty seconds later I was suddenly wishing I had gotten dressed just a little bit faster.

"Paine?" He said, his voice still thick with sleep. "What are you doing?" I was guessing that he wasn't awake enough to realize that my top half was still unclothed.

"I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to get an early start. I'm sorry if I woke you up." I clenched my hands into fists to prevent them from shaking and swore under my breath. Now that he was awake my plan was ruined.

_What a coward..._

I rolled my eyes, begrudgingly agreeing with my mind. Yes, I was a coward. I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him I was leaving because I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be able to handle it, which is why I wanted to beat a hasty retreat while he was asleep. Less painful for both of us that way.

I jumped when I felt his warm hand touch my chilled skin. When my eyes met his I knew that he was suspicious; Baralai was no fool. "You were going to leave, weren't you?"

I unconsciously crossed my arms over my exposed chest as I turned to face him. "I...uh..." I stammered, knowing that I was caught and trying to weasel my way out of trouble. "What makes you think that?"

Baralai ignored my question. "Just tell me why," he said, his eyes furious.

I scowled at him. "Why don't you let me finish getting dressed first?" I shot back, my own eyes beginning to smolder.

He looked about ready to argue but instead took a deep breath and left my room, closing the door behind him. I dropped my arms from my chest and continued to get dressed. He was pretty angry with me, that much was obvious. Whether or not he would stay mad at me was another story all together.

I called Shinra to come pick us up before I left my room to face Baralai's wrath. The young boy genius, of course, was wide awake but Brother was still in a coma. He said it would be quite a while before they would arrive since both him and Buddy had to make sure Brother wouldn't fall asleep at the controls.

I sighed as I turned my communicator off once again. I could hear Baralai rummaging around in the kitchen and I wished that I could stay holed up in my room but I knew that he would come back eventually to make sure that I hadn't jumped out the window. With a resigned sigh I threw my bag over my shoulder and trudged out of my room.

I deposited my bag on the couch and walked into the kitchen, the click of my heels on his tile floor sounding much too loud for my ears. Baralai didn't look up from where he stood in front of the kitchen counter when I entered, a bad sign. He thrust a large mug of coffee at me before going back to stirring sugar and creamer into his.

I took my mug without question and crossed to the sliding glass doors that led out of the dining room. I blew over the surface of my coffee before taking a sip, making a face at how bitter it tasted. I didn't care though. Just as long as I didn't have to go over there.

I saw a flicker of movement in the trees and I narrowed my eyes, trying to pin point it. I gave up after several minutes of scanning the back yard. Whoever was out there was just letting me know that I was still being watched. I wasn't going to go out there again though.

"What we're doing is...stupid," I said, my voice sounding foreign as it broke the silence.

"Why is that?" He replied, his voice flat.

I took a quick sip of my coffee. "Because we're only setting each other up for heart break later down the road." I turned to look at him. "Don't you see that?"

Baralai heaved a great sigh as he continued to idly stir his coffee, which was probably cold by now. He set his mug down and brought his eyes up to meet mine. "I don't think we're being stupid," he replied, a small smile playing on his lips.

"And why do you think that?" I asked, not taking my eyes off of him.

But he didn't answer me. Instead he shook his head, his smile growing larger, before walking towards me and planting a soft kiss on my forehead. I stood there watching him walk away, utterly baffled. I had expected him to be angry. I had expected him to start yelling at me. I had definitely not expected this. His drastic attitude change had me scratching my head in confusion. _What brought it on? Earlier in my room it looked like he was about to rip my head off,_ I thought as I took another drink of my coffee.

Almost two hours later the Celsius finally showed up. Brother was not happy at all and he had no problem showing it, so the ride to Kilika wasn't all that enjoyable. I passed the time by chatting with Shinra, trying not to pay attention to Brother's incessant whining, while Baralai got something to eat in the cabin.

Now that we were on our way to see his parents I was a little apprehensive that they would recognize me for who I used to be. Baralai's mother had always thought of me as the daughter she never had since she had two boys. I could only imagine what she went through when I disappeared.

I tried not to notice when Baralai walked back onto the bridge twenty minutes later. I saw him stop out of the corner of my eye and stare at me. I clenched my teeth and continued to stare at one of Shinra's many computer screens. After a few seconds he continued walking and went to chat with Buddy. My eyes met his a few times throughout the rest of the trip and every time we locked gazes he would be smiling at me, which would only cause me to quickly look away from him. _And the awkwardness is back..._ It was a rather unsettling feeling when I, once again, didn't want anything between us to be awkward. I bit down – a little too hard – on the inside of my cheek in frustration, grimacing when I tasted blood on my tongue.

I was becoming a stranger to even myself. I wanted to get away from Baralai, but I couldn't. I wanted to follow Gwen's advice, but I wouldn't. I wanted him to stop touching me, kissing me, even looking at me but, then again, I never wanted him to stop. My own thoughts were foreign and it was extremely unnerving to not feel at home in my own mind. Sometimes I wished I could just stick my head in a bucket of bleach to see if I get rid of all those painful memories for good.

I was relieved when we finally arrived. Brother was seriously starting to grate on my nerves and if I had to spend another minute around him I was going to have to fight the impulse to chop off his ugly mop of a Mohawk. I heaved an enormous sigh as we stepped off the Celsius, taking in a large breath of the salty sea air. Maybe this is what I needed; a change from the ordinary that I was so used to. Then again I could just be fooling myself.


	13. Three Little Words

**Chapter XIII**

**Three Little Words**

* * *

Kilika, since I had last seen it, had grown considerably. It had only been a month since Vegnagun had been destroyed and the hostility that had Spira's political groups at each other's necks had been resolved, but the village had expanded to almost twice its original size. Both New Yevon and the Youth League had come together to make the small island town better for its inhabitants and better it most definitely was.

The air was buzzing with excitement and I didn't have to read any of the islanders minds to find out what all the fuss was about. Word about High Summoner Yuna's wedding had spread like wildfire and I, being one of her comrades, was bombarded with questions as soon as I was seen, which caused almost the whole village population to crowd around Baralai and I.

Was the High Summoner getting married in Bevelle? Did they have to buy a ticket to watch? Were they even allowed to be at the wedding? What were her wedding colors going to be? Was I going to be one of her bridesmaids? It felt like I was being questioned by the paparazzi and not by a bunch of curious islanders.

"Hey!" I yelled over everyone's voices and was stunned when they all shut up at once, not wanting to miss anything of what I was saying. Adult and child alike were hanging their heads down from the boardwalks above me, intent on hearing everything. "No, Yuna is not getting married in Bevelle and she doesn't want a public event made out of it." I purposefully didn't answer any more of the villager's questions. I was already irritated enough. "Now, if you don't mind, get out of my way."

A few seconds passed before the large group reluctantly parted to let us through. I could tell almost all of them had even more questions but they knew better than to ask. I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief when the crowd finally disbanded, returning to their own business.

Baralai's parents weren't at all poor. They had made very good money while they had worked for the temples and were now living off of their retirement. Their home was near the jungle; it was a quaint wooden hut that overlooked the ocean and, in the mornings, would probably have a gorgeous view of the sunrise. A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I stared at it. _This is the kind of house I would want,_ I thought.

Baralai squeezed my hand reassuringly before shoving back the large blue curtain that acted as a door. The inside of the hut was much bigger than I had first anticipated and I stood in the doorway, gaping at the beauty of Baralai's parent's home.

The front room was immense and had a comfortable looking sitting area that was lower than the rest of the floor; colorful pillows, big and small, were piled around an ornately carved table. A large bay window in the back let in most of the sunlight and, once the sun had set, there were various torches, candles and even a large fireplace to provide light once it was dark.

"Is that you, Baralai?" I heard a soft voice call from a room upstairs.

"Yes, Mom, it's me," he replied and a few seconds later Alessandra was standing at the top of the small staircase, smiling down at him.

I gasped slightly as I looked at her. The picture in Baralai's photo album didn't do her one bit of justice, even though that picture had been taken when Baralai was a small child. If anything she looked even more beautiful than what I remembered. Her long golden hair still held the same silky shine, not a trace of gray to be found anywhere. The only things that were noticeably different were the lines in the corners of her eyes and mouth were a little more defined. Besides that she looked like she hadn't aged a day. _She probably had Baralai and Artim while she was young,_ my mind reasoned.

Alessandra practically danced down the stairs and wrapped her lithe arms lovingly around her son, embracing him tightly. She pulled back a few moments later and placed both her hands gently on his face. "Oh, Baralai, it's so good to see you. It seems like its been forever since the last time you visited."

"I know and I'm sorry," he said, taking her hands in his; their skin contrasting like day to night. "My work as Praetor has kept me busier than I thought."

"It's alright. Your father and I are very proud of you." She leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Speaking of which, where is Dad?" Baralai asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he looked around the large front room.

"A few of the priests needed his help with something at the temple. He'll be back soon." Her eyes met mine for the first time since we had arrived and, after examining me for a few seconds, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. She moved away from Baralai and came to stand in front of me, eying me carefully like I was a piece of priceless art. Her eyes widened briefly then narrowed to tiny slits. "...Aria?"

I was so shocked I took an involuntary step back. She had recognized me right away, the exact thing I had been afraid of. I risked a quick glance at Baralai and he was staring at the back of her head with a flabbergasted expression. I was quite surprised as well. Baralai and I had been so close when we were children that we had been practically joined at the hip and he hadn't even recognized me until I had blatantly pointed it out to him. Alessandra had only looked at me for a few seconds and she knew who I was automatically. _I'll have to point that out to him when we're alone,_ I thought, storing that information away for later.

"Aria, what happened to you? I've been so worried about you," she whispered, wrapping her hands tightly around my forearms and looking dangerously close to crying.

"It's...a long story," I replied, wondering whether or not if I should tell her what I told Baralai.

"You can tell me once you two are settled in. Follow me," she said, reaching over to her son and taking his hand before leading us up the stairs.

The room she showed us was even bigger than the living room, if such a thing was even possible. The bed itself was humongous, with a large canopy of bug netting surrounding it. There was another blue curtain in the wall adjacent to the bed that I assumed led out onto a balcony. The floor was polished wood covered by many colorful rugs. There was a small sitting area similar to the one in the living room set in the far corner of the room. It was a very cozy looking and I knew for a fact that it would be hard for me to leave once it was time for us to return to Besaid.

"Our bathroom is across the hall," Baralai said, placing his bag next to the dresser.

I placed mine next to his and went to sit in one of the large cushions, sighing to myself at how comfortable it was. Baralai joined me and we sat in silence for quite a while before he spoke up.

"I have to offer you an apology, Paine," he said, his voice low.

"Why?" I asked, frowning as I turned to look at him.

He sighed deeply and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "As soon as my mother saw you she instantly knew who you were." He paused and stared at his hands. "I've known you for the past three years and I didn't even recognize you until you said something. I'm sorry."

Against my better judgment I reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it slightly. I opened my mouth to speak but instead yelped in surprise when Baralai yanked me into his lap. Our lips brushed together lightly and I quickly looked away from him as my cheeks flared a bright red.

"It's alright," I said, breaking the silence. "You shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"I know, but I can't help it," he murmured, tracing the lines and contours of my face with the pads of his fingers.

I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, savoring his touch and committing it to my memory. I was going to follow Gwen's advice, part of it anyways. I was going to enjoy the time that I had left with him and, when the time came for me to leave him, I hope I would be able to do it. _We'll cross that bridge when we come to it,_ my mind reassured me.

I jumped when his lips brushed against mine again but I quickly returned the favor before he could pull away and before I lost my nerve. His strong hands tightened around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he deepened the kiss, his lips moving fluidly against mine. I knew in the back of my mind that kissing him was only making our whole screwed up situation worse, but I didn't care. I _loved_ kissing him. His lips were so soft and fit so perfectly against mine, like we were a pair of perfectly fitting puzzle pieces.

We broke apart and gazed into each other's eyes as our breathing slowed. _I wish I knew what he was thinking!_ The temptation to read his mind was so great that I almost gave in. It was so _hard_, dammit. I wouldn't even have to think about it. All I would have to do is extend my consciousness out a few inches and...no! _I won't!_ I breathed in slowly through my nose and snaked my hand around behind his head, pushing him forward until our lips met again. I needed a distraction bad and kissing him some more was an alluring enough prospect.

A muffled moan reverberated in his chest as I grazed my tongue over his lips. A hungry frenzy consumed my mind and I knew that, even though I had already severely crossed the invisible boundaries I had already established for myself, I wouldn't be able to stop. I liked it, no, _loved_ it way too much to even consider stopping now. Like he was unconsciously answering me, Baralai wrapped his hand around the back of my head and weaved his fingers through my hair, effectively keeping me in place.

I, once again, for the second time in less than four days, found myself straddling him. This little occurrence should have unnerved me for I remember where and how we had ended up the last time that we had been in this position. I wanted to stop myself before our situation got out of hand but, then again, I wanted nothing more than to keep going. To keep touching him, to keep kissing his lips and for him to keep kissing me.

Then, as Baralai ran his hand down my neck and across my collarbone and as I weaved my fingers through his soft hair, my sub-conscious mind revealed a shocking revelation to me.

I _did_ love Baralai. I truly loved him and it scared me to death.

Alessandra called us down for dinner a few minutes later and we discovered that Damon, Baralai's father, had returned from the temple while we had been upstairs. It still blew me away how similar Baralai and his father looked. They could have easily passed for twins if Damon was just a little younger.

I had not known Damon as well as I had known Alessandra when I was growing up. Her temple duties had been rather lax and it had been easier for her to get time off to spend with her children. Damon had interacted with me on a few occasions, though, and as I look back at those memories, I realize that little girls were a foreign thing to him since he was a father of only boys. I had just thought he was shy.

Damon smiled widely as he embraced Baralai while I waited silently next to the staircase. I was pretty sure that Alessandra had told her husband about me already. Without missing a beat, Damon's dark brown eyes that were oh so familiar found my crimson ones and he beckoned me forward, the same smile still gracing his face.

He drew me into his arms as well and I awkwardly returned the embrace. He examined my face just as Alessandra had. "You've changed quite a bit, Aria."

I nodded. "I've been through a lot these past few years."

"You'll have to tell us the story over dinner," he said, leading me toward a beautiful table made of mahogany wood set in front of the large bay window I had seen earlier.

"Only if you want to, dear," Alessandra added as we took our seats around the table.

Alessandra had certainly outdone herself while she was preparing our dinner. It mainly consisted of fruits, vegetables, dried strips of meat and fish that had been cooked over an open flame; a true islander's diet. The first subject that Alessandra brought up was the one I was hoping she would save for last or not bring up at all.

"What really happened to your parents, Aria? We only know what the temples have told us," she began. I sighed inwardly at the repeated use of my former name. It caused me great pain to hear it spoken and reopened age old wounds that had already scarred over, but I didn't have the heart to correct them.

I hung my head and thoughtfully chewed on a piece of dried meat, thinking about how I was going to correctly word my answer. Baralai took my silence as a refusal to answer.

"Mom – " He started to object.

"No, it's alright," I said, cutting him off. "They deserve the truth too." I shot a meaningful glance at Baralai and he nodded. "When I turned ten my parents were murdered." I left it at that.

Alessandra's eyes became wide and right when she was about to speak her husband snarled under his breath. I whipped my head around to look at him and frowned when I saw his eyes closed, his head slowly moving from side to side like he was in a trance.

"I knew it," he whispered. "I knew it. Do you believe me now?" He questioned, addressing his wife. "I knew it was those cursed assassins of Mika's!"

I gaped at Damon in shocked surprise. The Invisible had been one of Yevon's most heavily guarded secrets on top of Vegnagun. How then did he know about them? Damon's eyes met mine and I could tell he knew what I was thinking.

"My assumptions have never been confirmed until now. I didn't truly know if Mika's fabled elite assassins were real or not, but now that you're here I know that I was right."

My eyebrows twitched but only slightly. "How so?"

"Mike and the rest of the Maesters, except your father of course, told everyone that all of you had moved to Besaid to assist in the training of the young Lady Yuna. Only a few of the priests and acolytes believed it. The rest of us suspected foul play. A few days later I sent a letter to the high priest of Besaid Temple inquiring about the young apprentice's status so far and also about you and your family's health. I really started to become suspicious when the letter I received back said that none of you were there in Besaid. Everyone had known about your father's views, Aria," Damon said, his dark eyes softening when he mentioned my father.

I nodded my understanding, glad that he hadn't spoken my father's name. "You're right. The Invisible do exist. That's where I was being held for the six years after they murdered my parents until I managed to escape." I paused and swallowed to wet my throat. "Which is why I look so different."

Baralai's parents nodded their heads gravely. I suspected they knew much more about The Invisible than they were letting on. I was going to have to question Alessandra about it later.

"If I remember correctly," she began, staring at her lap. "then you don't have much time left." She looked up at me and I nodded my head once, my throat constricting painfully. I hated reminding myself about it and it only made it sound worse coming from Baralai's mother. "Isn't there some way...?" She asked, desperation in her voice.

"No," I replied, looking at Baralai as I spoke. "I'll be theirs on or before my nineteenth birthday. Nothing will stop them from reclaiming me."

Hopelessness flashed through Baralai's eyes but was gone quicker than it appeared. He averted his eyes away from mine, staring down at his plate. My insides clenched together roughly as I examined his pained expression. _Leaving him is going to _be much _harder than I thought..._

Alessandra was still staring at her lap when I looked at her. Her eyes, normally so bright, were dark with thought. Then, like a switch had been flipped, she snapped her head up and smiled at both myself and her son.

"Let's not dwell on this," she said, the light returning to her eyes. "Both of you are here now. That's all that matters."

Dinner passed pleasantly enough and, afterwards, I helped Alessandra clean up while Baralai and Damon caught up with each other in the living room.

"I'm sorry about everything you were forced to go through, Aria," she said as she slowly scrubbed the dishes. "If there was some way I could have saved you..." She trailed off and sighed heavily, her strong shoulders sagging.

"It's not your fault," I replied softly from my place next to her as I helped rinse off and dry the dishes. I sighed to myself, wanting to go on but not knowing what else to say.

"I was so worried about you for so long," she said, not giving me a chance to say anything. "I prayed every night, begging Yevon for a sign that you were alive and safe somewhere; hoping that whatever fate had befallen your parents you had not shared in it." She paused and looked at me, a wide smile on her face. "I never gave up hope. I knew that you were still alive, but Baralai..." She paused once more and a deep sadness enveloped her face for a few seconds before she masked it. "He was so distraught over it for a very long time. For a while I thought he would never recover from it. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if your parents had never been murdered."

I nodded and absently dried a few of the dishes then placed them on a towel next to the sink. "I've wondered about the same thing. I would have liked to get to know my parents better. I...would probably give anything to see them again."

"They shouldn't have been taken away from you so early. What Mika did was very wrong. The Invisible need to be stopped...permanently. That much is certain."

The two of us were silent for many moments and I knew that Alessandra was right. The only way they can be stopped is by destroying every last one of them. _That's what I have to do. I have to be the one to stop them. I'm the only one that can._ I looked over my shoulder at Baralai for a few seconds before turning back around. _I could very well die if I take on all of them by myself. I can't tell Baralai._ As much as that thought hurt it was true. If he knew what I was planning he would try to stop me. The less he knows the better.

"Alessandra," I said once the silence had become deafening. "You and Damon know much more about The Invisible than you let on, don't you?"

She pursed her lips before nodding once. "Damon and I devoted two years to the research of Mika's elite assassins. In that time we learned a great deal of information about them."

There was only one question burning in the back of my mind and, even though there was no chance that she could know the answer, I just had to ask. "Is there someway...for me to go back to the way I used to look?"

"I don't know," she answered, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "We found out about the changes every member goes through but whether or not they can ever get their original eye color back still remains a mystery. I wish I had more answers for you."

"Yeah, me too. It's alright though," I said, not really wanting to talk about it anymore.

We continued cleaning up in silence and I jumped in fright when Baralai came up behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back. He smiled apologetically. "Are you tired?" He asked, wrapping his arm around me more securely.

"A little," I replied as I grabbed my gloves off the counter.

"We'll have a lot of time to talk in the morning, Aria. It's late. Go get some sleep," Alessandra said, gathering me in her arms for a good night hug before turning to Baralai and doing to same.

Damon was waiting for us by the staircase and gave both of us a hug and brief kiss on the cheek. "The priests have requested my presence again tomorrow and I was wondering if you would join me," he said, addressing his son. I stood in awe of how fluid his voice sounded. Baralai's resembled his father's, but only vaguely.

"Of course, I would feel honored," he replied, smiling at his father. Baralai turned to me and placed his mouth next to my ear, making an involuntary shiver shoot down my spine as his warm breath blew across my neck. "I'll be up in a minute."

I was confused by his words and wondered silently what he was going to do but quickly dismissed it as I climbed the stairs, figuring I would find out once he joined me. I got to work lighting the torches and candles that were placed in our room as soon as I entered; I didn't need to use a match to get the job done. Once there was enough light to see by I tied back the large blue curtain that led out to the balcony and walked outside, breathing in the salty night air and letting myself relax.

I turned to look at Baralai as he walked in the room a few moments later, a small smirk turning up the corners of my mouth when I saw what he was carrying: a bottle of wine and two crystal glasses. He planted a lingering kiss on my cheek after joining me out on the balcony.

"What's the occasion?" I asked, folding my arms over my stomach.

He smiled as he poured us each a glass. "Nothing special really."

I took the glass that he handed to me and we stood there looking at the stars, just enjoying each other's company. The wine definitely helped me relax but by no means made me feel drunk. It would take a lot more wine to do that.

"A few questions, Paine," he said, setting his glass down on the wooden railing in front of him.

I looked at him, my silent cue for him to keep going. I was almost a hundred percent sure which one was going to come out first. _Great, now I'm becoming a psychic,_ I thought, a wry smile making the corners of my mouth twitch. _Only where Baralai is concerned though._ A partial scowl replaced the smirk and I was instantly wondering where the hell that thought came from.

"Why didn't you stop my parents from calling you Aria?"

I stared into my glass for a few seconds, wondering that myself. "I don't really know." I took a sip of my wine, trying to come up with a better answer because I know that one would leave him far from satisfied. "But I do know that your parents don't need to know everything."

My eyes met his once more and I was relieved when he nodded, accepting my answer. "I was hoping they would have some information that would be useful to us, but my father couldn't answer any of my questions." He gulped the rest of his wine then refilled his glass.

"What kind of questions did you ask?" I downed the rest of my wine as well and he gladly refilled my glass.

"Nothing of consequence," he replied, taking another large drink of his wine. "I just wanted to find out what he knew."

His answer made the corners of my eyes twitch slightly. He wasn't telling me the whole truth and I instantly began to wonder exactly what he was going to be doing with his father at the temple in the morning. _Something's going on here... _I was about to voice my accusation but I held my tongue at the last second. If he wanted to tell me he would. If I wanted I could just read his thoughts and figure out what was going on that way, but I didn't want to do that to him because I loved him.

"Thank you," I said suddenly, the words rushing out of my mouth so fast it took me a few seconds to realize exactly why I had said it.

Baralai sent a thoughtful glance my way and moved closer to me. "For what?"

"For..." I paused briefly, trying to find the right words. "...everything." I stopped, at a loss for anything else to say. I had no idea where I was going with this and I turned my face away from him to prevent him from seeing my cheeks redden with embarrassment.

"Like what?" He asked, pressing the subject.

I racked my brain for a few seconds and almost sighed in relief when I thought of something relevant enough to pass for a reason. "Just for sticking by me like you have. You didn't have to but you did anyways and I really appreciate that."

"You're welcome," he said with a smile. "You don't need to thank me though. I do it because I love you."

My cheeks reddened a little more at his confession and I felt a minuscule fluttering in my stomach. Once my cheeks had returned to their normal shade I turned back to look at him and, as I gazed into his eyes, I knew he meant every word. This man would walk through purgatory for me and I would even go as far as to say that he would give his life for me. All those thoughts suddenly felt so right. I loved him too and I would gladly do the same for him.

Then, without any inhibitions or hesitations, I closed the gap between us and willingly pressed my lips against his. I knew at that moment that I wouldn't have to say anything for him to know that I loved him. Willingly and eagerly falling into his arms was good enough for him. _And that's good because it's going to take a while for me to confess it to his face,_ I thought as he ran his hands over my hips and up my sides.

With our wine forgotten on the railing he began to steer us back inside, allowing the curtain to fall shut behind him. I was vaguely aware of him expertly unbuckling my outfit as I was undoing his robe. I decided to speak up once we were both half naked and before the rest of my self-control was lost.

"Baralai, I'm not so sure we should do this here," I rasped, my skin tingling where ever he touched me.

"And why is that?" He whispered as he nibbled on my neck, continuing to strip the skin tight leather from my body.

A slight moan escaped my lips and I was almost undone. "Both you and I know that neither of us are silent love makers and I really don't want your parents hearing us." I gripped his chest as he began sucking on the skin in the hollow of my throat.

"Then I suppose we're going to have to be quiet," he purred, his fingers flying across the buckles on my pants.

I could feel his growing need for me as my hands worked on undoing his pants and his chest vibrated in a throaty groan as I brushed up against him. A grin crawled across my face as I realized that I liked the sound of that but, before I could take my evil intentions any further, I was already naked and he was throwing the rest of his clothes away from him like they were red hot.

Time seemed to slow down once we were standing there together with nothing in the way and nothing to hold us back. I wanted to look at him and really take him in, really _look_ at him. We had been so consumed with our desire that night on Besaid we barely stopped to breathe let alone examine each other's bodies, something I wish I could have done. Now I didn't even want to look away from his face and break my eyes away from his. I probably would have been content to gaze into his eyes for the rest of the night but once his lips pressed against mine and he pulled me into his embrace I suddenly remembered how much I _wanted_ him.

His hands clutched at and kneaded my flesh as they traveled over every inch of my chest and back, his hot tongue curling around mine. His touch was rough yet gentle, lustful yet loving all at the same time. Each soft caress and lingering kiss I committed to my memory, not taking one second for granted. I knew, all too well, that my time with him was limited and I was determined to make this night one that both of us would remember for the rest of our lives.

Before I knew what had happened we were tangled together on the bed, his hungry mouth roving all over my chest and neck. A strangled moan escaped from between our joined lips as he slid inside me almost effortlessly. He growled and grabbed my hips, slamming his pelvis into mine, making me moan even louder.

"Yevon, you're _amazing_," he whispered as he continued thrusting.

Later, as we lay there panting, our sweat slick bodies cooling in the night air, I allowed a small smile to crawl onto my face. _So...this is love._

Baralai took a deep breath and exhaled slowly then rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, Paine."

I rolled towards him and wrapped my arms around him as well, resting my head against his chest. I bit down on my tongue to prevent myself from saying it back even though I desperately wanted to. I wanted him to know that I was finally ready to return his feelings, but I knew that if I did it would only make leaving him even harder.

So I just said the next best thing. "I know."

We stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms, until we fell asleep and I dreamed about telling Baralai how much I loved him.


	14. Pink and Yellow

**Chapter XIV**

**Pink and Yellow**

* * *

Alright, I admit it.

I confess.

I read Baralai's mind this morning.

I couldn't help myself! I _needed_ to know what he was going to do at the temple with his father or else I was going to go insane.

I waited until after he left to sort through his thoughts, that way I could be a little more inconspicuous about what I was doing. I wasn't sure how far my powers extended but I could tell that the farther away he got the harder it became for me to concentrate on his mind.

I did get the information I was looking for, though, before he got too far away. Besides almost every one of his thoughts being centered around me and what we had done the previous night, his main goal once he got to the temple was to find out all he could about The Invisible. I probably could have guessed that one myself without having to eavesdrop on his thoughts and here I was thinking it was something more.

Once the urge to find out what he was going to be doing was gone, I was able to concentrate on other things. I sat with Alessandra for a few minutes, talking with her about everything and nothing at the same time before giving her the excuse of wanting to get a little more sleep but really wanting to work on strengthening my powers. One of the exercises I wanted to practice was one of the first things every member learns before their training is continued.

Making shapes with my element was never my favorite thing. Of course I was good at it, but that's what made it boring. I could sit and make almost any shape, even animals, out of my fire while everyone else was struggling to make even the simplest of figures.

Kaiser had taught all of us that in order to have total control of our powers we had to know how to manipulate them however we saw fit. _Maybe that's why Kaiser never killed me after I escaped. He knew I had potential. He knew he would eventually get me back to exploit my power._

I grit my teeth and conjured a good sized ball of flame that was more than enough for me to practice with. I decided to start with a fish since I hadn't done it in so long. Starting with something small was better just in case it took me a few minutes to get the hang of it. The energy drain involved with such a task is a whole lot smaller than compared with keeping myself camouflaged so I'm able to keep it up for longer.

I quickly lost track of time as I became absorbed in my task and, as I was making a dragon made from my element fly across the room and spit tiny columns of flame, Baralai walked in and collapsed on the bed beside me. I kept my concentration long enough to make my tiny dragon fly a couple circles around his head before letting it disappear.

"Is that what you've been doing all day?" He asked with a smile. I could tell that he was exhausted. I was guessing that he hadn't found very many answers.

I nodded. "It helped me pass the time." I opened my mouth to ask him how his search had gone but quickly bit down on my tongue. He didn't know that I had read his thoughts and I wanted to keep it that way. So instead I asked a less direct question. "What went on at the temple?"

"It was quite uneventful," he replied. "Apparently, the priests wanted my father's permission to rebuild the stature of Ifrit that Vegnagun tore out of the Chamber of the Fayth. I'm not sure why they asked my father. It's not like he can do anything about it."

"Very true." That really hadn't been the information I had been wanting to hear but I had a good feeling that he would tell me what he found, be it helpful or not. All I had to do was bide my time and be patient. "Did your father agree with them?"

"He agreed as far as wanting the statue rebuilt but there isn't much else he can do besides bring the idea before the council. He's actually writing a letter to them right now, with my mother's help of course."

"Too bad we can't take his letter back ourselves," I remarked, examining the intricate patterns of the quilt beneath me.

"Yes, I agree," he replied, nodding. He paused and rubbed his chin in thought for a few moments.

Figuring he was getting ready to let me in on what he had found I decided to give him a little push in the right direction. "Something on your mind?" I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as I possibly could.

He looked at me briefly before sighing and rubbing his temples. "There's a lot of things actually. My main goal at the temple today was to find out more about The Invisible." His eyes met mine and it took me a few seconds to realize that he was waiting for a reaction from me.

"Oh? Did you find anything?" I asked, leaning back against my pillows.

"Not much more than we already knew," he replied. "The only thing I could find is that the whole group is centered around control with Kaiser in the center of all of it. Maybe that's what happens during their rite of passage. Maybe Kaiser has some way of controlling them." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. I just wish there was some way for me to find out more."

I bit the inside of my cheek and gazed at the ceiling. What Baralai had found could very well be true. Six years wasn't long enough for me to find out every single one of their secrets, but I hadn't been a full-fledged member then. My head snapped up as the full realization of that thought hit me.

"That's how we'll find out," I murmured, my eyes wide.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice full of confusion at my cryptic words.

I chuckled as I sat up all the way and turned to face him. I practically had an epiphany, one that I should have had weeks ago. "Don't you see, Baralai?" I began, an excited smile spreading across my face. "After my rite I'll be a full member. That's how we're going to find out everything about them. I'll be a mole."

He sighed heavily and hung his head. He knew I was right, he just didn't want to accept it. Deep down he still thought that there was a way for him to save me from them. His protective nature towards me was a little more...flattering than I thought it would be. By no means did I need it but I wanted it all the same.

That evening passed just like the first. All of us ate dinner together and Alessandra told me some rather embarrassing stories about Baralai's childhood. I noticed that she tried as hard as she could to stay away from stories that included Baralai's older – and now deceased – brother. Afterwards, Alessandra and I cleaned up then joined Baralai and Damon in the living room. Both Alessandra and Damon convinced me to demonstrate my powers for them. I purposefully left out telling them that I could hear other people's thoughts and was grateful when Baralai didn't bring it up. The less people that knew the better.

_Who knows?_ I thought. _Maybe I'm the only one that can do it._ That was wishful thinking on my part. With my luck, every member would have that ability.

"So, Paine," Alessandra began, taking a small sip of her tea. "you mentioned earlier that a friend of yours is getting married soon."

I nodded. "Next week actually." I paused to take a sip of my own tea and glance at Baralai. "We actually have to leave for Besaid tomorrow. I have to make sure my dress fits." I am _not_ looking forward _at all_ to going back if it's going to be a repeat of a few days ago. I would try my dress on in the temple if it came to that.

Sadness flashed through Alessandra's eyes briefly before she masked it. "I wish you two could stay longer," she said, a soothing smile brightening her face.

I smiled back at her, wishing the same. I gave both Alessandra and Damon a hug and kiss on the cheek before climbing the stairs with Baralai following not close behind.

"It feels like I'm on my death bed already," I mumbled, chuckling a small amount like this whole situation was comical in some way.

To my complete and utter surprise Baralai chuckled as well. I was expecting him to scold me or even stay stone silent, not laugh along with me. I shot him a baffled look, which caused him to laugh even harder. He spoke once he was calmed down enough. "Yes," he replied, wiping his eyes. "It's not very fun to be around you when you're acting so morbid."

Now that one totally threw me off. It took me a few seconds to find something to say back but even then I stumbled my way through it. "I think I've done rather well considering." I felt a small twinge of anger rise up in my chest but I fought it back. _He doesn't mean anything by it. He's just trying to cheer me up._

He smiled and leaned towards me, kissing me softly on the cheek. "You have. How about we get some sleep?"

I nodded and hid a yawn behind my hand. While demonstrating my abilities for Alessandra and Damon I did a little more than make shapes out of my fire and I was quite tired because of it. I resisted the urge to inquire what time we would be leaving. I was too exhausted to care at the moment. _I'll worry about it when I wake up,_ I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

"Good morning, dear," Alessandra greeted as I descended the stairs that morning. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than I thought," I replied, accepting the mug of steaming hot tea she offered me.

"If you're wondering where Baralai is," she began, walking into the kitchen to finish washing the dishes she had used for breakfast. "he left about fifteen minutes ago to arrange your boat ride to Besaid."

I went to stand next to her and leaned against the counter, cradling my mug between both of my hands. "I should probably start getting ready then," I replied, pushing away from the counter.

"Aria, wait," Alessandra said, whirling around to face me. My shoulders sank minimally as I heard my real name in her soft voice once again. I hated hearing it, but I still didn't want to tell her so. "A question first."

"Yes?"

"If your situation was different than it is now...do you think you and Baralai would further your relationship?" She sounded almost tentative to ask me that question. Alessandra was not naive in any way. Baralai and I had neither made our relationship public or official but she was smart enough to notice what was going on between us.

I held my tongue against immediately answering yes. I was very sure that we would actually make our relationship official if things were different. I just couldn't help thinking that our feelings towards each other were rushed somehow. That maybe we wouldn't feel this way towards each other if The Invisible never existed. I shook that thought from my mind. _That has nothing to do with it, _I thought, mentally scolding myself.

"I'm pretty sure we would," I answered, over analyzing everything I wanted to say to make sure all of it was true. "I wish it could be that way now. I'm trying my hardest not to get attached to him, but it's not working very well."

Her eyes grew sad and before I had the chance to blink, my mug had disappeared from my hands and her arms were wrapped around my shoulders. Without a second thought I threw my arms around her as well. I felt the sting of tears in the corners of my eyes but did nothing to stop them. In that moment she understood, _really_ understood the magnitude of what I was going through. And that was all I really needed.

"Thank you," I rasped as we held each other.

Both Alessandra and I had calmed down by the time Baralai returned. Damon was apparently back at the temple and would be for the better part of the day. _Some retirement..._ So we would just have to tell Alessandra to pass along our good byes to him.

"It was good to see you, Mom," Baralai said as he hugged his mother.

"Come back soon," she said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Both of you." She directed that statement at me as she moved towards me to give me a hug as well.

"We'll try," I replied but I didn't put much behind it. I knew it would be a while until I saw her or Damon again and that thought made my eyes water. I didn't trust my voice anymore so, after Alessandra let go of me, I turned around and walked outside to wait for Baralai.

"Are you alright?" He asked me as we walked through town.

I nodded and swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in my throat. Baralai's mother and father were the closest thing I had as far as family goes. Alessandra had told me on a number of occasions that she considered me her daughter. I just couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that I was never going to see them again. "I'm fine."

Baralai pursed his lips but said nothing, which I was relieved about.

The boat ride to Besaid was immensely short and I spent most of my time leaning on the railing, staring at the ocean. Baralai had been ambushed by a small group of New Yevon activists as soon as we had boarded so he was preoccupied talking to them the majority of the voyage. I didn't mind though. I was enjoying my temporary solace while I could before we reached Besaid.

"So what are our plans?" Baralai inquired. He had luckily managed to escape from the group that ambushed him, much to my surprise. I had expected him to be talking with them the entire voyage.

"I'm quite sure that the council isn't going to allow you to stay in Besaid until Yuna's wedding so I think it would be a good idea to return to Bevelle before tomorrow," I reasoned.

Baralai hummed in agreement. "I have put off quite a few things. I'll probably be swamped with paperwork when we get back." He paused and rubbed the back of his neck. "Is there anything else you need to do?"

I didn't have to ask him the reasoning behind his question to figure out the meaning. Really the only thing I had left to do was train harder. I planned on devoting the next week to conditioning my powers and working to make myself stronger. "No," I replied, shaking my head. "Seeing Yuna get married is the last thing on my list." _Boy, if that statement didn't make it sound like I'm on my death bed I don't know what does._

Both of us were silent for a few moments, the tranquil sounds of the ocean surrounding us the only thing to be heard until Baralai broke it.

"Do you really think that what Roland said is true?" He asked, gripping the railing in front of him until his knuckles turned pure white, a sharp contrast to his normally dark skin.

I straightened and folded my arms across my chest, giving his question serious thought. What Roland said to me about Kaiser spiriting me away before my birthday may have just been all talk or it might, in fact, be true. I would have to hear it from Kaiser himself to believe it. "I'm not sure what to think," I said, looking in his direction and squinting my eyes against the glare of the sun. "He could have said it to put me on my guard. I don't know."

For once, Baralai seemed satisfied with my answer. I had a strange feeling, though, that Roland's statement was true and I was hoping with every fiber of my being that my feeling was wrong.

Once we arrived in Besaid we took our time walking through the jungle towards the village. Baralai insisted, to my great dismay, about reminiscing about our time in the Crimson Squad together. Talking about everything that happened was much easier now that all of us knew the truth, but that didn't make me enjoy talking about it at all.

The village looked normal and intact since we had been there four days ago. It had not yet been torn apart by Rikku's cataclysmic temper, much to my relief. We weren't really sure where to start looking for everyone so we decided to start at Wakka and Lulu's then go from there. Yuna was the one to answer their door.

"Paine!" The young ex-summoner exclaimed happily as she threw her arms around me.

The impact made me stager back a few steps. "It's good to see you too, Yuna," I said, returning her hug and patting her on the back a few times. "Where is everyone?" I asked after she had let go of me.

"Inside," she replied, moving out of the way so we could enter. "Everyone's in the back room. We were getting ready to start without you."

She led us to the back room where her wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses were hanging against the back wall. I groaned inwardly as I examined the colors that Yuna had picked for her wedding: light pastel versions of pink and yellow. I felt slightly relieved that the bridesmaid dresses were yellow. I could handle yellow a little better than pink.

Yuna tried her dress on first and, after a great amount of pleading on Rikku's part to see her in it, she begrudgingly came out of the back room. I was actually quite impressed with it.

Her wedding colors had been incorporated into the dress in a rather articulate floral pattern made of crystal beads that weaved up the skirt, around the bodice and even on the train. The sleeves hung down off the shoulders and were made of white silk.

Next, it was Rikku's turn.

The bridesmaid dresses had the same off the shoulder sleeves and the skirt fell about an inch past the knee. I didn't mind the dress much but I absolutely hated the matching yellow high heels. _Thank Shiva I only have to wear them once. _Rikku apparently couldn't get enough of the dress _and_ the heels.

I, on the other hand, refused to come out and flaunt how good I _did not_ look in a pastel yellow dress. I quickly tried it on then took it right back off just as fast. Baralai's disappointment over not being able to see me in my dress yet was written all over his face when I stepped back out in my normal clothes.

"Oh, Baralai," Yuna said, once the whole ordeal was over and done with. "you have an idea of what you're going to wear right?"

Baralai nodded and opened his mouth to answer but Rikku ran up and butted in. "Yunie, I think you asked him that the last time he was here," she whispered.

"Oh, did I?" She whispered back. Rikku nodded and whispered something else to her that I didn't pick up. "I'm sorry, Baralai. I've been so busy and scatter brained these past few days with everything that's been going on."

"Not a problem, Lady," he replied formally. "Is there anything else that needs to be done before the ceremony?"

Yuna and Rikku looked at each other and both stood in contemplative thought for a few seconds before Yuna looked back at Baralai. "I don't think so. We'll call you if there's anything else."

We were more than happy to beat a hasty retreat then. Planning a wedding was definitely not my forte and I was glad that Yuna hadn't asked me to help.

Neither of us were in a big rush so we decided to take a boat back to Bevelle and leave Shinra, Buddy and Brother alone for the time being. We only had to wait for about ten minutes for the boat to arrive and Baralai spoke with the captain right after we boarded about passage to Bevelle. After checking his log book he gladly agreed. I think it had something to do with the fact that he lived in Bevelle too and after one last stop in Kilika he could go home.

Baralai, yet again, got ambushed by a small group of priests from Besaid temple that were on their way to Kilika. _It never fails,_ I thought as I climbed the stairs to the observation deck.

Roughly, it would take between six and seven hours to get back to Bevelle so I had quite a lot of time to kill. Too bad that my idea of 'killing time' was training my mental powers. I would much rather be in the Calm Lands or Macalania Forrest hacking up fiends.

Some point between the time that I was eavesdropping on Baralai's conversation and following a gull on its flight around the boat I must have fallen asleep. When I awoke I was in a cabin below deck. I instantly began to wonder exactly how I had gotten there in the first place and how long I had been asleep.

I really had no idea that I had been that exhausted. I was lucky that I had only fallen asleep for a few hours. I remembered various instances that inexperienced members of The Invisible had either exhausted themselves to the point that they fell into a coma that took them days to recover from or killed them. Yeah, I was extremely lucky.

The soft click of the door alerted me to someone's presence. I wasn't surprised that it was Baralai. "How long was I asleep?" I inquired as he made his way towards me.

"Well, after we left Kilika I found you curled up on the observation deck. I wasn't sure how long you had been there and I was guessing that you weren't very comfortable so I carried you here. We're almost to Bevelle now."

Baralai wasn't kidding when he said we were almost there. The sun had almost completely set, spraying a spectrum of pinks, yellows and purples across the ocean as it slowly sank into the water.

I folded my arms across my stomach and watched Bevelle get closer with each passing second. I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that I was in for a very long and very boring week. The fact that Baralai was going to be with the whole time did little to console me. It would only make leaving him that much harder.


	15. I Don't Love You

**Chapter XV**

**I Don't Love You**

* * *

The week did in fact seem like it was going to last forever and passed by so slow that I swear time had stopped. Yet, it went by fast enough that as soon as I was standing in front of a full length mirror fully dressed I began to wonder exactly where all the time had gone. I had spent seven very long days with Baralai and it still felt like it hadn't been long enough.

Baralai had surprised me with a very fancy candlelit dinner the night we got back from Besaid. Almost as soon as we got back I treated myself to a very long and very relaxing bath in Baralai's enormous tub. By the time I got out he had dinner all laid out on the table and was standing there smiling at me with a very expensive bottle of red wine in his hands.

My favorite part of the entire night, though, was when he stopped me from changing out of my tank top and sweats for something more appropriate. He told me that I looked just as amazing in my pajamas as I did in my Warrior outfit. That moment was so sentimental, so...meaningful to me that I did something I probably shouldn't have done under the circumstances.

"Um...Baralai," I said, towards the end of our dinner.

He wiped his mouth off with his napkin then looked at me expectantly, a smile in his eyes and on his lips. I felt immensely tongue tied in those few short seconds and almost completely forgot what I was going to say. His smile grew even wider and he leaned forward, reaching his hand out for mine. "What is it, Paine?" He asked, a small amount of concern seeping into the corners of his eyes.

I bit the corner of my bottom lip as I wrapped my fingers around his, staring at our joined hands. I slowly brought my eyes up to meet his and took a deep breath. _This is the moment of truth. I have to tell him the truth._ "I...I love you, Baralai. I really do."

His expression was surprised at first then slowly turned into calm happiness. A tranquil smile turned the corners of his lips up as he gently squeezed my fingers and rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that."

I spent the days honing my techniques while Baralai was at the temple and we trained together every evening after he returned home. I even practiced trying to lift him off of the ground with my mind, which after the first couple attempts didn't seem like the best idea. After a few days, though, I could successfully hover Baralai about five inches off the ground for a full minute. I could even use my powers to physically push him away from me if he was backing me into a corner while we were sparring. I even found time to train with the Warrior Monks every so often.

And, all throughout the week, Baralai and I spent every second that he wasn't at the temple together. We were joined at the hip again and that made me feel unbelievably good. I had my bestest friend in the world back, but that dark cloud hovering above my head prevented me from enjoying it every chance it had. A few times I caught myself stopping and asking myself what exactly I was doing. I was burning every bridge that I crossed and, when the time came, I was going to end up getting burned myself because there was no way I would be able to take back what I had said to him.

_And what the hell was I thinking when I agreed to let Rikku style my hair?_ I thought as I turned my head this way and that, trying to examine the damage.

I had never been a fan of spiked hair. I tried it once after my hair had been chopped off but it made me look like too much of a boy so I never attempted it again. If the wedding ceremony wasn't scheduled to begin in ten minutes I would have dunked my head in a bucket of water and started from scratch. I was quite sure that Rikku would strangle me if I did though.

Lulu came in then, her maid of honor dress sweeping the floor gracefully as she walked. "Ready?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest loosely.

"I guess," I answered as I followed her out of her home and into the warm Besaid sunlight.

There weren't very many places to hold a wedding ceremony so, to save Yuna's dress from getting dirty, wide cloth walkways had been set up all over the village and, to prevent the walkways from getting blown around or moved, they had been hammered into place with metal stakes. Lulu and I waved at the waiting villagers as we walked past. After Rikku had done my hair she dashed off to help her cousin get ready and, since space was limited in Wakka and Lulu's small hut, most of the wedding party had decided to get ready in the temple.

Baralai was standing by the main entrance and smiled at us as we approached. He bowed and said hello to Lulu as she walked past. I stopped in front of the Praetor and, when the black mage looked back at me, reassured her that I would only be a few minutes.

"Don't take too long," she said, before disappearing into the dimly lit temple.

"You look beautiful," he said, moving closer and capturing my hand in his, trying to look discreet.

"Thank you," I replied, feeling a small blush color my cheeks. "You look very handsome as well."

"Oh, this is only for show." He took a few seconds to examine my new hair-do, a chuckle escaping his lips in the process. "Let me guess. Rikku?"

"Correct," I said, lifting my hand to my head and wishing that I could rub it all out.

"We only have a few minutes before we start. You should probably get in there." He reluctantly let go of my hand and moved away from me.

"Yeah," I replied, sending him a small smile before walking past him.

The atmosphere in the temple, as far as I could tell when I went inside, was relatively calm and peaceful, much to my surprise. There was a mix of excitement and nervousness in the air with a small amount of anxiousness. Tidus was pacing restlessly and fidgeting with anything he could get his hands on and Yuna was making things difficult for Rikku.

The side room off to the left was reserved for the men, which left the one on the right to the women. As soon as I walked in Rikku tapped her cousin excitedly on the shoulder to direct her attention over to us. "Yunie, look what I did to Paine's hair!" She exclaimed, looking back and forth between me and Yuna to gage our reactions.

The ex-summoner was speechless for a few moments as she took in my new hair-do. She looked at Rikku briefly before saying something. "Wow, Paine...that's different," she stammered, having trouble finding the right words.

"It was Rikku's idea actually," I replied, messing with a few of the spikes and wincing at how much gel was holding it together.

"Well, I think it looks good," Rikku retorted, swinging around and pretending to "fix" Yuna's up-do.

Yuna shot a distressed look at me and what she wanted to say was written all over her face. I groaned inwardly, knowing that I was going to have to be the one to resolve this. I wanted Yuna's wedding day to be one to remember for the rest of her life, she deserved that much. _I still don't want to do this._

I breathed in deeply then exhaled as I walked towards Rikku. I put my hand on her shoulder and screwed on a smile when she turned to look at me. "I really do like it. It...just takes some getting used to." I pushed those words out of my mouth as fast as I could while still sounding sincere.

Rikku pursed her lips stubbornly but when her eyes met mine I could tell that all had been forgiven. She smiled and ran over to me, clenching both my hands in hers so hard I felt a few of my knuckles crack. "Thanks, Paine!" And for good measure she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me.

Seconds later the clinking of beads alerted us to a visitor as Baralai pushed aside the curtain covering the doorway. "Is everyone ready?" He asked, looking at each of us individually, lingering the most on me.

Yuna sighed and stepped forward, smiling nervously at the Praetor. "We are."

The wedding procession commenced and I found myself wondering what it would have been like if Yuna and Tidus had made the ceremony a full blown public event. Seeing the small crowd of villagers staring at Yuna adoringly as she walked down the aisle was...fitting. I wouldn't have been able to imagine anything that was more perfect. A full blown ceremony would have ruined the sentimentality of it all. Yuna was and still is important to Spira but not everything she does needs to be blown up and inflated for all the world to see. Even ex-High Summoner's need some privacy every once in a while.

I could feel The Invisible's presence in the forest surrounding us throughout the entire ceremony. I wasn't expecting them to be here but the fact that they were was extremely unsettling. I refrained from attempting to read their thoughts, unsure if they would know what I was doing and not wanting to know what they thinking in the least. I didn't want all my suspicions to be proven in just a few seconds.

By the time that Baralai announced Tidus and Yuna as husband and wife I was so tense that if someone bumped into me they would think I was made out of concrete. The wedding party dispersed and followed the newlyweds into the temple so the villagers could set everything up for the reception. I handed my bouquet to Rikku then grabbed Baralai and pulled him off to the side.

"They're here," I whispered, making sure to keep my voice low.

Baralai's eyebrows twitched. "What?" He said, astounded.

I nodded. "They were out there the entire ceremony."

"Are you going to go talk with them?"

I shrugged and turned my head towards the temple entrance. I wasn't exactly sure what they wanted and on top of it all there was three of them. I didn't really want to be alone in the forest with three of them; I could barely stand being alone with one. _They're probably waiting for me. They know I'll come outside to talk with them sooner or later._

"I don't want to," I replied, looking back at him. "but I have to."

He nodded gravely and bit the inside of his cheek, gnawing on it thoughtfully. "So I suppose if I offered to go with you..." He said, trailing off as his eyes met mine.

I shook my head. They would probably kill him if he came out there with me. He would be no match for them. "I know you want to help me, but this is something I have to do alone." Baralai opened his mouth to protest but I quickly cut him off. "Don't make this any harder for me than it already is."

Before he could get anymore words in edgewise I turned around and started to leave. I didn't get very far though. His hand tightened around my wrist and pulled me back to him. I knew what he wanted and I couldn't help but give it to him. As his lips met mine I felt a couple salty tears gather in the corners of my closed eyes because I had no idea what was waiting for me out in that forest. _I'm glad I got to kiss him one last time..._ I was the one to end the kiss and, before Baralai could say or do anything else, I turned around and walked away from him.

The sharp click of my high heels on the temple floor was deafening. I could feel his eyes watching me, burning holes in my back with their intense stare. I wanted nothing less than to stop and turn back around, to run back into his arms. I didn't want to go through with this. I wasn't ready. It felt like I would never be ready.

I had a feeling that this was it. Today they were going to reclaim me. I paused at the temple entrance and looked back at Baralai. His eyes were set in stone as they bore into mine. I sighed then, without a second thought, stepped out into the bright Besaid sunlight, blinking my eyes rapidly. I ignored the anxious glances the villagers sent me as I disappeared into the forest.

Mere seconds after I had faded into the tree line I could feel the presence of two of them flanking me. I could tell that the one on my right was Gwen but I was not familiar with the one on my left. I reached a small clearing a little more than a hundred yards into the thick foliage and froze. The person standing in the center, uncloaked with his arms crossed over his broad chest, was Kaiser himself.

Gwen appeared seconds later, standing on Kaiser's left. Her icy eyes held nothing but a cold indifference before her lips turned up in a sneer. "Yellow is...very flattering on you, Paine."

"Why thank you, Gwen."

During our exchange I had missed the entrance of the unknown member. It was a boy, younger than Gwen but still a year or two older than me. He had brown hair with copper undertones and his glowing ember like eyes revealed that his element was the same as mine.

"I don't believe you've met Tobias, Paine," Kaiser said. "We found him living as an urchin on the streets of Bevelle the night you escaped us. He's a worthy addition, just like you were...and are going to be again."

So this really was it. What Roland said was true. I swallowed – or at least attempted to – and took an involuntary step back. "So this is it then? I don't get to say good bye?"

Kaiser stared at me thoughtfully for what seemed like hours, his glowing yellow eyes boring into mine as if he could see into my soul. "Be brief. Meet us at the beach. You have five minutes." Before he was even finished speaking all three of them had vanished, their footsteps passing over the ground almost silently. I took his advice and wasted no time.

_Baralai has probably already told everyone about what I'm doing. I can't take too long or they'll come back and take me by force. I have to be detached. In order for me to be able to do this I have to be detached,_ I thought as I made my way back to the village. I stopped before I emerged from the trees and took a deep breath, preparing myself. I had to make myself believable, especially with Baralai.

I froze and leaned against the trunk of a tree, covering my face with my hands as I came dangerously close to panicking. This couldn't be it already! It just couldn't! Everything that I had planned... Every way I thought that it would happen... This is definitely not how I envisioned it.

This is why I didn't want to fall in love with Baralai. This is why I didn't want to get close to him. I don't even have an excuse for why I didn't get out of his life sooner. I want Baralai to completely forget about me and in order for that to happen I have to break his heart, which will break mine in the process. If I live through any of this I don't even know how I'm going to come close to fixing this mess that I'm about to create.

I shook my head vigorously. "I can't do that. I can't do that to him," I said, trying to imagine what I would have to do and horribly failing at it. _Yes, you can do this. You have to,_ my mind told me. "No," I argued back, shaking my head. "I thought I would be able to but – "

"Paine!"

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Rikku calling my name. _Well if that isn't a kick in the pants to get going I don't know what is._

Rikku was standing on the temple steps when I emerged from the trees and was getting ready to call my name again when I spoke up. "I'm right here, Rikku."

The hyperactive blonde jumped in surprise and whirled around. "Oh!" She exclaimed. "Paine, where have you been? We've – "

"I'm leaving, Rikku. Say good bye to everyone for me." I couldn't bear to let her finish her sentence or else I wouldn't have the gumption to leave.

Without wasting another second I turned around and walked away from one of my best friends. I knew that Baralai would chase after me. In fact, I was counting on it. I wanted to talk with him alone. That was the only way I would be able to say the things that needed to be said. I could hear Rikku calling after me but I effectively blocked her out. I was glad that she hadn't chased after me. I had to concentrate on every single step I took or else I would crack.

I managed to get half way to the beach – to the waterfalls, in fact – when I heard heavy footsteps following me. I stopped and took a deep breath. I had about fifteen seconds until he reached me. My mind was racing because I still wasn't prepared for this. I still had no idea how I was going to sound believable. I was a terrible liar, especially around Baralai. He could read me like a book and it seemed like he would be able to see into my very soul if he wanted to.

I growled in frustration and raked my hands through my hair then turned around, violently kicking my shoes off. I only had two and a half minutes left to get to the beach before they would be coming to look for me. I set my face in stone and watched him as he tentatively approached me, like prey to a predator.

"Paine?" He all but whispered as he stopped five feet away from me.

"Go back to the village, Baralai. I'm leaving."

"This is all so sudden though, don't you think?" He asked, taking a few steps towards me. I, in turn, took two steps backwards. I wanted to convey that I was serious and I could tell by the look in his eyes – his oh so gorgeous eyes – that he was slowly starting to get it.

"It's time, Baralai. Kaiser has come to collect and this time he won't be leaving empty handed." I had turned around and started walking away before I even realized what was happening. _That's it, Paine. Keep acting detached. This is the only way you're gonna get through this._

"That's it then?" His voice called over the roar of the waterfalls. "You don't even have anything to say?"

I kept walking. I could hear the dirt crunching beneath his boots so there was no need for me to stop. "No."

It was silent on his end for a few moments before he picked up speed, his intent to catch me all too clear. Only then did I stop. I had to get through to him that I was serious and I already hated myself for what I was going to do. Without even turning around I summoned a wall of fire to surround me just as Baralai was reaching out to grab my shoulder.

He cried out more in surprise than pain as he leapt away from me. I slapped on the most believable glare that I could and slowly turned around to face him, fighting the instinct to run into his arms and beg his forgiveness. I could see the confusion in his eyes and wished that I didn't have to do this. _I hope you'll forgive me someday, Baralai. I'm so sorry. _I exhaled the air I had been holding in my lungs as I dispersed the flames surrounding me.

Baralai wasn't deterred by my warning though. He grabbed my hand and held it between both of his, his eyes concentrating on me so hard I thought he would pull me inside their deep chocolate depths. My fingers twitched slightly in his grip. I wanted to fall into his arms so badly. I wanted to forget all the hurtful things I was going to say to him. _I only wish it were that easy..._

"Well I have something to say." The young Praetor looked away from me briefly and licked his lips, his inner thoughts flying through his eyes. "I don't want you to go," he whispered, staring at the ground. "I love you, Paine. So much."

And when his eyes met mine once more I knew it was time. "...I don't love you, Baralai. I'm sorry," I replied, prying my hand from his grasp and backing a few paces away. I took a deep breath and tried to add a little vehemence to my voice. "I lied to you, Baralai. Everything I've told you, everything you thought I meant... All of it's a lie. I _don't_ love you. Not at all."

I bit down on my tongue when I saw his reaction. It seemed like I had just shot him right in the chest. His face paled and contorted into the most excruciating expression of agony I had ever seen. My heart broke just having to watch it but I had no choice but to shove the knife in deeper.

"I'm never coming back so don't think that one day I'll magically appear on your doorstep. Don't come looking for me either. You forgot about me so easily after I ceased to be Aria so why should this be any different?" I paused to get rid of the lump in my throat and backed up a few more steps. Baralai was frozen in place, as still as a statue. "Just forget about me again, Baralai. It will be as if I never existed." As I said those last few words I folded my magic over myself and slowly started to disappear.

As soon as I started to fade Baralai sprang to life. "No!" He bellowed, lunging towards me.

I side stepped, missing his fingers by mere inches, and hopped up onto the railing, gracefully balancing on it as Baralai fell to the ground. He scrambled to his feet less than a second later and looked around frantically for me, turning and twisting every which way like I would suddenly appear if he looked hard enough.

"Paine!" He yelled, his voice cracking. "Please, Paine! Don't do this! Please!" He swept his hands through his hair like he wanted to tear it out as he paced back and forth.

Tears began to gather in the corners of my eyes as I listened to him scream for me. I hated myself more every second and seeing him like this only made it worse. It took every ounce of my will power to stay silent. Baralai continued to scream my name as he took off for the beach. I wanted to cover my ears to block it out but there was no way I would ever get the sound of it out of my head. It was seared into my mind, echoing in my ears forever.

I wasn't surprised when I heard chuckling in front of me. "Well done, Paine," Kaiser said, letting a small amount of praise leak into his voice. "I was worried that you wouldn't be able to do it. It is time to return to Zanarkand. Are you ready?" Kaiser asked, all four of us remaining camouflaged.

"I am," I replied as I stepped off of the railing. I paused briefly and turned my head in the direction that Baralai had disappeared in, his screams still resonating in my head. _I'm sorry..._

Kaiser, Gwen and Tobias surrounded me and almost instantly the air began to crackle with magic. Blurred images flashed before my eyes and just when I was able to focus on one the scenery changed. Then, before I knew it, we were in the ruined city. _Oh, what have I done?_ I thought as I gazed at the pyrefly infested buildings around me and wondering which one would be my tomb.


	16. Burn

**Chapter XVI**

**Burn**

* * *

I hissed through my teeth as my foot hit a rather sharp chunk of rock that was jutting up from the ground and cursed myself for disposing of my shoes in Besaid. I had done so in anticipation of having to run away from Baralai if he started to chase after me, which turned out to be a rather boneheaded idea. I winced as an image of Baralai's heartbroken face sprang up in front of my eyes as his screams continued to echo through my head. _He probably hates me now..._ I thought with disdain.

I instantly began to think about what I had done to him would affect him. He was under so much pressure at the temple that what I had done might just make him crack. My eyes became moist as a hundred possibilities of what he would do blew through my head. During that week we had spent together we had grown so close in so many ways and I saw a part of him that I had never seen before. He didn't look as exhausted, he seemed much more relaxed and, even though he still had a lot of work at the temple, a smile was always on his face. It was an actual genuine smile and I know that I was the one that had put it there. _Oh Shiva, _please_ don't let him do anything foolish._

The memory of the night I had confessed my love to him ran through my head a hundred times and I realized how _stupid_ it was for me to do that. I shouldn't have told him that, especially after how I had said that everything I ever told him was a lie. My heart constricted at the very thought of it. _It might have worked out to my advantage but...that doesn't make it right._

My train of sorrowful thought was soundly interrupted as a pair of strong arms swung me off of the ground. I was on the verge of sending the most powerful mental push that I could muster towards my attacker but froze when my ruby irises met Tobias' glowing embers, which were mere inches from my own. I reflexively pulled my head away and shot him a glare that should have made him drop me instantly.

"You have no shoes," he pointed out. "Allow me to carry you the rest of the way."

My glare turned into flabbergasted confusion in less than a second. Before my mind could even form coherent thought I heard Kaiser laugh. "Tobias may look older than you, Paine, but he has not been through his rite yet. He is not as...battle hardened as the rest of us." He paused and I could tell that was not what he had intended to say. _That means he's younger than me._ "Oh and before your rite, Paine, yourself and Tobias will be each other's mentors. I want you to teach him the things that he has not yet learned and, Tobias, I want you to inform Paine of everything that she has missed out on."

"Yes, Kaiser," he responded.

I scowled at the back of Kaiser's head and remained silent, not trusting my voice. I had the mind to tell Tobias that I would be fine to walk the rest of the way myself but quickly put my foot in my mouth when I looked back at the ground. Chunks of twisted metal and broken glass were strewn all over the landscape. I would label myself insane if I were to willingly walk over any of that.

An involuntary shiver shot down my spine as I noticed how hauntingly familiar the scenery was becoming. Flashbacks of when I escaped replayed themselves in my head: killing the guards, running from countless others like I was some kind of fugitive, stopping to kill more just so I could escape. That night was absolutely horrifying. Before that night, I had never killed, never ended a human life. My mother had always told me that life was sacred and that no one person should decide whether somebody lives or dies, but in less than half an hour I had completely disgraced everything she told me.

In just one night I had gone against everything I had been taught. When it was all over I couldn't believe that I had killed and was violently sick for days afterward, the only images flying through my mind was that of the carnage I had left behind in my wake. I remembered how disgusted I had felt towards myself and I realized that I was feeling the same thing over what I had done to Baralai. I had the urge to hide my face because of how ashamed I felt.

"First things first, Paine," Kaiser said, looking at me over his shoulder. "we will have to find you more fitting attire once we've arrived. And you'll be pleased to find that I've saved your old room for you."

"How kind of you," I snapped, before totally thinking about what I was saying.

Kaiser's only response was a chuckle before all was silent again. I glanced at the back of Gwen's bright blonde head and pursed my lips, exhaling through my nose softly. I had not thought that I had made her so angry when we had last spoken. She had brought up a number of rather personal things between me and Baralai and I gotten a little...angered that she would do such a thing. Which caused me to lash out at her about her first mark. Until she had told me, I had no idea that first marks were such a taboo subject. _Well, I guess I can relate. If something happens and I really do...kill Baralai I'm not going to want to talk about it either._

The temptation to try and read their minds reared up once more, the idea like an itch in the back of my mind. I wanted to know, more than anything, if I was the only one that possessed my unique powers. I wouldn't be surprised if every single member had the same abilities, but if I was the only one... If that was the case I had a very powerful weapon at my disposal, a weapon that no one would see coming._ I need to know. If I don't figure it out now it's going to drive me insane._

I swallowed nervously and tentatively reached out toward Tobias' mind. I deduced that because he had only become a member a few years ago that he still didn't know exactly what he could do with his powers and I was especially hoping that he wasn't one of the few that were gifted with telekinesis. If he was, the probability of him being able to read minds like me was higher.

My mind touched his and my jaw slackened in amazement as I heard his thoughts in my ears as clearly as if I was listening to him speak. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye but his expression hadn't changed in the least, there was no hint of alarm in his eyes or mouth that would lead me to think that he knew what I was doing.

_I'm reading his thoughts and he doesn't even know it..._ I thought with astonishment. I slowly turned my head and settled my eyes on Gwen. _Maybe if it worked on Tobias... No! I can't risk it. Not until I know more._

Tobias suddenly dropped my legs, which I wasn't expecting, and my knees almost buckled when my feet touched the ground. He steadied me then quickly moved away, going to stand next to Kaiser. I sighed as I lifted my eyes to look at the ancient building that was my home for six years. I was surprised that it was still standing. I imagined that it had been some kind of apartment building before Sin had destroyed Zanarkand but now it was The Invisible's base of operations.

Tobias and Gwen disappeared as soon as we entered the old building, leaving me and Kaiser alone. First, he led me to a room that was filled with shelves of the customary black, skin tight full body suits that every member wore. Kaiser tossed one at me then kept his back turned so I could change in privacy. I fingered the soft material, marveling that it still felt the same since the last time I had worn one. The cloth it was made out of also helped the wearer stay camouflaged even if they were to accidentally move to quickly for their magic to keep up and that's what caused the tell tale shimmer.

Once I was changed he handed me a pair of soft soled shoes and stood back to examine me. The right corner of his mouth pulled up in a satisfied smirk and I suddenly felt uncomfortable under his intense stare, but instead of fidgeting under his gaze like anyone else would have, I sent an undaunted glare right back at him. "I've been awaiting the day I would see you in that uniform again."

I scoffed. "So what's next?" I asked, starting to get aggravated. "Is playing dress-up all that's on the agenda for today?" I absolutely _did not_ like the look he had in his eyes. He was looking at me like I was a piece of meat. An involuntary shiver shot up my spine at that thought.

Kaiser's mouth turned back down and set in a grim line. "Paine, I've realized that you are a very untrustworthy person. When I send you out to destroy your mark I want to make sure that objective is carried out. In order for that to happen I need to make sure you are loyal to me alone."

The door behind me opened and before I even knew what was happening I was being restrained by two members from behind, their hands wrapping tightly around my upper arms. I had no idea what was going on but I had a very bad feeling that I wasn't going to like whatever was coming. I flexed my arms in an attempt to see how strong the two holding me were and wasn't surprised that I could barely move.

Kaiser delicately folded his hands behind his back and walked forward, stopping when he was right in front of me. He leaned down and put his mouth next to my ear. I tried to move away from him but the two restraining me kept me firmly in place. "You'll never escape me again."

My chest tightened painfully at the vehemence in his voice. Immediately my mind began reeling at what Kaiser meant and what he was going to do to ensure I would never escape. Hundreds of possibilities flew through my mind but the only one that refused to go away was torture.

That haunting thought sent a chill down to the very core of my soul. I immediately stiffened and dug my heels into the floor but, even then, the two members pulling me along drug me down the hall like a rag doll. Kaiser turned a corner that led to another long, dark hallway. My instinct to _get out_ was blaring like a siren in my ears as I stumbled along, the two at my sides walking so quickly my feet were barely touching the ground.

"There's no need to be frightened, Paine." I recognized the voice as Roland's. "It only hurts for a few minutes."

My stomach lurched and I struggled against them even harder. Roland's statement had only kindled the fear that was rapidly spreading like a wildfire through my brain. When Kaiser spoke I could barely hear him because of the sirens that were still blaring in my head.

"Roland, please refrain from any further instigation," he said, his voice soft but with a commanding tone. Not unlike how Baralai's voice sounded sometimes.

I heard Roland swallow and lick his lips. "Forgive me, Kaiser."

No one else spoke after that. I could see a faint light at the end of the hallway and the closer we got to it the harder it became for me to breathe because of how much my chest was constricting. I gasped suddenly when the ground fell out from beneath me and I prepared myself for the impact with the floor that never came. I realized a second later that we were descending a flight of stairs and the light that I had seen earlier was coming from the bottom.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs my knees gave out entirely and for once I was glad that I was being held up. Spread out in front of me was a room that would be a fitting laboratory for a mad scientist. I didn't even want to know what half the machinery was used for. To put it frankly, I wanted to get the hell out of here. I had never been down this way before and I was damn glad.

That awful sense of foreboding hit me like a brick to the face when a contraption that resembled an electric chair came into view. From what I could see of it, it was made of metal with cloth straps growing out of every corner like out of control vines. I knew, without a doubt, that I was going to be sitting in that very soon. _Over my dead body..._

I lashed out with my fire at Roland and the other man that was holding me, shocking them long enough so I could dart away from them and that chair. I heard a sizzling crackle behind me and, before I could dive out of the way, I was blindsided by two powerful lightning bolts. I cried out and fell to the floor, spasming violently as the electric currents seared through every nerve and fiber of my body. It was pure agony. What I had done to Baralai had hurt far worse, but this pain was a very close second.

Seconds later, which felt like an eternity, I was vaguely aware of certain parts of my body that were moving without my say in the matter. My head would twist to the side then my arm would shake like it was made out of rubber. My toes would curl then tremors would shoot around inside my legs, making them bounce off the floor.

Even after the torture had ended my muscles continued to spasm and it was hard for me to move my eyes or focus on anything for many long moments. When I was finally able to focus and control my eyes I saw Kaiser and Roland were standing over me; the other member, whose name was still a mystery to me, was not in my field of vision. Roland was staring down at me with a smug look on his face, almost like he had enjoyed watching me writhe. Kaiser was gazing at me with a puzzled expression like he was a scientist that had discovered a new species and was trying to figure out what I was. I also detected a hint of sadness in his glowing yellow eyes as well.

Before I even had full control of my muscles back Roland hefted me into his arms and began to carry me towards the chair, which the still nameless member was standing next to. I tried everything that I could to get away but the only thing I could do was twitch in Roland's arms as I watched that chair get closer and closer.

"Landon, help me strap her in," Roland said as he placed me on the cold surface of the chair.

I jerkily turned my head and met Landon's eyes – his glowing, icy blue eyes – for the briefest of seconds but those few short seconds had spoken volumes to me. Like me, he was here against his will, forced to take part in something that he wanted nothing to do with. He despised what Roland and Kaiser had done to me and wished that he didn't have to be here right now. I had no idea how I knew any of that. I hadn't read his mind; I just _knew_.

Landon's eyes left mine, which made me look in the same direction. Kaiser was approaching me slowly, each of his steps taking more than five seconds, with his hands casually hidden behind his back like a child that's trying to hide something from his parents. I frowned as I examined his face. His expression was extremely guarded, almost stoic. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Paine," he began, his voice level. "you will now become a full member of The Invisible. Since your birthday is still a week away the process will take longer than normal. Rest assured, your transformation will be complete when the day to hunt your mark arrives." He looked at Landon and Roland, curtly nodding his head.

My hands white-knuckled the chair arms as the two men's strong hands held my head in place. My whole body broke out into a cold sweat when Kaiser pulled a syringe filled half way with a milky substance out from behind his back, holding it in front of him like he was presenting it to me.

I hadn't noticed but my hands were shaking from how hard I was gripping the ends of the metal arms. My body was as rigid as a board and I was hoping he wouldn't be able to successfully administer the drug because of how tense I was. Kaiser had begun to slowly walk towards me and with every step he took I pressed myself farther and farther into the back of the chair, or at least I tried to.

"Roland, turn her head."

My head snapped to the left, my face hitting the back of the chair roughly. This was even worse. Now I couldn't even see Kaiser getting closer and closer with that friggin _needle_. The only thing I could hear was the sound of his foot falls. Suddenly they stopped and I squeezed my eyes shut, a lone tear falling down my cheek.

I had been absolutely right about the torture part. Watching Kaiser as he approached me with that syringe was horrifically terrifying, but as soon as I could no longer see him it somehow made it that much worse. Instinctively I started to struggle against the two men holding me in place, using every ounce of my strength to tear free. More tears welled up in the corners of my eyes as I realized that I wasn't going to escape from this. For the first time in...well a _long_ time I was powerless and that's what scared me the most.

I cracked one eye open after long moments of not feeling the tell tale prick of a needle, wondering what in the hell was taking him so long. Kaiser was standing solemnly in front of me as far as I could tell from looking out of the corner of my eye. My hands clenched into tight fists, a scorching hot flare of anger swelling up in my chest. He was _enjoying_ doing this to me. He was totally eating up the fact that I was cringing in fear of him.

"Are you gonna get this over with or what?" I snapped savagely, wishing I could get my hands on him.

My eyes widened even more when I saw that Kaiser was adding something to the solution that was already in the chamber. The syringe, not including the needle with the plunger pushed all the way in, was about five inches long. Half of that had been taken up by the milky substance I had seen earlier. Now he was completely filling it. The substance he was adding was clear, making the solution take on a silvery marble-like sheen._ What the hell is that stuff?_ I thought with dismay, my throat tightening.

Then, right there in front of me. he rose the accursed instrument up in front of his face and carefully flicked the glass chamber. It felt like time had almost completely stopped as I watched a few bubbles rise agonizingly to the surface before he pushed the plunger up a tiny fraction, allowing the bubbles and a tiny spurt of solution to shoot out of the needle. I watched the droplets sail through the air on their way to the ground and as they hit the tile floor. I felt a couple trickles of sweat slide down the side of my face. When I brought my eyes back up to look at him Kaiser was staring into the solution like he was mesmerized by it and smirked.

"This shot will be one of many. You may not feel the drug's effect now but in one or two more sessions, you will," he said and for added effect he leaned forward and pressed his hand on the side of my face. I felt both Roland and Landon reposition their hands as well. My stomach churned as I wondered why they were bracing my head and shoulders like this.

I didn't have to wonder much longer when I felt the enormous needle penetrate my neck. I gasped and tried to pull my head away as Kaiser pushed the needle in farther. I was hoping the process would be practically painless, that is until he started pushing the drug into my system.

Now I'm not sure how many of you have been burned before, either by fire or hot liquid, but it hurts like a bitch. Imagine a small drop of volcanic magma landing on...let's say your arm. Stings, huh? Now let's imagine that same magma coursing through your veins. That's what it felt like, only a hundred times worse.

I tried to hold in the screams as long as I could but once I felt the drug start to descend into my chest and arms I couldn't hold them in any longer. My screams bounced off the walls, making them sound even louder than they actually were. Now I knew why they had brought me so far away from everyone; they didn't want anyone else to hear me scream.

It felt like my insides were burning, like my stomach had been turned into a furnace and was gladly pumping the fire through me. I kept expecting to burst into flames at any second. I thrashed wildly against their hold on me, wriggling my body anyway I could. As the solution descended, it only made the burning worse and soon my screams turned into high-pitched shrieks. The straps holding me down were immensely strong and were rubbing my wrists and ankles raw but I didn't care. I couldn't stand one more second of this. I could still feel the needle lodged in my neck, which meant that the chamber wasn't empty yet.

After my throat had become so raw from screaming I started to beg. And yes, it really did hurt so much that I was reduced to begging them to stop. Through the ringing and the sound of blood rushing in my ears I heard Roland chuckle. I tried lurching my head and hands towards him but cried out when a white-hot flash of agony surged down my spine.

Kaiser pulled the needle out a few seconds later but I only knew that because the firm hold all three of them had on me was suddenly gone. My heart was pumping frantically in my ears as it moved the serum through my system. I bit down on my tongue and concentrated on only that, which somehow made the fire coursing through my veins bearable. I snapped my eyes shut as all three of them moved to stand in front of me. I had no desire to look at them or to make any more noise and give Roland the satisfaction of seeing me suffer. Staying silent was so _hard_. Even when I clenched my teeth, a couple groans and gasps still managed to escape.

My breath left my body in one big whoosh as I felt something change. The burning had descended all the way down to my feet and stayed constant for a few more agonizing minutes before the pain in my shoulders and chest started to recede. My skin crawled and prickled after the burning started to fade, making me want to reach up and itch myself like I had fleas.

It took almost an hour for everything to go away completely and I was relieved because I was just about ready to go insane. I sighed in relief and for the first time in about two hours I was finally able to relax. I was so tensed and rigid during that whole ordeal that it took a few minutes for my muscles to completely unlock. Even then I didn't think I would be able to walk on my own, but I wasn't expecting to get carried out either.

Landon undid all the straps holding me down and I rose shakily to my feet, taking a few hesitant steps forward. My legs were wobbly but it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle. I would rather walk away by my own power then have Roland put his hands on me again. I hadn't put much thought to it before but Roland's attitude towards me was different. He never paid very much attention to me when we were younger but now it seemed like he was going out of his way to make my life a living hell.

Kaiser stepped out of my way and watched me closely as I slowly made my way past them. I felt surprise emanating off of Roland and Landon. I wasn't sure how to decipher their emotions but I didn't want to read their minds to find out. I just wanted to get as far away from that room as I could. When I reached the stairs I didn't hear their footsteps following me so I carried on, undeterred.

I was still confused about what Kaiser had said before he injected me. That statement made me dread the next time I had to endure another one of those inoculations. Goosebumps popped up all over my arms just thinking about it.

My feet carried me back into the dark hallway that I had been dragged down earlier and through a maze of dimly lit passageways until I stopped in front of a nondescript wooden door. I reached out and grabbed the rusted knob, slowly twisting it then pushing the door open.

The contents of the room were covered in a thick layer of dust. No one, not even Kaiser, had been in here since I left. If I had walked into an immaculately prepared room I would have pinched myself to ensure I was awake. I was expecting walking into an ancient looking room so I just decided to clean it myself. I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to fall into my bed – which was probably just as dusty – but I didn't want to leave this place in the sorry state that it was in. If I didn't do it, no one would.

The only kind of cleaning supplies that I could find was a feather duster, a dirty rag and a bottle of household cleaner. I was surprised that I had found that much, but it was better than dry dusting with my hands. Beggars can't be choosers in a place like this.

I had just finished when Tobias walked through my door. I looked at him and quirked my eyebrow. "Kaiser requested that you and I spar," he said, moving his hand to wrap around the hilt of his sword.

"I don't have my sword," I replied.

Tobias frowned, probably wondering why I didn't have It. "Where is it?"

I sighed silently to myself. "In Bevelle." _In Baralai's house._


	17. Treasure

**Chapter XVII**

**Treasure**

* * *

Needless to say, I didn't get very much sleep that night. I was exhausted beyond all belief but sleep wouldn't grace me with its presence. To put it frankly I was stressed out with way too much on my mind. I didn't want to go back into that house but I had to get my sword. Believe me, I didn't want to subjugate either Baralai or myself to anymore emotional or physical pain but it was my sword and I had to be the one to go get it.

Kaiser came back to my room with Tobias that evening, giving me permission to go retrieve my sword. I was hoping that he would have said I couldn't go and send someone else to get it, but I was never one to get that lucky. "Tobias will accompany you. He has my permission to incapacitate you if you try to escape," he said, his glowing yellow eyes focusing on me.

I closed my eyes and lolled my head against the back of the chair I was currently sitting in. That was just what I needed. A babysitter. "You don't have to worry about that," I mumbled as I folded my hands over my head. "I just want my sword back."

Kaiser nodded then took Tobias out into the hall to speak with him privately. I sighed and started tapping my leg nervously. I couldn't even remember where I had put my sword last. Baralai's closet? My closet? I would probably end up scouring the entire house looking for it. _Please for the love of Shiva don't be in Baralai's room._ It was bad enough that I saw his face every time I closed my eyes. I don't think I could handle seeing exactly what I had done to him up close.

"I expect you back tomorrow morning at day break," Kaiser said, walking back into the room with Tobias following close behind. "If you are not back by then I will come find you myself."

"Yes, Kaiser," I droned, nodding my head once. Now that I was considered a full member I had to address him like everyone else or I would be punished. Not a prospect that sounded all that alluring to me. Having to go through two or even three more of those inoculations was punishment enough. I didn't need more.

"Very good," he said, sounding pleased.

"Ready?" Tobias inquired after Kaiser was gone.

"No," I began as I stared up at the ceiling. "but it doesn't really matter if I am or not." I pushed myself up and trudged out the door, swinging it shut after Tobias had joined me in the hall.

We had just left the building when Tobias turned to me and spoke. "I'm curious, Paine," he said, speaking softly. "How did you escape?"

I met his eyes for a few brief seconds, deliberating about whether or not I should tell him. Maybe if he knew what I was capable of he wouldn't try to cause trouble with me. "You really want to know?" He nodded. "I killed over thirty members in the course of twenty minutes. Their numbers were so depleted by the time I reached Gagazet that they gave up the chase."

I averted my face away from his so I wouldn't see his reaction. I could still remember the faces of those people that I had killed, even some of their names, and I did not enjoy reminding myself about it. "How did you do such a thing?"

I scoffed and glared hard at him. "Do you really expect me to remember something I did three years ago? I can barely remember how I survived through the night let alone what I did to kill over thirty people," I snapped vehemently. "I suggest that you don't bring it up again."

Tobias looked rather taken aback, like he hadn't expected me to lash out like that at him. He cleared his throat and looked away from me, a small amount of blood rushing into his cheeks. "Forgive me. I did not mean to offend you."

"Apology accepted." And that was the end of our conversation for quite some time.

When we reached the entrance to the caves of Mt. Gagazet I was beginning to wonder if we were going to walk all the way to Bevelle. Tobias stopped so suddenly that I almost walked right past him into the mountain. He turned towards me and extended his hands out towards me, palms up. I was rather perplexed and shot him a questioning glance.

"We will teleport to Bevelle from here. Be warned, it will weaken us a small amount."

I nodded and gingerly placed my hands on top of his, breathing in deeply. The whole process, this time around, didn't take as long as it had the other day. The images that flew past me went by so quickly that all the colors meshed together, making one indescribable blur. When the blur evened out and my world stopped spinning my heartbeat quickened when I saw that we had appeared in Baralai's back yard. My vision swam and I had a brief feeling of vertigo as some of my strength ran out of me like water through a strainer. I pulled my hands away from Tobias' and fell against a tree, rubbing my temples. Once I caught my breath, I peered cautiously around the tree at Baralai's house like he would be able to see me even though it was pitch black outside.

"I will wait for you here," Tobias said, resting against a tree and crossing his arms. "Take as long as you want. Just remember what Kaiser said."

I nodded and, after taking a deep breath, made my way out of the trees, cloaking myself as I walked. I circled around to the front of the house, surveying it and trying to see if Baralai was asleep or not. A few lights were turned on; the lamp in the living room, the light over the stove, his office light. My breath was coming in short, hitching gasps as I slid along the wall towards his office window. I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be able to move an inch if I saw him sitting in that chair of his so I was praying that he was in bed.

I breathed an audible sigh of relief when I looked through the window. He was nowhere in sight. I stood stock still for a few more minutes, straining my ears to hear the faintest of sounds inside. I could make myself invisible, yes, but I wasn't a ghost. Baralai wouldn't walk right through me if he ran into me. I had to be sure that he wasn't going to come out of nowhere before I went inside.

After about five minutes – it could have been longer – I reached out with shaking hands towards the window, testing it to see if it was unlocked. I took a deep breath and pulled upwards, almost crying out in surprise when it popped open. I stood there staring down at the now open window, dumbstruck that it had actually opened and kind of wondering how the hell I had gotten so lucky.

I snapped back to attention a few seconds later, quickly looking behind me then carefully slipping inside. I glanced at his desk on my way past it but stopped in mid-step. His desk was a disaster area, to put it mildly. The mountain of paperwork was tremendous. It was so big that it was threatening to swallow his desk lamp and a few of the papers were hanging precariously over the sides. I sighed, feeling my shoulders fall. I had only been gone for little less than day and already his world was falling apart.

_That's because _you_ are his world._

I cleared my throat and turned away from his desk as I felt my eyes start to burn. I had to keep reminding myself that I was here to get my sword, not worry myself over what Baralai was going through. I slowly twisted the doorknob on his office door, gently pulling it open. I stood there half-way out of his office, peering across the hall, my heart beating so fast I thought it would fly out of my chest.

The door leading to his room was open.

I suddenly felt out of breath and had a hard time swallowing. It was so bad that I had to hold myself back from coughing to clear my throat. _I'm not going in there... If my sword isn't in my room then I will, but until then I'm not setting one foot in his room._

I gulped down a painful swallow after the itch in the back of my throat subsided and slinked down the wall towards my room, keeping my eyes plastered on the dark void that was Baralai's room. I opened my door just far enough to squeeze through and closed it without a sound, flipping the light on in the process. I was surprised to find my bag sitting on my bed. A small swell of hope over my sword being in here as well rose up into my chest as I rushed to the closet.

I flung the doors open and caught myself from groaning in disappointment. The closet was completely empty. I turned to look on my bed, maybe thinking that I had missed it in my haste to get to the closet, but no. My bag was the only thing there. I cursed under my breath as I turned the light off and left my room, closing the door silently behind me. The only other place it could be was in Baralai's room.

I ran my hand through my hair, saying every swear word in the book in my mind and mentally kicking myself. If only I could remember where I put it! That would make this whole ordeal so much easier! I took a deep breath then slowly crept towards the room at the end of the hall. I peeked around the corner, wondering how I was going to see and saw that the moonlight coming in through Baralai's sliding glass doors gave off just enough illumination to see by. Oddly, the first thing my eyes found, to my great dismay, was Baralai's silhouette. My throat tightened as he shifted in his sleep.

Something hanging on the wall above his bed caught my eye; something that hadn't been there before. My jaw dropped when I saw that it was my sword. He had mounted my sword to the wall above his bed. My wide eyes settled back on Baralai's sleeping form. I was astonished that he had done something like this. I thought that he would have locked it up or hidden it away, not put it where he would see it every day. What he was going through now had to be more than he could handle without having a constant reminder of me hanging above his bed.

I cautiously tip-toed inside the room, stopping at the edge of the bed and gazing longingly down at Baralai. What I wouldn't give to just let him know I was here, to tell him that I was sorry for everything I said, to beg for forgiveness...to feel his arms around me. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked at his face. Even illuminated by the moonlight his face looked tired and worn; it made him look much older. I wasn't sure if the dark circles around his eyes were a result of the minimal lighting or from his fatigue. My heart broke for the hundredth time as visions of his anguished face flashed through my mind, making me wince.

I forcibly pushed those images out of my head and reached out towards my sword, grabbing it with my mind. I plucked it out of the air then, with one last, long lingering look at Baralai, walked out of his room. I paused in the hallway and frowned as I stared down at my sword. _Now where's my sheath and sword belt?_ I stood there in the middle of the hallway for what felt like hours trying to figure out where I had left them, almost feeling like I was back at square one all over again.

I gasped audibly as I _finally_ remembered. I had indeed put my sword in Baralai's closet after the last time we had sparred together and that's where my sword belt and sheath were also located. I felt like slapping my forehead for being so stupid. _My mind's like a steel trap. Can't put anything past me,_ I thought sarcastically. I scowled at my bad luck, wishing I didn't have to go back in there. I was afraid that he would wake up and find out I was here.

I shoved my fear away and marched right back into his room, making sure to be as quiet as I possibly could. I found my sheath and sword belt almost immediately after entering his closet. I sighed in relief, carefully sliding my sword into the sheath and wrapping the belt around my waist, securely fastening it. I ensured that my magic had expanded to include my sword belt and felt another small power drain. I exhaled slowly as my temples started to throb. _I've been cloaked for much too long. I've got to get out of here._

"Who's there?"

My blood ran as cold as ice in my veins when I heard Baralai's sleep thickened voice break the silence. When I turned around I could see a small part of his face in the dim light of the moon and, even though he wasn't looking directly at me, I knew that I had done something to wake him up and alert him to my presence.

_Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn..._ My mind was racing as I took a few tentative steps towards the door, my heart pounding in my ears. Baralai was looking around his room, dazed, like he was still half asleep. I swear his eyes passed over me three or four times and once his gaze met mine for a few seconds. I thought that I had been discovered and tensed my muscles for a quick getaway but after a few more agonizing moments of suspense, he laid back down and was out like a light. I held in my sigh of relief until I was back in the hallway. Him waking up in that very brief moment had absolutely petrified me. I had been like a deer caught in the headlights.

I made a break for the window but just when I was about to dive through it, I stopped short and looked back at the door. I wanted, so badly, to listen to his thoughts so I could see for myself what I had done to him. I knew that I was pushing it but...I _wanted_ to hear his thoughts just one last time. I knew that if I didn't do it now...well, I think all of you know the answer to that one.

I took a deep breath and went back to stand in front of his office door, pressing myself up against it as tightly as I could. My throat was dry as I touched his mind and, like a brick to the face, was broadsided by a torrent of his raw emotions. I had been inside his mind before but this time it was different. It may have been the fact that he was asleep that made his emotions so much more powerful, I wasn't sure. I clenched my teeth and valiantly held back a strangled cry. I had never felt such strong emotions from him. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was dreaming about the day I had left. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as I experienced that day from his perspective. I felt everything he had felt, I heard each and every one of his thoughts. _This_ was the real definition of torture.

After only thirty seconds I couldn't handle it anymore. I pulled away as fast as I could and severed the connection between our minds. All of a sudden, listening to his thoughts hadn't been such a good idea after all. I was completely disgusted with myself. If I didn't think my act was believable beforehand I definitely knew now. He had believed every single word I had said. He thought I was serious. _That's what I wanted too. I wanted to make it look like I was serious._ Even though I had done what I had set out to do I was far from proud of it.

I had done more than break his heart. Much more. I had practically ripped him apart; ripped him apart like a Coeurl would tear apart its prey. My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I pushed away from the door. I ran towards the window and practically jumped out of it, holding myself back from uncloaking until I was back under the cover of the trees.

Tobias straightened when he saw me, he looked pleased and a little bit relieved to see that I had returned with my sword. As soon as I let go of my magic I collapsed, my legs feeling like they had turned to rubber. I had stayed invisible for much too long. I was lucky to still be alive.

Tobias managed to catch me before I hit the ground then helped me to sit up against a tree. "You were gone for almost two hours. Were you cloaked the entire time?"

His voice sounded a million miles away, but strangely enough, just like the last time I had exhausted myself to the point of passing out I felt a euphoric feeling pass over me and managed to nod my head a few times before my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

While I was drifting between unconsciousness and wakefulness, I relived what I had seen, felt and heard while being connected to Baralai's mind over and over and over until I thought I would go insane. I begged and pleaded for it to stop, but as I continued to see my hate filled face through Baralai's eyes I knew that this was my punishment for what I had done.

I awoke with a start, covered in a cold sweat and panting like I had just run a marathon. I instantly began to wonder where I was but as my eyes adjusted to the dark I knew, without a doubt, that I was back in Zanarkand. I groaned and fell back against my pillows. _And here I was thinking that all of this was just a dream. A very screwed up dream._

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I heard my stomach rumble. It had to have been at least two days – maybe more – since the last time I had eaten something. I rose from my bed and grabbed my sword belt from the floor by the bed, presumably where Tobias had dropped it after bringing me here. If I remembered correctly breakfast, lunch and dinner rations were handed out at the same time every day. Maybe if I hurried I could get something meager to eat before all of it was gone.

On my way past my kitchen I spotted a tray full of food sitting on the counter. I was instantly perplexed. I had never had a meal delivered to me before. If I was unfortunate enough to miss a meal I went hungry, no questions asked. The same applied to everyone else as well. That's the way it always had been, as far as I knew, but I was quite sure that Kaiser hadn't gone so soft that he was having everyone's rations delivered to them. That just didn't sound like something he would do.

Since the secret of The Invisible had followed Mika to the Farplane every member either had to steal to sustain themselves or kill their own meals. It's rather easy to do both of those when you can render yourself invisible. In my defense, I only stole when I could no longer stand to eat dead fiends. Contrary to popular belief those things really do not taste very good.

So I shrugged, willing to take advantage of this while I could, and grabbed a whole pear from the tray, tossing it back and forth between my hands as I walked to my old, dusty couch. I laid down, sneezing a few times from all the dust that I had released, then leaned my head back and looked up at the ceiling, rubbing the pear's smooth surface with my thumb. The only thought that was present in my mind was: what next? I wanted to ask Tobias the few questions that had been burning a hole in my mind and now that I was here I could find out anything and everything I wanted. The trouble was, I wanted to know the answers _now_. I didn't want to wait.

I had almost finished my pear when I felt Kaiser enter my room unannounced and uninvited. I looked over the back of the couch, acting like I didn't know who had just come in. I felt my stomach sink into my feet as my eyes met Kaiser's. It was time for me to get my next inoculation, I was certain. I rose from the couch with a heavy sigh, tossing my half-eaten pear back onto the tray, and went to stand in front of him. His eyes were guarded. He knew that I knew why he was here so there was no reason for him to say anything to clarify.

He curtly nodded his head then spun around and left my room. I pulled my door closed and kept my distance as I followed him, keeping a leisurely pace like I was taking a nice afternoon stroll through the streets of Bevelle. _If only that was real._ I sighed, wishing for the thousandth time that I could escape, but I knew wishing something like that was futile so I didn't even bother putting up a fight. Kaiser knew this, that's why he had come alone. He had broken my spirit, and he knew it. _Wishing is for idiots and dreamers,_ I remembered him saying once.

It felt like I was walking the mile to be executed. I clenched my fists at my sides and held my head high; I wasn't scared. I knew it was going to hurt and that reminder sent a cold shiver of fear up my spine, but such is life. There was nothing I could do to prevent it so why should I make my hair any grayer than it already is? _The only thing I'm apprehensive about is what this drug will do to me._

I had fallen behind considerably and by the time I arrived at the room with the metal restraint chair and all the machinery, Kaiser was already waiting for me. I kept my eyes averted from his as I walked past him and towards that accursed chair. There was a scowl on my face as I sat down in it, waiting for Kaiser to start strapping me in.

I watched him as he filled the syringe with the mixture of both drugs. I felt perspiration start to bead on my forehead and neck as I watched him. After squeezing all the air bubbles out of the chamber he set the syringe down then set to the task of strapping me in. I discovered something new about my favorite chair as Kaiser took his sweet time. I wasn't being restrained just to keep me from escaping. I remembered the way I had thrashed and bucked the first time. I was being held in place for my own protection while the drug was making its way through my system. _Oh, how sentimental._

I gulped after Kaiser had completed his task, picking the syringe back up and turning towards me. "So...what will this drug do to me exactly?" I asked, my eyes never leaving the needle.

Kaiser smiled then, but it wasn't a genuine smile. It was more of a crafty smile, sort of like one a child would give their parents when he knows something they don't. That look on his face made my eyes widen a small amount.

"You will soon find out," he said, turning my head and pressing the side of it against the back of the chair. _Ah, so it's the neck again. I'm not surprised..._

He plunged the needle into my neck and, this time, instead of feeling my blood turn to fire in my veins I began to feel dizzy and light headed. Before I could figure out what was happening to me I had already fallen asleep.

When I came to I was expecting to be back in my room but when I tried rubbing my eyes my arms wouldn't move. Because of the anesthetic I was having trouble focusing but I knew, without needing to see, that I was still in that damned chair. Frankly, I was shocked. I leaned my head against the back of the chair to wait, hoping the anesthetic would wear off quickly now that I was awake.

Kaiser was still in the room with me. That was all I could tell. I tried to speak, to ask Kaiser what he had done to me and why, but the only sounds I could make were unintelligible mumbles. "Don't try to speak," Kaiser said calmly.

That's when something weird happened. Immediately after hearing his voice I became as silent and still as a statue. Then, like I had lost all control over my voice, I spoke without wanting to.

"Forgive me, Kaiser."

It was like somebody else was taking up residency in my head, sort of like an unwanted guest. In about ten seconds every rebellious thought I had ever had towards The Invisible and wanting to escape were flipped upside down and replaced with undying loyalty. My fingers twitched as I fought against those thoughts, knowing that they weren't true but trying to convince my brain otherwise.

Then, just as quickly as it had come, those traitorous thoughts and feelings vanished. I gasped as my mind was once again my own. _That was creepy and just wrong. What the hell was that?_

"What just happened?" I said more to myself than Kaiser.

"Merely a side effect," Kaiser answered, walking over to me and unstrapping me from the chair. "You are to report to the training room now. Tobias will meet you there."

I rose from the chair, absently rubbing my wrists where the straps rubbed against them. I nodded and walked away from Kaiser, not trusting my voice. I felt just as normal as I had before I got that shot but what had just happened to me was very disconcerting. In that one instant it made me feel like I didn't know my body as well as I thought I did, like at any time I would lose all my control. That thought made my skin crawl.


	18. Broken

**Chapter XVIII**

**Broken**

* * *

**(Baralai)**

After Paine's departure the atmosphere at the reception wasn't the same. Yuna and Rikku had been the ones to come after me. They found me kneeling in the surf, staring off into the distance. I don't even remember how I got back to the village. I know that Yuna and Rikku must have coaxed me up off the ground and helped me back because I wouldn't have been able to get back myself.

I couldn't think straight; her face kept popping up in front of my vision no matter if I wanted to think about her or not. Her gorgeous crimson eyes filled with hate. Her beautiful mouth turned down into a scowl. The wall of flames she had conjured to keep me away from her reflecting off her irises, making them glow menacingly. The hole in my chest throbbed painfully. I had never thought she would _ever_ look at me like that.

"Lai?" I looked up forlornly and met Gippal's worried stare. "You alright, buddy?"

I shook my head and rose unsteadily to my feet. "I would like to return to Bevelle." My voice sounded foreign to me; it sounded hollow.

"Yeah, sure, buddy," Gippal replied, allowing a small smile to crawl onto his face. "I'll go tell Riks."

It could have been ten minutes until the Celsius arrived and it could have been ten hours. I wasn't sure and, frankly, I didn't care. Gippal volunteered to accompany me back to Bevelle. I carried my own bag while Gippal carried Paine's. I was glad that Gippal was coming with me. I don't think I would be able to carry her bag five feet let alone carry it all the way down to the Celsius and through Bevelle to my home.

"Thank you," I rasped as I looked at Gippal.

Gippal looked over at me with a surprised look on his face, like he wasn't expecting me to talk then he smiled and patted my shoulder. "You're welcome, Lai."

The Celsius was waiting for us when we arrived at the beach. Gippal stayed on the bridge to talk with Shinra and Buddy while I went to the cabin. I waved hello to Barkeep and Darling before climbing the stairs to the living quarters. I wasn't really sure what to do with myself so I collapsed onto the couch and idly sifted through the magazines covering the coffee table.

I found myself wondering which magazine Paine was looking at when we were on our way to Besaid for Lady Yuna's and Sir Tidus' parties that short week ago. My fingers lightly touched the glossy covers of the magazines and before I knew it I was hyperventilating. I quickly got up and left the cabin, joining Gippal on the bridge and trying to include myself in his conversation with Shinra and Buddy.

My eyes met Shinra's intelligent bright blue gaze and I froze, feeling rather uncomfortable. _He's looking at me like he knows something._ Just when I was about to speak to him he broke his eyes away from mine and continued conversing with Gippal and Buddy like nothing had happened. I continued to stare at him for a few more seconds, immensely confused.

The rest of the trip to Bevelle was an awkward one. I tried to include myself in the group conversation but I would only end up nodding my head like some defective bobble head doll. I felt isolated, cut off, and I didn't want to feel that way. It felt like my right arm had been lopped off.

I could tell that Gippal was uncomfortable as well. He wasn't sure what to say to me, more than likely worried that he might say the wrong thing, worried that anything he said about Paine would reduce me to a sobbing puddle of misery. He was right.

After we reached my doorstep he followed me inside. "So...where's Paine's room?" He asked, stopping in the living room.

I paused in the hallway, coincidentally next to her door and stared at the polished wood. "It's right here," I said before continuing to my room. I heard Gippal open the door then leave a few seconds later.

I sank down onto my bed and dropped my bag on the floor next to me, staring at the floor at a loss for what to do next. Without her here my house felt empty...like a tomb. I looked up as Gippal peeked cautiously around the corner, he was nervously gnawing on his bottom lip.

"You gonna be alright, Lai?" He asked, taking a few tentative steps into my room.

I involuntarily flexed and unflexed both my hands into fists while I thought. After a few seconds I met his lone eye with both of mine and attempted to smile. "No," I began, feeling my throat begin to burn. "but I'll manage. Thanks, Gippal."

One corner of his mouth quirked up into his signature grin. "No problem, buddy. You'll call me if you need anything, right?"

"Of course," I replied, fighting to keep the half smile on my face.

Gippal waved then quietly ducked out. I sighed and fell back against my bed, staring up at the ceiling. _What now?_ It took me awhile, but eventually I got up and wandered into my closet to change out of my dress robes.

And that's when I found it.

Paine's sword was propped up against the wall next to my dual-edged rod. Her sword belt and sheath were laying on the floor next to it. A lump immediately settled into my throat and it took me a second to swallow it. My first thought was to hide it away somewhere so it would never see the light of day again, but I instantly shoved it away. Her memory was painful but I didn't want to totally forget about her.

Taking a deep breath I carefully wrapped my hand around the hilt and lifted it up off the floor. The shine of the metal was immaculate; I could practically see my reflection in it. Polishing her sword had been one of her favorite hobbies while she was still here. An actual smile found its way onto my face as I imagined her sitting on my bedroom floor, polishing her sword until it was spotless. As I stood there staring at it I tried to think of where I could put it and what I could use to mount it on the wall.

It hit me as soon as I walked out of my closet. My eyes landed on the empty space of wall above my bed and I knew I had to put it there. After almost an hour I was finally able to scrounge together a meager mount from a few things I found around my house. It took me another half hour to put it up on the wall correctly.

I smiled when I was finished, standing back and admiring my work. The wall mount that I had put together wasn't very professional looking but that didn't matter to me. I was shaken out of my small happy moment by a relentless pounding on my door. I sighed and with one last look at Paine's sword went to answer my front door.

I wasn't surprised when I saw Idalia standing on the other side. She bowed respectfully and I did the same in greeting, albeit a little more stiffly than usual. "Praetor Baralai, welcome back. I wasn't expecting you so soon. How was the Lady Yuna's wedding?"

"Very enjoyable and a wonderful sight to see. Can I help you with anything?"

"Yes, Sir, there's a substantial amount of paperwork to be done at your office and the council commands that you catch up on it," she said, wringing her hands in her overlarge sleeves.

I leaned against the door jam and rubbed my eyes. I had badly neglected my duties as Praetor for the past few weeks and I needed to get caught up. "Alright," I answered, straightening. "I'll be right there."

She nodded then turned around and walked off. I sighed heavily and closed my door a little too forcefully then returned to my room to put my shoes on.

I ended up taking over half of the paperwork from my office at the temple back to my office at my home. I hadn't been able to get very much done. I just couldn't concentrate and I was doubtful that I would be able to concentrate anymore at home but it would look better if my temple office was neat and orderly. None of the council members came to my home but they made frequent trips to my office at the temple. I left anything that Idalia would be able to do on her small desk then left as quickly as I could.

The last thing on my mind when I got back home was sitting down and doing all that paperwork but I had to at least attempt to get some of it done. Three hours later I had only gotten a small stack done. My desk was so cramped and crowded that I couldn't even see the surface anymore. I knotted my hands into my hair, threatening to pull it out in my frustration. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and wanted nothing less than to collapse into my bed.

I looked over my shoulder, staring at the horizon. The sun had already set, but there was still a little light outside. The setting sun cast various shades of pinks, purples and oranges across the sky. In a few places the sun was painted a deep crimson red and I had to look away from it. There was nothing else for me to do so I just decided to get some sleep. As I climbed into my cool sheets I was kind of hoping that when I woke up everything would be the same as it had been before Paine had left, but I knew that was wishful thinking on my part.

It seemed like I woke up every hour screaming. My mind just could not find any rest. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her face, heard her voice. She had infected my very essence. That should have made me happy but now all it did was make the gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be throb painfully, threatening to consume me.

I thought I had gone insane when I woke up for the hundredth time that night, thinking that someone was in my room. I _swear_ I heard someone rustling around in my closet. I sat up quickly and looked around, squinting in the dim moon light as my eyes scoured the room in search of an intruder.

"Who's there?" I rasped, my heart beat quickening.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the flicker of an image in front of my bed. _Paine?_ My eyes widened but when I looked back at the spot where I thought I had seen her, it was gone. I sighed, shaking my head. My eyes were obviously playing tricks on me. She couldn't possibly be here. She was at the world's end and she wasn't coming back. She didn't love me and she wasn't _ever_ coming back.

I winced as my chest once again began to throb then laid back down. A few silent tears pooled up behind my eyelids and ran down my cheeks as I tried to get back to sleep. _I miss you..._


	19. Becoming One Of Them

**Chapter XIX**

**Becoming One of Them**

* * *

**(Paine)**

My training exercises with Tobias were more than what I had been expecting. Tobias was a very exceptional sword fighter; very precise and fluid with his movements. Sparring with him took much more out of me than sparring with a group of fifty Warrior Monks. He spent almost an hour teaching me numerous techniques on improving my swordsmanship and he even showed me how to channel my element into my sword. I felt like a novice all over again.

A few times while we were sparring I chanced closing my eyes and let my feelings control my movements. Tobias never noticed, to my relief, and I did much better with my eyes closed than when I had them open. Tobias was very gifted in sword fighting and I couldn't believe how exhausted I was when we were all done.

I was actually enjoying myself despite the fact that I was here against my will. Once I looked past that it was like summer camp.

It was only when we went to grab our lunch ration that I was able to talk with him privately. As we sat down together at an old rickety table I was suddenly unsure if I should ask him anything after all. I wasn't sure if he would tell Kaiser about what I would say to him. _I really could care less if he does tell Kaiser but he's not supposed to know any of what I'm about to tell him. I'll definitely get in trouble for that._

"Before I ask you anything," I began, plucking a piece of bread off my small loaf and thoughtfully chewing on it before continuing. "I want you to promise me that you'll keep everything we talk about in confidence." While I was talking I scanned his thoughts, making sure that when he answered me he was telling the truth.

He frowned and I felt confusion flow through his mind. "Why is that?" He asked. He had no idea why I would want to make such a request of him. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

"I lived with Kaiser for a long time and in that time I learned that he doesn't have to know about everything. We can have private conversations like normal people."

I sat back and let my words sink in. Tobias was young enough to still be impressionable but old enough to understand what I was implying; that Kaiser was not a god. He averted his eyes away from me and paid attention to his food as he thought, chewing carefully. I slowly picked at my food as I followed him. He wasn't accusing me of anything yet. He was very intelligent and was going to keep an open mind. This I was thankful about.

"Before you ask your questions allow me to ask you something first," he said, his crimson eyes focusing on mine.

I inclined my head towards him. "Go ahead."

"I can tell by your demeanor that you don't want to be here. Why?"

I was hoping that he wouldn't ask me that. That was the one thing I was most apprehensive to tell him about. I bit down on my tongue and covered my mouth with my hand. I could recite an entire monologue about why I didn't want to be here, but that would take much too long. The short version would do just fine for now.

"Because assassinating others in cold blood isn't my idea of a good time," I replied dryly.

"What do you mean?"

I shot him an odd look. _He's been here almost four years and they haven't told him anything? Oh yeah...need to know. Right._ I knew that I couldn't just come out and tell him what The Invisible was really all about. But then again...he was being lied to. _Who am I to tell him the truth? Who am I to determine whether or not he needs to know?_

This little episode of questioning myself went on for quite a while. I knew that telling him would start a chain reaction and would more than likely end badly. I was supposed to be here to find out everything I could about The Invisible, not tell one of the operatives everything he didn't know.

"Paine?" I snapped my eyes up to meet his and almost forgot about what he had asked me.

"Let's just say that the circumstances were different for me than for you when I came here."

He frowned again and looked even more confused by my cryptic response. I could tell that he wanted to push it; he was curious and he wanted to know. One of my eyebrows twitched as I remembered how Rikku nagged me constantly about finding out about my past. Oh I would give anything to hear her annoying voice right now.

"If you wouldn't mind," he began, leaning forward a small amount. "I would like to know."

I pursed my lips and looked away from him for a few seconds. _Ah, what the hell..._ "When I was ten my parents were murdered by two members of The Invisible and I was brought here shortly after." I was still being cryptic but I didn't give a damn.

"What had your parents done to deserve that?" He questioned, still not completely understanding.

I chuckled. I knew the answer to that question but I was never able to understand it. "My father was a Maester of Yevon. He had different beliefs and because of that Mika had him and my mother murdered."

Tobias leaned back in his chair and carefully examined me with a critical eye, determining whether or not if I was lying. At first I could tell that he didn't believe me. He was fighting a very intense internal battle, one part wanted to believe what I had said while the other was extremely skeptical.

He began to slowly shake his head, disbelief still shining in his eyes. I had visibly shaken him. Everything he thought he knew about The Invisible I had just thrown up into the air and watched as it all landed on the floor in disarray. "No," he whispered, more to himself than to me. "No, we aren't like that. We don't – "

"They've been keeping you in the dark, Tobias," I interjected, staring him right in the eye. "Just like I used to be."

Tobias looked away from me and his face twisted into a grimace. I could tell without listening to his thoughts that he felt betrayed. The Invisible had been his savior when Kaiser found him on the streets. They had given him something, not taken something away like they had to me and now I had just caused a tremor to shake his faith in them. Tobias was naive but he wasn't that way by choice. Kaiser made him naive and that wasn't his fault.

He gulped and took in a deep, shaky breath. He squared his jaw and stared at me defiantly. "How do I know you're not lying?" He questioned, his smoldering eyes narrowing.

I casually sat back and crossed my legs. "Because I have nothing to lie about. I'm only a few days away from my rite."

A small amount of color drained from his cheeks, making his skin seem almost transparent in the dim lighting. "I thought they were just rumors; deliberately assassinating others in cold blood. I've been told full members only perform righteous killings, not...murder." His eyes met mine again after they wandered around the room a few times, pleading for me to give him answers. _Now I know the method behind Kaiser's madness. Keep the younger ones on a need to know basis and it's easier to control them, easier to ensure they follow orders._

I immediately felt sick and my stomach involuntarily lurched. Tobias deserved better. He deserved to know what he had unwillingly been brought into. I nibbled on a piece of cheese as I gathered my thoughts together then met his questioning eyes. "Righteous killings," I said, scoffing at the notion. "There was nothing righteous about taking a ten year old girl's parents away from her."

I had to forcefully stop myself from saying anything else. The more I thought about that day the angrier I became. I huffed and rubbed my temples, breathing in deeply and slowly to help calm myself down. "Enough of that. I have something to ask you now." I paused long enough to take another deep breath. "In the last three years have any of the other members attained special powers? Like anything different?" I knew I was being vague but I didn't want to give away the fact that I could do something he's probably never seen or heard of before.

"I know that besides controlling a certain element, a few members can use telepathy as well. Kaiser stopped searching for ones that had that extra ability years ago." He paused and cleared this throat. "I did some research and found that all the members you killed to escape were the ones to have some sort of telepathic ability. Now you're the only one left."

I sat in shocked, wide eyed silence. That was the answer I had been hoping for but how had I managed to get so lucky? This was totally unbelievable. I quickly regained my composure before he had a chance to notice my lapse. "So...you know that I'm telekinetic?"

He nodded. "Kaiser keeps extensive files on everyone who's ever been a part of this organization. It didn't take much digging. Kaiser holds you quite high," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. Yes, Kaiser had always thought I was something special. I would love to see the look on his face when he finds out that he was right. I wasn't going to tell him or Tobias that my abilities were still developing. That would be my little secret.

"That's interesting," I mumbled, returning to my food.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we finished our lunch. I had had enough of twenty questions for one day and I'm pretty sure Tobias had as well. Every part of my body was sore and the only thing I wanted to do was go back to my room so I could pass out.

"Same time tomorrow?" I asked as we threw our trash away.

He nodded. I could tell by the faraway look on his face that his mind was elsewhere. "I'll be thinking about what you told me," he whispered before turning around and walking away.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise as I stared at his retreating back. "Alright," I responded, letting a small sigh escape my lips. I was relieved that, for the most part, Tobias was going to listen to what I had told him. _Wonderful, I'm a revolutionist now,_ I thought, rolling my eyes.

The halls were eerily quiet as I slowly made my way back to my room. I was expecting Kaiser to materialize out of nowhere and drag me back down to that laboratory for another shot at any moment. A chill ran down my spine as I remembered what had happened to me last time and those horrible thoughts that had flashed through my mind. _What's going to happen next time?_ A lump settled in my throat as I realized that was exactly how Kaiser was going to control me: by controlling my mind, by making me think things I didn't believe.

That's how he was going to make me kill Baralai.

The icy hand of fear closed around my heart and made my blood turn to sludge in my veins. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and almost bumped into someone right outside my door. I gasped and jumped away, spewing out apologies before I even knew who I had bumped into. Landon's icy blue gaze stopped me in my tracks.

Before I could say anything he clamped his hand over my mouth and pulled me into my room, closing the door behind us as quietly as he could. By this time I was extremely confused and quickly becoming very angry. Landon put his mouth dangerously close to my ear and I briefly saw a red fringe stain my vision. His liquid voice calmed me long enough so I could hear what he was saying.

"I don't have much time," he rasped, his voice strained. "I know that you're trying to find a way out. I think I might be able to help you. Meet me inside the blitzball stadium after sun down." The pressure around my mouth vanished as soon as it had come and before I could really comprehend what Landon has said he was gone.

A split second later I realized why he had left in such a hurry. Kaiser was on his way to see me again. _Wait... How did he know Kaiser was coming?_ I groaned and cursed under my breath, roughly unbuckling my sword belt and tossing it away from me. I stormed into my bathroom and attempted to fix my hair while I waited. I knew what was coming so I wasn't going to waste any time wondering about it.

"Paine?" Kaiser called my name in a commanding tone as he welcomed himself into my room.

The first thing I saw when I rounded the corner into the living room was Kaiser holding a very familiar syringe. I frowned and looked from the overly large needle to Kaiser's stone gaze. _Why did he come here with it?_ I asked myself as I took a few steps towards him.

"Special treatment?" I asked, not able to hide the smirk that curled one corner of my mouth up.

"Hardly," he answered, his expression mirroring mine. "I'm now confident that you won't try to fight me."

My smirk immediately turned into a scowl. He was right. "Why did I pass out last time?" I questioned, trying to push my anger to the back of my mind as I sat down dejectedly on the couch.

I heard Kaiser chuckle as he came to stand behind me. "You only need to know what the burn of the medication feels like once. Going through that kind of discomfort will only be a punishment from now on. I'm not sadistic, Paine."

_Oh, how I beg to differ,_ I thought, leaning my head against the back of the couch. I cocked my head to the side, exposing my neck to Kaiser like he was a vampire come to suck me dry. I squeezed my eyes shut as he slid the needle into my neck. Not even a minute later my world began to spin and it wasn't long until I blacked out.

When I woke up it was like a repeat of the other day when my control had been ripped away from me. It was like I was looking through someone else's eyes or watching the scene spread out in front of me like I was part of an audience. I repeatedly saw the face of a man I barely recognized. His gorgeous brown eyes made my heart flutter which caused an odd feeling of déjà vu to pass over me, like I should know him somehow but couldn't figure out how.

_Baralai!_ My mind screamed. _His name is Baralai!_ I gasped and, in a split second, my mind was in my control again. I sat frozen in place, my hands gripping the couch cushions as I waited; waited to see if that was going to happen again.

Those few moments were probably the most terrifying of my life. Whatever was happening to me caused me to completely forget about who Baralai was. Even now I could sense that his face had become much dimmer in my memories. _I forgot about him once. I _will not_ forget about him again. Even if it kills me._

I quickly took a shower and dressed in a fresh uniform then set out to meet Landon at the blitzball stadium. Members of The Invisible came and went from our hideout constantly, something I was hoping would work to my advantage. I didn't want to cloak myself and seem suspicious so I just strolled right on through the front door._ I didn't think it was going to be this easy,_ I thought, warily glancing in every direction.

The sun had just set and dusk was falling over Zanarkand. I could see the stadium in the distance and looked behind me one more time before taking off at a brisk run towards it.

After having that second shot I discovered that the feeling of suddenly losing my control never went away. It was there like a splinter in my mind, tormenting me. I was still strong enough to fight that feeling off, but how long would it take for me to crack? How long would it take before I was overpowered by it? _How am I going to stop myself from killing Baralai?_

I slowed to a jog as I approached the stadium. I didn't see Landon standing at the entrance to the dome so, by process of elimination, I figured that he was somewhere inside. I turned around and walked backwards for a few paces, making sure I hadn't been followed before scanning the dome for Landon's presence. It took me a few seconds to find him because he was deeper inside the stadium than I had first anticipated. He was waiting for me in the Chamber of the Fayth, where Lord Zaeon's empty statue rested.

Goosebumps popped up all over my arms as I walked through the pyrefly-infested dome. I _hated_ coming here. Because of my mental sensitivity I picked up on long lost thoughts and feelings from the people that had died here; I could even sense a few of the original residents of Zanarkand from a thousand years ago. This whole place absolutely unnerved me.

I met very little resistance from the local fiend population. I could sense a few here and there but they were much too scared to come out of hiding to fight. This is what happened to fiends everywhere after Sin and Yu Yevon were destroyed for good. It was like they somehow knew they didn't stand a chance now that the Eternal Calm was here, like they knew they were doomed. I had a feeling that they were much smarter than what the people of Spira had come to believe about them.

I sighed as I passed through the Cloister of Trials, my feet barely making a sound on the stone floor. The mechanical groan of the lift assaulted my ears and made me wince after being in total silence for so long. When the lift stopped I could see Landon standing in the next room, staring at me as I approached.

He smirked and transferred all his weight onto one foot, crossing his arms casually over his chest. I instantly relaxed as I surveyed his body language. He was conveying to me that he didn't intend to cause trouble or fight hence the reason why he was standing like that. "For a second I thought you weren't going to come." His deep baritone reminded me of my father's.

"Kaiser ambushed me again," I replied. I didn't need to elaborate because he already knew what I meant. "Why did you bring me here?"

Landon took a deep breath. "I've discovered a way for you to escape permanently. The problem is...it's most likely going to kill you."


	20. Gone

**Chapter XX**

**Gone**

* * *

**(Baralai)**

It was gone...

I had noticed immediately after waking up. Paine's sword was gone.

I was so distraught that I didn't even stop and look at the logical side of the situation like I usually would have. I realized after scouring my entire home what my brain had been trying to tell me all along: she _had_ been here last night. I hadn't been imagining it after all. She had _really_ been here.

That discovery didn't make me feel any better though. It only made me feel that much more insignificant because I knew, really knew, that what she had told me was true. It just made the knife sink ever deeper into my chest. I had to get out of my house before I completely broke down again.

I didn't bother putting on my Praetor robes. Right now I didn't have the patience to put them on so I settled with black slacks and a white button down. The last time I wore this outfit I had gotten an earful about it from Idalia. I was hoping she wouldn't be at the office today. I didn't have any patience for her either.

The walk to the temple was an awkward one. I could tell that the priests and acolytes knew there was something wrong with me even though I tried to hide it. None of them inquired about Paine though, which meant they already knew why I was in such a depressed mood. _While I'm sulking most of them are probably throwing a party in the streets._

One of the council members, a withered old Yevonite whose name was Arthur, was waiting for me in front of my office door. My shoulders sagged when I saw him. A visit from any of the council members was never a good thing.

I smiled at him and bowed respectfully, somewhat succeeding at keeping my wits about me. "How can I help you, Sir?" I asked as I opened my office door and allowed him to precede me inside. I felt like turning tail right then and running away but I had to face them sometime. Sooner rather than later.

"Myself and the other members of the council are concerned about you, Baralai." He folded his gnarled hands behind his back and followed me as I walked towards my desk. I could feel his eyes boring holes in my back.

I tried to keep my voice as level as I could as I settled into my chair. "And why is that?" I pretended to act busy.

Arthur sat down across from me and shot me a pointed stare, like I should already know what he meant. "Your most recent...distraction is what has us concerned. Your duties as praetor seem to come in second ever since that girl popped into your life."

I involuntarily dropped the pen that I had been holding. I quickly snatched it back up, fighting to keep a straight face. The malice with which he spoke of Paine made my blood boil in my veins. I restrained myself from saying anything disrespectful even though I so wanted to. A million different swear words in Al Bhed flared on the end of my tongue, begging to make themselves heard but I valiantly swallowed them.

"You don't have to worry about her anymore," I said. "She left. She's not coming back." Those words were even more painful to say aloud to someone else, almost crippling.

Arthur looked extremely shocked. "Really? Under what circumstances?" His beady eyes narrowed dangerously, like he didn't believe me.

I cleared my throat and looked away from him, unable to stomach the look on his face any longer. "I have no control over what she does, Sir. She comes and goes as she pleases."

Arthur still didn't seem to believe me, which didn't come as a surprise to me. I pursed my lips and remained calm out of sheer force of will. Getting angry with any of the men on the council was _not_ a very smart idea. I wouldn't get anywhere or convince him of anything by becoming angry.

"That's odd, because every time she left you were quick to follow her where ever she saw fit to go. Why is this time any different?"

My left eye twitched. Arthur had just severely crossed the line with that statement. I slowly rose from my chair, my fists clenched by my sides and my gaze never leaving his. I could feel myself start to shake, every fiber of my being wanting to pounce on the ancient man sitting in front of me and crush him. "It's time I got some work done. I would like some privacy." I was astonished by how much control I was exerting in staying calm. Frankly, I wanted to stuff my rod where it would never see the light of day again, but not giving him the reaction he wanted was just as satisfying.

I could tell that he had no idea how to respond. It took a few seconds of him staring blankly at me before he got up and shuffled towards the door. "Would you like me to summon Idalia for you?" He asked when he reached the door.

"No, thank you," I replied curtly. Arthur waited a few more seconds and, when I didn't say anything else, left without another word.

After my door had shut I sank back into my chair, completely exhausted. That little encounter had extinguished the last of my strength. I had only slept soundly for about two hours and the appealing thought of taking a nap right there on my desk was almost too much to pass up, but once I reminded myself about all the work I had yet to do that notion flew right out the window.

I had my first interruption of the day almost four hours after I asked Arthur to leave. I was surprised to discover that I could actually see the surface of my desk again. The stack of papers in my finished bin was quite extensive. _Since Idalia isn't here I'm going to have to deliver those myself. Oh joy..._ I sighed in relief and fell back against my chair, rubbing my eyes. The knock that came to my door surprised me and I was glad for the interruption for once. Instead of screaming at the person on the other side of the door I decided to get up and answer it myself. I needed to stretch my legs anyways.

When I opened the door I was so flabbergasted by who was standing on the other side that I almost fell over. "Nooj," I choked out. "What an...unexpected surprise." And unexpected it most certainly was. Out of all my comrades I had not thought that Nooj would come to visit me. Yuna, Rikku or Gippal, yes, but not Nooj. We were on speaking terms but our friendship would probably never be the same again.

_Hold on, how did he get here?_ It's not every day that the Meyvn of the Youth League just strolls into Bevelle Temple to have a little chat with the Praetor of New Yevon. _Well he did infiltrate the Bevelle Underground without anyone knowing so this must have been a walk in the park for him._ I closed my eyes and rolled them, that little piece of trivia was going to bug me for hours.

"Baralai," he greeted, inclining his head towards me. "I know that you probably don't want any company right now but Gippal called me."

I frowned. "So you felt obligated to come see me?" I questioned.

Nooj straightened his glasses, looking extremely uncomfortable. "I just wanted to make sure that you aren't going to...do anything foolish," he stated, his dark brown eyes meeting my own.

My heart dropped into my stomach as I realized what he meant. I cleared my throat and quickly looked around to ensure that no one was walking the halls before ushering him inside my office and directing him to a chair. I calmly settled down across from him and folded my hands in front of my face, staring at him from over my knuckles. My foot began to tap involuntarily.

"You think I'm going to turn into a Deathseeker, don't you?"

Nooj's lips straightened into a thin line. "I sought that liberation for an entirely different reason, but I do know that the pain of loss is excruciating. I can see it in your eyes. Even now you are suffering."

Those words hit home. The void where my heart used to be throbbed, threatening to tear me apart. "I'm not seeking death," I said through clenched teeth.

"Be that as it may, the state you're in right now is the reason that Gippal called me. Everyone is worried about you, Baralai."

"I'm not going to go completely insane if that's what you mean," I snapped, scowling at him. I bit down on my tongue, knowing that I wouldn't be able to control anything else I said.

"That's not what I meant," Nooj argued. He opened his mouth to say something else then quickly shut it a second later. He had dug himself into a hole and he knew it.

After a few more minutes of agonizing silence I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. "What exactly are you doing here, Nooj?" The words flew out of my mouth so fast that they sounded like gibberish to me. "If you're only here to remind me about how much I miss her then we have nothing else to say to each other." I roughly turned away from him and went to stand in front of my office window, my mind reeling.

I vaguely heard Nooj shuffling around behind me and I was hoping that he was going to leave. When he laid his human hand down on my shoulder my hands started shaking. "Believe it or not, Baralai, I do not take joy in causing you physical or emotional pain. I just want to help."

I swallowed the bile that had risen up my throat. "Your help is neither wanted nor needed. It was nice of you to stop by."

Nooj was silent for a few moments more before he sighed and walked away from me. I heard the door open. "Don't shut us out, Baralai. You're not the only one that misses her."

I turned back to look at him but by then he had already left. I sighed and returned to my chair, sinking into it and leaning my head against the back. I was not seeking death, the reaper had found me of his own accord and had taken part of me with him: the part of me that now resided in Zanarkand. _I need to get her back,_ I thought. _If I don't, I'll never be whole again._


	21. Warning

**Chapter XXI**

**Warning**

* * *

**(Paine)**

I stared at Landon with a blank expression on my face. Both me and death seemed to be included in the same subject quite frequently these days. I wanted to laugh at the irony. _I see that I still have a strong affinity for bad luck. That's one thing about me that's never going to change._

"And what is this discovery exactly?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I wasn't exactly expecting Landon's discovery to be a sure-fire way for me to escape, but what the hell? I was willing to try anything once, even if it was going to kill me.

"Kaiser has a few...classified records in the library and I happened to stumble upon them a few days ago. I found a few files in the early days of this organization about a few members that found a method to free themselves permanently. They were hoping that in doing so they would be able to leave The Invisible, no harm, no foul. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it but in the files it said that they expelled all their energy at once, causing a cataclysmic explosion of their element. We both know what happens when we expend that much energy. Regretfully, that's the only thing I've been able to find." Landon eyed me carefully at the end of his explanation, gauging my reaction.

Frankly, I was just as confused as I was before he started talking. "I still don't understand. How did doing something like that free them?"

"I'm not even sure I understand it either. Every member that has attempted to expel their element has died but nothing about any surviving from it."

I narrowed my eyes at him, feeling rather disappointed. _Well that helps my situation a whole bunch._ I was hoping that he would have been able to give me something more. I almost felt like I had been let down somehow. "So that's it? There's nothing else?" I asked. It felt like I was trapped in the bottom of a very deep, very dark hole and the rope that Landon had lowered down to pull me up had just been ripped away right when I had been about to grab it.

He shook his head and I felt my shoulders droop. "No, but I'll keep searching. There's got to be some way, some loop hole that I'm missing."

I nodded and sighed, folding my arms over my stomach. "Thanks," I mumbled. My feet dragged across the floor as I turned to leave. Saying I was disappointed was putting it mildly.

"_There's something else you should know about me before you go._"

I froze in mid-step, my eyes so wide I thought they were going to pop out of my skull. Had I just heard...? Had Landon just...? No, it couldn't be possible... Surely I must be imagining things. All the drugs that Kaiser had pumped into my system must be driving me insane. I slowly swiveled my head around to look at him, utterly shocked that I had just heard his voice in my head. _But Tobias said... It can't be..._

"Alright, you need to start talking right now," I said, advancing on him. "How can you do that?"

Landon chuckled, probably finding my current state funny. I was too occupied on getting answers to care about getting angry. All I cared about was finding what the _hell_ was going on. "I was brought here against my will as you were, about a year after you escaped. Around that time is when Kaiser stopped scanning for those who have the gift of telepathy. _I discovered my abilities on my own._"

I had heard what he had said – oh, I had _definitely_ heard it – but my mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that I wasn't alone anymore. Landon possessed the same abilities I did and he was on my side, he was trying to help me get out of here. How in the world had I gotten so lucky and why? Why now? Why couldn't this have happened, say, nine years ago?

"_Some things have to fall apart for other things to fall together, Paine,_" Landon said, his mind voice echoing inside my head.

I almost jumped, he had been following my thoughts. _Payback is a bitch, Paine,_ I reminded myself. _I shouldn't have _ever_ read Baralai's mind without permission._

"So what now? Is there anyone else like us?" I asked anxiously.

When Landon shook his head I wasn't surprised. I knew that I was expecting way too much when I asked him that so it didn't really feel like I had been let down. I knew that I couldn't get lucky twice in one day. "There are a few that possess the gift but none of them are even aware that they have it." He paused and narrowed his eyes. I felt a slight pricking in my mind; he was reading my thoughts again. I wasn't exactly sure if I should be angry at him for not asking permission before invading my mind. He had probably been doing it for so long to everyone else that it had become instinct. I felt him withdraw a second later.

"It seems that you've been talking to one of them."

I frowned, not following what he had said. "Who?"

"The young one, Tobias. He possesses the gift."

I had to hold my hand over my mouth to prevent my jaw from unhinging and falling to the ground in a heap. Remember how I said that I couldn't get lucky twice in one day? Well, scratch that. The fates sure were favoring me today. I weaved my fingers through my hair and started to laugh.

Landon's eyebrows furrowed, his eyes filling with confusion as he looked at me strangely. "Why are you laughing?"

"I just find this whole situation oddly amusing. I know that I shouldn't but I can't help myself," I said, going to stand on the glass dome that encased Lord Zaeon's statue. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I want you to teach me how to project my thoughts like you just did."

Landon smiled and nodded. "It's very simple actually. Just concentrate and think clearly. Try it."

I reached out and touched his mind, briefly surprised by how silent it was before I realized that he was probably hiding his thoughts to help me concentrate. I wasn't sure what I wanted to project first so I just settled for the first the thing that came to my mind. "_Can you hear me?_"

At first I wasn't sure if I had done it right but by the look of astonishment on Landon's face I knew I had done it correctly. "_Very good! I'm amazed by your level of control. I didn't expect your thoughts to be so clear._"

Frankly I hadn't expected it either but I had been practicing my mental control before coming here. That factor probably helped a little bit. "_I was like this when I was younger too,_" I told him, hoping it didn't sound like I was bragging.

He narrowed his eyes again and I could feel him once again poking around inside my mind. Since my thoughts were still connected with his I let my irritation over his intrusion show. He pulled back a second later and completely withdrew from my mind. I did the same.

"Who is...Baralai?" He questioned.

A lump settled in the bottom of my throat at hearing his name spoken aloud. It was almost as bad as actually seeing him. I tried not to let my discomfort show but that was a losing battle. "He's my mark," I said, managing to find my voice.

An emotion that I couldn't decipher passed across his face and was gone in an instant; his features once again a perfect mask. "That's a tragedy. I can tell he's very important to you."

"Yeah." That lump jumped back up my throat and made my voice crack. I turned away from his penetrating, icy stare, almost feeling embarrassed.

"I can also tell that you want to see him again. Why don't you?" _Lovely,_ I thought. _He's much more perceptive then I thought._

"When I left I said a lot of horrible things to him." I could barely move my mouth. It felt like my jaw was being held together by glue. "He probably hates me now."

"Does he know he's been marked?"

I shook my head, a numb feeling seeping into my heart. "No, I didn't want to tell him." I felt the urge to say more but I held back. Landon didn't need to know everything about my screwed up relationship with the New Yevon Praetor. And believe me, I just wished that everything could be normal.

He nodded his head in contemplative thought, his dark lashes covering his eyes. "If you want him to survive, which I'm quite positive you do, don't you think it would be wise to warn him?"

I blinked, thunderstruck. "How do you expect me to do something like that? How do you expect me to tell him that I'm going to kill him?" By the time I was done speaking I was practically screaming. I couldn't even fathom the idea of doing that to him.

Landon eyed me evenly. "You want Baralai to survive, do you not?" He sounded agitated.

"Of course I do!" I yelled back, becoming agitated as well.

"Then you need to warn him," he said, his voice surprisingly calm and level. "If you don't he will die. Warn him and he might be able to get away from you."

I opened my mouth to snap back at him but stopped, realizing that he was absolutely right. If I didn't give Baralai some kind of warning he was definitely going to die by my hand. He was right; I did want Baralai to survive. I wanted that more than my own life. "Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I need to warn him." All of a sudden I felt an extreme sense of urgency to get to Bevelle as fast as I possibly could.

"Don't leave for Bevelle just yet, Paine," Landon advised, approaching me. "Wait until later tonight."

I nodded, not needing to ask why. I had to get a few hours of sleep and eat something before setting off. "Thank you for all of this," I said, not really sure what else to say.

"There's no need to thank me. Now go."

Without being told twice I swiftly left the dome and teleported back to my room. I stared down the hall towards my room, wishing that I could just go and collapse on my bed but knowing that I needed to eat first. I sighed and walked towards my door, hearing the soft footfalls of the other members as they made their way down to get their dinner ration. I had made it back just in time.

I blended in with the crowd easily enough and once I had obtained my ration, I beat a hasty retreat back to my room where I could eat in privacy. I was famished and quickly scarfed down my food faster than I could swallow it, almost succeeding in choking myself. When I collapsed into my bed the dim numbers on my bedside clock read a few minutes past eight so I set an alarm for eleven and was fast asleep as soon as I shut my eyes.

When my alarm went off promptly at eleven I was still exhausted and was thinking about turning back over but the thought of seeing Baralai again helped rise me out of bed. I sloppily strapped my sword belt on and teleported out of my room, appearing a few miles away from the hideout. I decided to traverse Mt. Gagazet until I reached the Fayth Scar just so I wouldn't exhaust myself too much. I had to camouflage myself because Kimarhi had posted Ronso guards inside the mountain. The Ronso knew me but I didn't want them to tell Kimarhi that they had seen me, which would prompt him to tell Yuna. That was one chain reaction I wanted to stay far away from.

As soon as I reached the Fayth Scar I teleported into Baralai's backyard and uncloaked myself. I didn't want to completely exhaust myself and end up passing out like I had last time. I didn't have anyone to carry me back if I did. I gazed across the yard towards Baralai's house, my heartbeat quickening when I saw almost every light in the house turned on.

I took a deep breath and, still visible, set off towards the house. If he was anywhere near a window or even paying attention to what was going on outside I wanted him to see me and know I was coming. The dining room light was spilling through the sliding glass door so I slid down the wall and peeked through the glass. When I saw my reflection in the glass I had to hold myself back from gasping in shock. My eyes were glowing like a pair of simmering embers, just like every other member's eyes. The frequency with which I was using my powers was finally starting to show.

I tested the door, finding it unlatched, then slid it open. The metallic whine set my teeth on edge as I slid the door back closed and locked it. Baralai was getting way too careless.

I quickly scoped out the rooms as I made my way through them, looking for Baralai. Not in the kitchen or living room. In his bedroom? No. The light filtering into the hallway from under his office door told me that he was burning the midnight oil.

My hands started shaking as I slowly made my way to the door. A million different conflicting emotions flooded my mind the closer I got to his office. I was absolutely ecstatic about seeing him again, but I was afraid of what his reaction would be to seeing me after what I had done to him. It had only been a few days and I knew his wounds were still fresh.

My hand was clammy as I wrapped it around the doorknob. I had to keep reminding myself why I was here so I wouldn't turn and run out of his house as fast as I could out of fear of what I would see in his eyes. I took a deep breath and twisted the knob as slowly and quietly as I could. I paused before pushing the door open, anxiety making my arm go numb. I could tell he was awake by the shuffling of papers that I heard in the background. I was glad he was awake because I wasn't so sure I would be able to wake him up to talk to him.

All of a sudden a cold shiver of fear shot down my spine. He didn't even realize that I was here. I could be here right now to kill him and he didn't even know I was on the other side of his door.

I took a deep breath and shoved my fear away. I was here for more than just to warn him. I was here to undo some of the damage that I had done and hope that he would forgive me. I let go of the knob and pushed the door open, bracing myself for Baralai's reaction. As soon as his eyes met mine he went rigid, the muscles in his neck stiffened and I could tell that he was fighting to keep a straight face. I sucked in a huge gulp of air because I had been holding my breath.

All the things that I had come to tell him fell out of my head. Because of all the drugs that Kaiser had pumped into my system it was like I hadn't seen his face in years. _He is...so beautiful,_ I thought to myself.

Baralai rubbed his eyes as he slowly rose from his chair. He licked his lips and took a few steps away from his desk, his eyes never leaving mine. "This is real, right?" He asked, sounding skeptical. "I'm not hallucinating?"

My mouth suddenly became as dry as a piece of ancient parchment at hearing his voice. In response to his question I reached up and pinched my wrist through the thin material of my uniform. "If it is I never want it to end." I was stepping out on a limb by saying something like that but I was hoping that it wouldn't backfire on me.

I waited in anticipated silence as we stared at each other. I was guessing that he was deliberating about whether or not he should believe me. After all, the last time I had spoken to him I had completely broken him.

I saw his chocolate eyes moisten and his throat momentarily clenched as he swallowed. "Me too," he choked out.

At that moment I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I uprooted my feet from where I had planted them in the doorway and flew towards him faster than I thought possible. His arms were like a vice grip around me as I collided with his chest. I was smiling as I mashed my face into his shirt, a great sense of relief washing over me as I realized that he had accepted me. That was one of the things I was most frightened about, of him not accepting me when I saw him again. I had expected him to push me away but I was glad that he hadn't.

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled into his shirt, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I'm so, _so_ sorry."

He was silent as his hands clutched at me and as he weaved his fingers through my hair. "Why?" He whispered. I didn't have to ask what he meant by that one simple question. I already knew what he meant. He wanted to know why I said those horrible things to him. He wanted to know the real truth.

I took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth, when I told him that he was marked for death and that I was the reaper. I could have just as easily mumbled it into his shirt like a coward but I needed to look him in the eye. I pulled away from him and just wanted to melt right there in his arms. His eyes were even more captivating up close.

"I've got an answer to that, but I'm not so sure if you're going to like it," I said, almost whispering.

He set his mouth in a grim line and swallowed again. "I want to hear it." There was no mistaking the confidence in his voice. He was ready. His sanity needed this.

I quickly explained to him about the mark system and the rite of passage ceremony, talking so fast that I thought my jaw was going to fall off. By the end of my long tirade I still wasn't ready to tell him. "My rite of passage is in two weeks...and you're my mark."

Baralai's eyes widened and his hands clenched the material of my uniform, his fingernails digging into my back. He had most definitely not been expecting this. I could sense that another 'why?' was getting ready to fall out of his mouth so I jumped into the explanation before he had the chance to speak. "Every member has to kill someone that is important to them for their rite. That shows Kaiser their undying loyalty."

"How is he going to make you do something like that?" He questioned, his voice surprisingly calm.

"For the past few days he's been giving me regular injections. I'm not sure what this drug is doing to me but it's changing me somehow. It makes me think and believe things that aren't true. It's making me forget you."

All the color drained out of his face, leaving his skin a sickly tan color. It looked like he was about to be sick. "And you're warning me?" He rasped.

I nodded. "I should have told you about this sooner. I know that now. I just came to tell you that the next time you see me I'm gonna be here to kill you and you need to do whatever you can to get away from me. Can you do that?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head, a distant look in his eyes. "It'll be hard, but I'll try."

"Thank you," I said, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. I did my part so now I was going to have to let the cards fall where they may. "I have to go now before someone notices that I've been gone." I started to move away from Baralai but his arms tightened around me, refusing to let me go.

"Wait," he pleaded, guiding my face back towards his gently with his hand. He grazed his fingertips across my cheek and down my neck to my collarbone. I couldn't help the goose bumps that danced across my skin at his touch. "You have no idea how much I've missed you," he whispered as he inched his face closer and closer to mine.

Right before our lips touched I jerked my head away from him. "Baralai, I don't think we should," I said through clenched teeth. Holy Shiva, I wanted to kiss him so _badly_.

"Paine, just humor me, please," he begged, his voice sounding a touch desperate.

I looked back at him and, after a moment's hesitation, I leaned forward and crushed my lips against his. It took a second for Baralai's mind to register that I had initiated the kiss and after that time seemed to slow down. Goosebumps popped up all over my back as he grazed his tongue across my teeth and ran his hands across my hips and up my sides. This is where I belonged, right here with him. This is what I had been waiting for and I couldn't even stay here to enjoy it.

My time was growing short so, with my hands, I memorized everything about him; his chiseled chest and abdominals, his strong arms, his muscled back, – his lips I was already working on – and his soft, powdery white hair. I wouldn't allow him to become a nameless face in my memories. I would fight it as hard as I could.

I broke off our kiss much too soon and fled out of his office. I could hear him chasing after me but I knew that he only wanted to watch me leave. I hastily unlatched the sliding glass door and threw it open, flying through it so fast that everything around me became a blur. I wanted to look behind me as I took off into the trees but I persevered and kept looking straight ahead. Once I thought I had gotten far enough away I stopped, camouflaged myself and teleported back to Zanarkand.


	22. The Hunt

**Chapter XXII**

**The Hunt**

* * *

**(Paine)**

The days to follow were definitely nothing to scream about. I had intense training sessions with Tobias every morning and I began to teach him how to unlock his mental capabilities when we were behind closed doors. He was thrilled to be able to learn something new and I was happy that I could actually teach him something for once.

I had regular meetings with Landon and he taught me a few meditation rituals that would help me retain my memories of Baralai. It helped, but not enough. Along with Baralai's face disappearing from my mind I could also feel my control slowly being chipped away.

After a week had passed, the man in my memories with the tan skin and powdery white hair was completely unfamiliar to me. I knew him only as my mark and that in a few day's time, I was to kill him.

Kaiser was persistent with my inoculations, which only sped up the process. That's when I was most frightened. That's when I thought everything I was doing was useless, that I was fighting a losing battle and that there was no way I could win.

I'm not sure what kept me going. The hope that Landon would find something more to his theory was slowly dying with each passing day. That is, until he all but ambushed me in my room after my training session with Tobias.

"I think I've found the answer," he said, his icy eyes dancing with excitement. "I can't believe I never thought of it earlier."

My breath caught in my throat. "What? Tell me," I said, starting to get excited myself.

Landon took a deep breath. "Let me know if you feel something," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder and closing his eyes.

I stood there in confusion, wondering what Landon was trying to do. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow as I waited for something to happen. I was about to speak and ask him what he was trying to do when I felt it. It was subtle at first, the faintest prickling of my skin where his hand was touching me, then it was like a whirlwind had been set loose in my body. Every nerve was tingling with raw power. I exhaled and my eyes widened in shock as an icy cloud was expelled from my lungs. I looked over at Landon and he was smiling.

"What did you just do?" I asked in astonishment, my muscles still trembling from the surge of power that was running through me.

"I transferred a small amount of my power into you."

"Wow," I said, looking at my hands. If that was only a small amount I wondered what it would feel like if he gave me even more. Along with transferring some of his power to me he had also given me the ability to control his element, ice, for a short period of time. When I called both my element and his forth they mixed together and merged, creating a crystal about the size of a small melon with a ball of churning fire in the center. Very cool.

"This is what the other members that perished from expelling their element never thought of. I'm confident that if I can transfer enough of my power to you that you'll survive the process."

I smiled and it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was untouchable for the rest of the day and decided to go enjoy my good mood in the ruins of Zanarkand. Landon's power was still running through my veins, giving me a proverbial high, and I wasn't going to waste it. I found that I could run so fast that if I jumped into the air my inertia would carry me well over five hundred feet into the air. It was the closest I had ever been to flying and it felt simply phenomenal.

I shot a few of my ice crystal fire bombs towards a few dilapidated buildings and watched as they exploded in a shower of ice and flame. It was intriguing how my element and Landon's had merged like that in my body. After only a half an hour, much to my regret, it began to wear off until I could no longer call the ice forward. I sighed and stretched my hand out in front of me, unleashing a column of fire that would make a flamethrower look like a blowtorch from my fingertips.

I heard a laugh resembling crystal bells ringing from behind me. I turned and frowned when I saw Gwen standing but twenty feet away from me. She was smiling at me and her icy eyes were shining in the afternoon sun. The last time I had spoken to her we hadn't been on the best of terms, which made me wonder what she was here for.

"I was wondering who was out here," she said, taking a few steps towards me. "What's the reason for your good mood?"

I thought about my answer carefully before asking. "No reason. Just anxious about hunting my mark. It's still a few days away."

Gwen pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her stomach. "Do you know who your mark is, Paine?"

I was confused by her question. "Of course I do. It's Baralai, the Praetor of New Yevon."

She shook her head, her short blonde hair flying about her round face. "That's not what I meant. Do you know who he really is? Do you know who he is to you?" My left eye twitched. I still didn't understand what she was getting at. "Every member's mark is someone important to them. You know that. Do you know why he was chosen as your mark?"

I stood there in silence. I hadn't even considered that. I figured Kaiser had chosen him for me because of the fact that he was a world leader. _Who _is_ he to me?_ I asked myself. I recoiled in shock as flashes of the Praetor and myself wrapped in an intimate embrace jumped up in front of my eyes. I squeezed them shut and pushed the images away, extremely confused.

"It doesn't matter," I blurted, still shaken by what I had seen. "Why are you doing this?"

Gwen sighed, an unreadable expression on her face. I refrained from reading her mind. Landon had encouraged me of doing it more often like him, but I still had a small courtesy for other people's privacy. "I don't want you to end up like me. The more people you kill the more you lose yourself until there's nothing left but an empty shell," she said, her voice almost too faint to hear. "You deserve so much better than that, Paine. You deserve better than being a killer." With that, she turned around and walked away without another word.

I stared after her in confusion. I had totally not expected her to say something like that. Those few short sentences that she had spoken to me consumed my every thought as I made my way back to my room. Why would she even say those things to me? And, most importantly, what brought it on? When I left Besaid with her, Kaiser and Tobias she looked ready to kill me. What had caused her odd behavior towards me?

I pushed those questions to the back of my mind and concentrated on the task at hand: preparing for my rite and hunting my mark. I felt a great amount of pity towards this man that I was supposed to kill. He probably has a wife and children that love him, friends that are going to miss him when he's gone. None of that mattered anymore. I was to kill him and nothing was going to stop me.

After I assassinated the Praetor of New Yevon I would kill Kaiser and free myself. I would never be truly free until Kaiser was dead. After that I would get back to... Did I even have a life outside The Invisible? I couldn't even remember that. Was there someone waiting for me on the outside?

Those thoughts haunted for the rest of the night and while I was lying in my bed, attempting to get some sleep. I hoped that once I was free from Kaiser's iron grip that I would be able to find the answers I was seeking so desperately for. My desire only made me train harder, just to distract myself.

The night before I was to leave to hunt my mark Kaiser came to my room with my final inoculation. He looked at me with an extremely pleased look on his face, examining me from head to toe. "You have become quite the animal, Paine," he said, a swell of pride in his voice. "I am surprised...and very proud. Your mark will not stand a chance against you."

"Thank you, Kaiser," I said, smiling. I looked down at the syringe in his hand. "Shall we?" I inquired, indicating the needle.

"Of course," he said, lifting the needle to my neck and plunging it in. I no longer needed to be sitting for Kaiser to administer the shot because the drug that was meant to knock me out had been replaced with a numbing agent.

My vision swam as the drug ran its course, making me dizzy. I swayed, my legs threatening to buckle. Kaiser reached forward to steady me but I knocked his hand away, refusing his help. The disorientation subsided after a few moments and I was once again a stranger within my own mind. The visions that had flashed through my mind earlier when I was with Gwen were completely gone, not one had been left behind. It was like I had just woken up from a deep sleep and for the life of me couldn't remember what I had been dreaming about.

"I also came to deliver this," Kaiser said, handing something to me.

When I felt the sturdy leather of a sheath in my hand I knew without looking what he had given to me. It was the dagger that I was to make the killing blow with. My throat dried up immediately and I wrapped both my hands around it so I wouldn't have to lay my eyes on it.

"Rest up," he said, folding his hands behind his back. "You have a big day tomorrow." A sly smile crept onto his face then he turned and left my room, pulling the door shut behind him with a soft click.

Once Kaiser had left I went into my room and tossed the dagger onto my bed, still without looking at it. I had another meeting with Landon that I had to get to. I teleported from my room and straight into the ruined blitzball stadium, right outside the Chamber of the Fayth. I was surprised to see Tobias standing there with Landon. Tobias had never been to one of our meetings before.

"_Hello, Paine._" One corner of my mouth curled up when I heard Tobias' mind voice in my head. He had come so far in the last few days and now his mental abilities were almost as good as mine and Landon's.

"_Hello, Tobias, Landon,_" I projected. "_What brings you here, Tobias?_"

"_Landon just told me about how he had transferred some of his power to you a few days ago and he has instructed me on how to do it. It seems as though you have your own little army._" He was smiling as he projected his thoughts to me.

"_I wouldn't have gotten this far without either of you so I owe you both my thanks. And I'm not trying to create an army._"

Landon shook his head. "_You don't need to thank us, Paine. You are not only creating a way out for yourself but for us as well. I don't think anyone has ever thought about killing Kaiser before. How are you expecting to do that?_"

I crossed my arms over my chest and bit the inside of my cheek. "_Well, I remember you said that when I expel my element there's going to be a...'cataclysmic explosion', right?_"

"_Correct._"

"_Kaiser's going out with a bang then._" I couldn't help the smile that crawled onto my face. Projecting those words to Landon and Tobias felt _amazing_.

Landon looked at Tobias and I could tell that he was communicating privately with the younger member. They deliberated between themselves for many long moments before Landon turned back to me and spoke instead of projecting his thoughts.

"What I want to know," he began. "is why none of us never thought of that."

We stood there for a very long time, what felt like hours, going over every aspect of our plan, making sure that there was no margin for error. When the time came, our every move had to be precise and flawless. If we failed I would die and Kaiser would continue his reign of terror. Landon eventually sent me back to my room, telling me to get as much sleep as possible. Since night time was much more effective for hunting marks, I would set off for Bevelle after sunset tomorrow, which meant I didn't have my usual early morning training session with Tobias. I would spend the whole day preparing for my rite and I didn't mind that one bit.

The next morning I woke up a few minutes before noon, the latest I had ever woken up in my life. For a second I thought my eyes were deceiving me but the small rays of sunlight coming in through my tiny window told me otherwise. I huffed and flipped over onto my back, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. _Happy birthday to me..._ Next to my tenth birthday this one was going to be just as bad.

I had missed breakfast by a long shot but if I hurried I would get my lunch right on time. I showered quickly, trying to keep the subject of my rite off my mind. I mostly kept my eyes shut while I washed myself because I didn't want to open them and see blood running off my hands. After tonight was over they would be permanently stained.

I wasn't paying attention while I was walking towards the mess hall and I almost ran straight into Roland when I was turning a corner. We both jumped back in surprise, neither of us expecting to almost run into the other. My mind had been in a completely different place so I hadn't even sensed him coming.

"Paine," Roland greeted, inclining his head towards me. "I was just on my way to see you."

I had to fight to keep a straight face. I knew the real reason why he had come looking for me. I just wanted to see if he was going to admit it to me. "Why would you want to come see me?" I questioned, not bothering to keep the venom out of my voice.

Roland pursed his lips and cleared his throat. I caught his right eye twitching. It took him a few seconds to come up with a believable lie. "I didn't see you at breakfast this morning. I was...wondering where you were."

I narrowed my eyes and went against my better judgment to quickly scan his thoughts. I was in and out of his mind so quick that, even if he had the ability, he wouldn't have been able to sense my presence. I smirked as my suspicions were confirmed. "Right," I said as I walked past him. "You just wanted to make sure that I hadn't run off during the night." I didn't turn around to gauge his reaction because I already knew what it would look like.

Tobias and Landon found me after I had already gotten my lunch. The three of us sat at a table by ourselves, communicating only with our minds so it looked like we weren't even paying attention to each other. They were also inquisitive to why I had missed breakfast. I wouldn't have minded as much if either of them had come to look for me but they knew that I could take care of myself just fine. Roland coming to find me just proved that Kaiser still doubted me. Hopefully my little run in with him was enough to convince them that I wasn't going to try anything.

"_I slept in longer than I needed to. I must have been more exhausted than I thought._"

"_I suppose you ran into Roland?_" Tobias thought, his mind voice soft in my head.

"_I did. How did you know?_"

Landon projected his laughter through our minds. "_I was coming to check on you but Roland stopped me. He told me he would take care of you._"

I nodded my head lazily and was about to respond when I felt Kaiser walk into the room. Tobias confirmed my thoughts about why he was here. "_You're right. He's here looking for you. He wants to brief you about tonight._"

I closed my eyes and rolled them beneath their lids. I knew everything that I needed to know already. His insistent coddling was getting extremely aggravating. Tobias and Landon agreed with me and I told them that I would meet them in the blitzball stadium before I left.

Kaiser rested his hand on my shoulder a few moments later and I rose to go with him, leaving my half-eaten lunch behind. I was still a little hungry but Tobias and Landon needed it more than I did. I could survive until dinner.

"What's this about?" I asked as we left the mess hall.

"I just wanted to go over a few more things with you before tonight." He left it at that. I figured he wanted to talk about the rest in private.

When we reached his living quarters he held his door open and allowed me to go inside before him. He shut the door silently behind him a few seconds later. "I'm going to be sending you out a few hours early, before sunset in fact."

I frowned and turned to look at him. "Why?" I asked incredulously.

"I want you to watch your mark, study him. Figure out the best way to kill him then, when the time comes, I want you to...toy with him." The way Kaiser said the last part of that sentence made my skin crawl.

"So you want me to torture him?"

"Not exactly. Just don't kill him right away."

The rational side of my brain was yelling and screaming for me to refuse. The cold-blooded assassin part couldn't wait to dive in head first. Before I even had the chance to fight that more lethal side of myself off I had answered him.

"Of course, Kaiser. It will be done."

"Good," he said, sounding extremely pleased. "I want you to depart from here promptly at four o'clock. You are free to do whatever you wish until then."

I nodded and left his living quarters, deciding to go straight back to my own room to prepare. It was barely one so I had a little more than three hours. Three hours that were going to crawl by horrifically slow. "_Change of plan, guys. Kaiser is sending me out in three hours. Meet me in the blitzball stadium in two. I'll tell you more then._" I didn't wait to get a response. I knew that they had heard me.

Once I was back in my room the first thing I did was attach my dagger to my sword belt. I slowly slid it out of the sheath and examined it, committing the feel of the wooden handle to memory. My eyes traveled up the blade and settled on the tip. _Soon the blood of my mark will saturate this blade,_ I thought.

For the next two hours I put my mind through intense mental training. At one point I made everything in my small bedroom, including me, levitate a few inches in the air for a good thirty seconds, which was something I had never done before. I practiced guiding my fire around the room and even tried to make a small ball of flame go supernova. I only managed to get half way there before I got too tired to continue. Before I left to meet Tobias and Landon I grabbed an apple from my cupboard that I had been saving then teleported to the dome. They were already there when I arrived.

"Why is Kaiser sending you out early?" Landon questioned as I walked towards them.

"He wants me to study my mark...and then he wants me to toy around with him before I kill him." Those words weren't very easy for me to say. They seemed wrong somehow.

Tobias turned to Landon and they once again held a private conversation between themselves for a few moments before Landon turned back to me. "Do whatever you must to bring your mark down. That is all you need to be concerned about."

After that Landon directed the subject away from my mark and to how I would bring Kaiser down after I returned. If everything went as planned we would all be free before the sun rose tomorrow. Before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. _Wow, time flies..._

"I better go," I said, swallowing the lump that had wormed its way into my throat.

Tobias and Landon nodded solemnly, projecting encouraging thoughts into my mind. I waved then teleported directly into Baralai's backyard. I moved stealthily through the trees until I was about a hundred yards from the house then I hunkered down beside a tall spruce. I located my mark inside the house and tracked his every move and thought.

I was shocked to discover that I had been this man's lover, but I was confused. If I loved him so much then why had I left him? _Oh well..._ I thought. _It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all._


	23. Just A Dream

**Chapter XXIII**

**Just A Dream**

* * *

**(Paine)**

"I wonder where he's going," I whispered to myself. After crouching in the trees and staking out his house for almost an hour a small group of approximately six Warrior Monks showed up and surrounded his house. Three of them circled the house with their machina guns at the ready while the other three escorted him off the premises.

A devilish smile spread across my face as I realized that they knew what was going to happen. They knew I was coming. Their futile attempts to guard their Praetor were only going to provide me with an insanely fun hunt. _Tonight is going to be much better than I thought._

I waited in the shadows of the trees for a few more minutes, keeping a mental tag on Baralai's mind so when I went to follow them I would know exactly where to look. Dusk had just fallen; the perfect time to start the chase. The moon was shining full in the sky, giving ample light to see by. My heart was pumping anxiously in my ears as I cloaked myself. I moved slowly out of the trees and followed Baralai's mental signature through the still crowded streets of Bevelle. His guards were doing a risky thing by bringing him through all these people.

Having to retain the patience of moving through this many people without being detected was absolutely maddening. There were at least three instances where someone had almost run right into me. I almost laughed out loud when I thought about what that would cause. They would probably think it was a ghost but, thanks to my heightened reflexes, I was able to jump out of the way just in time. Besides those few times, it was relatively easy to move through the crowd.

I was finally able to relax after I reached the Highbridge and, after taking a few moments to clear my mind, followed the trail into Macalania Forest. I let a small chuckle escape my lips since no one was around to hear it, amused and somewhat baffled that he was going to try and hide from me. His six guards wouldn't even present a challenge to me when it was time to take them out. _This is just too easy. He's dug his own grave,_ I thought. _Isolating himself like this will be his doom._

Baralai's escorts ushered him deep into the forest and set up a rather impressing perimeter around a small clearing. Four of them watching and the other two guarding. These men were going to die trying to protect my mark. _How sentimental. The fools..._

I slowly moved through the shadows of the trees, my feet not making a single sound as I advanced towards the clearing. I purposefully walked sluggishly slow, creating a plan of the quickest method to dispatch the Warrior Monks. I stopped ten feet away from their perimeter and studied the pattern in which they were making their rounds. It was going to be nearly impossible for me to pick them off one by one without them not knowing about it and I didn't want to give my position away by shooting my fire at them. I balled my hands into fists at my sides, not thrilled by the prospect of having to use my bare hands. I was much more accustomed to feeling my hands wrapped around the hilt of my sword. I was trained in hand-to-hand combat but it definitely wasn't my forte.

I took a deep breath and snuck up behind one of the guards, following so closely behind him that I had to hold my breath to prevent him from feeling me breathing on his neck. Then, with the strength and precision that would make the most skilled assassin jealous, I clamped my hands against the side of his head then twisted it forcefully to the right, wincing at the sharp snap of his neck breaking. I quickly enveloped the now dead Warrior Monk with my magic and dragged him away from the clearing, my heart beating frantically in my ears. I was sure that the others would have heard that snap or seen their comrade spontaneously disappear but I hadn't been detected at all. The remaining three were still patrolling the perimeter of the clearing, totally unaware of what had just happened.

_They're bound to notice that one of their comrades is missing sooner or later,_ I thought. No sooner than that thought had run through my mind, the Warrior Monk that had been behind the one I had taken care of stopped and looked around in confusion. I sucked in a large breath and tensed my muscles, my hand wrapping tightly around the hilt of my sword. I was banking on the fact that they would look for their lost man by themselves and not alert the guards that were with Baralai.

"Have you guys seen Stephenson?" Asked the one that noticed he was gone.

The other two shook their heads. "Maybe we should inform the Praetor..." The one on the left whispered.

"Are you stupid, Miller? No! He probably just went off to take a piss. There's no need to alarm the Praetor. Come on, let's go find him."

I couldn't help but smile. They had just signed their death sentences. The smart thing for them to do instead of coming to look for their lost comrade was to barricade themselves in that clearing and pray to whatever deity they believed in now that I wouldn't break through and kill them. But, of course, they didn't know I was here. I straightened from the crouching position I had been in and slowly slid my sword from its sheath, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

They stopped right next to the tree that I had been hiding behind and scanned the darkness. I was literally three feet away from them and they didn't even know it. I read their thoughts and discovered that neither of them wanted to go any further and leave the Praetor totally unprotected. Smart men.

"Stephenson?" One whispered. "Are you out there?"

The silence that followed was deafening as I waited, reanalyzing my method of attack. I didn't want to strike until they had turned around to go back towards the clearing. A commotion was one thing I didn't need right now. If I tried killing all three of them while they were facing me, one of them would have enough time to yell out and alert the two guards in the clearing before I got to them.

"Where is he?"

"This isn't like him. Something is wrong. You're right, Miller. We need to tell the Praetor."

All three of them turned at the same time and began to walk away at a brisk pace. I let them get a few feet away from me before I sprang forward, impaling all three of them in less than five seconds. They all fell to the ground, lifeless, before they even had a chance to call out for help. I took the time to drag them into the bushes before ripping one of their shirts off them and cleaning the blood off my sword. I slid it back into the sheath, making a mental note to clean my sword better once I got back to Zanarkand.

I heard mumbling the closer I got to the trees. I made sure I didn't step on anything like a stick or dried up pile of leaves that would give me away. My presence needed to remain a secret and hopefully I hadn't given them reason to believe that their comrades patrolling the perimeter of the clearing were no longer alive. I wedged myself between two trees right at the edge of the opening of the clearing and listened as the Warrior Monks talked to Baralai.

"Sir, can't you tell us why we're out here? You haven't given us any explanation at all."

Baralai shook his head, his white hair waving gently in the night air. "I'm sorry, but I cannot. You would do well to stick to your orders and not ask any questions."

"My apologies, Sir," the Monk answered before clamping his mouth shut. I could tell that Baralai's answer had only aggravated them and made them even more curious as to why they were out here. Baralai hadn't told them because he knew he was bringing them to their death.

A time span of about twenty minutes passed until I was given the opening I was waiting for.

"We haven't heard from the others for a while. They were supposed to check in five minutes ago," one guard said as he began to walk towards me.

"Be careful, Cale," the other cautioned.

"Why?" The one named Cale answered, turning back to look at his comrade.

"Something doesn't feel right. It feels like we're being watched. The hair on the back of my neck is standing up."

I immediately looked at Baralai to gauge his reaction to that statement. His guards didn't notice, but Baralai's face betrayed what he was thinking. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, his eyes were wide and his jaw was tense. Oh, he knew.

Cale laughed, making Baralai jump. A reaction that neither of them detected. "Don't be ridiculous, Korbin. There's no one out here except us."

One corner of my mouth curled up as Cale unknowingly approached his death. _Oh, you are so wrong._ I flexed and unflexed my fingers, getting ready to shoot two columns of flame simultaneously at the guards so they wouldn't have a chance to defend themselves. The air buffeted and swirled around me as I gathered the energy needed to attack. Baralai's eyes widened, recognizing what was about to happen. He opened his mouth to alert his guards to the imminent threat but it was already too late.

A devilish smile was on my face as I released the magic keeping me invisible and, at the same time, shooting one column of fire from each hand straight at the last two Warrior Monks. Their bodies exploded into flame like they had been doused with accelerator. Their screams filled the air as they fell to the ground and attempted to roll around to extinguish the fire that was eating them alive. I grinned as I watched them writhe, that much closer to completing my objective. It didn't take very long, maybe two minutes, for the soldiers to die. The flames died as everything that was flammable had been expunged. The only things left were their charred skeletons, twisted grotesquely on the ground.

I looked at Baralai, his face filled with horror at what I had just done. He was defenseless now; not like he had really been protected in the first place. He was backing away from me slowly, his whole body quaking in fear. Along with the fear in his eyes I could detect a strong love as well. I froze in place, my breath catching in my chest as my eyes met his. I hesitated, not really understanding what I was feeling. It felt like I was being torn in two. One part of me desperately wanted to run to him and I had no idea where that urge had come from. It was something similar to déjà vu but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"I thought I told you to get away from me." I sucked in a strangled gasp as my hand flew up to my throat and wrapped around it like I was choking. My eyes widened as the realization that I had no idea where that sudden outburst had come from dawned on me. It was like, for only a few seconds, I had been possessed and someone had spoken through me. It was extremely unsettling.

Baralai's eyebrows had mashed together so much that it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. Neither of us had been expecting something quite like that and I could tell that he wasn't sure what to make of it either.

He regained his composure long before I did and took a couple tentative steps towards me. "There's only so many places I can hide," he said, almost whispering. "I know that wherever I go, eventually you're going to find me." He paused and reached his hand behind his back. I was surprised when he pulled his dual-edged rod out and brandished it at me.

"Do you really think you can beat me?" I asked, drawing my sword.

Baralai's throat constricted as he swallowed. "No, but I'm going to try." His hands were shaking as he tightened them around his rod.

I smirked and relaxed my posture a small amount. I knew how deadly Baralai was with his weapon and, if I wasn't an expertly trained assassin, I might have had a hard time overpowering him. I circled him, swinging my sword around my body in lazy circles while still keeping my movements precise. I could tell he was nervous but on his guard, his keen eyes following my every movement. Every four or five steps I would subtly get closer and closer to him. He picked up on this almost immediately and would back two steps away every time I took one towards him.

He was smart, I would give him that much. Toying around with him was going to be even more interesting than I thought. I decided to refrain from using my mind as a weapon against him. This was a challenge, my mark was going to fight back, and I intended to make him fight for every breath until I killed him.

Suddenly, faster than I anticipated, he swung his rod towards my head with deadly accuracy. I pulled my sword up to parry his attack and the clang of steal against steel was deafening in the small clearing. He yanked his rod away then stuck it into the ground and attempted to send a well placed kick into my stomach using his weapon as leverage. I jumped agilely to the right and knocked his leg away with the flat side of my sword. He hissed and pulled his leg away then unearthed his rod from the ground, raising it up in front of him.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips as we continued to circle one another. I wasn't concerned with taking him down just yet. Testing his strengths and weaknesses sounded much more entertaining.

After about five minutes, I started to get a little too cocky and let my guard down just a hair too much because he was actually able to land a hit on me. He lunged forward and just as I was dodging his jab, his rod clipped me on the side of my upper arm. I flung my sword up and knocked his weapon away from me so I could jump out of his reach. I quickly looked down at my arm, assessing the damage. The sharp edge of his rod had gone through my uniform and managed to make a shallow cut that was oozing a small amount of blood. I chuckled, he had _actually_ hit me. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised. He did know what he was doing, after all.

With a mere flicker of thought, I set the blade of my sword on fire. I glared at him through the intense heat and the ghost of a smile turned the corners of my lips up. We could definitely play that game. Just as I was about to lunge forward and attack him a sharp stab of pain, like someone had shoved a knife through my chest, made me gasp. Reflexively I pulled my hand up and laid it over my heart, clutching the fabric of my uniform. The large vessel was pumping erratically, just as surprised as I was at what had happened. Suddenly, as I was contemplating what had happened, I began to wonder what the hell I was doing exactly, but then, just as quickly as it had come, that feeling was gone. At first I was extremely confused but, after a few seconds, I snapped out of the trance I had been in and was instantly on my guard again. _Alright, this shit needs to stop,_ I thought in aggravation.

I could tell that Baralai had noticed my lapse and he was looking at me with a guarded expression like he was expecting something to happen. He was a very good fighter; his defenses were practically impenetrable and that came with years of practice. _His defenses aren't perfect though,_ I thought as I once again began to dance around him. _There are holes and it won't take me very long to find them. It's only a matter of time._

I finally grew tired of playing around with him and engaged him fully. I struck at him ferociously, trying to weaken him with sheer force. He matched me blow for blow, his iron resiliency showing through as we flitted across the clearing in a deadly dance. Showers of sparks flew into the air as our weapons collided, blinding both myself and Baralai as well.

I decided that channeling my element through my sword wasn't such a good idea anymore.

I quickly extinguished the flames around my weapon, the blade beginning to cool rapidly, and shoved it back into its sheath; I was ready to end this. I had played with him for long enough. I stretched my hand out towards Baralai and used my mind to rip his rod out of his hands. I flicked my wrist and sent it sailing into the forest behind me then pulled my dagger out, holding it tightly in my hand.

"This is the end then?" His voice cracked as he stumbled backwards. "You're just going to kill me and get it over with?"

"That's the plan. I have to hand it to you though. You certainly have given me quite the challenge. I wasn't expecting that." I paused as I took a few steps towards him, smirking as he continued to stumble away from me. There was nowhere for him to run and he knew it. "Just know that your death will go down in The Invisible's records as the most memorable." An evil smile turned my mouth up and made me look much more menacing.

Terror engulfed his features and he didn't move an inch as I approached, like a chocobo caught in the headlights, unsure of what to do or even what was going on. Then, with the strength and intensity of a striking cobra, I charged towards him and pinned him up against a tree. I could feel his entire body shaking like he had been stricken with a frigid chill. His breathing was short and heavy, signifying to me that he expected to be dead by now.

His eyes snapped open a second later, realizing that he was still very much alive. His pupils had dilated so much that it seemed like his entire iris was black as his eyes met mine. This was the moment that made me feel the most powerful. The rush I got from instilling such fear in him was exhilarating. A small part of me was wishing that Kaiser could be watching right now so he could see my moment of triumph, the moment when he realized that I was his to command and that he could trust me fully. But, I digress, that wasn't the way it worked.

I kept him in place against the tree by using the entire left side of my body. With my arm I braced his neck against the trunk and, with my leg, I kept him trapped and off balance. His hands were desperately clutching at my arm, trying to pry it off his throat. I wasn't so easily swayed though. I sucked in a deep breath and swung my arm back, the dagger glinting dangerously in the moonlight.

Just as I was swinging my arm back towards him to deliver the killing blow, a plethora of things happened all at once. It didn't happen fast though. It occurred so slowly that I had enough time to be surprised and then extremely confused. A jolt went through me. It was like the wool had been removed from my eyes and a blinding light had been shed on all the memories that Kaiser had erased from my mind. The bloodthirsty killer that he had created was forever gone.

"_You've been manipulated long enough."_

The voice of my mother was enough to distract me for a mere thousandth of a second and make me forget that there was still a dagger trained at Baralai's chest. I gasped and my eyes widened as my arm got closer and closer to his heart, the primary target. I grit my teeth and tried to jerk my arm away, every nerve in my body screaming for the dagger to miss its mark. The world had once again slowed down but now I was forced to watch as I killed the one man that meant more to me than my own life. If I had been able to I would have turned that dagger around and plunged it into my own heart. A strangled cry escaped my lips as the muffled thud of Baralai's death rang in my ears. I couldn't bear to look down to see where the dagger had struck him. I was scared that I would totally lose it if I did.

My mouth fell open like I was in pain as the weight of what I had just done crashed down on me like a ton of bricks. Baralai's eyes were wide with shock as his choking gurgles assailed me relentlessly. His eyes were speaking to me loud and clear. '_How could you?_' Even though he hadn't spoken his voice was ringing in my ears, making me cringe.

Without thinking, I ripped the dagger out of him then promptly dropped the accursed thing to the ground and kicked it away from me. Like the dagger had been holding him upright he slowly began to sink to the ground, his hands clutching the fatal wound. His life force was spilling out of him, even with his attempts to hold it inside his body. I instantly clamped my hands over his, trying to stanch the bleeding. Tears blurred my vision as I looked at his face, still oh so beautiful even though he was minutes away from death. His eyes met mine and I saw undying loyalty and adoration, not malice or hatred like I had been expecting.

"Please," he choked, a small trickle of blood escaping his mouth. "don't hate yourself for this." A few tears fell from his eyes and it was like a dam had burst inside my heart.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I babbled. "I wasn't in control. I didn't mean to. I tried to stop. I tried..."

One side of his bloodstained mouth curled up as he shook his head weakly. "It's alright. At least…I got to see you one…last time." He reached his hand up and lovingly caressed my face, neither of us caring that his hand was drenched in blood.

"Don't you dare talk like that!" I hissed.

He tried laughing but only ended up sending himself into a coughing fit. He turned his head away so he wouldn't spray blood all over me. I began to panic, thinking he was going to suffocate on his own blood, so I carefully turned him on his side until he was done coughing. When I rolled him back over he looked even worse. His skin was sallow and clammy and he was starting to shake because of all the blood he had lost. He looked back at me and I could see his eyes going in and out of focus. He was on death's door and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

"I wish...I could have spent...more time with you." I had to practically put my ear next to his mouth in order to hear him. I laced the fingers of both my hands with his as tears started pouring out of my eyes. I shook my head in response to his words. This whole situation could not possibly be real.

Just then, everything went downhill and took a drastic turn for the worst.

Baralai's breaths starting coming in wheezing, hitching gasps that started out slow but progressively got faster and faster until it sounded like he was hyperventilating. My muscles locked up and every thought left my mind. This was it. I freed one of my hands and leaned over him, putting my face directly in front of his. I really started to freak out when his eyes began to roll into the back of his head.

"You stay with me!" I said, shaking his shoulder roughly. "Don't you dare quit on me!"

His eyes opened but there was no focus at all, they were already dull and lifeless. His chest was heaving now, like he had just finished running a marathon.

"Please," I begged through clenched teeth. "Don't leave me."

"I..." He whispered, his throat clenching as he swallowed. "I love you." His chest heaved a few more times than his head lolled to the side, his eyes sliding closed forever.

For a moment I didn't believe that he was really gone. I was staring down at him, expecting a miracle to happen. I was expecting anything to happen, really. Anything but this agonizing silence. "Baralai...?" My voice sounded weak and foreign to me, it sounded hollow, like I had died along with him. "No..." I mumbled, shaking my head slowly. Something in my mind snapped then and I totally lost my sanity. I fisted the fabric of his blood stained robe so tightly that my hands started to ache "NO! No, no, no!" I pointed my head skyward and started screaming. "Baralai, no!" All at once I felt every negative emotion there was to feel: fury, agony, regret, sadness, anger and countless others. I had the mind to expel my element right there and join him in oblivion. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I hadn't killed Kaiser yet.

My stomach clenched and lurched without warning, forcing me to dive away from Baralai so I wouldn't throw up on him. I hadn't eaten anything earlier so all that came up was bile. Even after my stomach had been totally emptied I laid there and dry heaved for what seemed like hours. After I was done I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and looked back at Baralai, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes as I gazed at his bloodstained body. I scurried back over to him and mashed my face into his chest, shedding countless tears on his robe. _This isn't real,_ I thought in utter denial. _This has to be just a dream or, worse, a nightmare that's never going to end._

I pulled myself together, the pieces that were left anyway, and gathered him into my arms. I needed to get him back to Bevelle. I couldn't just leave him here. The people of Bevelle deserved to know what happened to their Praetor and who had killed him. I figured that the council members were still at the temple so I teleported directly into the council chamber and onto the middle of their enormous table no less.

I imagined that I looked really bad. There was blood all over the front of my uniform, my face and my hands. My eyes were probably red and puffy from all the crying that I had been doing too. To put it frankly, I probably looked like absolute hell.

I slowly and carefully set him down in front of me and looked every single old Yevonite in the eye. A few of them reached their hands up and rubbed their eyes. They couldn't believe what they were seeing either. None of this would really hit me until I returned to Zanarkand anyway. It still felt like I was in a never ending dream. I teleported away just as the room exploded into commotion. Sticking around any longer wasn't in my best interest for a number of reasons, namely the fact that I had just dumped their Praetor in the middle of their table covered in his own blood. I was surprised that I hadn't gotten shot right after I entered the room. I returned to the clearing to retrieve my dagger. If I didn't bring it back with me I would get in major trouble. I needed to continue to play the part and let Kaiser think I was still under his control.

I didn't look at the massive pool of blood on the ground as I paced around the clearing, looking for that damn thing. As soon as I found it I shoved it back into the sheath without cleaning it off. Kaiser needed his blood as proof that I had killed him. _Just play the part, Paine. Play the part,_ I continued to chant that mantra in my head all the way back to Zanarkand.


	24. Drifting

**Chapter XXIV**

**Drifting**

* * *

**(Baralai)**

It all happened so fast. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, too many things. I could fill a book up with all the words that were inside my head. _At least I was able to tell her I loved her one last time._ For some odd reason, though, I kept feeling like I had been cheated somehow. Kept feeling that this should have turned out differently. At first, I just kept on telling myself that I was dreaming, that I was going to wake up soon and all of this would turn out to be a very bad nightmare.

There's a rather odd sensation that comes over you when you die. The thing I found most unsettling was I could still feel the intense excruciating pain of my stab wound. Besides that, death was a rather pleasant experience. It felt like I was floating on a cloud and my entire body was warm, like I was basking in the sun.

And for the first time in years, I had some peace. Death really is the ultimate liberation, but not at the price of leaving the people I loved most. My mother and father... _Holy Shiva...what's going to happen to my mother when she finds out I'm dead...? She's already lost one son. It's going to absolutely destroy her to lose the only one she has left._ I couldn't even begin to express how hard I fought to stay alive while I laid there bleeding to death in the clearing as Paine held me in her arms. There were at least three instances where I could have died long before I told Paine I loved her. I refused to let go until I had spoken those words.

_Paine... Aria... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you._

Then, without warning, my feet hit solid ground hard. I was so startled that, before I could regain my footing, I crashed to the ground. My eyes snapped open but I slammed them shut a second later as a pure blinding light surrounded me. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust but even then I was still squinting. I had no idea where I was. Stretched out in front of me for miles was nothing but an endless expanse of white. I got to my feet and turned around, already knowing what I was going to see, and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw a woman standing not five feet away from me.

At first I thought it was Paine or, rather, what Paine used to look like when she had been Aria. There was something different about her though. She looked older, much older than Paine's nineteen years. My eyes widened as they met the startlingly blue gaze of the woman and I felt something click in my brain. I knew who she was.

"You're Paine's mother." My voice sounded strange, like I hadn't used it in years as it reverberated in the air around me.

When she smiled I felt my heart start thumping on the inside of my rib cage. Paine's likeness to her mother was remarkable. "I am Aven. Aria, who you know as Paine, is my daughter."

A lump settled in my throat as I tried to swallow. Aven had been dead now for nine years. The fact that she was here with me right now only solidified the fact that I was dead as well. It made it more real somehow.

"So I'm dead then," I said, my voice only sounding a little shaky. I didn't phrase my statement as a question. I didn't need to hear the harsh truth from Aven's mouth.

She chuckled and the sound reminded me of Paine so much that my eyes began to water around the edges. I turned my face away from her so she wouldn't see me wipe my eyes, which almost caused me to miss what she said next. "Not quite. You're on the brink, but you haven't crossed over yet."

I stared at her with shock written all over my face, trying to figure out whether or not she was joking. "But...how?" I asked incredulously.

"You have my daughter to thank for that. She brought you back to New Yevon head quarters after you...passed out from loss of blood. She thinks you've died."

The fact that I was technically still alive totally blew my mind. I just couldn't wrap it around that fact. I had pretty much already accepted that I was dead. To hear from Paine's own mother that I hadn't died was...massive.

"Why am I here then?" I asked, having to fold my hands in front of me to prevent them from shaking.

"You're being given a choice." She smiled and took a few steps towards me. "I already know what you're going to choose, but I have to let you know. The possibility that you can still die is great."

I gulped and my left eye twitched as I ran that possibility through my mind. I knew that I just couldn't give up because there was a chance that I could still die. I couldn't take the easy way out when I was being given a choice. I squared my jaw and looked Aven straight in the eye. "I'm not giving up."

A wide smile graced her beautiful features and lit up her eyes. "Then what are waiting for?" She reached up and pushed me backwards gently. My breath caught in my throat as I fell away from her. I became lightheaded, my vision started to blur around the edges and, before long, I had totally blacked out.

I was vaguely aware of a fair amount of people surrounding me. Their voices were frantic; I could only imagine why. I couldn't understand what they were saying. All their voices were mixing together, creating an aggravating conflagration. I tried moving my fingers or even opening my eyes but it was like those connections in my brain had been severed. I wasn't even breathing on my own. There was a tube stuffed uncomfortably down my throat providing me with oxygen.

I could still feel my stab wound as well. It felt like it was on fire. I wanted to reach up and scratch it but the fact that I couldn't even move put a damper on that idea. The fact that I wasn't even in control of my own actions was enough to drive me insane. That thought brought me back to the clearing and the memory of what Paine's face looked like. It was filled with malice, hatred and, most of all, absolutely no recognition. It was like she had never even met me. But then there was that one instance where she had almost seemed normal, almost like herself. Before I even had a chance to act on her change in attitude, it had vanished and the cold indifference in her eyes was back.

I knew that what was happening to me was nothing like what she had gone through but I did know that, in essence, our situations were vaguely similar. I was pretty confident that Paine felt just about as unsettled as I felt right now. So I did something that she would do if she were in my place: I fought against it.

At first I concentrated solely on just twitching one of my fingers. It was difficult to say the least. It was hard for me to pick up from where I left off when I fell asleep and I totally lost my grip on the passage of time; it felt like I was asleep more often than I was awake. Days could have gone by and I wouldn't have noticed. I take great pride in the fact that I have a deep well of patience but I found myself getting extremely impatient over the fact that I couldn't even twitch my fingers. I finally made some progress after who knows how long. Along with twitching my fingers I had been working on wiggling my toes and I was beyond proud when I managed to do both at the same time. _Alright, now my eyelids._

It was a little easier this time around but once I got my eyes opened I was faced with another dilemma. They wouldn't focus. For lack of a better word, I was getting increasingly aggravated along with how impatient I already was. Instead of losing my cool though I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I wouldn't get anywhere by getting frustrated. To help my eyes focus I continued to blink them rapidly, hoping it would work. It seemed to help a little bit because I could make out the white washed walls and ceiling of a hospital room. The beeping of the heart monitor next to me gave it away.

The first thing I did when my eyes were in focus was look down at where Paine had stabbed me. After it had happened I didn't have the stomach to look down. I know she had missed her initial target, thank Yevon. I wouldn't be here right now if she hadn't come to her senses. I had to say that I was relieved that the scratchy hospital gown I was wearing concealed it from view. A part of me didn't really want to see it just yet.

I was slowly getting control of my body back and I had the feeling that the culprit behind my temporary paralysis was a drug that the hospital personnel were giving me, possibly a sedative or something. I could barely tell whenever there was a nurse or doctor in the room with me. I did realize, though, that I was hooked up to a catheter and I couldn't wait to get it out.

_I would also immensely enjoy getting this tube taken out of my throat as well,_ I thought as I reached up to touch it. I could feel it scraping up against my windpipe when I swallowed which was very uncomfortable and made me feel like gagging. The blasted piece of rubber and plastic was held in place by medical tape and my hand twitched as the urge to remove it fell over me.

Right when I gave in to that urge and was reaching for the tape, Yuna and Rikku came through the door. I was so startled that I almost started choking. As soon as Yuna and Rikku saw me awake they instantly began freaking out and screaming into the hallway that I was conscious. Then they began bombarding me with any and every question they could think of. After about thirty seconds my ears couldn't handle it anymore. Since I couldn't talk I had to resort to waving my hands around like a Neanderthal to get their attention.

A few seconds later, three medical personnel burst into the room. Each of them stared slack jawed at me like I had risen from the dead. A nurse walked over to the screens that were stationed above my head and began fiddling with them. When the other nurse came over and began to remove the tube from my throat I almost started trembling with joy. I felt like vomiting while she removed the tube but I fought it off. My throat was parched but I was just happy to have that blasted thing out of me.

The man that was standing at the foot of my bed, flipping furiously through a pile of papers on his clipboard, I assumed was my doctor. "How are you feeling, Sir?" He asked, managing to keep his voice as calm as he could.

I felt like laughing for some odd reason but the only sound that came out was a strange wheezing cough. "All things considering I feel pretty good." My voice sounded just as bad as my laugh, which wasn't saying much. I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that I hadn't masked my sarcasm very well. It was his fault, after all, for asking such an asinine question. "How long have I been out?" I asked, needing to know that answer more than anything. It was almost embarrassing to hear myself speak. Frankly, I sounded like an old man.

The doctor, whose last name I discovered was Mason from looking at his name tag, rapped his fingers against the back of his clipboard for a few seconds. I looked over at Yuna and Rikku, becoming even more worried when I saw the way they were staring at me. I swallowed nervously, immediately thinking of the worst case scenario. "You were in a coma like state for nine days. This is the first time you've been conscious since you were brought in here."

I physically felt the blood drain out of my face at that revelation. No wonder it had been so difficult for me to move. _Almost two weeks? It took that long for me to regain control?_ My mind was working a million miles a minute but it was like that information just wouldn't compute. I couldn't possibly have been unconscious for nine days, maybe two or three but not nine.

I started stammering incoherently which made me cough a few times. "How did I get here?" I questioned, graciously accepting a cup of water one of the nurses handed me.

"I was told by the priests at the temple that the woman that tried to kill you brought you to them. She...dumped you in the middle of the table in the council chambers then disappeared." Dr. Mason's voice took on a harsh undertone as he recounted those events for me. I could barely remember what had transpired the night that I had almost died because of how long I had been out.

My whole body went rigid and my eyes widened as I really, truly realized what Aven had told me. "She thinks I'm dead," I mumbled more to myself than to the people in the room with me.

"That's what the priests are hoping," Dr. Mason stated. "The Warrior Monks have found no trace of her though. I assure you, Praetor – "

I scoffed and cut him off. "None of them are going to find her, not in Bevelle anyway. I need to speak privately with Lady Yuna and Lady Rikku." That was one of my more 'indirect' dismissals and I was relieved that Dr. Mason took the hint the first time around, leaving quickly with the two nurses closely behind him.

I looked at Yuna and Rikku, my muscles still tense and my face serious. "She thinks I'm dead," I repeated, those four simple words hanging precariously in the air above us.

They nodded their heads in unison, they already knew of whom I was speaking. "If she thinks you're dead then why did she bring you back?" Rikku asked, her thin eyebrows furrowing slightly. "From what we heard she left your guards where they were. If she thinks she killed you then why didn't she leave you like she left them?"

I winced at Rikku's choice of words. They were harsh, but true; we both knew that. I shook my head, just about as confused as she was. "I don't know. That's what doesn't make any sense to me either. Maybe she didn't want to just leave me out there? I don't know." I paused and took another sip of water, the cool liquid working wonders on my parched throat. "I suppose you heard from the grapevine that I was here?"

Yuna nodded. "Just the other day. We got here as soon as we could. Tidus wanted to come. He really did," she apologized. "but he had a big Blitzball tournament that he couldn't miss."

"Both Gippal and Nooj were up to their armpits in work but they promise to be here as soon as they're able," Rikku said, rolling her eyes.

A gentle rapping on the door momentarily interrupted us and I bade the person on the other end to enter. It was one of the nurses that had been here earlier. She smiled warmly as she closed the door behind her. "I need to change your bandages, Praetor Baralai." She raised the bed up so it would be easier for me to sit upright then helped me scoot back. Every movement I made shot lancing hot pain through my side. By the time I was comfortable again a thin sheen of sweat was coating my face. The nurse looked at me warily. "Would you like something for the pain?"

I nodded. "After you change these bandages. I can endure it for a little longer."

"Alright," she replied. Once she had firmly tucked my bed sheets around my waist she helped me lift the itchy gown that I was wearing to expose the dressing. Then she walked over to the sink on the other side of the room and rummaged around in the cabinets. She returned with a pair of gloves, cotton swabs and a container that I couldn't see into. "This might sting a little," she warned as she pulled the gloves onto her hands.

I felt myself getting nervous when I knew I shouldn't be. I had to grip the bed sheets until my knuckles turned bone white to prevent everyone from seeing that my hands were trembling. The nurse approached me and slowly began to peel off the bandage as well as the small piece of gauze that was tightly taped over it. I looked down reluctantly, almost holding my breath, as my wound came into view. I felt the blood drain out of my face when I saw what Paine had done to me. Instead of the clean stab wound I was expecting to see there was about a two inch slice across my abdomen. It wasn't very deep believe it or not. From what I could see it was only about an inch deep. It looked like it was healing nicely even though it was only being held together by a piece of gauze and a few strips of medical tape; it was even beginning to scab around the edges.

"You holding up okay?" She questioned once the old dressing was totally off.

I nodded and took a deep breath to clear my head. "Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, unable to take my eyes away from my injury.

I watched intently as she dabbed one of the cotton swabs inside the container. The solution she pulled out was about as white as the cotton, which made me think that it was only an anesthetic. When she began applying it to my stomach I had to bite down on my tongue to prevent myself from screaming. I wanted to scoot as far away from that piece of cotton as I could but I knew I had to keep still and endure it.

After a new bandage was placed over my gruesome wound she handed me two pills and a cup of water. I swallowed them quickly, hoping they would take affect soon. After the initial sting of the solution had passed I could barely feel my injury at all. I was guessing the solution had a numbing agent in it. "Today is the last day we'll be putting a dressing over that," the nurse announced. "The doctor wants it to be exposed to the air so it will scab and heal a little quicker."

I nodded, not very enthusiastic about that. Seeing it once was more than enough for me but the sooner it healed the better. The nurse left, leaving instructions to let her or one of the other nurses know if I needed anything. I thanked her and was silently wishing that I could leave.

A yawn snuck up on me and my eyelids started to droop against my will. Rikku noticed this and immediately began to push Yuna out the door. "We'll let you get some rest, Baralai. Nooj and Gippal should be here by the time you wake up." They waved good-bye and I waved back, so exhausted that my hand barely lifted off the surface of the mattress. I was asleep before I knew it.

While I slept I had a few very strange dreams. Paine was in each and every one of them, but that isn't what was weird about them. The two dreams that totally scared me senseless felt more like visions than anything. The first was of Paine sitting on a rock near the water's edge in Zanarkand, grief painted on her face like a mask. It felt as though my mind was connected with hers. I could feel everything she was feeling and I could also hear her thoughts. I was immensely thrilled, but as soon as I heard what she was thinking about I was appalled. She was planning on killing Kaiser and after she killed him she was going to end her own life. In her mind, she saw no reason for her to go on living without me.

My stomach clenched painfully like someone had punched me. _No, you can't do that!_ I screamed, wishing she could hear me. _I'm alive! Don't be stupid!_ That dream ended abruptly and another one sprang up in front of me right away. This one was the worst, by far.

In the second dream, I was in the middle of a burning battlefield. Zanarkand's landscape for miles around was scorched. Right when I was wondering how this had happened I heard someone's labored breathing below me. My eyes almost popped out of my skull when I saw Paine's bloody and burned form laying in front of me. There were numerous deep gashes all over her body and her hands were badly burned, like she had stuck them right in the middle of a raging inferno. My breath caught in my throat when her eyes met mine. Her mouth moved like she wanted to say something but couldn't. One lone tear fell from her eye before the life was sucked out of them and her body stilled.

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs. Yuna and Rikku had returned with Nooj and Gippal and all of them just about fell out of their chairs in fright. They ran over to me to help calm me down but my mind was still on that battlefield, the image of Paine lying dead before me burned into my memories. I was hyperventilating by the time I stopped screaming and Gippal's voice was the one that brought me back to the present.

"Lai, look at me!" He shouted, wrenching my head around towards his. "Breathe, man! Breathe!" Looking into his emerald green Al Bhed swirl was oddly hypnotic and succeeded in helping me relax. Gippal detected this and smiled. "Yeah, that's it, Lai. Deep breaths now."

"Baralai, what's wrong?" Nooj questioned, his face coming into my field of vision.

"I need to get to Zanarkand..._now_."

Gippal let go of my head and looked at me like I was crazy. "You can't be serious. You just woke up from a coma, man! You're not fit to go anywhere right now."

"I don't care! I have to go to Zanarkand," I said evenly. "If I don't Paine's going to die!"

Rikku shot Yuna an odd look then brought her eyes back to me. "What do you mean? How do you know that?"

"I know it's going to sound completely nuts, but I dreamed about it."

"It was only a dream, Baralai. It wasn't real," Nooj scolded, a disapproving look on his face.

"No, it wasn't just a dream!" I exclaimed, coming dangerously close to losing my cool. "It's going to happen! I need to get to Zanarkand! If none of you are going to help me then I'll do it myself!"

An eerie silence fell over the room. The only sounds were the accelerated rate of the heart monitor above me and my heavy breathing. I couldn't stress enough to them the sense of urgency I felt about this. Paine's life was hanging in the balance and my survival would all be in vain if she died.

I looked at each of my friends in turn and when my gaze fell on Yuna that's where they stayed. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the look of pure determination that was shining in her bi-colored eyes. I knew if I couldn't reach anyone else I had definitely gotten through to Yuna. Then, without saying anything, she whipped around and left my room. I had to bite down on the insides of my cheeks to hold back from smiling. If there was anyone to persuade the medical personnel to release me early, it was her.

I was literally holding my breath when Yuna came back in. "Dr. Mason said the earliest he can get you out of here is mid-afternoon tomorrow. He needs to make sure your wound will heal correctly...so they're going to be stitching it closed. He wanted to let it heal naturally without stitches, but because of the circumstances he wants to make sure it won't open back up."

I nodded, my mouth stretched into a thin line. Now I wasn't happy about getting stitches but if it would help me get out of here faster – help me see Paine faster – then I was all for it. The only thing I cared about was being in Zanarkand by nightfall tomorrow.


	25. I Miss You So

**Chapter XXV**

**I Miss You So**

* * *

**(Paine)**

The journey back to Zanarkand was a rough one. My legs felt like rubber and I could barely go five steps without collapsing. I had to pull myself together before I got back to the hideout or Kaiser was going to suspect something. Just the thought of him discovering that I was no longer under his control was enough to make me cringe. I shook those frightening thoughts out of my head and recounted the last part of my evening.

After I had left Baralai's body with the other priests I teleported to the outskirts of the Calm Lands and absolutely lost it. I had managed to keep my cool just long enough to ensure that Baralai's body would be in good hands. Once I was alone, though, was different. If there had been anyone around to see or hear me they would have been horrified. It felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside out, starting with my heart. I probably resembled an old knitted sweater that was slowly being unraveled one string at a time. It wouldn't be long until I was a disorganized, unraveled heap on the floor.

I felt pathetic. I couldn't believe that I had let this man that I had killed entrap me so. I never thought I would find the kind of love that my parents had possessed for each other with Baralai. I hadn't wanted him to become my weakness. I had even told him as such, which is why I tried futilely to distance myself from him. In the end, he had still become everything I didn't want him to turn into, everything I was scared of. He had become my fatal attraction but I couldn't hate myself for it.

_I want him back,_ I thought, pressing my body to the ground and wishing I could sink into it. _I would give anything to bring him back._ As horribly cliché as it sounded, it was true. I was never one to be a mushy romantic but I found all those sayings starting to make sense, strangely. At first I thought there was something wrong with me but after only one second of thinking I quickly tossed it out the window. I really was truly in love with him, so much so that I was actually seriously believing that we could have possibly been soul mates.

_I swear to you, Baralai, if I get out of this alive I'm moving to Guadosalam just so I can be close to the Farplane. I swear it._ I rubbed my face in the grass to rid it of my tears then slowly got to my feet. I had a long walk ahead of me.

I managed to get all the way through the Calm Lands and half-way up Mt. Gagazet before my legs once again decided to give out on me. I had no idea how long I laid there in the snow. I was too busy watching the snowflakes flutter through the sky to care about the passage of time. Watching the snow fall was hypnotic and relaxed me to the point that I had completely forgotten why I was here. I figured I should get up after I could no longer feel my arms or legs. I was pretty sure that wasn't a good sign.

After taking a few moments to warm up my numbed limbs. I continued on my way. I wasn't worried about getting caught by a Ronso guard, all of them were sleeping. Even if there were any Ronso patrolling the mountain I wouldn't care one bit. I was way too exhausted to bother with trivial things like that. I could feel my feet start to drag in the snow and a yawn crept up my throat, catching me off guard. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right where I was but I didn't really want to get hypothermia.

It felt like it took years to finally reach the ruins of Zanarkand. My vision was beginning to blur around the edges and I caught my eyelids drooping a few times. I almost jumped out of my skin when someone grabbed my shoulders and I just about shoved a fireball down Tobias' throat before I knew it was him. I stared at him, a dazed look on my face, wondering if I was hallucinating. I felt Tobias' mind touch mine and I knew instantly what he was looking for. I tried to stop the automatic playback of the day's events in my mind but it was like my stop button was broken. If it wasn't for Tobias' hands tightly gripping my shoulders I would have already sank to the ground in a heap.

I was thankful that he didn't say anything. The silence between us was strangely comforting which helped me calm down. I felt ashamed that Tobias was seeing me like this. I had never felt so weak in my whole life. Tobias caught on to my negative thoughts and sent calming, reassuring feelings through the link.

"_You have nothing to be ashamed of, Paine,_" he whispered into my mind. "_What happened to you today was very tragic and I commend you for keeping your sanity intact. Any other person would have done themselves in by now. I never knew your Baralai, but I'm sure that he would not want you to suffer because of this._"

Tobias' words struck a chord within me. He was absolutely right. Baralai told me not to hate myself, but it was so hard not to. A large part of me didn't even want to leave The Invisible at all anymore. What was the point? Or better yet, refuse Landon and Tobias' help to survive the explosion of my element that would kill Kaiser. I really had no reason to return to the outside world. I had friends that cared for me, yes, but it wasn't the same as the relationship I had with Baralai. _No, I can't take the coward's way out. I can't do that to Rikku and Yuna. Gippal and Nooj have already lost one of their comrades. They don't need to lose another._

Tobias nodded and gave me an encouraging smile as he followed my thoughts. My breath caught in my throat as I realized that I wasn't on my own in this place. I had friends within this community of assassins that cared about me and were going to help me come up with a way to escape. I had to face it; I was the only one with big enough balls to go up against Kaiser. I was the only one that could take him out.

"What do I do next?" I rasped, surprised that my voice had decided to work.

"Customarily you would report to Kaiser as soon as your objective is completed but it's late and I can tell you need some rest." You can't imagine my surprise when Tobias teleported us straight into my room. I was shocked because I hadn't felt an additional power drain and I instantly began to wonder how he had managed to not include me.

I was too tired to ask him and willingly followed his lead as he guided me to my bedroom. I unbuckled my sword belt and threw it away from me, not caring where it landed. I collapsed onto my bed and let out an audible sigh of contentment, so glad that I was in my bed and not still laying in a snow bank on Gagazet.

Right before I drifted off the fleeting thought of the kind of dreams I would have floated through my mind. It wasn't enough to keep me awake but gave me the feeling that I was being watched somehow. I don't know how long it was before the dreams started but once they began there was no way I could stop them.

The only way I could describe the dreams was comparing them to being haunted by a vengeful spirit. It was like Baralai was torturing me for allowing him to die. I swore I had died in my sleep and gone straight to Purgatory to answer for what I had done. It felt like I had committed a crime and was on trial. Every few hours I would wake up and find myself soaked with sweat and tears. I was convinced that I wouldn't get a wink of restful sleep at all this night. I practically tore my uniform off of my body and reveled in the feeling of the air cooling my heated skin.

After the dreams passed, which felt like it took years, I fell into a deep sleep. I was blessed with the kind of sleep I so desperately wanted and needed instead of the plethora of haunted dreams that I had been assailed with. When I woke up I couldn't tell what time it was because my eyelids were crusted shut. Once I rubbed all of the sleep out and pried my eyes open the only light was coming from the living area and spilling into my room. I was still naked so I got up and put on a fresh uniform. I needed a shower badly but that could wait until I reported to Kaiser.

I slung my sword belt around my waist and marched out of my room then stopped so suddenly I almost fell flat on my face. Kaiser was leaning up against the counter, twirling an apple around in his hand. I kept my face passive but under the surface I was perplexed. I hadn't even sensed that he was here, but I hadn't exactly been looking for him either. _I think I need to start being a little more observant._

"I was just on my way to see you, Kaiser," I addressed, making sure I was putting on a flawless act.

He eyed me critically for a few moments, his glowing yellow eyes searching mine and attempting to detect any lies. I was fortunate to be a very good actor. "I was surprised that you didn't come to me immediately after returning from your hunt. At first, I thought something had gone wrong."

"Forgive me," I said, inclining my head respectfully. "I was on my way to report to you when Tobias ran into me. I suppose he deemed it necessary that I rest. I was much too exhausted to oppose."

Kaiser nodded and set the apple back on the counter behind him. "I can only imagine how tired you were. You slept for four days." I gaped at him, absolutely thunderstruck. Had it really been that long? Had I _really_ been that exhausted? "I'll deal with Tobias later. Now let me see your dagger," he said, holding his hand out for the weapon.

I swallowed, my throat convulsing sporadically, as I tentatively reached for the hilt of my murder weapon. My fingers hovered over the hilt. I didn't want to touch the blasted thing ever again but once I gave it to Kaiser I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. After taking a deep breath I wrapped my hand around the top of the handle then yanked it out of the sheath and presented it to him.

He plucked it from my grasp and held it in front of his face, inspecting it like he was a collector of rare artifacts. His glowing yellow eyes narrowed just a fraction and he smirked. "You have done well, Paine," he said, his eyes traveling up the length of the bloodied blade all the way to the tip. "I wish I could have been there. I'm sure the killing blow must have been spectacular." His eyes met mine, waiting for a response.

"Yes, Kaiser," I all but choked out. "It was very...satisfying indeed." It nearly reduced me to sobs to speak such slanderous things. My mouth felt extremely filthy, like I had just eaten a handful of dirt. I couldn't believe that I had actually let those foul words come out of my mouth. _You have to keep up the act,_ my mind told me. _That's the only way you're going to survive this. If anything, do it for Baralai._

A pleased smirk appeared on Kaiser's face. "You have done exceptionally well. I am very proud of you." He smiled down at me like a father would do to his daughter, which unsettled me and made me feel very uncomfortable. It seemed like I was being scrutinized more than anything. "You are free to do as you please from now on," he said, then turned and left my room.

I locked my door before getting in the shower. I'm not sure why I locked it. I really wasn't thinking. If Tobias or Landon came to check on me I knew that they wouldn't be bothered to use the door.

I turned the water scalding hot and stood under the stream, the tiny rivulets of water turning my skin an angry red. After a few minutes I didn't even feel the heat. I only felt the numb tingling as the water continued to rush over my body. It was a rather good distraction actually. Once I was practically choking on all the steam I turned the water ice cold to let my skin cool down.

I wasn't really sure where to go or even what to do after I redressed. I discovered that it was mid-morning so I had missed breakfast. Lunch wasn't until one o'clock so I had a while to go. I left my room, bringing the apple Kaiser had placed on my counter with me to satiate myself until then. I wandered aimlessly through the hallways for a while before leaving the hideout and making my way to the ocean. I walked along the edge of the water, carefully nibbling on my apple and staring at the small waves that lapped onto shore. The sun's rays painted the surface of the water in various shades of yellow, orange and red making it seem like the ocean floor was on fire. It was hauntingly beautiful.

I found a boulder large enough to sit upon and gladly settled on it. My thoughts took a drastic and unwanted turn as I remembered the night that Baralai and I sat on that grassy cliff overlooking the crystal clear ocean of Besaid. That night had seemed like it had happened years ago but I could still remember it with shocking clarity. The way the stars twinkled brilliantly, the smell of the ocean...the smell of him. I had never talked so openly with anyone since before my parents died. It was odd. Being around him was almost infectious. I felt like a completely different person when I was with him. I thought it ridiculous at first. Why in the world should I feel the need to be so open with him? Rikku would go green with envy if she ever found out.

I wanted so badly to smile as I remembered all the times that we had shared together but instead of smiling my lips involuntarily turned down into a grimace. I was glad that I couldn't see what my face looked like. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, relishing the sting as my skin tore.

"That won't help you know."

I had a retort ready on the tip of my tongue before I even realized who it was. I fought it away and swallowed it when my eyes met Landon's bright blue ones, but turned away almost instantly without offering him a greeting. I was just a little annoyed by how both him and Tobias could find me when I thought that I was unfindable. Whenever I wanted to be left alone either one or both of them were able to find me like I had a beeper on me. Sometimes it made me wish that I didn't have the abilities I possessed just so I could actually be left to my own thoughts, but I would never tell Landon or Tobias that. Those thoughts were only the products of the more selfish part of me.

Landon reached his mind toward mine slowly but as soon as I felt his soothing touch I pushed it away and erected an impenetrable blockade around my thoughts. "Can I not get any kind of reprieve?" I said through clenched teeth. I hadn't wanted that to come out so rude but I wasn't in the greatest of moods at the moment and it escaped before I had the chance to censor it.

Landon was silent as he came to stand next to the boulder I was sitting on. He stood a considerable distance away, giving me my space, and looked only at the sun as it rose steadily into the sky. "I know two things, whether or not they are true is up to you. The first is that you don't really want to be left alone," he began. "and the second is that isolation will only make it worse."

_Damn, he's good,_ I thought with ire. I sighed as I pulled my knees up and rested my forehead on them. "I'm only here now to destroy Kaiser," I said in a voice that I was shocked to call my own. "Nothing else matters."

"We must wait for the opportune moment," Landon replied, his answer only succeeding in making me even more agitated.

I scoffed as I lifted my head. "And when in the hell will that be?" I asked, unable to hide the anger in my voice.

Landon smiled as he finally looked at me. "In exactly six days." I was becoming more confused by the second and his cryptic response was not helping. I didn't say anything but made sure my face gave away what I was thinking so he would continue. "In six days Kaiser will be celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of his ascension as leader of The Invisible."

I frowned. "Thirty years? Has it been so long already?"

Landon nodded. "Kaiser is older than he appears. It's his magic that keeps him looking so young."

"Is he really that powerful?" I asked in disbelief. "Is his magic really so powerful that it would make him practically immortal?" Frankly I found it very hard to believe. If what Landon said was really true then what Kaiser possessed was more valuable than anything in Spira.

Again, Landon nodded. "Every member of The Invisible possesses the ability. It comes hand in hand with the magic we are trained to use. Kaiser has just had more time to tap into his fountain of youth."

I narrowed my eyes in thought. I still didn't believe it. If I possessed such an ability I was sure that I would have discovered it by now. "How do you know all this?"

He chuckled. "I'm not sure about you or Tobias but I've taken to reading Kaiser's thoughts on a daily basis. His mind is truly as interesting as it is puzzling."

"Puzzling?" I questioned. "How so?"

"Out of every member of this organization I have never seen him so enthralled by anyone like he is with you." For a moment I thought he was only joking but as soon as his eyes met mine I knew he was speaking the truth.

I swallowed, not really wanting to find out the reason why but asking anyways. "What does he find so intriguing about me?" I asked, shifting positions so I was facing him. Our conversation had taken a turn that I hadn't at all been expecting and as reluctant as I was with finding out I needed to know just in case I was able to use that information against Kaiser in the future. Maybe if I used it to my advantage...

Landon stared at me like I had suddenly been turned into a fledging greenhorn. "You've never read Kaiser's thoughts before?" He asked, almost sounding like I was the only one who hadn't.

I shook my head as I remembered all the times I had talked with Kaiser. Reading his thoughts had never really crossed my mind. I also never really cared what he was thinking about. "No."

Landon's chest thrummed. "You should try it sometime. His mind is an immense well of information." He paused and absentmindedly scratched his jaw. I could tell that there was something else he wanted to say to me but he was expertly hiding it. I could sense that he was indecisive over sharing what he was concealing but it only lasted a few seconds. "Kaiser is actually looking for you right now." I was caught off guard by his sudden outburst.

I had to close my eyes to prevent Landon from seeing me roll them. I was never one with very much patience but it seemed that the events that had transpired a few days ago had left me with very little of everything. I could care less if Kaiser was looking for me or not. There was no escaping him though, much to my distaste. I sighed heavily, resigning myself to my fate, and nodded. "I'll make sure he finds me then."

Landon dipped his head once then swiftly teleported away, leaving me with my silence. It took me a few minutes to motivate my legs into moving and, once I was up, even further coaxing to make them cooperate. It felt like a whole day had passed by when I finally reached the hideout. All this moving in slow motion was really starting to irk me. I took a deep breath and pressed my fingers to my temples, not allowing my irritation to get the best of me. I still had an act to keep up.

I wasn't sure where exactly Kaiser was looking for me so I decided to just go back to my room and wait for him there. He'd find me eventually so I wasn't at all worried or concerned. I was just another loyal member of his organization after all. _Ha, right..._

I was surprised to see him standing nonchalantly outside my door, waiting for me. I slapped on the best acting face that I could as he turned his face up towards me as I approached him. I knew telling him that I had heard he was looking for me was a bad idea because, after all, Landon had probably plucked that information right out of his mind.

"Sir?" I questioned, trying to sound confused.

"I've something to tell you, Paine," he replied, his voice as smooth as honey. "Walk with me, please."

I fell into step next to him as we continued down the hallway. What Landon told me about reading Kaiser's mind more often briefly flicked through my thoughts but I dismissed the notion, not really wanting to know what he wanted to tell me in advance. To be honest, I didn't want to know at all.

"I've had my eye on you ever since you were brought to me nine years ago." I had to force myself to listen. I had an idea about where this was going. "You have the makings of greatness in you, Paine, and you deserve to be so much better than an ordinary member of this organization."

I just wished that he would get to the point but I had to be patient. I graciously inclined my head towards him. "Thank you, Kaiser."

One corner of his mouth pulled up ever so slightly and his yellow eyes twinkled momentarily. "So I'm making you my second in command from this moment forth." His smile widened and I knew that he wasn't playing around with me. I didn't need to read his mind because it was written all over his face.

I made sure not to miss a beat. "You have honored me greatly, Kaiser. You will not be disappointed." Saying that to him felt unbelievingly good because I wanted him to remember those words before I killed him. I wanted him to realize how foolish he had been to think I would be his lap dog for the rest of my life.

"I know I won't be," he replied, pausing and gazing down at me with an unreadable expression.

Before I could register what was going on, Kaiser had pinned me up against the wall, pressing his body against mine and hovering over me. I chanced touching his mind to figure out what he was trying to do and my stomach twisted in revulsion when the lust he felt overpowered me. When he smashed his lips against mine I had to fight the impulse to roughly shove him away and deck him in the face. Even though the thought of kissing him back was totally repulsing I knew I had to reciprocate. If I didn't he was going to suspect that I wasn't under his control.

I reluctantly snaked my arm around his head, tangling my fingers in his short hair and arched my back as he gripped my sides, pulling me ever closer to him. I bit back the tears that wanted to form in the corners of my eyes. I was disgracing Baralai's memory by doing this. I was disgusted with myself and knew it would take a long time until I felt clean again.

He began to slowly back away from me, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth as he did so, making me want to vomit. When his bright yellow eyes met mine I put on the most convincing pleasantly surprised expression that I could even though I wanted to scrub my mouth with a ball of steel wool. He grinned at me and swept his fingers through my bangs then dragged them down my face to my jaw line. My nausea doubled.

"You're more lovely than I could have anticipated, Paine," he whispered, his face still right in front of mine. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Better late than never," I answered, feeling like cutting my own tongue out as soon as those words had left my mouth.

He grin widened and I knew that I had successfully fooled him. He lowered his lips to mine once more and I felt my bile rise to the back of my throat when he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. I bunched my hands into tight fists as I nearly lost control of my anger, but Kaiser took that as a sign that I was enjoying what he was doing. When he deepened his kiss even further the impulse to knee him in the groin almost won out. Right when I could no longer stand to have his mouth on mine, he backed away with an extremely pleased look on his face. I tried to look as seductive as I possibly could and still look convincing. A low rumble reverberated through his chest as he pressed himself against me, wrapping his large hand tightly around my hip and grinding our pelvises together. Pretending I was enjoying that was the hardest thing I had to do yet. I had no idea that it was going to get even harder.

"I have eyes for no one else, Paine. I claim you as mine," he said, gazing into my eyes like he was trying to look into my very soul. His words made my stomach twist into a half dozen indiscernible knots. If my plan backfired, I was screwed.

"I would have it no other way," I replied, hating myself for saying that but knowing I had no other choice.

"Good," he said, trailing his fingers down my face one last time before walking away.

I stood in a daze and watched him until he disappeared around a corner at the end of the hall then roughly wiped my mouth with both of my hands. I felt like throwing up right there. No amount of brushing my teeth would make the memory of his kiss go away. A part of me was glad that Baralai was gone so he wouldn't have to find out about this. _No one is going to find out about this. Ever._

It wasn't until after lunch that Landon and Tobias called me to meet them inside the dome. Neither of them were surprised when I told them that Kaiser had made me his second in command. Apparently they had known he was going to do that even before I had left to eliminate Baralai.

"And why didn't either of you tell me this?" I asked, just a little shocked to discover that they had been keeping it from me.

Landon and Tobias shared a quick glance before Landon reluctantly answered. "We wanted you to hear it from Kaiser. That news was his to tell." His answer wasn't what I was expecting and it only quelled my irritation. I understood...to an extent.

"Whatever," I mumbled under my breath. I needed to change the subject so I said the first thing that came to mind. "So what's going to happen on Kaiser's anniversary?" If he had made a grand event out of it when I was younger I would have noticed so I was guessing that nothing extravagant was going to come about.

"Nothing really," Tobias said. "It's just like any other day to him. This is the first time he's ever named a second so you might be able to find out more."

I rolled my eyes and made no attempt to hide it. "Wonderful," I replied. I could barely stand being near Kaiser for more than five minutes but now that he had 'promoted' me, as well as claimed me, I was probably going to be with him all the time. _Lovely..._ That thought made my stomach twist into about fifty knots. I wasn't sure I could keep up the act for another six days.

"You have to," Landon said, following my thoughts. "This is the only time when we can catch him off his guard."

I nodded, still unsure of myself but ready. I sat down on a piece of rubble and folded my hands over my face, a million possibilities of what could happen flashing through my mind. My ear twitched when Tobias took a step forward but I didn't want to look up. I already knew what he was going to say.

"We know what you're going through, Paine. We hear it every time you open your mind to us." He stopped short for some reason that I wasn't sure of. I didn't want to listen to anything else he had to say though. I didn't need an additional reminder of what I did. I felt like plugging my ears and screaming like a child just so I didn't have to hear it.

"Tobias, enough," Landon murmured softly. I couldn't stop the sigh of relief that fought its way out of my chest at his words. I knew that Tobias was only trying to help but it was only making the current situation worse. When Landon spoke again he was using his mind. "_He was trying to say that you're not alone. Remember that._"

I moved my hands away from my face and met his eyes, nodding once. "Don't worry about me. I'll be ready."

Without another word from both of them, they left me with my thoughts. I lingered there in the Chamber of the Fayth for a few moments longer before I left as well. As doubtful as I was, I needed to pull it off. There was no room for failure.

The next six days were a few of the hardest of my life. Every time I was around Kaiser I was dancing around on eggshells, afraid that the slightest change in my attitude would alert him that something was wrong. He also insisted on publicly showing his affection for me when we were around the other members. Having to constantly pretend that I enjoyed kissing him was equivalent to torture. The only reason why I survived and kept my sanity was the constant coaching and confidence boosting that Landon and Tobias did. They were the stitching that was holding me together. When I thought that I was falling apart at the seams they pulled me back together and gave me a swift kick in the ass to keep me going. I never would have succeeded without them and they knew how grateful I was for their help.

"Ah, Paine, there you are," Kaiser greeted as I entered his room. He was sitting in the far corner of his living room, polishing his sword meticulously. "I was wondering where you were," he continued as he looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

"Forgive me. I had a few...loose ends to tie up in preparation for tonight."

He smiled as he returned to polishing his weapon. "I think you're more excited about all of this than I am."

I had to quickly clamp my teeth down on the inside of my cheek to prevent from smiling. The past six days almost felt like a dream, similar to sitting in the backseat while someone else directed me. Frankly, I couldn't believe that I had really done it. The fact that my deception was so believable made me feel extremely conscientious. It felt like I had a neon sign blinking above my head telling everyone around me that I was up to no good.

It almost made me feel like I should be looking over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't going to get caught, especially since I had talked Kaiser into making a ceremony out of his anniversary. I had taken an enormous leap by suggesting that and was so relieved that he had taken the bait. I was guessing he believed that I loved him back so I knew that my influence over him had tainted his judgment. I even succeeded in including Tobias and Landon in the ceremony for the sole purpose that I need them to give me their power to ensure my survival. The amount of practice and training that both of them had put me through would definitely not be in vain.

"I feel it is necessary that every member realizes how hard you have worked to get here. Everyone else is just as excited." For the millionth time in six days I was disgusted with the words that had come out of my mouth. All I wanted to do was take a bar of soap and scrub my tongue until it was raw.

I physically saw Kaiser's chest puff up and it immediately reminded me of a chocobo that was trying to show off. I reluctantly touched his mind and had to feign the act of scratching my chin to hide the fact that I was about to gag. Ever since I began to listen to Landon about reading Kaiser's mind did I really figure out exactly how infatuated he was with me. The man actually thought he was in love with me. Hearing what I already knew from his mind was nearly as bad as having to pretend I returned his sentiments.

_At least tonight is the end for him._ I had to hold back the smug smile that was fighting to be seen.

I cleared my throat to rid myself of any trace of that smile. "Do you need anything else?" I asked, keeping my voice as level as I could.

He sat in contemplative thought for a few moments as he gazed at the now flawless blade of his sword. "Actually," he began. He rose from his seat and crossed the room towards me. I groaned inwardly as I heard his intentions in my mind, a fresh wave of nausea hitting me. "I want a kiss from my gorgeous second-in-command."

"Of course," I acquiesced, leaning into his chest to give him what he wanted even though I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

His lips crushed against mine and his arms wrapped firmly around my back. The kiss was much shorter than most of the other ones he gave me and I was slightly surprised, glad but surprised. When he backed away from me he tenderly cupped my cheek with one hand and smiled at me. I smiled back at him just to save face. "Be sure that all preparations are completed by tonight."

I nodded. "Yes, Kaiser." He let go of me and I swiftly left, briskly walking away from his room. I was glad that he hadn't kept me overly long. I had roughly eight hours to eat something and get some more rest to make sure I would be at my full potential. I didn't have enough time to sit with him and stroke his ego.

I smiled when I saw Landon and Tobias waiting for me next to my room, each of them carrying a paper bag. _Good, they managed to sneak into the kitchen then._ I had missed both breakfast and lunch because all three of us had gone over our plan more than a dozen times with a fine tooth comb. I had memorized it after the third time but Landon wanted to be sure we didn't mess up. I knew that there had to be absolutely no margin for error but after the seventh time it became extremely tedious.

"Thank you again," I said as I accepted the bags from them. "I imagine getting all this must not have been very difficult."

Tobias chuckled as he shook his head. "Of course not. Too easy in fact. We probably could have taken everything if we wanted to."

Landon couldn't hold back a chuckle of his own. "We'll leave now so you can eat and get some rest. We'll have one last run through while Kaiser is giving his speech."

I didn't attempt to hide the distaste in my voice. "Is that really necessary?"

Landon nodded and sent me a knowing look. "Just to be sure."

I rolled my eyes as they walked away but couldn't hold back a smile at Landon's tenacity for detail. I made quick work of the food they had brought me. I hadn't realized how hungry I had been. Once I was finished eating I threw away all the trash then collapsed into my bed, falling asleep relatively easy considering what was going to be happening mere hours from now.


	26. It's Never My Luck

**Chapter XXVI**

**It's Never My Luck**

* * *

**(Paine)**

I awoke with a start, the haunting dreams that had become my norm disappearing, when I felt a familiar presence enter my mind. I recognized it immediately as Tobias.

"_You have two hours. Better get ready. Meet us in the dome._"

I sighed as I fell back against my pillows and rubbed my aching temples, quickly sending a response back to him. The dreams had never ceased their assault on my weary mind. Every night it was always the same one and every night I hardly got any rest. After the fourth night the dreams began to lessen but not by much. I knew that I would never find a reprieve. I would continue to be haunted like this for the rest of my life.

I needed no further prompting to get up. I slowly rose and stretched my tired, aching muscles before showering. Needless to say, I took my time. I was, after all, Kaiser's second as well as his intended and needed to look my best. Anything less would make him suspicious and none of us wanted that. After dressing in a fresh uniform I left my room for the last time and walked down the hall towards Kaiser's room, my footsteps even and precise. I wasn't in any kind of rush what-so-ever. As far as I knew Landon's plan might not work and I might not make it out alive. I balled both my hands into tight fists, obliterating that thought from my mind. I had to continuously remind myself to at least attempt at thinking positive. It was difficult, but I was slowly getting used to it.

I stopped in front of Kaiser's door and stared at the aged wood before sharply knocking to announce my presence. His smooth voice bade me enter. I patiently waited in his living room while he finished freshening up and admired the simple décor of his quarters. He was a fond collector of weapons that had been used during the Machina War but how he acquired them I hadn't the slightest idea. _He would have loved Vegnagun,_ I thought with a shudder. A few of the weapons were still stained with blood, which was extremely unsettling to look at.

Kaiser emerged from his bathroom a moment later wearing his normal uniform. I was surprised because I was expecting him to be wearing something much more extravagant. "I assume everything has been prepared accordingly?" He inquired as he walked towards me.

I nodded. "Yes, everything is ready. Landon and Tobias will meet us in the dome."

"Perfect," Kaiser replied, a large smile curling the corners of his lips up. He strode into his kitchen. "Would you like something to eat?" He asked, looking over his shoulder at me.

I shook my head. "Thank you, Kaiser, but no." With the way that my stomach was churning I was quite sure that I wouldn't be able to keep anything down for at least the next few days, give or take. I had never been so nervous and anxious in my entire life, excluding all the times that I had been with Baralai.

"Suit yourself," he replied as he pulled an orange out of the fridge.

He quickly consumed the fruit then we left. As we walked through the halls I immediately noticed that other members had begun to follow us. I turned my head towards the man that was unknowingly marked for death beside me and he sent me a pointed stare, amusement flashing in his yellow eyes. He rested his hand on the base of my back and swiftly pulled me toward him to plant a quick, lingering kiss on my lips. He was proud of the fact that he had an entourage. He had actually been counting on it, hence the reason why we were walking. He wanted people to follow him.

By the time we left the hideout almost every single member was following closely behind Kaiser and myself. Not one of them spoke; even their breathing was silent, as we made our way across the treacherous terrain of Zanarkand. An hour later, we arrived at the dome to find Landon and Tobias waiting patiently outside for us. I had already told them about the large group following us so they feigned surprise as we approached. They bowed respectfully to Kaiser and fell in step behind us, following us inside the immense dome.

Kaiser walked to the center of the dilapidated structure, the place that Yuna told me she had seen the image of a young Maester Seymour during her pilgrimage. Landon, Tobias and I stood behind him as he watched everyone file into the dome and assemble themselves in front of him.

"_Alright, Paine, one last time,_" Landon projected.

I took a deep breath and went through every step of our plan slowly and meticulously. After Kaiser concluded his speech and everyone left I was to give him a little speech of my own and try to antagonize him into an altercation. Once his attention was solely on me Landon and Tobias would move in and transfer their power to me. Then, game over for Kaiser.

I could feel relief wash through Landon's mind as I recited word for word the speech that I was going to give Kaiser. It wasn't anything long or flashy, definitely not as long as his. It was just something that I wanted him to hear before he breathed his last. I felt both Tobias and Landon send calming emotions through our link. I must have been getting a little too carried away so I caught myself before anyone else could notice and sent a thank you to the men standing behind me.

I finally noticed that Kaiser had begun speaking but I didn't care to hear what he was saying so I tuned him out. With every passing second I became more and more anxious. I wanted to get this over with. I had been waiting nine years for this exact moment and having to wait just this much longer was agonizing. I almost felt like screaming for him to hurry it up.

"_Paine, calm down. He's almost at the end of his speech. Patience._" Tobias' mind-voice was soothing and helped much more than any calming thoughts could.

I closed my eyes and thought of Baralai. I tried not to think of what he looked like before he died but instead pictured his smile. My eyes burned as my memory of him was flawless and untainted. I apologized to him for the thousandth time since he had passed and felt my eyes burn with unshed tears. I felt Landon and Tobias' presence in the furthest corner of my mind, following my thoughts, but this was one of the many times that I didn't mind the invasion.

Landon slowly slid his foot forward and nudged my heel, jarring me back to attention. Kaiser had concluded his speech and everyone was slowly making their way out of the dome either by teleporting or walking. The muscles in my arms and shoulders tensed, the moment I had been waiting for was finally at hand. Once the dome was empty besides the four of us Kaiser turned around to face me.

"That was absolutely marvelous," he said, his eyes reflecting the pride he felt. "I never would have been able to do it without you, Paine. You made all this possible." I sensed adoration flood his mind.

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, I did. It was rather clever of me, I agree. I didn't know you were such a fool." I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my throat.

Shock and confusion flashed across Kaiser's face before he composed himself. "Excuse me?" He asked, like I had been speaking a foreign language.

"I didn't stutter. You really are much too gullible," I sneered, my eyes flashing dangerously. "This was all a ruse to catch you unprepared and off guard. It worked splendidly." I paused and fought to hold back my smile at the expression that briefly crossed his face: fear. "Ever since my parents were taken away I've been biding my time, waiting for the right moment to take you down. The last straw was Baralai. I was so furious that I could have killed you on the spot after you forced me to end his life. This is so much better though. The gratification that I feel over deceiving you... It's even better than I could have imagined."

All while I was speaking I could see and feel the anger building inside of him. I knew I had hit a nerve with that last bit and the smirk I let crawl across my face pushed him over the edge. "Why you!" He growled. He lunged forward and wrapped his hand around my neck, hoisting me off the ground. "How dare you, you bitch! I was prepared to give you everything you ever wanted! How dare you!" His eyes flashed dangerously as his grip tightened around my neck.

Even though my air supply was being severely cut off I still managed to push out a strangled chuckle. "_Now!_" I smiled even wider as I felt Landon and Tobias place their hands on my back. "Did you really think that you had gotten control over me? Were you really so arrogant to think that you had tamed me?" I questioned, keeping a hold of his attention so he wouldn't notice Landon and Tobias' proximity.

I gasped when I felt that familiar surge of power as Landon and Tobias poured their energy into me. It was just as before, only this time it was increased tenfold. I continued to laugh like I was insane, which only succeeded in infuriating him more. "I open my heart to you and this is how I'm treated? I should kill you right here. I should make you suffer!" He whispered harshly, venom dripping from his voice.

"If you're going to kill someone, kill them. Don't stand there talking about it." I could feel my voice reverberating with the raw power now coursing through me. "Go to hell." I felt Landon and Tobias, extremely weakened, use the last of their strength to teleport as far away as they could. My smile grew wider. It was finally time.

It wasn't as hard to expel my element as I thought. It was as simple as finding which button to press and once it began there was no stopping it. I felt my body start to get immensely hot, like I was standing in the middle of a furnace. I could barely see because of the bright orange glow engulfing me and the ringing in my ears was deafening. Kaiser's screams as his hands melded to my neck were easily heard though and I reveled in the sound. Revenge really was sweet.

My body continued to get hotter and hotter until my skin was like molten metal. A strange bout of euphoria passed over me then and I lifted my eyes to the sky, feeling oddly at peace with myself for the first time in a while. _I love you, Baralai._ I flung my hands in the direction of Kaiser's face and started laughing when I heard his screams turn into blood-curdling shrieks. Then I exploded and I knew no more.

* * *

**(Baralai)**

My breath caught in my throat as the Celsius flew over the snow covered peaks of Mt. Gagazet. _Almost there..._ I limped my way closer to the window to get a better view, my breath hissing through my teeth the entire way. The whole left side of my body was sore and every move I made felt like the stab wound was tearing open, which it more than likely was. The stitch job the nurse had done was quick and she even told me that it might come apart.

"How much longer?" I anxiously questioned, my stomach doing flip flops.

Buddy turned to look at me with a smile on his face. "About ten more minutes."

Brother mumbled something unintelligible from his captain's chair that I couldn't make out, but I didn't give a Coeurl's behind what he had said. I saw Buddy shoot him a disapproving look and harshly whisper something in Al Bhed.

Now this I heard. _"Pa nacbaldvim!"_ Buddy looked back at me and started to apologize but I dismissed it with a wave of my hand. I was concerned with much bigger things than Brother's childishness.

I sighed and briefly glanced at the back of Brother's blonde mohawked head. If the situation were reversed and he were in my place with Yuna's life hanging in the balance he would be singing a different tune. The image of Paine's burned and battered body flashed through my mind again, making me wince. I was hoping to get to her before whatever happened to her came to pass.

A tentative hand on my shoulder made me jump. I turned around and met Yuna's bi-colored gaze. "How are you holding up?" She asked, meaning my stab wound.

I gingerly touched the thick gauze bandage that was covering the stitches. "Still sore. It feels like the stitches might rip every time I move." Yuna nodded, her eyes clouded over in thought. I knew what she was thinking about. "You're just as worried about her as I am." I didn't phrase my statement as a question; I knew it was fact.

"I don't love her the way you do, but I love her like a sister and will be just as devastated if something happens to her." The High Summoner's voice was strained. I had told her about the visions I experienced while I was asleep and I could tell that it had bothered her a great deal.

I nodded and took a deep breath to calm my racing heart. "Let's just hope we get there in time." I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye. Neither of us said another word as we came into view of the ruined city.

"Scanning for life forms," Buddy announced, typing furiously on his console. He was silent for a few moments. "I'm picking up multiple readings six miles to the northwest and...four inside the dome." He looked back at us with a confused look on his face.

But I knew. Oh, I knew. That's where she was. My breath caught in my throat as a feeling of foreboding came over me. "She's at the dome, I know it!" I exclaimed, running over to stand next to Buddy's chair. I gripped my side as a sharp pain ricocheted around my abdomen. "We have to get over there now!"

As Brother rocketed the Celsius to the ancient dome I was surprised that he had listened to me without grumbling or complaining, which I was thankful for. _Paine...I'm on my way._ My heart was beating frantically in my chest as the dome came into view. Just as I thought I had made it in time to save her, an enormous fireball engulfed the dome, the explosion rocking the airship like a boat in the middle of a hurricane. I shielded my eyes from the blinding light then lost my footing and fell backwards, letting out a strangled cry as the impact jarred my side. After the light died I removed my hands from my face and stared at the horizon in disbelief.

"Oh, no..."

* * *

**(Paine)**

I gasped as air filled my lungs, bringing me out of unconsciousness. Immediately, I began to laugh. _I can't believe it. It worked! It really worked!_ My laughter quickly turned into a coughing fit that racked my entire body, causing searing pain to sizzle through each and every one of my nerves. My breath hissed through my teeth as I tried desperately not to scream. I hesitantly lifted my head to assess the damage I had been dealt and felt bile rise up my throat when I saw the state that I was in.

Several burns and small gashes covered my body that were oozing blood, but the worst were my hands. The skin that was still semi-attached was as white as snow, the soft tissue and muscle underneath an angry pink. On top of it all, I could barely feel them. I was guessing I had fried all the nerve endings off. I quickly twitched the index finger on my left hand and, feeling nothing, clenched both hands into fists. Now that wasn't such a good idea. I bit back another scream and tears clouded my vision.

I clenched my teeth and racked my brain for something to preoccupy myself and keep my mind off the pain. I cleared my mind as best as I could then reached my thoughts out as far as I could in every direction to look for Landon and Tobias. I sighed in relief when I found them. They were unconscious but they were alive. I tried rousing them to let them know that I had survived but they were totally out. I took a deep breath to calm myself. All I had to do was wait until they woke up to expect a rescue. _No problem._

The roar of some very familiar engines made me snap to attention. For a second, I thought I was imagining it, but when the Celsius appeared in front of me I burst into tears. I had no idea how they found me, but I was overjoyed all the same. I tried rolling over so I could get on my feet but my body didn't want to cooperate. I started coughing again so I just stayed on my back and prayed that they would find me. Moments later, I heard numerous voices calling my name. I looked up and saw my whole group of friends running frantically across the burning landscape looking for me.

With a sudden rush of adrenaline I rolled onto my left side and took a deep breath. They would never find me at this rate. If I didn't try to tell them where I was they'd never find me. "YUNA!" I screamed my best friend's name at the top of my lungs, hoping she would hear me.

I almost started crying again when the brunette turned her head in my direction. I feebly waved my right arm before my strength gave out and I collapsed on my back again. When I heard their shouts as they ran towards me I started trembling, overcome by my happiness. I wouldn't have to wait out here for who knows how long for Landon and Tobias to wake up and come find me. Being found by my best friends had been the last thing I was expecting, but welcome all the same.

Their voices turned hysterical when they reached me and saw the state I was in. Without wanting to I burst into tears yet again – I had never cried so much in my life – as Yuna and Rikku jumped on top of me. It hurt like hell and made me want to scream but I didn't care. Then all at once both of them started babbling incoherently, which used to irritate me like no other but I didn't care about that either. I was just so happy to be alive that I made myself put up with their odd mannerisms for the time being. I tried hugging them back but it hurt my hands too much so I just laid there as they slobbered on me. I had never been so happy in my life.

Before I was ready to let go of them they moved away and, when Rikku's blonde head left my field of vision, Baralai was standing over me. My heart stopped dead in my chest when my brain registered that he was really here. I couldn't even begin to describe the kinds of emotions that were running rampant through me at that moment. It was like receiving a drink of cold water after being deprived of it for days, like being lost in a dense jungle and finally being found.

"Baralai…" I gasped, the air escaping from my lungs in one big rush of air.

_No, it can't be. I killed him. I _watched_ him die. How can he be alive? This has got to be some kind of sick joke!_ The logical side of my brain had long stopped working and the only rational explanation that it could come up with was that I was having a hallucination. I had to be hallucinating. My eyes widened as Baralai came closer and kneeled next to me, putting his face right in front of mine. When he placed his hand on the side of my face I closed my eyes and hoped that this grand hallucination would never stop. If I could just live in this moment for the rest of my life I would never want for anything again.

"Paine, I'm really here," he whispered like he could read my thoughts.

My tired, exhausted eyes met his gorgeous brown ones and I gasped. He was really _alive _and he was _here_. I swallowed the lump in my throat as more tears threatened to spill from my eyes. My hands twitched as I longed to touch him. I knew that it would cause me immense pain and I probably wouldn't be able to feel much of him but I didn't care. I just needed to know that he was real.

I cautiously lifted my hands to his face and braced myself for the stinging ache when the mangled pads of my fingers touched his cheeks. His eyes never left mine as I winced and cringed as my badly burned hands tried to feel his soft skin, but instead it felt like I was dragging my fingertips across sandpaper. "How did you survive?" I rasped, my tears blurring my vision.

Baralai's eyes sparkled as he caressed my cheek with his thumb. "Well I guess you aren't a very good assassin," he replied with the smile that I had been deprived of for much too long.

Without another second to spare I flung my arms around his neck and crushed myself to him, ignoring the pain it caused me, and inhaled the scent of his cologne. He gently wrapped one arm around my shoulders then hooked his other arm underneath my knees. I heard him call to Gippal to help him to his feet but I barely heard their exchange beyond that. I was much more concerned with the man that was holding me.

Once he was standing he placed his face on the top of my head and kissed my hair, mashing his lips into my scalp. I felt warm droplets fall onto my head and I realized that he was crying as well. Like a damn had burst, tears cascaded down my face just because I was so happy. If I could have been granted one wish at that exact moment I would have wished to stay like that with him for the rest of my life. Nothing in all of Spira could have made me happier.

But, of course, things never happen the way I want them to.

I jumped out of my skin and Baralai's arms when I sensed over thirty people teleport into the dome. My heart was in my throat as I yelled for everyone to get behind me. It hurt a great deal to be standing but I had to protect my friends at any cost. As far as I knew, they were here to kill me for destroying Kaiser. I had no idea why I was trying to defend everyone. I was about as useful as a box of rocks but I knew that I wouldn't go down without a fight. I would go down swinging my useless lumps of skin and bone if I had to. My jaw dropped when Landon, Tobias and Gwen emerged from the cluster of people standing before us. I was shell shocked to see the two men that had helped save my life awake. They looked extremely tired but no worse for the wear. They smiled wearily and walked towards me.

"You've done it!" Landon exclaimed, giving me a gentle one armed squeeze. "Kaiser and his followers are no more. We are all that's left," he said, indicating everyone standing behind him.

I frowned and looked over his shoulder, perplexed. Originally there were well over a hundred members and a cluster of only thirty-six stood before me. "You killed the ones loyal to Kaiser," I stated, not surprised in the least.

Landon nodded gravely. "We had no other choice. They would have revolted and risen against us. We – "

Landon was cut short as Gwen ran up and shoved herself in between them. "Landon, you're forgetting something," she said, eying him seriously. "We came here to give Paine her present." She looked over at me and when her eyes met mine I knew that she wasn't the same cold blooded person she had been a few short weeks ago. Something had happened to her and I was glad that she hadn't been killed along with everyone else.

"Ah, yes," Landon replied, smiling. He turned his head and faced the group standing patiently. "All fire elements please come forward."

Seven people, four men and three women, detached themselves from the group and surrounded me, packing themselves around me in a small circle. Baralai stepped forward and tried to keep them away from me, scared that they were going to hurt me, but I reassured him and told him to wait.

"Since you've been burned so badly this is the least we can do," Tobias said as he joined the group. I began to protest as he made a spot for himself in the circle, but he quickly silenced me. "I may have helped keep you alive but you have just saved all of our lives from an eternity of imprisonment. I will contribute as much as I can, but I promise I won't exhaust myself."

He waited for my response and when I nodded my head stiffly I felt all eight members place their hands on me. I winced and bit back hisses as their hands aggravated the various wounds all over my body, but I endured it. I was a little confused about what they were trying to do but kept silent. I waited in agonizing silence for a few seconds before an odd warmth began to spread through my body. I jumped in fright and tried to move away but everyone's hands kept me in place. As the warmth traveled through me, the areas it touched grew almost unbearably hot then instantly cooled down, like someone had put a piece of ice on my skin. My eyes widened in awe as I watched all my burns and gashes close up and heal over right before my eyes. My hands, the worst of my injuries, took the longest to heal but once they were finished it looked like they had never been burned in the first place. I stared down at my hands in shock. No scars were visible; no sign at all of what they had looked like mere moments ago. I looked up at Tobias with my mouth hanging open and found him smiling at me.

"No need to thank us," he said, backing up a few paces. "This is our way of repaying you for helping us so much."

"What are all of you going to do now?" I asked, still a little dazed by what had happened. A small smile stretched across my face as Baralai came to stand behind me, wrapping a protective arm around my waist.

Landon shrugged. "We're not sure. A few of us want to integrate ourselves into civilization but the rest have a lot of deciding to do. We want to make our decision together."

I smiled and touched their minds. "_I'll really miss you guys. Don't be strangers._"

"_We will visit you every chance we get,_" Tobias projected.

"_Take care of yourself, Paine,_" Landon projected, smiling.

I nodded and watched as they teleported away one by one. Once all of them were gone I stood there at a loss for what to do next. I still couldn't believe that it was really over. Kaiser was finally dead and I was free. Baralai gently turned me around and pulled me close to him. He rose his hands to my face and cradled it in between his hands, his breathtakingly beautiful eyes never leaving mine.

"I thought I lost you," I whispered, my voice cracking. I gently grazed his cheek with my fingertips, relishing how soft his skin was. This experience with my newly healed hands was much better. I sent another quick thank you to the men that had helped free me. I would never be able to repay them for what they had done and I was sure they knew it.

"When I saw that explosion I thought I had lost you. Don't ever scare me like that again," he replied, fisting his hands in the fabric wrapped around my hips.

I smiled at his meager attempt to reprimand me. "Don't worry. I won't be able to." I lifted my hand off his face and valiantly tried to call my fire forth but only a few plumes of flame erupted from my fingertips before they died. "That's what the explosion was. It came from me." Even now I could feel what was left of my power get weaker and weaker with each passing second.

Baralai smiled then, reassured by the answer that I had given him. He held my gaze as he hooked an index finger under my chin and pulled me forward, placing his lips on mine gingerly. My breath hitched in my throat at the pure ecstasy I felt engulf me. Kissing him was a million times better than kissing Kaiser. Now there was nothing holding me back and nothing stopping me from being with him, from showing my love for him. I kissed him back like it was going out of style, pouring my whole heart into it. I felt him smile and grip my hips roughly, pulling me closer to him. I captured his top lip and gently sucked it into my mouth, earning a pleased exhalation from him.

I groaned in displeasure when Baralai reluctantly broke off our kiss. He looked at me with lust filled eyes and I didn't have to be a mind reader to know how far south his thoughts were going and what he wanted to do once we were alone.

"I think it's time we got out of here, don't you?" He asked, his voice husky.

I nodded and motioned to our friends, who were waiting patiently for us to finish our reunion, then began the trek back to the Celsius. Baralai laced his fingers with mine and squeezed my hand tightly. The prospect of never leaving his side for anything ever again was enough to make me tremble with mirth. No one, not even those loony priests, would be able to take me away from him.

A sudden curious thought broke me away from my happy wonderings. "Permission to read your thoughts?" I asked honestly.

"I would never deny you," he said, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

I smiled and touched his mind, quickly sifting through his thoughts for the exact ones I was looking for. All the questions I wanted answered I found the answers to in his mind. How he had survived, how he had found me, it was all there. I sighed in relief as I backed out of his mind.

"Find what you were looking for?" He inquired.

I nodded. "Yes, thank you."

As soon as we reached the Celsius I went straight to the bathroom, wanting to clean myself up before I reunited with Buddy, Brother and Shinra. I knew the little boy was probably the most worried out of all of them and I didn't want to look like I had just stepped out of a furnace. I especially didn't want him finding out how close I had been to death and what I had looked like before I had been healed.

I was almost reluctant to look in the mirror. I felt horrible and probably looked even worse. I was right. My face was covered in dirt and tear stains and my eyes... I froze as I leaned forward to get a better look at them. I swore that I was really hallucinating this time but the longer I looked the more I realized what I was seeing was real. In the bottom of my left eye at the very edge of the iris there was a small circle that was no longer red. I looked closer and my knees almost gave out when it dawned on me. My eyes were turning ice blue again. My original eye color was coming back.

I smiled at this. _Maybe Aria isn't dead after all..._

**The End**

* * *

**Author's Final Note:**

Well here it is. **Well Enough Alone **has finally come to an end. Sad, I know, but the past two years I spent writing this story has been two of the best of my life. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I am honored to have such awesome reviewers and I am now going to give a few of them their proper respects.

* * *

**TurboTwistedFire**

How can I find the right words to tell you how grateful I am? This story would have never turned out so great if you wouldn't have taken the time to give me a swift kick in the arse early in the story. All of your thoughtful comments and encouragment helped me more than you even know. Thank you so much for sticking by me and putting up with my randomness!

**KathleenDee**

You've been with me since pretty much the very beginning and I am so honored to have you as a supporter of my story! Thank you so much!

**aerisbolt**

You joined my faithful review crew halfway into the story, I think, but better late then never I say! Your thoughtful, heartfelt comments are very flattering and I am very happy you've enjoyed my story! I can't thank you enough!

**Yuna of Besaid**

Your reviews never fail to make me smile! Your such a happy, enthusiastic person that it's infectious! Thank you so much for your support!

**WhispersoftheWhiteWolf**

Your constant support of this story has been one of the reasons why it's so successful. Your kind words have been an inspiration to me and I thank you so so much for your faithful reviews!

* * *

For those of you that I didn't name please know that each and every review I recieved was very much appreciated. This story would have been nothing without you faithful reviewers! And so ends **Well Enough Alone**!

See you on the flip side!

DragonGirl323


End file.
